


I Can't Love You In The Dark

by iliveinthemoon



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Darkness, Devoted Reylo, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Friendship, I Will Go Down With This Ship, My First Work in This Fandom, Past Torture, Sexual Tension, Sexy Times, Slow Build, Survival, Teaching, Teasing, Training, Trust Issues, heartbreak?, reylo trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-05-14 05:24:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 76
Words: 107,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5731009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iliveinthemoon/pseuds/iliveinthemoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren goes on the run but who can help him???  A scavenger from Jakku??  But can either of them deal with what comes next???  The battle has only just begun.</p><p>Reylo trash people on the slow burn - you're more than welcome to join me on the ride to hell!!! :D</p><p>This fic did go by the title Dust to Dust, but I felt a title change was in order - oh and slow build means no Reylo interaction until chapter 6 (sorry!) - you have been warned ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 'Cause the very thing that I love's killing me and I can't conquer it

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone. This is my first fic in this particular fandom so please be gentle or as gentle as you can be :)
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway please feel free to have a read and let me know what you think - feedback is life to a fic writer as I'm sure you all know :)
> 
> This is really just a set up chapter but our little trash babies will obv feature heavily :)
> 
> Disclaimer - I do not own anything at all in this story - all characters and stuff are the property of LucasFilm + Disney I'm just borrowing for a bit of guilty trash.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a lyric in the song The Monster by Eminem and Rihanna

-0-0-0-0-0

‘General Organa, General Organa.’ Poe shouts as he hurried down the steps and into the control room of the Resistance Base on D’Qar with Finn and BB-8 in hot pursuit.

‘General’ Poe calls once he’s at the foot of the steps and has sight of the regal Commander of the Resistance standing further into the room with her back to them.

She turns to look over her shoulder with a slightly bemused expression on her face, to see who’s calling her before turning fully as Poe, Finn and BB-8 rush over to her.

‘General. We need to tell you something important.’ Poe rambles a touch out of breath as his eyes burn brightly at the older woman.

‘Rey!’ Finn gasps as he glances over the General’s shoulder and sees the young woman standing slightly behind a man dressed in a hooded brown robe of a similar age to the General.

Rey smiles warmly at the former Stormtrooper and Finn has to stop himself from pushing past Poe, General Organa and the calm looking man to get to his friend who he’d not seen since that day on Starkiller Base over a year before.

‘Poe, Finn, BB-8 let me introduce you to Jedi Master Skywalker.’ General Organa smiles affectionately at the robed man.

‘And you’re Brother, Leia. Don’t forget that one.’ Luke quickly adds with a happy smile.

‘You’re Luke Skywalker?’ Finn gasps, his eyes wide and full of disbelief as he stares at the older man.

‘Luke, meet Poe Dameron the best pilot in the Resistance.’ General Organa gestures to the handsome smiling man standing closest to Luke.

‘It’s a pleasure to meet you Sir.’ Poe enthuses as he nods and smiles at the Jedi and Luke returns the nod.

‘And this is Finn, one of our most loyal Resistance members.’ General Organa moves her hand in Finn’s direction, who grins widely.

‘It’s such an honour to meet you. I mean you’re Luke Skywalker.’ Finn babbles to Luke’s clear amusement as he smiles back at the young man.

‘And this is BB-8’ General Organa gestures to the balldroid who slips in between Poe and Finn and whistles a friendly greeting with a slight tilt of his head.

‘Ah, the little droid who held the secret of my whereabouts. It’s wonderful to meet you BB-8. And you Finn, Poe.’ Luke tells them warmly with a slight bow of his head and his hands held together in front of him.

They all fall silent for a moment as Finn smiles adoringly at Luke Skywalker, while Poe smiles at Rey in greeting. General Organa and Master Skywalker share an expectant glance waiting for the news that Poe, Finn and BB-8 had deemed so urgent to interrupt without regard.

‘You had something important to tell me, what is it?’ General Organa casts her gaze between the two men, urging one of them to speak.

‘Oh yes, of course. While we were on Coruscant we overheard some bounty hunter talking.’ Poe begins with his eyes fixed on the face of the General.

At the mention of bounty hunters General Organa glances toward her Brother who meets her look before she turns her attention back to Poe.

‘They were saying that there’s a bounty in every galaxy for Kylo Ren.’ Poe says tersely.

General Organa’s lips part and she half shakes her head, clearly not fully understanding what they are telling her. Meanwhile Master Skywalker’s one eyebrow raise a little at the news, while Rey’s brows furrow.

‘Why?’ General Organa breathes, feeling her heart clench inside her rapidly panicking chest.

‘From what we could understand he’s renounced the First Order and gone on the run. They’re not happy so they’ve ordered a bounty on his head. For him to be brought back to them alive for his execution.’ Poe trails off with the last word when he sees the pain flash in General Organa’s eyes and he feels bad that he’s the one to tell her this news.

General Organa moves her hand up to her lips and it’s trembling slightly as she looks down from Poe’s sorry gaze. She knows what a monster her Son had become, how much hurt and destruction he had caused, he’d broken her heart when he joined the Dark Side and shattered it all over again when he murdered his Father and the love of her life, but he is still her Son. 

‘Leia?’ Luke speaks softly at her as he leans in closer.

She takes a shaky breath and nods her head, lifting her chin back up and adopting the determined expression she wears as a shield. 

‘Okay, thank you Poe for informing us of this news. Finn. BB-8.’ She tells them and her voice only slightly gives away her raw pain. 

Poe knows that it is a dismissal and he turns to leave, quickly followed by BB-8, but Finn hangs back, eyes still fixed on Rey’s calm face.

‘Um, Rey. Why don’t you go and catch up with your friends.’ Luke turns toward Rey, who is still standing quietly listening to the conversation behind him.

‘Of course, I’d love to. Thank you Master.’ Rey flashes a friendly smile between General Organa and Master Luke before turning her attention to Finn and ushering him away from the siblings. 

‘When did you get here?’ Finn gabbles as he and Rey head for the steps.

‘So do you think this was the disturbance you felt in the Force?’ Leia hushes as she turns in toward her Brother who takes a long breath.

-0-0-0-0-0


	2. 'Cause I gotta have faith....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a lyric from Faith by George Michael

‘Master Luke and I arrived when you were en-route from Coruscant.’ Rey tells Finn, who’s smiling happily at her as Poe and BB-8 stroll in front of them.

‘Why are you here? I thought Luke Skywalker was never going to come back.’ Poe interjects as he glances over his shoulder at the young woman.

‘Master Luke said he needed to see General Organa as a matter of urgency. He didn’t say why, just that we needed to come here. I really wasn’t expecting him to come here either.’ Rey explains as she looks between Finn, Poe and BB-8.

‘So are you like a Jedi Master?’ Finn questions.

‘No, I’m a Jedi Padwan, like an apprentice. I’m far from a master. But one day, you know, it’s a possibility.’ Rey explains to them as they head in the direction of the mess so they can share a drink and something to eat.

‘Oh, okay, sorry. I just get all the Jedi stuff a bit confused.’ Finn mumbles with a glance to the ground and the other’s can tell he’s a little embarrassed.

‘It’s okay. It took me a little while to understand the ways of the Jedi and I’m still learning it now. It’s a lot of work. But Master Luke is an excellent teacher.’ Rey discloses but Poe can sense a little bit of disappointment in her voice.

‘So do you get to do loads of like lightsaber stuff, combat training? All that?’ Finn inquires with great enthusiasm.

Rey pauses and the other three stop a beat after, she adverts her gaze to the ground and she chews on the inside of her cheek.

‘Rey, are you all right?’ Poe queries as he steps forward to her.

Rey takes a quick breath and plasters a smile on her face as she looks back up to her friends.

‘I’m fine. Fine.’ She lies but then sighs, unable to lie to her friends.

‘Okay, it’s just that we don’t really do any training with lightsabers or any combat training at all. It’s more meditation and using the Force. Don’t get me wrong I love all of the Force training it’s been great. The ability to push and lift objects bigger than me, sense attacks and influence the thoughts of others, but we do so little in terms of lightsabers I sometimes feel a bit of a fraud calling myself a Padwan. But I trust Master Luke. He knows what he’s doing.’ Rey states, having reassured herself more than convinced her friends.

Poe and Finn nod before they continue en-route to the mess, not knowing what they can say in response.

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Are you sure she will agree to this, it’s a lot to ask of her.’ Leia muses as she and Luke share a drink of caff in her private office.

Luke looks up at his Sister and sees the look of concern and worry in her eyes, it is as if she’d aged a year since his arrival only hours earlier. The news of her Son’s desertion against the order, which seduced him as a boy, had come as a great shock to her, and is clearly weighing heavily on her mind. It was possibly the last thing she had expected to happen, other than her Brother’s sudden arrival.

Luke recalls how he had been meditating on the island peacefully at one with the Force, when he felt a disturbance within it. At first he could not understand it’s cause, but after focusing his energy on it he came to realize that a great amount of anger had created it and that that anger was coming from the Dark Side of the Force.

His first instinct – despite his years of self imposed estrangement from his Sister – was to head to D’Qar and to see her, to inform her of this sudden and pure anger from the Dark Side, fearing that it was being directed at her and she was going to be put in greater danger.

‘To be honest I cannot speak on her behalf, but I know that she is dedicated to the Light and will do what it takes to help restore balance and order to the Force.’ Luke informs his Sister of what he is confident of - knowing Rey’s mind – he’d looked in it often enough this past year.

‘But to ask her to do this, it’s too much. She’s only a child, Luke. We should think of another way.’ Leia sighs as she runs her hands over her face, her hair is wisping from her neat braid and she looks a little ruffled, not like her calm and collected Brother.

‘Rey is stronger than anyone thinks. She knows her own mind and now her own strength. She has great determination and understanding. I think if she accepts the task, she will see it through. She’s resilient and a fighter. I don’t think anyone should underestimate her.’ Luke gently tells his Sister with a look of quiet confidence in his eyes.

‘It’s not so much Rey that I’m worried about. It’s Ben. You know how unpredictable he can be, even as a child. He was always so closed off. For her to get though to him and bring him back to the Light is too big a challenge for just a girl.’ Leia doubts.

‘Leia we have to trust in Rey. She knows her own mind.’ Luke presses.

‘But how do we even know that Ben will go to Jakku? He could be in the outer rim for all we know. What makes you so sure?’ Leia huffs with a sigh.

‘I’m not. And we’re not sure of anything other than the Force. Their connection was forged for a reason, and what reason was it, if not this. He saw her memories of Jakku. He saw the solitude and emptiness of Jakku. How Rey lived a completely independent and undisturbed life before what happened. How she was able to live with next to no notice from anyone. It’s as good a shot as any other.’ Luke expresses almost passionately.

Leia looks up at him and thinks that maybe he has and will change the order of the Jedi to the best of his abilities, but she also is completely aware of what can happen if things go wrong.

‘Then you should go. He will listen to you, he will trust you.’ Leia all but whispers.

‘You know that Ben doesn’t listen to me. He didn’t as a boy, why would he as a man? But he can build that trust with Rey.’ Luke implores.

‘Because you’re older and wiser now. And none of us listened to him. That’s why we lost him.’ Leia whimpers as the painful memories of her lost Son flood her mind.

Luke reaches forward across her desk and takes her hand in his, gently brushing his thumb over her knuckles and offering her a soft yet reassuring smile, it’s a surprise gesture, but she accepts the warmth of it. She takes a breath and looks up into his eyes and knows that he’s right. Ben is lost to her and him, but he may allow himself to be found by Rey. This may be their best shot at saving her Son’s life.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this fic so far.
> 
> Sorry that this was more filler than killer but each chapter is one step closer to where we're going to be. 
> 
> Disclaimer - I own nothing, it's not mine.
> 
> Yes I may take some liberties in this fic and it' un beta'd - all mistakes and errors are my own - I should proof read harder.


	3. And she'll always get the best of me, the worst is yet to come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a lyric from Can't Feel My Face by The Weeknd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter written under the new work title (I was listening to the brilliant Adele and really felt the line I can't love you in the dark really summed up my projected idea for this fic so I changed the name. It's a line from the wonderful song Love In The Dark)
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for the kudos so far - especially as these chapters aren't the most dynamic or exciting, but they are building bricks.

-0-0-0-0-0

‘What?’ Finn splutters in absolute surprise after Rey told him the news.

‘You must be joking. Please tell me you’re joking?’ Finn urges as his eyes widen and his mouth hangs open in disbelief.

‘No, I’m not joking. I am going back to Jakku.’ Rey starts but Finn jumps in.

‘To be bait for Kylo Ren.’ Fin shouts loudly with wide bulging eyes, causing others to glance over in their direction.

‘Are you out of your mind? I can’t believe that you’ve even agreed to this? Are you crazy? Maybe you’re ill, are you feeling okay? You’ve not got a temperature have you?’ Finn rambles and presses his hand to Rey’s forehead as if he’s checking for a rise in her temperature as his eyes wildly search her face.

Rey rolls her eyes dismissively and bats away Finn’s hand, but before she can get chance to speak BB-8 whistles his disapproval.

‘I’m sure she knows what she’s doing BB-8. She’s a Jedi now. She can use the Force. She can lift you up if you’re not careful.’ Poe replies to BB-8, and his voice sounds a little resigned to understanding Rey’s task.

After all Poe had been in the Resistance long enough to know that General Organa would not risk the life of a Force Sensitive without genuine reason, that and sometimes you just aren’t entitled to an opinion.

BB-8 whistles cheekily in response to Poe’s tease about Rey lifting him, and turns to look at Rey who smiles at him playfully before a quick raise of her eyebrows to tease the balldroid, who whistles again causing Rey and Poe to laugh.

But Finn is staring at Rey expectantly, needing to know if she’s lost her mind to be going to Jakku to be bait for a murderous monster.

‘Finn I have to do this. I’m not afraid. I don’t fear Kylo Ren. And if he tries to kill me, then I’ll just kill him first.’ Rey theorizes with a sure nod at her friends and gets a slightly amused smirk in response from Poe.

‘But why can’t Luke Skywalker do it? He’s his Uncle? Why does it have to be you?’ Finn continues to complain with a huff.

‘Master Luke needs to be here, to look after General Organa.’ Rey begins to explain the finer details and reasons behind her inclusion in the task.

‘She’s on a Resistance base, she’s already safe.’ Finn snaps with blind outrage.

‘Finn. It would look a little odd if Luke Skywalker turned up on Jakku. No one will bat an eyelid if I return there.’ Rey continues to try and reason with the former Stormtrooper.

‘But no one knows who he is. No one will know that it’s Luke Skywalker.’ Finn rambles as his shoulders sag, knowing that he’s loosing an argument that never really was one.

‘Finn. I love that you are concerned for me. But I am doing this. I have to.’ Rey announces firmly with steely determination in her eyes.

‘Besides, he might be able to teach me something.’ She shrugs, with a little glint in her eyes that Poe catches sight of, and furrows his brows with concern.

‘What do you mean? What on earth can he teach you? How to murder your family? How to slaughter children or whole villages? How to blow up whole planets? How to scramble around inside someone’s head? What can that killer ever teach you?’ Finn practically explodes and even Poe flinches a little at his rage.

‘Calm down buddy. I think she means like fighting or how to use a lightsaber. You know the stuff Master Luke hasn’t yet covered. Plus she can already scramble around your head, but I doubt she’d find anything of note.’ Poe jests with a broad grin and a quick glance at a smiling Rey, trying to relieve the growing tension.

It takes Finn a moment before he reacts and swats at Poe, who ducks out of the way before running off with a chuckle being followed by a hollering Finn.

Rey smiles at her friends and then down at BB-8 who turns to look at her before giving a short and soft whistle.

‘I know BB-8, I’ll miss them too.’ Rey sighs with a soft smile on her lips.

BB-8 whistles longer and lower this time and Rey crouches down next to the balldroid and sighs.

‘I have to do this BB-8. Master Luke and General Organa are counting on me. They think that I might be able to, I don’t know, get through to him. They both believe that there’s still light in him and I have to believe that they know better than I do. They’re legends and who am I, other than just a scavenger from Jakku.’ Rey explains to the droid.

‘You’re a Jedi Padwan and Force Sensitive.’ The woman’s voice comes from behind her and Rey jumps to her feet and spins round to find General Organa smiling warmly at her.

Rey adverts her gaze feeling inferior under the watchful eyes of the General. BB-8 looks between the two women before quickly rolling off in pursuit of Poe and Finn.

‘Rey, I want you to be sure about this. About what you might be doing, what you might have to do. I mean there is no guarantee that Ben will even go to Jakku, but Luke seems to believe he will and I trust in his wisdom. But I really want you to be sure, I don’t want you to feel like we have pressured you into doing this.’ General Organa’s voice is soft and full of concern for the task Rey faces.

Rey nods, inhaling deeply through her nose as she looks directly into the eyes of the former Princess.

‘I’m sure General. I will do whatever it takes to bring back balance to the Force.’ Rey sounds confident and assured, but inside she wavers a little.

General Organa sighs softly and it is only through the raise and fall of her shoulders that Rey even noticed it. 

‘I don’t know what you will find, when you encounter him. I know you have met him before, seen him more recently than I have. But what you met was the monster, the dark creature. And now,……………now none of us know what he is. He's lost and confused. I may not be able to feel him in the Force anymore but I feel that, I really do. He has done some unforgivable things, hurt too many people to ever find complete redemption. But he is still my Son and I have to believe that there is still something inside of him worth saving. There is still Light in him, I can feel it, could feel it. But now he is so hidden from me, I’m so scared for him. Snoke seduced and poisoned him. Turned him against all that he was raised with and what he should be, turned him against the people that love him. I know that Han loved him to his dying breath, and I will too. But I don't want to hear the news that he's been executed, as I don't think I'd be able to carry on. I need to keep trying until my dying day. I know that there is chance that he wont turn back to the Light and I have perhaps accepted that, but as long as he doesn’t return to the Dark then I can live with never seeing him again.’ General Organa’s voice is full of years of spent tears, sorrowful at the loss she suffers every single day. 

Rey can’t imagine the pain that the woman must feel fighting against the organization who stole her Son from her. It gives her a renewed feeling of determination. General Organa has suffered enough to have to hear of her Son’s death by execution at the hands of the monster who manipulated him. 

Master Luke had spoken at length about the Force and the need for order and balance within it, but this is different, this is a Mother taking about her child and that is a raw emotion only a parent can understand, and Rey knows that she will do her utmost to bring her Son back to her.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again that you for reading this chapter :)
> 
> All errors are my own - I need to be a better proofreader!!!!


	4. You've been lonely too long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a lyric from Dust to Dust by The Civil Wars (this fic's original title!)

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Rey, wait up.’ Poe calls out after her as she walks down the corridor to the barracks, to give her bag one final check before she leaves for Jakku.

She turns and smiles warmly at the pilot.

‘Have you got a moment?’ Poe hushes as he steps closer to her and she sees a look of concern in his eyes, and she nods.

Poe guides her into an empty training room and closes the door behind him.

‘What’s wrong?’ Rey asks as she crosses her arms over her chest, feeling defensive already – she’d had enough of people trying to change her mind over this and doesn’t want another lecture about the dangers of Kylo Ren – she knows first hand what he can do and doesn’t need anyone else to point it out.

‘I just wanted to check something with you.’ Poe chooses his words carefully to stop Rey from getting even more defensive.

‘Okay.’ She narrows her eyes slightly as she looks over at the pilot.

‘It was just something I saw, I mean it’s probably nothing, just my mind playing tricks. Might be a side effect of having someone rummage around in there, you know.’ Poe jests with a shrug but Rey just looks at him with an expectant expression.

‘Anyway. When you said about him teaching you something, I saw a glint in your eyes. Only a flash but there was……..’ Poe trails off when he sees the clenched jaw of the young woman and furious stare.

‘What are you trying to say? That…….that you think I have feelings for him?’ Rey snaps at the accusation, now she’s even more defensive.

‘I-I don’t know what I’m saying. I just want you to be on your guard around him. Not to let him worm his way into your mind. I know that you managed to stop him, not like me. But he’s been a servant of the Dark Side longer than you’ve used the Light, and he’s really powerful, we’ve both seen it. I just want you to be careful around him. If he shows up that is. I really hope he doesn’t.’ Poe informs her, his voice serious and she can tell he does hope that Kylo Ren doesn’t go to Jakku and she doesn’t have to encounter him.

Before Rey gets a chance to reply he’s gone, dashing out of the room away from her having said his piece. Letting her know his thoughts. 

Rey takes a deep breath with closed eyes and feels drained already. But maybe Poe has a point about the flash of something in her eyes. There was something there, she knows, she can feel it. From the very first time she saw Kylo Ren’s face she felt like she was falling through space and no matter what she grabbed onto it was never enough to stop her. 

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey is now standing at the foot of the ramp of the Falcon with her bag on the ground by her side. She smiles as Master Luke, General Organa, Poe, Finn, BB-8, C-3PO and R2-D2 approach her to see her off on her mission – because that is what it is, a mission, nothing more and nothing less.

Master Luke and General Organa had made it quite clear to her that she is to view this as a mission and not abandonment. That Master Luke is not abandoning her from the Jedi Order, but to see it as an attempt to bring order to the Force. The small problem – if you can class it as small – is to bring Kylo Ren back to the Light – it will be no mean feat.

‘I wish you well Rey and every success.’ General Organa steps over to the girl and pulls her into her arms for a brief hug and Rey feels the warmth of her.

‘Remember your studies. Trust in the Force, Rey.’ Master Luke nods at her and she returns the nod with her own of acceptance and understanding.

‘Good luck kiddo. Stay strong.’ Poe smiles at her as he pulls her into his strong embrace and then steps back, their earlier discussion now melted away into memory.

‘I still can’t believe you’re doing this. But seeing as I can’t stop you, take care of yourself. And if he tries anything, you know…….personal’ Finn mutters in her ear as he hugs her before stepping back and shifting from one foot to the other from embarrassment at the implication of his words.

‘I’ll kill him.’ He mumbles with a shrug as he steps back in line with the others.

Rey smiles warmly at them all and the droids wish her well at the same time making everyone’s ears ring from the high pitch. Rey giggles to herself. 

She will miss them all, she’s no doubt about that, and a little part of her is excited to be returning to her home on Jakku. But it is mixed with some trepidation too. Not entirely because of Kylo Ren, but also in case she has missed her family. What if they had returned to Jakku and she wasn’t there, what then? 

But as she climbs the ramp into the Falcon with her staff over her shoulder, bag slung over her back and lightsaber tucked into her belt, she takes a glance over her shoulder at her farewell party and realizes that they are her family now and she will complete this mission for them. 

She will convert Kylo Ren back to the Light no matter what it takes.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)


	5. I mean this, I'm okay!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by My Chemical Romance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written so I thought hey why not just get it out there - the sooner the better if you read on you'll know what I mean!!! Getting to the point of this fic (whispers reylo!)
> 
> Also thank you for the kudos' so far!! :D

-0-0-0-0-0

‘I want you to tell me what it is you saw.’ Leia says forcefully at Luke as she closes the door to her office behind her as her brother stops in the middle of the room.

‘You know something and you’re going to tell me. There’s a reason you sent Rey back to Jakku and it’s more than just a hunch. You saw something, otherwise why would you send your only Padwan there?’ Leia demands as she steps in front of her brother, her eyes a blaze and her lips pouting.

Luke takes a long breath as he looks off just to the side of her, his face a picture of neutrality.

‘I saw him on Jakku. With Rey. It was only a brief glimpse, but he was there and so was she.’ Luke informs her and watches the relief at the news wash over his sister’s eyes.

‘He was there? How did he look?’ Leia croaks as she clutches her hands to her chest at the news that maybe all is not lost with her son.

‘He was. He looked tired.’ Luke offers as he reaches out and takes her one hand in both of his, mixing her cold to his warm.

‘Tired?’ Leia whispers as she looks up at her brother, she’s on the verge of tears.

She’d though it had all been a fools errand to send Rey to Jakku to sit there waiting for a man who may never turn up. But now, now that she knows that Luke saw her son and Rey together on Jakku she feels a weight lift off her, maybe all is not lost yet.

‘What-what were they doing?’ She frets curiously and Luke can feel her fingers tense between his palms.

‘They were working together in the wreak of warship, scavenging I imagine.’ Luke muses with a faint smile at the mere thought of his nephew doing as he’s told by Rey and working as a scavenger.

‘But he was alive. That’s all that matters. And that he’s with Rey, trusting her. Working with her.’ Leia feels buoyed by what Luke had seen and she can’t fight her smile as she looks into his eyes and knows he wouldn’t lie to her, not over this. Not if there’s still hope.

-0-0-0-0-0

Chewie lands the Falcon on the sand just behind the bulking body of the AT-AT. Rey sits frozen in the co-pilot’s seat staring out over the orange expanse all around them, the endless desert. Her heart flutters with memories and something else, something she can’t quite put her finger on. Worry? Fear? Fear of disappointing Master Luke and General Organa. Fear of failure? What if she can’t bring Kylo Ren back to the Light? What if he doesn’t even turn up on Jakku? What if he does? What if the First Order find them? So many what if’s clouding her mind. She needs to be clear and focused. This is not going to be easy and may take months to achieve, but she is nothing if not determined.

Chewie grumbles next to her and she turns to look up at the Wookie with a friendly smile.

‘I’ll be okay. Don’t you worry.’ She asserts, while swallowing down that touch of doubt.

She gets to her feet and realizes that her legs are trembling a little. It has been over a year since she was last home on Jakku, what if things have changed beyond compare? She knows that Hellhound Two will still be hers unless her traps had failed, and her speeder will still be hers unless someone has taken it as salvage. She suddenly feels completely unprepared for this and her breath catches in her throat.

Chewie growls reassuringly when he notices her reluctance and fear.

‘I’m fine. I’m fine. Just wondering what I’ll find, that’s all. But I’m sure everything will be okay. Don’t worry about me.’ She states with a few curt nods of her head and urging her voice to sound sure, calm and collected.

She moves around the chair and heads out of the cockpit with Chewie behind her. As she walks around the corner she feels the heat of Jakku once more, the sometimes stifling heat of the desert planet. She takes a deep breath and breathes it in, pulling the warm air into her lungs. Getting herself reacquainted to the only planet she ever called home. And it feels like home. 

Chewie steps around her and heads to the hold to unload the provisions and supplies that General Organa insist she take with her. It wasn’t much but it would last her at least a month. But Rey had decided that it would last two months if she started scavenging again after a week. But then she had to calculate for an extra person – Kylo Ren, so perhaps the supplies won’t last all that long after all.

Chewie ambles down the ramp with the boxes in hand and places them on the sand outside while Rey heads to the sleeping quarters to collect her staff and her bag. She takes a moment to look around the Falcon, drinking it all in. The history, the legend and the legacy that she has been lucky to be a tiny part of. With a final glance she heads down the ramp to join Chewie on the sand. 

As her boots touches the sand of Jakku for the first time in what felt like a lifetime she feels a familiarity vibrate through her body. Despite Jakku being a nothing desert planet to the rest of the galaxy and everyone else, it is her nothing desert planet.

She strides ahead of Chewie around the AT-AT. Her lightsaber brushing against her fingers as she walks, ready to use it if necessary. They reach the door to the AT-AT that she called home. Not wanting to show Chewie that she has any fear she pushes the door open and steps inside. She pauses a step inside and uses the Force to see if they are alone and can only feel the presence of Chewie, who is now standing behind her just inside the doorway, boxes in hand.

‘It’s safe. There’s no one else here.’ She smiles at the Wookie who gives a small growl of acknowledgement as Rey continues further into the AT-AT, followed by Chewie who’s also got her bag slung over his back and his bowcaster hanging down from his arm.

After Chewie places the bag on the floor and the boxes on the small workstation Rey keeps, it’s time for him to leave and return to the Resistance. Rey feels a pang spread through her chest, the same feeling of abandonment seeping into her veins. 

It is then with a heavy heart that Rey turns to face the former smuggler and she has to fight back the tears which had been threatening to spill from her eyes even before she left D’Qar. Chewie leans down and pulls Rey into his furry arms, giving her a soft roar. She reaches up on her tiptoes to hug him back and bites her bottom lip, not wanting to say goodbye but knowing she has to. But it’s not really goodbye more see you soon.

‘I’ll be okay Chewie. Don’t you worry about me. This is my home, I’ll be fine.’ She mumbles into his fur before stepping back and breaking the hug, still fighting back the tears.

Chewie roars again and Rey smiles up at him.

‘No it’s not goodbye more like see you soon.’ She smiles as he walks over to the door.

‘You should get going before Unkar Plutt spots the Falcon and tries to claim it for his own again.’ Rey sniffs, the tears are coming and she decides not to do anything about them.

Rey follows Chewie outside, back into the blazing sun, feeling the heat warm her to the bone. While Chewie walks round the AT-AT, mindful of the traps Rey warned him about, she climbs up onto the body of the AT-AT. The tears rapidly dry against her flush cheeks, but they’re quickly replaced with more, rolling down her face and splashing pools onto the metal. She brushes them away with the back of her hand as she sighs as Chewie lifts the ramp to close the Falcon. 

Rey sucks in a deep breath and holds it there for a long moment, before letting it go as she hears the familiar sound of the engines of the Falcon on lift off. She bites down on her bottom lip as the Falcon shifts into the air, the memories of the last time she was left on the planet flooding her mind and she lets out a sob. She can’t help the feeling of isolation that gnaws away in the pit of her stomach.

She forces a smile as Chewie moves the Falcon around so he can wave at her and she waves back at him, knowing it isn’t the last time she sees the legendary Wookie but also knowing that this moment is her last chance to turn her back on her mission. 

But she doesn’t. She can’t, there is too much at steak. The Force needs balance and Master Luke is adamant that that balance will come from her and his nephew. That they both have Light and Dark within them – her more Light and him more Dark – but if they work together they can bring order to the Force and bring peace to the galaxy. She had asked him if that meant they would have to be the ones to bring the end to the First Order and he simply said through them together it would be achieved. She didn’t press him to tell her more. Not sure if she really wanted to know the answer.

She wraps her arms around her chest and brushes her hands absently over the wrappings on her arms as she sees the outline of the Falcon getting fainter and fainter in the piercing blue sky and then it’s gone. 

Rey takes a moment, standing on top of Hellhound Two, trying to rationalize her own reasons for being there. She wants to do as Master Luke and General Organa had asked. She wants to bring order to the Force and peace to the galaxy, and if the only way to do that is through drawing Kylo Ren back to the Light, so they can work together to rid everything of the evil, then that is exactly what she’s going to do. That is her reason. That is the only reason.

She hops down from the AT-AT and heads inside, leaving the door open to let air inside after all the months of being closed up. She had expected it to smell mustier than it does and she pauses. Her eyes searching as she turns around, looking at everything she had ever called her own and realizes that everything is tidier than she ever left the place.

‘Hello Rey.’

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and well sticking with this - it's far from my best work or idea, but I will battle on to the bitter end - right to the bottom of the dirty trash can!!!
> 
> All mistakes are my own and I also don't own anything.


	6. You'll have me crying out, crying out for more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Tough Love by Jessie Ware

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Hello Rey’

She feels the air deflate from her lungs and her heart clench painfully as she slowly turns around, urging her shaky legs not to buckle beneath her. She had a feeling – one she didn’t share with anyone before she left the base, that Kylo Ren would turn up on Jakku, she just didn’t expect him to be there already, hiding in the shadows of her home.

‘Kylo Ren’ she replies breathlessly and mentally curses herself for sounding so weak in front of him.

‘It’s been a long time.’ He observes from the shadows.

‘What-why, why can’t I feel you in the Force?’ She mumbles in confusion, as she once again tries to find him, but still coming up empty, despite the fact he’s right in front of her.

‘There are certain parties I don’t want to find me.’ He sneers with a dismissive tone.

‘So, you came here.’ She snaps, sudden indignation at the intrusion despite the projected aims of her mission, it still felt rude for him to be there uninvited.

‘It’s as good a place as any. I need to lay low, stay somewhere no one is likely to recognize me or find me, at least for now anyway.’ He explains, still lurking in the darkness of the AT-AT.

‘So you thought of Jakku as that place?’ She scoffs, becoming even more unreasonably defensive given her mission.

‘Why not? What ever happens on Jakku? It’s a pretty worthless junkyard of a planet, in a remote section of the Western Reaches. I doubt it’s the first place on their list to look.’ He hisses stepping forward slightly and Rey catches a momentary glimpse of him – he’s still dressed in black but is without his cloak and monstrous helmet.

‘Why here though? Why my home?’ She spits at him, her blood boiling with annoyance – going against the calm and serenity of the Jedi way, but there’s something about Kylo Ren that sparks a feeling deep inside of her that is unruly and untamable.

‘I wasn’t exactly expecting company. Which begs the question. Why are you here Rey? What has brought you back to Jakku?’ His inquisitive tone is laced with menace as he fully steps out of the shadows.

Now she sees him, actually sees him. He’s taller than she remembers and most of his face is hidden beneath a black scarf. She instinctively takes a small step back and her hand hovers over the hilt of her lightsaber.

‘I-I uh, I wanted to come home. Things didn’t work out for me, there. So they let me come back here.’ She tries to sound convincing, but she isn’t, not even her own ears.

Kylo shoots up an eyebrow and she can tell that he’s hiding a smirk beneath his scarf.

‘And they just let you? With that?’ He spits and nods his head toward her lightsaber.

‘Yes.’ She barks as her fingers touch her lightsaber, feeling reassured by it.

‘To become a scavenger again? A scavenger with a lightsaber, that’s a new one.’ His words are dripping with sarcasm and her jaw clenches tightly.

‘And what’s wrong with that? Scavenging is an honest living, unlike the occupation you choose.’ She snarls at him while fighting away the urge to do something completely stupid, like attack him.

‘Nothing. As you say, scavenging is an honest enough living. And you’re right, I’m in no position to judge. I just don’t feel that you’re being honest about why you’re here. The Force powerful Padwan of old Luke Skywalker, gives up the Jedi way to return to scavenging on Jakku, with a lightsaber.’ He sneers, looking her up and down and she gulps, feeling incredibly uncomfortable beneath his look.

‘Yes, so you’d better believe it.’ She hisses but the narrowing of his eyes tell her that he’d not buying it, at all.

‘If you say so.’ He drawls with a dismissive shrug and looks away, much to Rey’s relief and she closes her eyes, giving herself a moment.

Kylo steps away and pushes his scarf down so it bunches beneath his chin, as he heads for the padded chair she liberated from another part of the AT-AT a few years prior, and welded to the floor to broaden her seating options.

Rey watches him cautiously, not sure what to make of him when he’s not trying to snoop around her mind or fighting her. She sees that his shoulders are a little slumped and he looks tired and withdrawn. Her hand moves away from her lightsaber and she goes and sits on the stool at her workbench.

‘So, what have you learnt from old Skywalker?’ Kylo jeers as he shoots a look of complete indignation that makes her feel more unsettled.

‘What’s it matter to you?’ She sneers.

He scoffs with a smirk and shakes his head.

‘That would be nothing useful, then?’ He jests and she feels the anger twisting in her stomach.

‘If only you’d have accepted my tuition, you’d at least know how to wield that lightsaber properly.’ He smirks and Rey feels a vibration flit between them, as she considers her own words to Poe and Finn – that maybe he could show her things, teach her things.

‘Will you teach me?’ Rey questions without thought, feeling her pulse flutter in her veins.

Kylo turns his head to look at her and he’s silent. He doesn’t say a word and Rey feels her anxiety rising as she sits beneath his intense gaze, her eyes looking everywhere but his face.

As quick as a flash he’s on his feet, making short work of the distance between them, she instinctively leans back, colliding with the work station, as he stops inches from her face, hands either side of her, palms flat against the wooden bench.

Rey gulps as her eyes study his face, the paling pink scar from his eyebrow, across the bridge of his nose and down his cheek - her parting gift to him. She fights away her unexpected desire to run her finger over the jagged line. She watches him intently as the muscles in his jaw tense and his nostrils flare, but she can’t hold his intense gaze and blinks rapidly from her discomfort.

‘And what do I get in return?’ Kylo murmurs as he studies her face and sees a deep pink blush spread across her sun kissed skin.

Rey gasps; she doesn’t know how to answer him. What can she give him in return for his guidance? What has she got that he would want or need? 

‘You-yo-you can stay here.’ She stammers and grips her hands together tightly in her lap.

‘That it?’ He scoffs and she catches sight of disbelief at her offer in his eyes.

‘And, and I won’t tell the First Order where you are.’ She adds without thought.

Kylo’s eyes narrow and he moves closer to her, invading her personal space even more, making the hairs stand on the back of her neck. She hears scratching from behind her and knows that he’s dragging his nails over the battered old wood of her workbench.

‘You wouldn’t anyway.’ He smirks pretty sure of himself.

Rey’s eyes drift down to his parted lips, and she feels a craving to touch them, to brush her thumb over them, to kiss them, to taste them, to taste him. She’s got a funny knotting feeling building deep inside, and her body is starting to react to him, her skin burning and tingling with lust, and heat pooling in her crotch – feelings she’d never experienced before.

Kylo is carefully watching her eyes and sees her dilated pupils captivated by his mouth. He fights his desire to smirk at his satisfaction at seeing her starting to come undone just by his close proximity. But also his physical desire to press her against the bench and ravage her, to claim her mouth with his. Instead he bolts away from her, leaving behind a stunned, breathless and whimpering mess. He heads for the door to the AT-AT, not looking back, especially as her whimper had gone straight to his crotch.

‘You’ve got yourself a deal scavenger.’ He calls back at her.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Also thank you so much for the kudos' and comments - they are life for a fic writer :D:D All support is much and greatly appreciated :):):D I know that this fic has been quite slow, but hopefully this chapter has been worth the wait (let me know!)
> 
> All errors are my own (I do my best with my proof reading, but even then somethings slip on through).
> 
> In answer to the question of a posting schedule, I'll be honest I will try a chapter every day, may be more or it may be every couple of days :)


	7. Think I need a devil to help me get things right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Learn To Fly by Foo Fighters

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey wakes from a rather surprisingly deep and calm sleep, despite the company. Her eyes drift to the seat that she’d seen Kylo go to sleep in, but instead of finding the former servant of the First Order, all she sees is a neatly folded blanket placed on the seat.

She springs off the hammock, eyes searching in case he’s hiding in the shadows again, but she can’t see him, he’s not there. She desperately searches the Force for his signature despite what he’d said about hiding it. Nothing.

Rey makes short work of pulling on her boots before grabbing her lightsaber and pushing the door open out into the sunrise. The desert is eerily quiet in those moments before proper daylight, and she feels the hairs stand on her arms as she cautiously steps outside. Everything is washed with a pale orange glow as the sun rises in the distance.

With her lightsaber clutched between her two hands, poised to turn it on and swing at any attacker, Rey moves further down the ramp, eyes darting in every direction.

Then her senses tell her to turn and look up onto the AT-AT. Low and behold Kylo Ren is sat on top of Hellhound Two, legs folded into a mediation pose, hands resting on his knees and his back straight. Rey turns fully to face him, drops her double-handed grip on her saber, and grits her teeth with her own annoyance at her panic.

‘Don’t tell me you were worried scavenger?’ His words are dripping with sarcasm, and Rey clenches her jaw and grips her hand on her hip.

She doesn’t or can’t dignify him with an answer, and the almost triumphant smirk on his face tells him he knows it too.

‘You look stressed. You should try meditating, it’s quite relaxing.’ He teases her and his eyes remain closed, but the smirk only grows bigger in size.

‘What are you doing?’ She snarls through her gritted teeth.

‘Isn’t it obvious?’ He fires back at her and still his eyes remain shut.

Rey sighs before taking a deep breath, needing to calm herself, needing to control herself, while she hooks her lightsaber to her belt.

‘Are we going to train today?’ She inquires, now with greater composure and sees one of his eyes crack open to look down at her.

With sudden movement he grabs something beside him and throws it at her. Her reflexes are clearly still asleep when the stick lands on the sand and not in her outstretched hand.

‘Tomorrow you’re going to catch it.’ He informs her, and from his tone of voice she knows that it’s not a choice – she will.

‘What is it?’ Rey queries as she bends over and picks up the stick, examining it in her hand.

‘A stick.’ He mocks and she rolls her eyes.

‘I know it’s a stick, but what’s it for?’ She asks while toying with the wood in her hands, eyes focused on it and not him.

‘It’s your training weapon.’ Kylo reveals as he unfolds his long legs and effortlessly rises to his feet.

Rey looks at the stick with confusion, how is she meant to learn anything with a stick, and what is wrong with using her lightsaber.

‘But it’s a stick?’ She muses out loud, but doesn’t stop herself from spinning it around in the air a little.

Kylo grabs a second stick from on top of the AT-AT, and jumps down gracefully before stepping closer to her.

‘It’s your training weapon. And if you don’t like it, then train yourself.’ He states with a dismissive shrug of his shoulders, and Rey has to fight her urge to slap him across his face.

‘But what’s wrong with using the lightsabers?’ She has to ask, in her low voice acutely aware of saying too much out in the open that could get them – or more likely her – killed.

Kylo leans in toward her, and she gets the same feeling in her stomach as the night before and instinctively gulps, knowing she’s blushing, her eyes trailing across his face, as he gets closer.

‘Do you want to die?’ Is his direct question and she jumps a little from surprise, but he doesn’t move back.

‘No.’ She hisses lowly at him and sees a glint of something in his eyes.

‘Well that’s good then. Because if you wield that thing around out here, do you not think someone might notice. And then beg the question of why there is a lightsaber on Jakku, and then people will come looking, the wrong kind of people. And then what do you think will happen?’ He mocks her again, his eyes taunting.

Rey scowls at him because she knows he’s right, they can’t afford to draw any unwanted attention for the sake of her mission, and their lives.

‘Not to mention they’re dangerous.’ He adds sarcastically, but she sees his face twitch with the memory of how he acquired the scar across his face, but she doesn’t feel any sort of triumph or pride at being the one who inflicted it.

‘Sticks it is.’ Kylo announces as he finally steps away from and she breaths a sigh of relief, because the feeling wasn’t just growing in her stomach, but somewhere further south too.

Kylo holds his stick in his hand and Rey can see his grip isn’t exactly what she’d call tight, as he waves and spins it around, loosening his wrist up.

‘Okay then, attack me.’ Kylo commands as he plants his booted feet firmly into the sand.

At first Rey feels awkward and a little self conscious beneath his watchful gaze. But when she looks up and sees the challenge in his eyes she surges forward at him, stick held between two hands in front of her and tilted slightly backwards as if she’s going to hack him down.

But in one swift movement Kylo brings his stick up to meet her blow, forcing her arms backwards and her feet off balance, as he quickly adjusts his wrist and strikes a hit to her exposed side.

Rey gasps, drops her stick, clutches her side and glares up at him with wide disbelieving eyes. He paces around in front of her, as she catches her breath desperate to curse him out or use the Force to drop a boulder on his head.

‘If that had been a real saber, you’d be dead.’ He states matter of fact, as he stops and looks over at her as she rubs her ribs with her hand.

‘You didn’t have to hit me so hard.’ She wheezes.

‘You need to learn to deal with your pain.’ He replies as he swings the stick around and she watches with a small sense of awe.

‘What like you did on Starkiller Base? Hitting yourself in the side.’ She barks at him without thinking, as the air slowly returns to her welcoming lungs.

He stops and his eyes narrow as he looks at her, almost as if he’s weighing up his options.

‘It focuses the mind. Teaches it to accept pain.’ His words are dark, born out of the Darkness he used to serve.

Rey feels off balance, unsure of how to respond, so she chooses to say nothing.

‘Oh, and no using the Force. Much like a lightsaber it attracts attention. That goes for all the time. You need to learn to do things without it. Think of it as just a back up plan.’ His voice is commanding and assured.

I did fine without the Force before you set it off, Rey thinks to herself and sees a glimmer of annoyance flash across his face at her words and she blushes, knowing he’d just read her mind.

‘But it’s okay for you to do that though?’ She hisses before she can stop herself.

‘No one can see me do it.’ Comes his instant reply and she scoffs, folding her arms over her chest is defiance and chin raised slightly into the air.

‘Okay, fine. No reading the other’s minds either.’ He sighs and Rey smiles with satisfaction at her little victory, feeling like she’s starting to build trust between them.

‘Anyway do you want to learn or not?’ Kylo questions as he gestures with his stick at her, bringing her out of her moment of self-congratulation.

‘Yes’ She gasps before reaching down to retrieve her stick from the sand, wincing from the ache in her ribs, urging the pain away, before stepping in to face him.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading - hope it was an okay chapter :S Thank you so much for the kudos' and the comments you wonderful lovely people - you are very much inspiring me to keep developing this story.
> 
> And I promise I'm not deliberately making Rey look weak or anything, just raw and untrained in the art of lightsaber fighting despite the fight in the film.
> 
> I did read somewhere that George Lucas was inspired by the Japanese Martial Art of Kendo for the fighting style of the jedi and co - so that was my inspiration for the minute snippet of fighting.
> 
> Also please forgive me for any errors - I do my best at proof reading.


	8. Knew you were special from the moment I saw you, I saw you, yeah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Angel by The Weeknd

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey is gasping for air as she slumps down onto the sand, sweat rolling down her forehead and into her eyes, she wipes it away with the back of her hands, and finally begins to get her breathing under control. Her body aches like never before, muscles she didn’t know she had are screaming in protest at sudden use.

She feels exhausted. When she’d asked Kylo to train her to use her lightsaber properly, she never thought it would be this intense, and this is only the first session. She’s no stranger to fighting; she’s used her staff enough in the past to have some knowledge, but this, this is something else entirely. This feels like some sort of punishment, a physical torture. She assumes this is how the mythical Knights of Ren train – intense, hard, brutal and relentless. 

She pulls up her damp tunic to examine her side where he’d hit her when they’d started their training, and sees the large purple bruise forming. With trembling fingers she presses down on it and hisses, before cursing herself about being weak and feeling the pain. 

Her mind drifts to the memory of watching Kylo Ren beating himself with his fist on his injured side on Starkiller Base, seeing his blood staining the snow under foot, and marveling at how he was even standing upright given his clear blood loss. He had controlled the pain he was feeling, channeled it into his aggression, hardly giving anything away.

Now with her breathing under greater control and her mind clearer she presses her fingers down harder on her injured skin, but this time she doesn’t hiss and barely winces at the feeling. 

Kylo steps up just to side of her, she’d not heard his footsteps and thinks for a moment that it’s rather creepy that he can wander around without sound and her brows furrow at this other hidden ability he seems to posses.

His hand reaches out toward her and she sees that he’s holding a canister out toward her, and she practically snatches the cold metal from him with nothing more than a gasp of appreciation. She’s all fingers and thumbs as she tries to unscrew the cap, and sighs to calm her shaking hands. Eventually the top is off and she greedily gulps down the cool clear liquid, feeling refreshed with every swallow.

Kylo sits away from her and slowly sips the water from his canister and Rey notices with annoyance that he’s hardly out of breath nor is he dripping with sweat like she is. But that he must be hiding his pain, because she knows she landed a few good shots on him.

It is then as she looks deeply at him that she realizes that he still looks like who he’s trying to hide – it’s not a very good disguise and he hardly blends in with the natives of Jakku in his all black. In fact he stands out like a sore thumb and the thought makes her let out a small chuckle.

Kylo turns his head and she sees his eyes narrow as he looks at her, like a predator watching its prey. She gulps and looks down at the sand.

‘What’s so funny?’ He hisses and she glances up at him and sees the tension building in his jaw.

‘Nothing. I was just thinking that for someone who doesn’t want to attract attention you’re pretty noticeable in all that black.’ She observes with a slight waiver to her voice.

He doesn’t reply but she can see him mulling her words over in his head, and she feels a flourish of pride that maybe she’d taught him something, after all she’s spent so much of her life blending in she’s an expert.

They sit in silence, and before too long it begins to feel uncomfortable, almost like one of them should say something to fill the void. Rey keeps glancing in his direction and decides that he’s not going to be the one to do it, so it’s up to her.

With a deep breath she starts, what she hopes is conversation.

‘So, um, how did I do?’ She asks tentative and nervous sneaking quick glances of at him.

He takes a deep breath and then slowly exhales, she’s trying to read his expression, from the side of his face that she can see, but he’s unreadable and she feels increasingly nervous despite everything he’d said in the past. 

‘You’re raw, wild. Impulsive. At times erratic. Sometimes you don’t think. Sometimes you’re too easy to read, you make you’re next move obvious. But you have potential. Lots of potential. And with the right training and application you will be unstoppable.’ Kylo says with clear emotion in his voice and it takes Rey’s breath away.

Rey is stunned into silence by his compliment and her mouth falls open in disbelief and confusion – she really wasn’t expecting him to say that. She was expecting him to scoff, roll his eyes and tell her she’s terrible and that he’s changed his mind about training her.

She doesn’t know how to respond, what to say. She just sits staring at him, almost drowning in his praise. 

Kylo shifts uncomfortably, feeling the weight of her gaze boring into his skull. He takes a calming deep breath before rising to his feet, canister in hand and heading into Hellhound Two, leaving Rey in her trance alone.

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey had remained outside until her clothes started to dry out, causing them to rub against her skin. She hauls herself to her feet, grabs her canister from the sand and walks lazily on tired legs, back into the AT-AT. She sees Kylo looking at the computer display she’d salvaged from an old Y-wing Starfighter, his eyes scanning over the screen.

She coughs a little to make her presence known and steps closer to him, seeing that he’s now wearing a white tunic in place of his black one.

‘Do you understand that?’ She queries as she looks over the alien language on the screen and recognises it as the binary language of droids.

‘Yes’ He answers her curtly, clearly not liking her previous tone.

‘So, you know different languages then?’ She wonders out loud.

‘Yes’ comes another short reply.

Rey sighs at her own stupidity, but it’s easy to forget who he was by birth and only think of who he has been as a man.

‘I’m assuming you use this to teach yourself languages?’ He inquires, and she nods, a gesture he catches out of the corner of his eye.

‘I used the schematics of the old Republic and Imperial Starships and the flight simulators to help me learn how to be a pilot. And to know the parts and components of the vessels. You know, so I know what to look for and what might be worth the most value.’ Rey explains, loosing herself as she leans over his shoulder and switches the screen to a picture of a schematic of the Executor-class Star Dreadnought Ravager.

Kylo flinches at the contact of her arm against his and Rey notices it. But she doesn’t say anything about it, not wanting to compromise the tender bud of conversation. As she steps back she catches sight of the faint beginnings of a blush dusting his cheeks.

‘So, do you know much about ships?’ She carries on as she smiles, seeing an image on the screen that is practically imprinted in her memory.

‘Not a lot.’ Kylo grumbles as he leans forward in the chair, looking closer at the screen.

‘Really? Didn’t your Fath-‘ she stops midsentence when she realizes what she’s about to say and her heart seizes when she sees the tension spread through his shoulders.

‘If your question is didn’t my Father teach me about ships, then the answer is no. He didn’t. I wasn’t lying when I told you he’d disappoint you.’ He hisses and with a slight turn of his head in her direction.

‘Well, um. That’s okay. You can learn here.’ Rey offers gently, trying to swerve away from talking about family – clearly it’s a sore subject.

‘And why would I want to do that?’ He snaps, as he abruptly rises to his feet, making her take a step back from him.

‘Um, so-so, so you can come scavenging with me.’ She offers quickly, thinking on her feet.

Kylo crosses his arms over his chest and looks down at her. She can feel him considering her proposal; she can see it in his eyes, the consideration he’s making, the weighing up of pro’s and con’s.

‘Fine.’ He replies blunty before hurrying out of the AT-AT.

Rey sighs heavily, crisis diverted, for now.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading - it's much appreciated that you've chose to read this fic (especially given the number of ones available and the quality of what is out there) so thank you so much.
> 
> This chap isn't the most exciting I admit, but it's a building block - think of it that way.
> 
> Thank you for all the lovely kudos' and comments you're all amazing :D:D:D
> 
> All mistakes are my own I do proofread my work but I'm not perfect at it.


	9. If you want to play it like a game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from CrushCrushCrush by Paramore

-0-0-0-0-0

It had been a week since Kylo decided to take up her offer of scavenging together after she’d just about managed to advert a crisis by mentioning his Father and they’d hardly spoken since. And the tension between them was electric, full of one-word questions and answers, caught glances and accidental brushes of limbs. It was honestly sending her crazy; she really didn’t know how much longer she could take it before doing something either embarrassing or stupid, or just giving up entirely.

He is still sleeping on the chair, and then spending most of his day glued to the computer, learning about the wrecks after they’d complete their training in the morning, where he barely spoke other than the smallest bit of praise. She has noticed that he stretches his back a lot more every time he stands up, clearly the chair isn’t the most comfortable place for a man of his height to sleep, but it is his only option.

Rey meanwhile has been down to Niima Outpost to retrieve her speeder - which to her own surprise was still where she'd left it over a year ago, and thanks to a Jedi mind trick Unkar Plutt remembered nothing of the Millennium Falcon incident, and instead treated her with the same contempt he always had, apart from his usual ‘That’s my girl’ and brush of her fingers when she was too slow with getting her portions from his counter.

While Kylo obsessed over the schematics - by his own choice rather than learn first hand like she’d suggested - she’d slipped back into scavenging like she’d never been away, and found that the Force helps every now and then, especially with things that were a little out of reach. But she was aware not to draw attention to herself. Because if someone notices her, then it wouldn’t take them long to notice him.

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Rey pulls her speeder to a stop outside Hellhound Two and climbs off before placing her goggles and the rag she uses as a helmet on the seat. She brushes the sand off her face and hears a grunt, her brows instantly furrow.

Her hand instinctively goes straight for her lightsaber and she steps quickly and quietly over to the door of the AT-AT and slides inside, lightsaber in her hand ready to use. She’s partway into the room when she hears the noise again and realizes it’s coming from outside.

With light feet she dashes back out of the AT-AT and scans the immediate area – nothing. Then she hears it again, only a little louder. Gripping her lightsaber she heads in the direction of the noise, walking softly and cautiously around the carcass of the AT-AT rather than risking making a noise by climbing over.

The grunts get louder the further round Hellhound Two she gets and now it has been joined by the sound of rustling of cloth and sand. Her eyes narrow, her lips part and her heart’s beating faster from adrenaline but her breathing remains surprisingly calm. For a moment she wonders about Kylo – is it him? Is he being attacked? Is he hurt?

Pushing the unhelpful thoughts aside, she silently turns the corner of the head of the AT-AT and inhales sharply when she sees him and her eyes go wide, she doesn’t know where to look.

‘Are you okay?’ Kylo asks her without stopping or even looking at her and she is thankful for that, seeing as she can feel she’s already blushing furiously.

‘I’m fine. Fine. Um, I heard a noise and came to check it out.’ She rambles as he stops and looks at her with a smirk on his face.

‘Check it out? And what did you find?’ He teases as he steps closer to her and she gulps trying not to stare at him – she’d not seen him with his top off before, not even when they’re training, he always remained fully dressed.

But it is difficult not to stare when he is half naked right in front of her. He notices her eyes flitting around, as her blush goes a deeper shade of red and he smirks even more, seeing the affect that he’s having – mischief was always a favourite pastime of his and this is too delicious to resist, especially after a week full of unresolved tension that was threatening to explode.

Toying with her Kylo steps right in front of her, so close that if he wanted to he could pull her into his arms - with little to no effort - and he watches her face carefully. Watches as she glances down at his torso and drinks in the sight of him.

Rey gulps, her throat is as dry as the desert she’s standing on – especially now that he’s within touching distance. She can’t help herself, those urges from deep within win through as she looks at his torso – not bringing herself to look him in the face though.

She looks at his skin so faintly kissed by the sun, sporting a gleam of sweat from his solo training. She sees his strong shoulders and arms and it sends a shudder down her spine as she vaguely recalls that she was carried in them. She looks up to his toned chest and then her eyes wander south, embedding every definition of muscle and every scar he has on his upper body into her memory.

Kylo is watching her intently and it’s doing funny things to him. Watching her ogling him is sending sensations straight to his crotch and he has to control himself, telling himself to stay calm and not to react, but it is becoming beyond difficult.

Rey grips her free hand into a ball and grasps her lightsaber harder in her other hand as she looks down at his ripped abdomen with a trail of hair from his belly button which disappears beneath the low slung waistband of his trousers. But of course she can’t ignore the angry large rough scar on his left side – his gift from Chewie and his bowcaster.

She knows that her blush is burning like a beacon even in the daylight and she is sure that the heat coming from it could probably be classed as it’s own sun, plus she’s chewing repeatedly on her bottom lip as she just stares at him, at his naked torso.

He sniggers and her eyes dart up to meet his but she doesn’t feel angry or insulted by him. Instead she feels the things that have been building ever since she’d returned to Jakku threaten to overflow – want, desire, lust and hunger of a different kind. He takes that step closer to her, and her heart begins to pound in her ears and the air has evaporated from her lungs. Her body feels like it’s on fire as he lifts his hand and cups the back of her jaw, tilting her head back a little. She drops her lightsaber into the sand, nothing else matters in this moment other than what is happening right now.

Kylo leans down toward Rey, his thumb brushing against her earlobe and his fingers splayed along the back of her neck and he can feel the tentative touch of her fingertips on his waist just above his hips. Their lips are so close that she can feel his steady breath caressing her mouth. But then suddenly he pulls away and steps back, loosing all contact, and she lets out a whimper of shock and frustration as he leaves her standing their bewildered.

He smirks to himself as he turns his back on her before silently letting out his long breath, as he grabs his white tunic that is hanging on an antenna of the AT-AT. Rey is indignant at his teasing but she is stunned to the spot, mouth hanging wide open, unable to move or speak. She catches sight of his back before it’s covered in the white material – his skin is littered with scars ranging in colour from white, to pink to a pale red and in depth from shallow to much deeper. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that they are the handiwork of the First Order. They must be some sort of punishment and she wonders if he got some of them because of her.

 _‘Some of them yes.’_ He answers the question without speaking as he walks away from her – completely forgetting his claim to not read her mind.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading + the lovely, supportive and encouraging comments (I know this story is hardly in the league of some in this fandom - but I'm trying my best), but thank you every1!!! :):D:):D
> 
> Once again please excuse any errors and that kind of thing :)
> 
> Sorry this chapter is up later than all the others have previously been posted - I've been binge watching Girls on DVD :D:D
> 
> I do hope you liked this chapter - it doesn't move the story along much, but I just felt like dropping it into it all the same.


	10. Kiss me like you wanna be loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - you may or may not like this chapter ;)

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Rey’s heart and mind are both racing, reeling from what had just happened. They’d almost kissed and she wanted it to happen, more than anything – possibly even more than anything she’d ever wanted in her whole life. But then just as she thought it was going to happen, he stepped away and smirked. Her blood boils at the, oh so, recent memory. He’d smirked, trying to hide it as he turned away from her but she caught a fleeting glance and now she is incensed.

But then a sick thought washes over her, one that she’d prefer not to consider, but she must. Is Kylo teasing her on purpose, because he’s still with the First Order and is still Snoke’s puppet? Her hand darts to her mouth as she feels bile rise from the pit of her stomach. Is Kylo Ren deliberately trying to seduce her to bring her to the Dark Side at the request of his Master? While she tries to bring him back to the Light Side by showing him trust and goodness, is he attempting to seduce her to the Dark by using her own feelings against her?

She gulps away the nausea, breathing deeply through her nose. She knows what she had to do, but can she do it? She has to confront him. Find out if his allegiances are still with the First Order. It makes her stomach clench and twist with discomfort. She doesn’t even know how to broach such a question. She knows all about his volatile temper – she’d seen it when she’d slipped past the barrier of his mind back, in the interrogation room, when she’d accidentally forged the connection they don’t even use. She also knows that no matter what his allegiances are, by asking the question there is a great chance he will leave and her mission will fail. But it’s a risk she has to take.

Rey breathes deeply, calming her mind and settling her stomach. She needs all her resolve for this confrontation. She needs to be on her toes, keep her guard up. She cannot predict his reaction, but wants to be prepared for whatever comes her way.

She walks slowly back round to the door of her home, lightsaber hanging from her belt, within easy reach if required. As she reaches the entrance she pauses, taking a moment. Her hands tremble slightly, fear of the outcome skirting on the edges of her mind. She strongly hopes that he’s not been an unseen observer of her most recent thoughts.

Rey steps inside and walks slowly into the room. She sees Kylo sat on the chair that doubles as his bed. His back is completely straight, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes are closed. For a moment she thinks he almost looks peaceful, but there is that faint yet permanent etch of pain around his eyes from the years of terror he has reigned.

‘What was all that about?’ Rey croaks, her voice giving away her nerves.

Kylo takes a deep breath before opening his dark eyes and looking straight at her.

‘I don’t know what you mean?’ He purrs almost innocently but with a wicked glint in his eyes and she instinctively gulps – those feelings she’d just got a control on, race back through her body.

‘You know what I mean.’ She snaps as she balls her hands into fists and digs half crescent shapes into her palms.

‘Why, what do you think it was?’ He’s toying with her again and now her blood is beginning to heat up as he rises to his feet.

‘You-you were going to kiss me.’ She whimpers and a blush dances across her face – her resolve quickly fraying at the edges.

‘Was I?’ Kylo murmurs as he takes a step toward her.

Rey can feel her body reacting to him and he’s not even done anything, just the suggestive tone of his voice making her melt under her own resolve.

‘Yes.’ She whispers, her gaze dropping to the floor and her hands clenching tighter.

‘Did you want me to? Did you want me to kiss you, Rey?’ He teases and the sound of her name on his lips sounds positively dirty to her ears, as he begins to circle her like she’s some sort of prey.

Kylo’s hand ghosts over the skin on the back of her neck and she fights down the whimper threatening to spill from her lips, how can this man be having such an effect on her even when he’s not even touching her. She feels want and need shoot down her spine and she almost shudders at the feeling.

‘Yes’ she squeaks, no longer able to deny her feelings – not that she’d made a good show of denying them before.

Kylo stops next to her and turns his head to look down at her. He looks at her rosy pink cheeks flush with embarrassment and something else entirely, sees how her eyes are staring deeply at the floor. Watches as she gulps more than once, seeing her neck muscles work, sees her chest rise and fall heavy with desire.

His mind is telling him to let go, to do it. To kiss her. He can feel his own needs and desires passing though his veins and his skin, pooling in his crotch. But then he questions himself – if he does, if he gives in and kisses her will that edge him closer to the Light. He wants to stay in the grey, where he feels the most comfortable with himself. He had always known, deep down, that he is neither Light nor Dark but a combination of the two; and that for so long people have always wanted him to be either or, not both. But he knows he cannot be defined and he will not be defined.

The atmosphere between them crackles with electricity as he stares at her, and she feels the weight of his gaze pressing down on her. Rey can’t take it anymore; the tension, the feel of the hot air pushing down on her and she gasps as her body shudders.

Watching her begin to unravel just beneath the intensity of his eyes settles it for Kylo. He knows what he’s going to do, what he wants to do. He turns to face her, face on and sees a flicker of apprehension in her eye.

 _‘Turn to look at me Rey.’_ His words are assertive in her mind and she is seemingly powerless to resists.

On slightly shaky legs Rey turns slowly to face him, her eyes drifting upwards to meet his, noticing the deep breath he takes as his chest rises and falls calmly, while her own breathing is one of short pants.

Kylo lifts his hand and her eyes follow it as he cups her jaw, letting out a little gasp at the feel of his fingers once again on her burning skin. His thumb stretches back and brushes gently over her parted lips and the sensations inside of her coil with yearning.

Their eyes are locked together, staring deep into the soul of the other as Kylo shifts forward, closer to her and she can feel the warmth radiating from him. Her arms hang limp at her side, her hands loosing their tension, as her mind falls blank, not wanting to think of anything in this moment.

He leans down toward her and her chest tightens, a heady mix of anxiety and need. Her eyelids flutter close and now she is lost in a world of nothing but feelings and passion. She can feel his breath gently caress her skin and her heart stops beating as his lips press softly against hers.

At first she doesn’t respond to him, feeling as if she’s not even inside her own body. But as he snakes his other arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him and increases the intensity of his kiss, she is back there. Back inside her body, and she reacts on pure instinct. Her hands dart up – one wrapping around the back of his head, nails dragging across his scalp and being rewarded with a lusty moan from deep inside his throat, as the other grips onto the material of his tunic at his chest.

Their lips dance hungrily against one another’s, years of pent up or unknown desire spilling into the kiss. Rey can’t help but whimper into his mouth; she’d never known a feeling like it. A feeling so right, so pure, feelings she’d never known existed. She doesn’t want the moment to end; she wants more, needs more. It is as if she had been deprived of water her whole life and now a dam had burst and was flooding her.

Her mind springs back as Kylo shifts her backwards into the wall, not loosing a single point of contact, pressing her against the cool metal, trapping her there with his own and she doesn’t mind, she doesn’t feel scared or worried. No, it feels like it is meant to be, but then she forgets herself.

 _‘Are you still with the First Order, is this a trick?’_ The question that had been in her mind earlier about his allegiance is her first thought, and it seeps into his mind unseen like an invisible poison.

Kylo rips his lips from hers, his eyes wide and panicked, his mouth hanging open, and his breath coming out in fast pants as he staggers backwards. Rey freezes at the sudden realisation of her thought.

‘Wha-what?’ He stammers, slightly out of breath as his eyes rapidly search her face for an answer, but seeing nothing but her own shock and hints of the truth at wanting to know the answer.

‘KYLO’ She cries out as he bolts for the door, leaving her sinking to the floor awash with tears and anguish.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading. Also thank you so so much for the kudos and the lovely comments - you guys rock my world. You're all so encouraging that I strive to keep going and hopefully make this better and better.
> 
> Sorry for any error or mistakes - they're all my own, no one else made them.
> 
> Got this one out there because I don't know about my posting availability over the next day or so - got things to do, but we shall see :D
> 
> As always let me know how you feel this story is going :)


	11. Ever fallen in love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from Ever Fallen In Love With Someone (You Shouldn't Have Fallen In Love With)? by the Buzzcocks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always get so nervous right before I press post because I only want for you guys to like my work :S

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Rey hauls herself up from the cooling floor, her face is tearstained but her breathing is back to normal. Her mind is clear and controlled. She takes a relaxing deep breath and heads out of the AT-AT. The sun is setting in the sky sending gorgeous orange and pink colours across the desert. 

She knows that Kylo isn’t likely to be hiding out around the immediate vicinity of the AT-AT, so she heads for her speeder. He can’t have gotten far just on foot so she decides that he’s most likely gone to Niima Outpost, probably with the intention of finding a ship out of there. She just needs to find him, before anyone else does.

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As Rey pulls into Niima Outpost the sky is now turning a dark navy and the sun has disappeared for the night. She looks around and everywhere is eerily quiet. She’d not been to Niima Outpost at night, not for a long time at least, never having the need or desire until now. The stalls and traders have gone and Unkar Plutt’s is closed for business. She can hear the sound of music and heads in the direction of the Cantina. She’s never been inside there, not feeling comfortable about the types who frequent there, it’s certainly not the sort of place for a young woman.

As she approaches the sand building the sound of the music reminds her of Takodana and Maz’s castle. She smiles shyly at the memories. Of the slight feeling of nerves when she first stepped through those large doors to the castle and saw an assortment of species all relaxing and enjoying themselves, seemingly unaware of the dark threat spreading across the galaxy. Eating the delicious foods brought over for them and enjoying drinks she’s never tasted before in her life. Chatting with Maz and finding out little snippets of such a long and lived life. Memories of Han and Chewie being so at ease and confident in themselves as if they lived in places like that. Then her memories begin to feel like a shadow passing over her mind. First of going into that room and opening the small wooden chest containing Master Luke’s forgotten lightsaber – the very same one hooked on her belt. The visions she experienced when she touched it, all of them feeling so real as if she’d been present for each and every one, but not knowing if she had. Memories of running through the woods after rejecting all that had been put before her, an uncertain future rather than the certain one she had on Jakku. When she reaches the the memory of her very first meeting with Kylo Ren in the woods, her heart sinks. The shock she felt at the ease of his power, the grace in his movements, the aggression of his pursuit, but mainly a memory of fear – running from him, afraid and trapped. 

She gulps and for a moment as she shakes her head clear, sending the memories back to the furthest point of her mind. She takes a steadying breath as she stands outside the door to the Cantina. Her mind tells her to turn and leave, to run back to her speeder, go back to Hellhound Two, call the Resistance Base and tell them she has failed her mission. That Kylo Ren will not be brought back to the Light, that she wants to return to D’Qar and forget this ever happened. But she can’t. She knows she can’t. Not without trying one last time.

Rey pushes the wooden door open and steps inside and sees a dimly lit stairwell heading down into the earth and slowly begins descending down into the shadows. Feeling completely alert and aware, checking all around, needing to be on her guard and her toes. She feels a hum through the Force and it startles her. She’d not expected to feel a Force signature in the Cantina. This one feels unfamiliar, unknown and different. It feels almost dirty and leaves her with a bad taste. 

Once inside the entrance to the actual Cantina she sees a variety of species crowded into the large room. She sees a couple of Uthuthma’s toward the back, a handful of Abednedo’s halfway down to her right side, she spots Bobbajo – a male Nu-Cosian who’s always telling stories all across the planet near the enterance to her right and there are around four Kyuzos’ near the bar. The known arms-dealer Sarco Plank sitting in the corner despite having no visible mouth or eyes to her left, and there are three Teedos further back in the room toward the small stage with the band. There are a couple of human’s at the bar and they look at her suspiciously as she steps further inside. 

Both her body and her mind are tense as she passes through the room her hand firmly on her lightsaber. It’s quite dark and smoky in there and the band is little too loud for her liking, and her eyes quickly begin to sting from the smoke. 

Rey cranes her neck to see if she can spot Kylo hiding away at the back, when she feels a hand brush down her back and it makes her shudder, especially when the owner of said hand leans in closer to her.

‘Hello girl. I’ve not seen you in here before, so what brings you here now?’ Unkar Plutt sneers into her ear and she can feel his breath heavy on her neck.

She turns to face him, his eyes are leering and she could swear he’s salivating at the sight of her. She has to fight away the feeling of nausea. 

‘I’m looking for someone.’ She answers honestly; taking quick glances around to see if she can spot Kylo.

‘Starved of affection, your lonely existence was bound to take it’s toll eventually. You know I can always keep you company.’ Unkar Plutt proposes with a tone that makes Rey feel hot bile race up her throat as his hand settles on her hip.

‘I don’t think so.’ Rey hisses as she goes to brush his hand away, trying not to sound too aggressive, after all she does still need Unkar Plutt for trading her scrap.

‘Think you’re too good for me do you? Now that you’ve been off world you think you’re better than us, better than Jakku. Well don’t you forget girl that you owe me and I want my payment, now.’ Unkar Plutt snarls as he steps closer to her and she gulps, feeling the urge to use her lightsaber on him or the Force, anything to get him away from her.

Unkar Plutt tightens his grip on her hip and she can feel his bloated, chubby fingers fumbling with the hem of her tunic, revulsion spreads like wildfire through her body at the feel of his touch on her skin.

‘Let go of me.’ She insists, looking him dead in the face, as her skin crawls as he brushes her chilling skin.

‘Like I said girl, you owe me and I’m going to collect tonight.’ Unkar Plutt menaces as he leans in closer to her, his other hand grasping her other hipbone and she can feel his breath tickle her cheek.

Rey lifts her hands and presses them to his chest, feeling his skin shift beneath her palms, but she manages to push him back a little, but now his fingers dig deeper into her hips as he continues leaning into her as she struggles in his grip.

‘No.’ Rey spits as Unkar Plutt gets close enough to her face to lick her cheek and Rey gags at the rasping feel of his tongue across her skin.

‘I said no.’ She snarls as she pushes him harder.

He stumbles backwards as he looses his grip on her, as she lands in a heap on the dirt floor.

‘GIRL.’ Unkar Plutt roars as he regains his balance surprisingly quickly, Rey turns her head to see him stomping angrily toward her as the room falls silent apart from the band, but even they seem to have gotten quieter.

All eyes turn on her as she scurries back, the top of her head colliding with the bar with a thud. She can feel her heartbeat pulsing loudly in her ears. She feels trapped, helpless, and afraid. She urges her mind to stay calm, not to panic, to feel the Force. 

But it’s no good; Rey can feel fear and panic gripping at her, her blood is rushing like a raging current through her veins. Her breath his coming out in short, sharp pants and she has an overwhelming desire to both scream and throw up. She knows the risk of using her lightsaber in such a public place – it’ll draw the attention of the First Order, due to their desperate need to rid the galaxy of all Jedi’s and their associates. And she doesn’t want to come up against the First Order, not on her own.

With Unkar Plutt reaching hungrily for her she feels a hand on her shoulder and her head spins to look up at her side. She finds a face hidden by a thin black scarf, but she knows those eyes, those dark yet piercing eyes. She could get lost in those eyes. She desperately wants to get lost in those eyes.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always for reading you lovely people :D:D
> 
> Please excuse any errors or mistakes - they're my bad :(:/
> 
> Please feel free to let me know how you think this story or chapter is going - all feedback is appreciated (good or bad). 
> 
> This chapter seems a little wordy (I was trying to be a little more expressive and descriptive) and I apologise if it's not to all tastes. 
> 
> I'll be totally honest I would love for this story to get to 50 kudos' by the end - but we've got a little way to go first so please bear with me.


	12. Your past has you in a choke hold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Loverboy by You Me At Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - by my own admission + thoughts on this one, this chapter suckkkkksssss!! I'm so sorry :(

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Rey feels relief wash over her in waves, as Kylo rises to his feet, takes a couple of steps away from her, and turns to face Unkar Plutt, who’d now stood up straight and is eyeing the man suspiciously.

‘She’s mine.’ Kylo growls at the Crolute, who looks between Rey and the mysterious figure.

‘Who says? That girl owes me, so she’s mine.’ Unkar Plutt spits at Kylo.

Rey watches from her position on the floor, her fingernails digging into the sandy dirt, and feeling moisture she doesn’t even want to contemplate the origin of.

Kylo doesn’t respond and Rey’s stomach drops, is he allowing her to be dragged off by Unkar Plutt and used to do who knows what, she dreads to even imagine as it turns her stomach. She sees a sneering smile spread across Unkar Plutt’s ugly face as he gestures to the two human’s from by the bar.

‘Hey.’ Rey cries out in Kylo’s direction as the men haul her to her feet, struggling against their tight grasps.

‘Get off me. Stop.’ Rey thrashes about, and lashes out at the men as they drag her towards the steps, before digging her heels into the dirt in the hope of building some sort of resistance to stop them.

‘Let her go.’ Finally Kylo speaks and his voice is full of anger, and Rey feels her heart clench as she looks over her shoulder at him, this is an anger even she’s afraid of.

‘Why? Are you going to stop me? She is mine for payment I will do what I please with her. You can have her after, but I don’t know what condition she will be in.’ Unkar Plutt smirks with a lecherous leer in her direction, as he goes to step away.

Suddenly Rey sees a flash of burning red and her eyes widen as she realises that Kylo has drawn his lightsaber. Now the room falls completely silent – even the band stop playing, dumbstruck at the sight of the evil red lightsaber.

‘Kylo Ren.’ Comes the startled gasp from Unkar Plutt and Rey can hear the murmuring of Kylo’s name spread fast and hot around the Cantina in fearful hushed tones.

The two men gripping Rey’s arms falter, confusion reigning over their duties – continue with their ‘prisoner’ or defend their apparent employer.

‘Let the girl go.’ Kylo commands as he twirls the lightsaber around even in such a confined space, loosening his wrist for battle.

‘Let the girl go Plutt. We’ve got ourselves a far greater prize here. Kylo Ren is wanted by the First Order and they will pay handsomely to whoever takes him in, alive.’ A deep and low mechanical voice drifts through the stale air of the bar.

Rey can see Sarco Plank’s alien form shifting across the room, closer to where Kylo and Plutt are engaged in their stand off. She gets the same bitter taste in her mouth from before as the Force ripples around her, it’s coming from the Melitto and the taste is foul.

Unkar Plutt turns to look at her and Rey can feel him undressing her with his mind, she wants to curl up into a ball and hide away as her skin crawls almost violently as she fights against the overwhelming urge to throw up.

‘Have her when we have collected payment.’ Sarco Plank shoots at Unkar Plutt as he pulls an adapted JSP-14 pistol from his waistband, standing far enough away from Kylo for it to be deemed a safe distance.

‘Kylo Ren surrender peacefully and no one will get hurt.’ Sarco Plank states as he points the pistol towards Rey.

She feels her stomach do a somersault as the human henchmen of Unkar Plutt spin her around so she is now facing into the room, able to see the hum of tension and the cowering of the locals, not wanting any part of this. Her eyes are focused on Kylo, but he’s still staring at Unkar Plutt, lighsaber still in his hand and there is a slight crackle coming from the unstable Kyber crystal. The red of his lightsaber is bathing him with a menacing glow, one she’s all too familiar with from their own battle, but that seems like a distance memory now.

Rey gulps as she snatches a glance at the creature known as ‘The Scavenger’. His hand is so steady, holding the pistol pointed at her. She wants to fight, to battle her way free. She wants Kylo to do something; her fate is in his hands. If he surrenders then she might live – even if it means she’ll be Unkar Plutt’s plaything and she shudders at the thought, swallowing down the hot bile rolling up her throat. But if Kylo decides to fight then she is most certainly going to die. It’s loose loose for Rey, but she’d sooner let it be her own choice.

‘Come on Ren, you have no way out of this. Surrender and the girl won’t get hurt.’ Sarco Plank hisses mechanically, to which Unkar Plutt scoffs and it makes Rey want to retch, again.

‘Sarco Plank, my Uncle should have killed you when he had the chance.’ Kylo replies in an almost conversational tone, but Rey hears the touch of menace in it, his eyes still on Plutt, and she guesses that he knows she’s got a pistol pointed at her.

Suddenly there is chaos. In one fluid movement Kylo chops Unkar Plutt down, with the Croulte screaming in sheer agony and pain as he slumps to the floor. This action distracts Sarco Plank just enough for Rey to pull one of her captors in front of her and he takes the blast from Plank’s pistol. As Plank fires off another shot Rey drops to the floor, fumbling with her lightsaber on her belt.

Meanwhile Kylo is fighting with two of the Kyuzo’s – clearly bounty hunters. As Rey stands up - lightsaber in hand but just for a moment as the henchman hits her hard across the face and her lightsaber goes flying out of her hand and skids across the floor. A little startled and dazed she doesn’t even notice Sarco Plank slither up behind her and grab her forcefully around the waist.

‘Enough Kylo Ren.’ Plank shouts in his low and deep mechanical tone, tightening his grip on Rey, as he presses the barrel of the pistol to the side of her temple, as Kylo dispatches the first of the Kyuzo bounty hunters and is just slashing down the second.

Kylo turns to face them and despite the darkness of the Cantina she can feel his eyes burning with rage and unadulterated anger.

‘Surrender now and the girl lives.’ Plank commands and Rey feels her stomach drop with fear, not just for herself, but for Kylo too.

She knows that if he surrenders he is a dead man, not that he isn’t already a dead man walking, but she doesn’t want him to die for her.

‘ _Don’t_.’ She forces into his mind, pleading with him to listen to her.

The silence feels like it lasts a lifetime, stretching and stretching beyond all imagination as Kylo stares at them, dark eyes seemingly even darker. Rey repeatedly tells him not to do it, not to surrender, but he abruptly blocks her out, alone with his own thoughts and no longer mingled with hers.

‘Fine. I surrender. Just let her go.’ Kylo declares through gritted teeth and Rey feels the world around her shatter into a million tiny pieces.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading - I hope it wasn't too sucky or painful. I have very mixed feelings about this one. I'm really bad at writing fighting stuff so sorry. :(
> 
> Anyway, thank you all so so very much for all the amazingly supportive and encouraging comments you have gifted me - you guys are all just the best :D:D:D And I got past 50 kudos' - which was my end total target so yippppeeeee, thank you all.
> 
> Once again sorry for any errors or mistakes - they're all my bad :/
> 
> Feel free to let me know how you think this is going or any thoughts you might have about where you think this should go - feel free to give me ideas :) 
> 
> Little bit of info on Sarco Plank - a Force sensitive alien who fought Luke Skywalker before becoming a bounty hunter and scavenger on Jakku - he's in SW;TFA (but I don't recall him?:s) - but not in any of the other films but is featured more in the expanded universe - well so I read \\_(")_/.


	13. There's never been so much at stake.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Every You Every Me by Placebo

-0-0-0-0-0

‘No, Kylo. No, don’t, no. Not for me. Please, don’t do it.’ She stutters in panic, struggling against the Melitto’s firm grip on her.

‘The lightsaber.’ Plank gestures to the still ignited and aflame lightsaber gripped in Kylo’s hand, he takes a short breath and glances up at Rey, before turning it off.

‘When I have your guarantee that you’ll surrender peacefully Kylo Ren, I will let the girl go.’ Plank states as he shifts behind Rey, now using her as a barrier between him and Kylo.

‘You have my word.’ Kylo snarls as he begins to walk toward them and Rey feels the panic rising in her lungs, she doesn’t want this to happen, she needs to stop this.

‘No, no, no, no, no. Don’t.’ Rey mutters over and over while shaking her head vigorously as he continues to walk toward them.

Kylo is now standing right in front of her, lightsaber still in his grasp and Rey desperately wants him to look at her, but every time she tries to get his attention he ignores her, and she finds a barrier firmly in his mind.

He slowly lifts his arm and Rey watches as he points his lightsaber straight at her and fear grips her and she doesn’t know why, not until she hears the words sneering from Sarco Plank’s vocoder.

‘Kill the girl and then I will truly trust you’re surrender, Ben Solo.’ Plank hisses and sneers the words and if he had a visible mouth the top lip would surely be curled up in a triumphant smirk.

Kylo’s arm drops a little as he narrows his eyes, and they are burning with anger. Rey shakes her head as if she’s trying to dislodge an errant thought, not sure if she’d heard right. The creature had just told Kylo to kill her, to show that he can be trusted to surrender peacefully, what misguided logic.

Rey looks up at Kylo and gulps, his expression is blank, devoid of any emotion, even his eyes give nothing away. She’s not sure, she can’t read him, and his mind is protected from her, despite her clawing at it like a wild animal, trying desperately to break through.

‘Come on Ren, we all know family and people mean nothing to you. You murdered your own Father. The legendary Han Solo, cut down in cold blood. You’re nothing more than a ruthless killer. A murderer. This will be a mercy for her. Living here in Jakku, what kind of life can she possibly have? You saw what she is looking forward to, a life of scavenging by day and whoring at night, all for a little extra portion. It’s no life for someone who is so pure with the Force as her.’ Sarco Plank growls, and Rey can feel her anger burn hot through her veins as she tries to release his strong grip from around her waist.

She looks up at Kylo and there is a flicker in his eyes. A flicker of memory, acknowledgement of something.  Who he was, who he is? Rey feels genuinely scared, in fear for her life. She’d not felt this scared of him ever, not even when he was trying to kill her on Starkiller Base, but then she realizes that her fear is misplaced, she has no reason to fear Kylo. The only one who should fear him is Sarco Plank.

With a single nod of his head that Sarco Plank takes as an agreement, he lets go of Rey’s waist, slightly lowers his pistol.  And then everything happens so quickly.

‘ _Get down._ ’ Kylo’s voice is urgent inside her head, bouncing off the walls of her mind and it takes her a second to realize why as Kylo’s lightsaber is now rib height and she sees his thumb twitch over the switch.

Instinctively she drops to her knees, feeling Plank’s startled hand reach for her again, smacking her in the face as she sinks to the floor. Then she hears the crackle of Kylo’s lightsaber, as Kylo buries it deep into the chest of the Melitto – much the same way as he killed his own Father. Plank screams a muffled mechanical gasp of searing pain as Kylo rips the lightsaber back out of his chest.

Rey hears a shot go off from Plank’s pistol and Kylo’s lightsaber clatters to the floor in front of her and her face shoots up, her heart stalling with fear that he’s been shot. His body is turned away from her and he looks as if he’s holding his other arm, the sound of Plank crashing to the floor behind her doesn’t even register, her one and only thought is on Kylo.

She is trembling as she gets to her feet and steps towards him. Rey stretches her hand out and softly places it on his upper arm and his head snaps round to look at her, his eyes searching her face. She hears the patrons of the Cantina rushing past them, like blurs in the dark, acutely aware that any one of them could be alerting the First Order of Kylo Ren any second.

‘Are you oaky?’ He mutters lowly as he gently reaches up and brushes his knuckles affectionately down her cheek, his eyes fixed on her face, full of concern.

Rey nods, as she looks up into his dark eyes and she feels unusually calm standing in front of him, his gesture so intimate, full of unspoken affection, despite the chaos and death surrounding them.

‘You’re bleeding.’ She murmurs as she pulls herself back to reality.

‘We have to go. Now.’ Kylo tells her firmly ignoring her comment.

She dashes across the room to where she can see her lightsaber. Lying next to the dead body of Unkar Plutt. As she approaches him her pace falters a little and she feels lightheaded. Looking down at his limp body, eyes closed and mouth hanging open with a long wound from shoulder to navel.

Rey stares at him, looming over the body, eyes drinking in the sight of the creature that helped and protected her as a child, but wanted so much worse for her as an adult. She strangely doesn’t feel much of anything for him, not after what he wanted to do to her.

She crouches down, eyes on her lightsaber as she reaches out to pick it up Unkar Plutt grabs her arm with a rattling gurgle. Rey lets out a small scream of shock as she falls backwards, eyes wide and fixed on the body and mouth slung open, bloody froth being sent into the air from his rasping breaths.

Kylo is on her in a second, his hands beneath her shoulders, dragging her to her feet as she grabs her lightsaber.

‘Girl’ Plutt wheezes faintly as the air expel from his chest, his eyes locked on her as he reaches out to her.

Kylo steps round her before he crouches down next to the Crolute. Rey can’t see what’s going on as Kylo is blocking her view of Unkar Plutt’s face, but she can hear murmuring. It is so quiet that she cannot decide who it’s coming from as she watches cautiously.

Then there is a gargled groan and gasp and she sees the muscles in Kylo’s back work beneath his tunic, a slight tremble passing through them as the wheezing pitters out and Kylo stands up.

‘What-what did you do?’ She mumbles looking down at the once again still form of Unkar Plutt, only this time his eyes are open with a look of pure terror in them.

‘No more than he deserved. Now lets go.’ Kylo snaps before pushing rather abruptly past her, his mood changing so unpredictably.

Rey turns and chases after him, taking the steps two at a time to keep up with his long strides. Once outside and into the slightly cooler air of Jakku, Rey lets out a deep breath before inhaling, needing to feel something that resembles fresh in comparison to the stench of death and fear lingering in the air inside the Cantina.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading - hope it didn't disappoint too much - as I've said before I'm bad at writing fight scenes and stuff, give me angsty stuff any day.
> 
> Please try to ignore any errors or mistakes (or let me know if you spot any so I can correct them).
> 
> Massive thank you to you all for the comments and the kudos' - you are all amazing and encourage me soooo much. :D:D:D


	14. Couldn't take all this anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from The Kill by 30 Seconds to Mars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :O

-0-0-0-0-0

Kylo is running in the direction of where Unkar Plutt keeps his ‘acquired’ ships, and Rey has to sprint after him, lightsaber still in her hand and fear hot on her heels.

She manages to catch up with him outside a Corellian light freighter – Rey guesses Unkar Plutt got after she liberated the Falcon. The door slides open and Kylo cautiously steps onto the starship. She can feel his caution and distrust as she follows him on board and gets a familiar smell of grease and oil.

While Kylo proceeds towards the cockpit, the door to the outside world hisses close behind her. Rey now feels a mix of caution and fear. This is her last chance to make a hasty exit, grab her speeder and return to Hellhound Two and leave Kylo to whatever fate he chooses. Her breathing becomes a little erratic for a moment as she wrestles with her conflicting thoughts and emotions – hoping that Kylo’s too busy and focused on other things to be poking around in her mind.

She takes a long deep breath as she hears the engines start up, her stomach flipping as she takes a step forward into the ship. Her mind made up, she’s in this with him. And she realizes that she has trusted him all along – well not on Starkiller Base, but she didn’t know him then, but she likes to believe that she knows him now, or at least a small part of the real him.

‘I thought you said you know nothing about ships?’ She questions as she slips into the co-pilot’s seat and gets a side eyed glance from Kylo.

‘Mechanics, no. Flying. A little.’ He answers her and there is a hint of sarcasm in his tone.

The freighter lifts off and Rey can’t help but be a little bit impressed at the smooth transition, not bad for someone who only know a little about flying. Kylo leans over and punches in a load of co-ordinates that he clearly knows from memory and doesn’t want to share with her.

Her chest clenches tightly and she swallows deep as her question from earlier screams through her mind – is he still with the First Order? Has she just been a complete fool for thinking she knows him at all.

‘Where-where is it we’re going?’ She poses the question with a quiver in her voice and her lips pressed into a thin line as she looks at his profile.

‘What, are you worried I’m taking you to the First Order? To Snoke?’ Comes his dry reply, his eyes fixed ahead as he flies them out of the atmosphere of Jakku and she gulps.

‘N-no.’ She gasps – she deserves that kind of a response after what she’d thought earlier.

But somewhere inside she can feel a small amount of panic that he is taking her to them, and she begins to whish she’d grabbed her radio before she’d left Hellhound Two, at least that way she could radio the Resistance, try and get help. Or better still she should have gotten off when she still had a chance.

But instead she is alone, on an unidentified Corellian light freighter with a man she can hardly predict. She has no means of contacting anyone, not without him seeing anyway. Fear bites at her as she stares at him, his face blank of any expression and dark eyes unreadable.

The tension and atmosphere seems to have stretched the entire width of the galaxy, neither of them feeling comfortable around one another at the moment. Snatching short glances of one another trying to register the other’s reaction, as Kylo sends them through hyperspace to wherever it is they’re going.

Rey sighs, feeling strangely guilty about doubting and not trusting him as she thinks over what had played out in the Cantina. How Kylo could have left her to Unkar Plutt, he didn’t need to get involved. He could have carried on and found a ship willing to take him wherever with no questions asked. But he didn’t, he stepped in and saved her from a life as some sort of slave. He’d killed a bully who enjoyed nothing more than the power he wielded over everyone. He’d killed a bitter creature who wanted him to kill her and hand him over to the First Order just for a financial reward. He’d done so much for her at great risk to himself and she knows that she really does trust him. Possibly more than she trusts anyone else. She wrings her fingers as she watches him, trying to read his expression, seeing as he’s blocked her out of his mind.

‘I’m sorry.’ She whispers hoping that he does and doesn’t hear her apology.

Kylo turns his head slowly to look at her, his dark eyes narrow with question – clearly he heard her.

‘What?’ He growls, but his tone isn’t at all threatening, more questioning.

Rey looks up at him and feels a blush dusting her pale cheeks; before she shifts her gaze to her own clenched hands, knuckles turning white.

‘I-I said I’m sorry. And I am. I’m sorry for asking if you were tricking me when we were……’ she drifts off weakly, eyes flitting everywhere but his face, feeling her blush growing darker from her own memory of what had happened.

‘And I’m meant to believe you? Why? Why should I believe your apology? I know you don’t trust me. And I’ll be honest with you, I don’t understand why I’ve even brought you with me.’ Kylo remarks as he gets to his feet, flicking the switch to autopilot and leaving the cockpit.

‘I do trust you.’ She whispers as she closes her eyes and sighs deeply, she gets it, why should he believe her?

She sinks down into the co-pilots chair and curls her legs up, wrapping herself into a ball; her mind feels heavy and tired.

 _‘I killed for you, I revealed who I was at immense risk to my own life and you still don’t trust me. The question is Rey, what have you done for me to make me trust you?_ ’ She hears his voice in her head, sharp and questioning.

Rey feels a hot flash of annoyance spread across her mind as she scoffs, eyes flying open.

 _‘I didn’t kill you for a start._ ’ She fires back instantly, knowing she’s being petulant as she huffs and crosses her arms over her chest.

 _‘Do it now then. Kill me, it’s what I deserve.’_ His voice is tormented and full of anguish, hate, pain and self-loathing and her heart stops.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and as always for you support and encouragement, I think you're all great :):D
> 
> Please excuse any errors, I do try to make it error and mistake free!
> 
> Oh and disclaimer - this is a work of fiction - I own nothing.
> 
> I'm thinking of giving the chapters their own titles so look out for that if I do it - just got to decide on a title for each one so far that sums up the chapter - no easy task!!


	15. You've gotten into my bloodstream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title line from Bloodstream by Stateless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friday bonus!!!

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey climbs out of the seat onto unsteady feet and walks into the living quarters of the freighter. Her heart is pounding heavily in her chest when she sees Kylo sat with his head in his hands. His head jerks up when he hears her footsteps and she sees the haunted expression he normally hides so well.

He gulps and looks at her expectantly, straightening up. His hands drop to his knees and she can see his chest rising and falling quickly from trepidation. He is expecting her to kill him. But what would killing him achieve? It wouldn’t achieve peace, only for him perhaps, but no one else. Besides, she’s not a cold-blooded killer, not like he was, he is. She can’t just kill, not even a mercy killing. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself. 

Rey pulls her lightsaber from her belt and catches sight of his eyes widening as he gulps with fear and belief that his time is up. She takes a long breath as she looks down at her lightsaber – a family heirloom of the Skywalker’s – it probably should be his by right. 

‘I’m not going to kill you Kylo, because despite what you think I do trust you.’ Rey states as she steps forward and watches as his shoulders drop and she’s not sure if it’s out of relief or disappointment.

Neither of them speak or moves for a few minutes. She simply watches him and he closes his eyes and sighs heavily.

‘You should get that sorted out.’ Rey breaks the silence as she points at the wound on his upper arm and he glances down at it with a look of indifference.

She walks over to the medical kit mounted on the wall, as he watches her suspiciously. She places her lightsaber down on the side, feeling a weight remove from her shoulders and she takes a sharp breath. She can feel his eyes on her as she takes out a bacta patch from the kit.

She heads over to where he’s sitting, his eyes still trailed on her. She sits down next to him and sighs as he just sits there, his body rippling with tension, she can feel his anxiety through their connection, but she doesn’t want to go anywhere near his mind, not at the moment, afraid of what she might uncover.

‘I think, um. You’ll need to um…..’Rey mumbles with a faint flush as she waves her hand at him in general.

For a long moment it seems as if Kylo isn’t going to move or allow her to help him, and Rey can feel her apprehension building inside, her nerves are jangling as she waits to for him to do something, anything.

Eventually Kylo grabs the hem of his tunic and pulls it off and dumps the bloody cloth on the bench next to him. Rey can’t help herself as she stares a little too obviously at his toned torso. The ache deep inside she’d felt earlier returning in a burning hot flash; she can feel it coming hungrily from within, as she casts her eyes over him, aware that he’s watching her.

Rey shifts so she’s facing toward him, one leg up on the bench between them, foot dangling over the edge of the bench. She scoots forward, closing the distance a little, before leaning forward to give herself a better view of his wound. It is a typical pistol shot – angry, raw, red and seeping blood. 

She peels the backing off the bacta patch and with a quick glance up at his face and finding his eyes are very much focused on her hands, she sticks it on his upper arm and he doesn’t even flinch. She wonders if pain is really something he even feels anymore given the amount of scars that cover his skin. 

Rey recalls the moment she gave him his most visible scar – the one on his face. Her brows furrow a little as she stares at the bacta patch, he didn’t cry out in pain, he didn’t even look in pain when she slashed him across the face with her lightsaber. The expression on his face was more of one of shock and utter disbelief rather than pain and hurt. 

Bringing herself out of her thoughts she presses the edges of the patch down onto his warm skin, and the feeling in her core only grows, as does her blush from this close proximity to him.

Her eyes are so focused on the bacta patch that she doesn’t realize that he’s shifted a little in his seat so he’s facing her more. Or how his hand is just beneath her chin until she feels his finger and thumb tenderly clasp it, lifting her head up so her eyes are looking into his. And she sees affection – not a sentiment she’d thought he was capable of when they’d first met.

Rey feels the air escape her lungs as he leans in toward her and presses a gentle kiss to her dry and chapped lips. It is only fleeting as he moves back, loosing all contact before she even has a chance to do anything about it. But it leaves her breathless, stunned and completely shaken and not in a bad way.

Their eyes are locked together and Rey gulps as she reaches up toward his face, her fingers trembling a little. She lightly traces the scar she’d gifted him. Her index finger brushing across his skin, from eyebrow, over the bridge of his nose and down his cheek. His eyes flutter close and she can hear his breathing becoming shallow. 

It is as if time stands still and Rey notices how calm Kylo is with his eyes closed as she repeats tracing the scar on his face. It’s as if he’s fallen into a trance or is meditating. 

She takes the moment to look at him, truly look at him. And she sees a young man, not a monster. A stupid, handsome and impressionable young man, but not the pure evil everyone claims he is. She has seen his mercy, his generosity, his softer side – one she’s sure he’d never admit he has and it makes her smile. She knows she’s privileged to have seen any side of Kylo that isn’t Kylo the mass killer. She’d seen that too, but it’s his other side she needs to work with. The other side that gives her hope.

She feels a pang of guilt at being the person who inflicted his scar. She leans forward and presses a loving and tender kiss over the scar on his cheek. The unexpected feel of her lips on his cheek jolts his eyes open and they find themselves so close that their breath merges.

Rey’s heart is pounding in her chest so hard that she’s sure he can hear it in the silence that has engulfed them.

‘Rey.’ Kylo breathes and she kisses him – practically pouncing on him, no hesitation or fear just lusty enthusiasm spurring her on.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> It's a Friday bonus (even though it's Saturday as I post it \\_(")_/)
> 
> Thank you always for you love and support of this story - you guys are just so incredible with your comments and kudos'.
> 
> I apologise for any errors/mistakes
> 
> I wasn't too sure about parts of this chap but it fits with the flow of the story - it was much much longer - but that's gonna make up most of the next chapter! Yay!!
> 
> Oh and has anyone noticed the chapters have titles now - what do you think, let me know or any suggestions of lyrics which you think better suit a chapter!!!


	16. Lips, lips I Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title lyric from Talking Body by Tove Lo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)

-0-0-0-0-0

Kylo pulls back from her, his eyes wild as he looks at her the surprise clear on his face by her kissing him with such fervor and passion.

‘Rey, you really don’t want to do this.’ He mumbles with a shake of his head but his eyes focus on hers, he’s trying to read anything in them, besides blatant desire and lust.

‘Don’t tell me what I do and don’t want.’ She warns him in a low voice.

Then with unexpected confidence and boldness she never knew she had, she presses her hands on his bare shoulders, pushes him against the back of the bench and climbs into his lap. She smirks, enjoying the clear astonishment in his eyes and the slackness of his jaw at his surprise of her brazenness.

Kylo goes to say something but she cuts him off with her lips, pressing a hungry kiss against his mouth, stealing his breath. She sees how his eyes remain open at first still bewildered, but as she kisses him harder and with increased passionate they drift shut as he lets himself fall into the kiss.

Her whole body shudders at the feel of his hands gripping her hips – nothing like the feeling of pure revulsion she had when Unkar Plutt grasped the same spot. She wants to feel Kylo’s hands on her body, she needs to feel his touch, craves it even.

He jolts her up onto her knees breaking their kiss and she gasps with a giggle as she grips his shoulders a little tighter. Kylo looks up at her transfixed by her and her freedom, her passion, her Light. Her.

Rey looks down at him and smiles, a pure and genuine smile, one full of hope and promise, it’s intoxicating and it’s drawing him in. Towards the Light and he’s not complaining, not resisting, not fighting. For now he’s happy to let it happen, as long as he’s with her, hidden from everyone and everything. Just the two of them, together.

Rey moves her one hand from his shoulder, placing her fingertips on his face and watches as his pupils dilate. She leans down and ghosts her lips over his; the near kiss causes him to dig his fingers into her hips. She feels her temperature rising and her toes curling inside her boots.

Getting lost in the moment, despite her inexperience she moves her other hand from his shoulder into his dark hair. Running her fingers through it nails dragging across his scalp. The low growl she receives deep from Kylo’s throat sends a shiver down her spine, and she let out her own moan in response. Her body is now in complete control of her. Her mind is just a passenger to her desire.

She begins kissing him again hungrily, pouring herself into it, a mix of lips and tongues searching out the other person. Feeling brave and throwing away all of her inhibitions, she grips his jaw with her hand and bites his bottom lip. Her eyes snap up to meet his as she does, and she sees a look of anger that could stop her heart if it weren’t for the fact that it completely turns her on.

Rey can feel her arousal rising. She has a yearning she’d never known existed until she met him. He awoke something inside of her, something more than just the Force. A new level of passion she had never dreamed of. She’d always been passionate about things before – scavenging, flying, learning about the galaxy and it’s heroes, but never this. She wants him in a way she has never experienced nor thought as possible.

Their connection may be silent verbally, but both of them can feel it vibrating strongly, binding them together in a way that no one can explain or understand. It is glowing so brightly, burning red hot, and enveloping them, pulling them in deeper and deeper.

Kylo runs his hands up her sides and she gasps into his mouth from the sensations it causes all over her skin beneath her constricting clothes. She feels hot and wants to rid herself of the material. It seems he’s got the same idea as his fingers slip beneath her tunic and she moans louder, loosing any of her remaining self-control.

Kylo grips the hem of her tunic and she lightly nips at his lips with her teeth as he removes the top. Leaving her in just underwear, trousers and boots as she sinks back into his lap, blushing a delightful shade of pink once she feels his erection through his trousers.

Rey is under the influence of her lusty desires and body and fixes Kylo with a steely gaze before she instinctively grinds her hips against his crotch. The throaty groan that escapes him is a delectable sound, so she does it again. A wicked glint in her eyes, as she bites down on her own lip, relishing in her actions.

‘Fuck Rey.’ Kylo pants and a red flush spreads across his cheekbones while he clamps his hands down on her waist holding her in place in his lap.

Watching Kylo come so completely undo under her doing is the most astonishing thing she has ever witnessed and they’ve only just got started. She wants him fully, all of him. The location could be better, rather than a stolen freighter which smells of staleness, stagnant water, sweaty men and engines. She’d never really imagined being with a man in this way, so she’d not really ever thought of an ideal location or situation. So it might not be the perfect setting, but the partner is more than right.

Kylo kisses the corner of her lips then moves onto her jaw, trailing down to her neck and Rey chews her bottom lip and closes her eyes. She’s living in the moment as she tilts her head back a little giving him greater access to her neck, breathing hard. Her hands make their way back up to his head, one gently pressed against his jaw and the other finds its way to the back of his head, fingers running through his hair absently. While he roams his one hand along the outside of her thigh as his other hand presses into the small of her back, nails scratching along her warm skin.

He’s moving lower and lower along her body, leaving a trail of light kisses, licks and nips on her sun kissed skin. Making her pant with longing and tug on his hair. When she yanks a little harder he growls and Rey goes lightheaded at the noise.

All of a sudden the ship rattles and jerks as it shifts out of lightspeed and Kylo pulls away from her abruptly. He turns his head away from her and lets out a noisy breath, trying to calm himself. She is panting loudly, hopeful that they can carry on, but she knows that they can’t and it’s like a punch to the gut.

Without a word Kylo plants a tender kiss on the inside of her wrist and it’s yet another time that he’s took her breath away, it’s becoming a habit of his, but she likes it. She climbs off him and finds that her knees are feeling a little spongy and weak as she stands up, noticing the bulge in his trousers and feeling a hot flash across her body, knowing she’s caused it.

Kylo stands up with his tunic in hand, not at all ashamed or embarrassed by his obvious erection. He pauses, turns his head, grabs hold of the back o her neck, presses a hot kiss to her forehead, before hurrying off to the cockpit. Leaving Rey standing there, half way between breathless and panting, completely turned on and wildly frustrated.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :D Hope it was all right, writing this kind of thing is not my forte (I think I'm better at writing angst), but I gave it a crack - you have been warned it may happen again later in this story!! :D;):):O
> 
> Thank you for the love, the feels, the comments and the kudos' :D:D:D:D:D:D
> 
> Apologise for the errors/mistakes
> 
> Disclaimer - I own nothing - it's Disney's + George Lucas' mind
> 
> Who wants who more and what can be done about it??? ;D


	17. Don't you know? You spin me out of control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title line from Domino by Jessie J

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey just about manages to calm herself down thanks to a few deep breaths and waving her hands over her face to cool her hot skin before she heads to the cockpit.

As she steps inside she sees a cold blue icy planet coming towards them and she lets out a small gasp.

‘What planet is that?’ She asks as she sits in the co-pilot’s chair, not even looking at Kylo, eyes solely fixed straight ahead on the planet.

‘Hoth.’ He answers, concentrating on flying the freighter.

‘Where the Battle of Hoth took place, right?’ She checks, eyes fixed on the pale blue orb they are getting closer to.

‘Uh-huh.’ He replies and now she looks over at him and sees the concentration on his face, the tension around his eyes as the freighter shakes and jolts.

‘Do you need a hand?’ She mumbles, not wanting to set of his volatile temper, despite what just transpired between them, she doubts she’ll ever be sure of where she stands with him.

Kylo nods and she can see the relief pass over his eyes as he gets to his feet and she looks up at him expectantly, now realizing that he’s pulled his tunic back on and she realizes that she’s disappointed by the fact.

‘You’re the better pilot.’ He declares and she hops up from the seat, but not too eager to cause any sort of unforeseen tension.

She goes to step over to the pilot’s chair as he goes to step away from it and they collide into one another, over sensitive bodies causing them both to jump at the contact, the spark of energy passing between them and their connection.

Kylo looks down at her and she holds her breath, his eyes are hypnotic yet strangely petrifying – all that he’s seen and done hide behind them. Feeling daring she slips into his mind. She wants to know what he’s thinking right now and he doesn’t stop her. She’s new to seeing what he’s thinking, but she presses on and what she sees truly makes her blush and let out her breath slowly. 

‘Rey.’ Kylo mutters, drawing her from his thoughts and back to the present.

Kylo brushes past her allowing her to sit down in the pilot’s chair and by memory and instinct she flies the freighter through the asteroid belt, avoiding being hit by a stray meteor as Kylo does as he’s told without question.

‘So where are we going exactly?’ She questions as they fly over the endless snow and glaciers.

‘There’s a base. Echo Base, it was once the temporary headquarters of the Rebel Alliance. It’s all but destroyed now, but I’m sure it will do for now.’ Kylo informs her, his eyes scanning over the frozen landscape that surrounds them.

‘Does anyone live on Hoth?’ Rey queries as she keeps her eyes alert for any sign of a ruined former base or life forms.

‘Not really. Apart from the Tauntaun’s and Wampa’s, but then again they might have wiped each other out.’ Kylo teases as he glances at Rey, whose eyes narrow.

‘What? What are they?’ Rey questions with intrigue.

‘Tauntaun’s are a species of furry non-sentient lizard. They can be domesticated, apparently, so I’ve heard. They don’t eat humans. Wampa’s on the other hand, now they’re carnivorous. And big. And ugly.’ Kylo jests with a surprising chuckle when he sees the look of fear on Rey’s face.

‘So you brought us to a planet with nothing but snow. To the ruins of a former Rebel base. With no living things apart from furry lizards and something that might eat us.’ Rey chastises him, as she spots what looks like partly destroyed buildings up ahead.

‘Yep.’ Kylo nods with a pout of his bottom lip and an unusually wicked glint in his eyes, she likes this mischievous side to Kylo.

‘Great. And I thought Jakku and all that sand was bad. Looks like I’ll miss the heat. I could do with a little heat right now.’ She mutters to herself with a shiver just from the sight of all the snow.

She knows that Kylo was listening to her, given the rise of his eyebrow and the amused smirk on his face.

‘You’ll have to make your own heat.’ He rasps in a low and suggestive voice, she fights her urge to smile, but can feel a blush dusting her cheeks giving her away.

Rey likes this version of Kylo – the flirty mischievous side of him, one she imagines no one has ever seen before. She figures this must be the real Kylo. The Kylo who’s free of the constraints of his family, the legendary names of his parents, Uncle and Grandfather. The Kylo who’s free of the possessive control of the Dark Side and the First Order. The Kylo who is firmly sat in the grey area of the Force, but leaning toward the Light – even if he doesn’t know it or admit it. She wants to explore everything with him. The entire galaxy, every planet, the Force – but not the Dark Side, only the Light. She wants to discover who she is and what she can be, there is unknown potential in her and she wants to uncover it with him and only him. 

Rey brings the freighter down and cuts out the power and lets out a long breath, a successful landing, especially given the conditions. She feels proud of herself and affords herself a faint smile. 

‘I hope they’ve got some cold weather clothes on here somewhere.’ Kylo wonders as he gets to his feet and disappears out of the cockpit.

Rey stays in the seat, eyes scanning over the snow and she shivers, feeling cold just by the sight of it. The harder she looks the more it merges with the white sky and her eyes go blurry and she had to scrunch them shut to regain her focus.

She hears Kylo walk back into the cockpit and she turns round to see him standing in the doorway, wearing a heavy looking fur trimmed hooded navy coat with another in his hand.

‘These are all I could find. Apart from some money, well lots of money. And some rations and Corellian whiskey.’ He informs her as he holds the other coat toward her.

Rey gets up and steps over to him, taking the coat from him, seeing straight away that it’s too big for her, it’s going to drown her slight frame. She pulls on the coat regardless and her shoulders slump a little when she sees that it goes down to her knees. Rey looks at Kylo and he’s fighting his urge to laugh at her as he leans, arms crossed against the doorframe.

‘Go on, laugh. But I bet you wish you had your cloak now.’ She mocks as she rolls up the sleeves so she can actually see her hands.

Kylo shakes his head, but there is a small and warm smile on his lips and she matches it as she reaches down to grab the zipper.

‘Can’t we just stay on here?’ She mutters as she pulls the zip up to her chin.

‘It’s too dangerous.’ He grumbles softly.

‘And going out there isn’t? At least it’s warm in here.’ She complains quietly, pulling a face at the waft of staleness and human odor embedded in the material of the coat.

‘Come on. We need to have a look around. See what’s left, where’s safe.’ Kylo instructs as he straightens up, his tone immediately becoming serious.

Rey steps forward, but he doesn’t move. Instead he reaches inside his coat and produces her lightsaber. Her eyes flash up to meet his.

‘You might need this.’ He mumbles as he offers her the saber.

Rey looks down at it and takes it from his hand, it feels hot to her touch and she gasps softly as he turns his back and leaves.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :D
> 
> Wow guys nearly 100 kudos' amazing totally amazing. You guys are my inspiration to try and make this fic better and better and I really hope you can see it and I hope it is :)
> 
> Thank you for the kudos', comments and love :D <3 <3 <3
> 
> Sorry about any mistakes or errors in this one - I've been working on chap 22!


	18. I feel a hate crashing over me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title a line from Rescue Me by You Me at Six ft Chiddy Bang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :Z

-0-0-0-0-0

They climb out of the freighter and instantly Rey feels a chill rip through her body, the cold clinging to her exposed skin on her legs in a vice grip. She starts to shake almost violently from the bitter cold, cursing Kylo in her mind and hoping he is rooting around in there and hears her displeasure of their location.

They head toward the ruins, Kylo leading the way, lightsaber in hand, poised for use, seemingly not bothered by the frigid conditions.

'You need to learn how to hide your Force Signature.’ Kylo abruptly tells her as they plod heavily through the thick snow.

‘I can show you.’ He adds as she glances behind her, checking that they are still alone and not about to be attacked by one of those Wampa creatures he'd mentioned.

‘But doesn’t that mean I can’t use the Force for other things, if I’m concentrating on hiding my Signature. Like you?’ She queries as they approach a door and she feels relief at the sight of it.

‘It will certainly limit what else you can do.’ He answers her quietly as he presses his ear against the metal door.

Rey looks at him puzzled at to what he’s doing, her brows furrowing as she jiggles on the spot trying to keep warm. Her lightsaber is now wedged into a pocket along with her hand.

He doesn’t answer her questioning gaze, as he pushes the door open with a loud creak of metal. He pauses eyes scanning the vast white behind her looking to see if the noise disturbed anyone or anything that is hiding. She just wants to get inside; maybe it’ll be warmer in the dilapidated former Rebel base, she certainly hopes so.

-0-0-0-0-0

As they search the ruined building, most of it they’ll be unable to use due to crumbled walls, gaping holes in the roof, missing doors, blown out windows, or the odd ‘DO NOT ENTER’ sign on the door and not wanting to find out why they shouldn’t. Kylo explains to her how to hide her Signature through their connection – not wanting to risk speaking, just in case they’re not alone, even though Rey had done a Force check and found not another single life form anywhere nearby.

They arrive at some living quarters that are still passable, intact walls, roof, windows and a useable door. There are three sets of bunks, mattresses and all, and what looks like a fresher through a slightly open door. Rey walks over to a double metal locker just inside the door and opens it up. She gasps quietly when she finds cold weather clothing, boots and outer gear inside, untouched by the cold, other people and the years.

She reaches in and pulls out two small white jumpsuits and a parka – clearly a ladies fit. With trembling fingers she pulls off the oversized coat she’s wearing. From where he’s standing just inside the room, Kylo watches her with a sense of amusement and intrigue as she pulls on the two jumpsuits, all over what she is currently wearing.

‘Let’s hope you don’t need the toilet in a rush.’ Kylo snickers at her and she shoots him a glare.

‘So you’re not feeling the cold then? In your thin clothes and that smelly old coat?’ She smirks at him and can see the cold tension in his body.

Kylo relents and walks over to where she’s standing, and looks inside seeing there are more than just women’s clothes available. Rey crouches down and swipes up a small pair of boots, gloves, scarf and headgear before she steps out of his way, heading to the nearest bed to finish getting appropriately dressed for the conditions.

He fishes out an insulated jumpsuit and a man’s parka. He rids himself of the coat and the freezing air nips at his skin making him shiver. With ice-cold fingers he pulls on the dark grey jumpsuit, feeling the benefit of warmth straight away. He is just about to pull on the dark green heated parka when he sees a name on a small cotton label at the collar and he freezes, more than the temperature of the planet could ever chill him.

He feels hot bile rise in his throat and he swallows it down, eyes fixed on the label, nostrils flaring, eyes stinging with tears. His guilt, self-hatred and self-loathing burn through his veins, as his chest rises and falls rapidly.

Rey glances over at him and sees that he’s staring down at the coat, eyes full of guilt and remorse. She pauses halfway through lacing her boot and thinks about entering his mind, but the anger that crackles in their connection tells her to do otherwise. She then thinks of speaking, but decides against that too. She’s not sure what could possible have caused his reaction – it’s only a coat.

Kylo closes his eyes tightly, mentally beating himself. Telling himself he’s a failure, a disappointment, an abomination, pure evil, a monstrosity, an atrocity, a pathetic excuse for a human, a disgrace of a son. His blood begins to boil; he can hear it screaming through his ears. The Dark Side is seeping into his mind, body and soul – if he even has one. It’s pulling him down, enticing him, tempting him. The allure is so strong, so powerful. Beckoning to him, drawing him back. He can feel himself falling and he’s falling fast, rapidly plummeting into the blackest darkness.

‘Kylo’ Rey relents and whispers as she steps cautiously closer to him and his eyes fly open and she’d never seen his eyes so dark, so black and so full of darkness.

Her fear of him sends her crashing backwards, hitting her back on the edge of the bed as she crumples onto the floor. She can feel the darkness within him, searing thought him and their connection and it makes her gag.

He drops the parka and draws his lightsaber from his belt and Rey gropes at her own waist, but feels nothing, it’s not there. Panic races through her as she tries to stay focused, keep her eyes on him as she reaches behind her, patting along the bed in hope of finding her weapon, fingertips brushing the metal.

Kylo steps forward, his lightsaber raised and pointing at her and her heart stops, her breath hitches and she freezes, everything but her mind goes numb with fear.

‘ _No, stop. Kylo, STOP_.’ She grits into his mind, which she is surprised to find open, given his raging darkness.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading even though I feel like I should apologise :(
> 
> Thank you once again for the support, kudos' (over 100!!!! :D:D:D) and lovely supportive comments - you guys rock my socks off!!! :):D
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes - I try to fish them out, but they can be so slippy!!
> 
> You may have noticed that I have added some gif's to the bottom of the chapter - I had some time on my hands and pimped each chapter - I tried to make them relevant to each chapter :D (PS I'm not copying any other fic in this fandom - I had some time to kill and here we are) I certainly hope they don't take away from your like or enjoyment of this fic :S


	19. I've fallen for a monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title are adapted lyrics from Black Heart by Stooshe as per bellow (adapted to suit)  
> Dady I've fallen for a monster  
> Somehow he's scaring me to death  
> He's big and he's bad  
> I love him like mad  
> Momma he's the best I've ever had  
> Daddy I've fallen for a monster  
> He got a black heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:| & :'(

-0-0-0-0-0

Finally getting purchase on her lightsaber with her barely moving fingers Rey reacts as quickly as her trembling body will allow her. She stumbles to her feet away from him and further into the room, lightsaber gripped between her two hands and eyes fixed on him.

‘Kylo. Stop. Please.’ She cries out at him as he takes another step closer to her, forcing her back.

His eyes are so dark and blank. Devoid of any emotion, it is as if he’s possessed and she knows that he is. Possessed by the Dark Side. He ignites his lightsaber as he walks toward her.

Rey’s heart is pounding in her chest as she shifts backwards, not wanting to fight him, not wanting to use her lightsaber against him. She’s not ready to fight him, not like this. Not when he is fully fit and so consumed by hate and dark. She’s still learning, she’s not his equal, yet.

‘Kylo, please listen to me. Please. Stop. Stop this. This isn’t you. Listen to me, please. This isn’t you. This is the Dark Side. This isn’t you. Kylo.’ She pleads as he twirls the flaming red saber around, easing his wrist for action and Rey knows that she has no other choice and ignites her own lightsaber.

As if in slow motion Rey watches as Kylo lifts his arm and swings his lightsaber down toward her, she instinctively raises hers and her ethereal blue blade meets his scarlet red blade with a sizzling crack.

Then in full motion she is on the defensive, blocking and parrying each one of his furious swings and jabs, not allowing her a single opportunity to even attack. Rey skits around the room, trying to use the bunks as cover, but he just destroys them with his angry hits, and she had to dodge out of the way of the flying debris. 

All the while he is attacking her and she defends herself, she cries out for him to stop, for him to listen to her, but her pleas and begs fall on deaf ears, the dark fuelling him.

‘STOP KYLO. This is what they want. You’re becoming their puppet again. Stop it.’ She screams at him, now trapped in the corner of the room as his rage explodes around them.

Rey finally manages to get a swing in herself and it off balances him. She seizes her opportunity and makes a dash for the fresher. Once inside she slams the door close hard behind her with the Force. She stumbles backwards, tripping over her own feet and lands heavy on the cold tiled floor, eyes on the door, lightsaber shaking in her joined hands, her chest wheezing.

Fear is gripping her as tears threaten her eyes. She’s never been so scared in her life. Not on Starkiller Base, not in the Cantina in Niima Outpost, now. Here alone in the ruins of Echo Base on Hoth. No one knows she’s there; she is alone with a man she thought she knew, but he had turned into the monster she’s heard about right in front of her eyes. The man she was so quickly falling in love with. 

She’d been stupid, she should have accepted the advice she’d been so quick to dismiss and ignore. Thinking she knew him better than the people who’d been battling him for years. Just because she’d seen in his mind once and saw his weakness and his fear. She’s been stupid and naïve. She curses herself for not listening. Now she’s trapped in a fresher because of him, with nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.

Rey throws up the Force against the door, casting aside his teaching about hiding her Force signature. She doesn’t care about that right now. She only cares about protecting herself.

She can’t hear him outside the door; all she can hear is silence, an eerie and unsettling silence. But she knows it could be a trick, at this moment she wouldn’t put it past him to lure her into a false sense of peace to draw her out. She quickly checks the Force for his signature and finds nothing – so he’s still hiding, but from who exactly?

Rey turns off her lightsaber and places it on the ground next to her, pulling her legs up to her chest and wraps her arms around them. She presses her forehead against her knees and closes her eyes and silently sobs, warm tears spill from her eyes.

She sits there on the cold floor until there is only darkness; nighttime has fallen. Alone in the dark, she feels ready to do what she has to. To look inside his mind, to see what was so terrible about that parka, that he would loose all of his control and want her dead. 

She moves into her meditation pose and hesitantly closes her eyes, taking a calming breath. She presses against his mind and gasps when she finds her access so free and easy. He’s not fighting her or blocking her, there are no barriers preventing her way. She takes a second deep breath as she seeks out that specific memory, brushing past the memory of him attacking her and her begging him to stop. A memory that no matter whose mind holds it makes her feel sick. She locates what she is searching for and he lets her, so docile and willing.

And she sees it. It is so clear she swears it is her own memory. There’s a name written on a small cotton label at the collar of the dark green parka – H.SOLO. It makes her both gasp and her heart to drop. She feels his reaction to it. To his Father’s name. Guilt, self-hatred and self-loathing. Nausea and hot tears. But she also feels his anguish and remorse. Then the feel of darkness rising rapidly from deep inside him. She hears him torturing himself in his mind. Chastising himself, beating himself mentally. She feels his blood begin to boil with the darkness. She feels it ooze into his mind, body and soul. A corrupting force sucking him in, dragging him back down.

She cannot bear to look anymore and hastily withdraws. Crashing back into her mind and hers alone. She pants, sagging forward, feeling her skin burn from her encounter. She pulls off the parka and flings it to her side. Unzips the first of the two jumpsuits she’s wearing and peels it off, kicking off her boots. She’s too hot; she needs cool air on her skin. Rey unzips her second jumpsuit and pushes it off her shoulders and ties the arms around her waist. Then she peels off her tunic as she feels the cool air grace across her searing skin.

Rey slumps to the floor, pressing her chest and face against the cold tiles, needing their relief, their escape from the hot heat she’d encountered through him, the feel of the Dark Side.

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey opens her eyes slowly, full of sleep and weariness and finds that she’s still lying on the floor of the fresher. She remembers waking up during the night, frozen, shivering and teeth chattering, so she pulled on the parka for warmth and placed the jumpsuit she’d tore off and her tunic on the floor to sleep on, a slight barrier between the ice cold and her.

She climbs up off the floor and her body aches with tension and stiff muscles. She stretches, loosening up while checking the Force – her barrier is still there against the door and she can’t find Kylo’s Force signature. 

Rey removes the parka and her eyes catch a label at the collar she’d not noticed before and pauses. Memories of the cause of Kylo’s violent outburst fill her mind, a name written on a label in a coat, such a simple thing that he caused such a deathly reaction. Slowly she looks down at the name on the label ‘L.Organa’ and she drops the parka. His reaction was terrifying enough over just his Father’s parka, so she dreads to imagine what he’d do if he found out she was wearing his Mother’s coat.

Rey pulls her tunic on and the jumpsuit up and zips it as she scoffs at the idea he’ll even find out. She has no plans to stick around. The moment she knows the coast is clear; she’s going to make a run for it. Head for the freighter and get the hell out of there, away from him. Away from his anger and his temper. Mission or no mission, feelings or not, she’s not staying there with him, not with him like that.

The though of leaving him trigger emotions of confusion and conflict deep inside, her feelings have grown so fast that they’re going against her logic. Her heart wants her to stay, to help him. To continue with her mission, to guide him back to the Light, but her brain tells her to run. Run as far away from him as she can. 

She takes a deep breath, making her decision – the one she will have to live by no matter the outcome. She scoops down and grabs the coat off the floor and pulls the label out of the parka, shoving it deep into one of the pockets. She knows what she’s going to do. She’s going to save him, because she can’t love him in the dark. 

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always for reading and for all the continued support for this fic be it kudos' or comments they are all very much appreciated and inspiring
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes or errors
> 
> Disclaimers - I do not own any character in this fic Disney + GL do nor am I responsible for the gif's - I just thought they were fun to add in
> 
> If anyone had any thoughts or ideas on what they'd like to see in this fic let me know and I will see what I can do :)


	20. 'Cause I want to know what's on your mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title a lyric from I Wanna Know by Gabrielle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler

-0-0-0-0-0

‘General. There is news from Jakku.’ Poe interrupts General Organa and her moment of silent contemplation.

‘Go on.’ She instructs as she looks up at the pilot, who’s accompanied as always by Finn and BB-8.

Master Luke steps over, desiring to hear any news, good or bad of Jakku and possibly Rey.

‘Our Resistance informant told us that Kylo Ren has been spotted there.’ Poe states, eyes looking straight at the General’s face.

‘Are you sure?’ She quickly asks.

‘Yes, Ma’am. He was seen by the whole room in the Cantina at Niima Outpost. He killed a Force Sensitive, by the name of Sarco Plank, Melitto. Two Kyuzo bounty hunters and a Croulte, called Unkar Plutt, who was the junkyard boss. They said he was saving a human girl. He was saving Rey.’ Poe rambles, eyes urgent and knowing.

Luke takes a deep breath, mind drifting to long lost memories of his own encounter with Sarco Plank.

‘What happened for him to do that?’ General Organa gasps with confusion.

‘Apparently Unkar Plutt claimed Rey owed him payment and he would take her as the payment, but she resisted. But this Plutt creature was aggressive and grabbed hold of Rey, but she was fighting him off and she fell. According to witnesses Kylo Ren went over, he crept through the bar like a dark shadowy whisper. Words were exchanged between them and he unleashed his lightsaber. Then the Melitto intervened saying that Kylo Ren is wanted alive by the First Order. He commanded Kylo Ren surrender peacefully. There was a fight and he killed the two Kyuzo bounty hunters. But you know him, hot headed and even hotter tempered.’ Poe grumbles forgetting whose company he was in.

General Organa catches his eye with a questioning quirk of her eyebrow and he has the decency to blush and cough from his embarrassment of forgetting himself.

‘Anyway, um. Sarco Plank threated to kill Rey unless Kylo Ren gave himself up peacefully, but then according to those who were there, he wanted Kylo Ren to kill Rey to show he could be trusted to surrender. He called him Ben Solo.’ Poe mumbles saying the name and seeing the flash of pain shoot across the General’s face.

‘Please continue Poe.’ Luke intervenes with a calm voice.

‘Sarco Plank taunted him. Called him a murderer, mentioned Han. Then according to the witnesses it was as if they could read each other’s minds and Rey ducked and he killed Sarco Plank. Lightsaber to the chest. Then everyone fled. The source said they saw a Corellian light freighter leave Niima Outpost shortly after. And Unkar Plutt appeared to have been chocked rather than died of his lightsaber wound. They don’t know where they are or where they went.’ Poe concludes and Luke takes a long breath.

‘Thank you Poe.’ General Organa smiles softly and he knows that’s his cue to leave, so he leads Finn and BB-8 out of the Control room.

‘Can you feel them, either of them?’ She turns to her brother and he shakes his head.

‘They’re both hidden from me.’ He answers with a sigh and a disappointed expression.

General Organa lowers her gaze, not sure how to feel about the turn of events.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this filler chapter.
> 
> Thank you for the kudos', comments and support.
> 
> Disclaimer - I own nothing not the characters, the whole Star Wars universe stuff or the Gifs
> 
> Oh and sorry for any errors and this boring lil chapter!!!


	21. Our problems should be shared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title a line from Confide In Me by Hurts
> 
> We all get hurt by love  
> And we all have a cross to bear  
> But in the name of understanding now  
> Our problems should be shared

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey removes the Force from the door and gulps heavily, body trembling. She had considered checking his mind to see if he responds, but decides against it, fearing another eruption from him. She just hopes that he is now calm and she’ll be able to speak to him, but more importantly that he’ll listen.

With her lightsaber in her one hand she pushes the door open, her breath caught in her throat and her heart beating a fast drum. Her eyes are instantly drawn to the destruction he had created. The overturned or crippled bunks and the strewn pieces of thermal blankets and mattresses scattered around the room. There is a hole in the ceiling that thankfully hasn’t penetrated the outter layer. There is twisted and bent metal of the bunks and lockers all around the room. Her heart sinks at the sight of his rage and his anger, all fuelled and spurred on by the Dark Side. Can she really do this? Can she really bring him to the Light when he’s still so Dark.

She steps out of the fresher and into the mess of his making; thumb brushing over the switch to ignite her lightsaber at any given moment. Her eyes search the room, for any signs of him, but he’s nowhere to be seen. Her chest feels tight and anxious as she makes her way through the room, broken glass from the ceiling lights and bits of ceiling boards crunch under her boots. 

And then he’s there. Lying on his back at the foot of the locker that had triggered such inexplicable pain within him. His eyes are closed tightly and his breathing is coming out in sharp rasps. She steps closer, lifting her saber up, pointing it down at him. She can see his eyeballs flitting back and forth beneath his closed lids and his head twitches and jerks as he repeatedly gasps ‘No’. For a moment Rey stills, not sure who he’s directing the word at – her, someone in his dreams or even himself.

Feeling intrigued and troubled Rey presses against his mind and in his sleep he doesn’t stop her. And she sees his nightmare. Murdering Han Solo, killing his Father. Haunting him on repeat over and over again. She feels sick at the image. It brings back painful memories for her and she withdraws, but as she slips back out she feels his mind beginning to wake.

Rey crouches down next to him, lightsaber in a firm grip, pre-empting him, anticipating his reaction. He launches forward, eyes flying open wild and scared, hand clutched to his chest, breathing in rapid pants and a sheen of sweat on his brow. 

He doesn’t notice her until she presses her lightsaber up beneath his chin, as she grips his hair tightly in her fist and he lets out a slight yelp. She leans in closer to him and he looks at her, panicked eyes focusing on her face.

‘You will never, ever, try to kill me again, you understand. Because if you even try, I will kill you and I mean it. Do you understand?’ She snarls, teeth bared and a steely look in her eyes.

Kylo nods as best as he can between her saber and hand, and she sees acceptance and resignation in his eyes. Then rather un-expectantly and for reasons unknown to anything but her feelings, she captures his lips with a harsh, forceful and aggressive kiss. It’s not a kiss of affection or warmth; it is all about power and dominance and a weird need for gratification. She is showing him who’s boss, who is in control between the two of them. And as quickly as it started she ends it by biting down hard on his bottom lip. He lets out a strangled and pained gasp. Rey swiftly pulls back, tasting his blood on her tongue as she licks her lip.

She jumps to her feet, needing to get away from him. She’s not trusting her own body right now, as it begins to cry out with lusty desire. She turns on her heels and breezes out the room, leaving Kylo on the floor, blood smeared across his bottom lip and a stunned expression on his face.

-0-0-0-0-0

A few hours later Rey is going through the cargo bay of the freighter, seeing what provisions they have. She’d heard Kylo tell her about money, rations and whiskey, but she wants to see for herself. She wants to take an inventory and plan for their stay, because who knows how long that will be. 

She’d spent the whole morning on the freighter, looking through boxes and crates, looking at things including the engine, anything to distract her from thoughts about him and what he did. She needs some distance from him and his anger. She needs to focus, otherwise her mind will deceive her and bring up the memories of what transpired between them the night before, his single minded destructive rage. 

She’s now sitting on the floor, staring up at the ceiling and imagining the adventures and the stories the freighter could tell if it could talk. The planets, the galaxies, the different creatures and species the freighter has encountered. She’d found a few clues including a logbook containing details of deliveries that she’d poured over for what felt like an age. Visions had popped into her mind of who and what the names listed are – what species, what they looked like and the languages they spoke. 

She’d actively avoided lingering too long by the bench where she’d nearly had sex with Kylo. She shudders at the memory, at how simple it all felt. Being driven by their bodies, their desires, and their needs. How she had wanted him so badly. How she still does. Her heart screams of her growing love for him, how she craves his kiss, his touch, his body, the way he looks at her when he doesn’t think she’s looking, one of love and affection. While her mind tells her to be increasingly cautious, not to ever trust him completely but let him think she does, to remember her mission, and to always remember the Light. 

She sighs and slowly closes her eyes, feeling the need to meditate to cleanse her body of her once again building desire for him and all her errant thoughts. She is amazed how just the thought of him kissing her so passionately, his hands pawing at her bare skin and the guttural noises he made because of her can arouse her so easily. 

‘Rey.’ Her own name brings her back from her thoughts and it sounds weak and cautious on his tongue, almost apologetic.

She opens her eyes and looks up at him. He is standing in the doorway, head down, sheepish. But what’s more shocking is that he’s wearing the dark green heated parka of his Father’s. The sight catches her a little of guard and her mouth hangs open as she drinks it in, he’s wearing the coat which had created such terror. But she is not going to say anything; she doesn’t want his temper to erupt again.

‘What?’ Her voice is clipped and controlled as she regains her composure.

‘Do you need me to help you with anything?’ He mumbles and she can tell that he’s ashamed of his behaviour and pointedly being helpful, trying to build the trust they’d shared again.

Choosing not to make things even more difficult she instructs him to take the boxes of rations into the base.

-0-0-0-0-0

They had kept their distance through the rest of the day until it came to sharing some of the rations. Rey is sat the end of the room with the fresher, on one of only two useable beds. She is watching him as he heats some of the rations in a pan over a portable stove he’d brought in off the freighter.

It’s an uncomfortable silence full of unspoken words, hanging heavy between them. She takes a sip of water from a canister she’d brought in from the half destroyed canteen kitchen along with a couple of bowls, pans and some spoons. 

Kylo pours the cooked rations into a bowl and shoves a spoon into the protein mixture. He picks it up along with a bowl with a small piece of bread in it and gets to his feet, heading in her direction.

Rey lowers the canister and bristles a little as she swings her legs over the side of the bed, watching him walk the short distance. He stops by the end of the bed and stretches his arms out with the two bowls, clearly making an effort to not get too close. 

She accepts the rations from him, placing the bowl with the bread onto the blanket and hungrily fills her spoon with the protein ration, but he’s still standing there and she glances up at him expectantly.

‘I want you to return to the Resistance. Take the freighter and leave.’ He announces but his voice is completely lacking in conviction and he can’t even look her in the eye when he tells her to go.

Rey lowers her spoon back into the food and sighs, eyes fixed on no particular point in front of her.

‘No.’ She states firmly as she lifts her spoon to her lips.

Kylo stands there awkwardly feigning annoyance with a scowl. but the truth is he doesn’t feel disappointed that she said no and is staying, in fact he’s happy she did, not that he wants her to know it. Not yet anyway.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Thank you for the support - I am constantly blowed over by the love, support, comments and kudos' you show for this fic.
> 
> I apologise for any errors or mistakes I have made :/
> 
> Disclaimer - I do not own anything - they are the property of Disney and the sci-fi god that is George Lucas, also the Gif's aren't mine either.


	22. For it's much to late to get away or turn on the light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a line from the excellently creepy Lullaby by The Cure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :o

-0-0-0-0-0

It had been three weeks since they first arrived on Hoth and the incident with the Han’s parka. Kylo had asked her to leave, to return to the Resistance but she had refused and he’d not mentioned it since. She could tell he was relieved that she hadn’t just got up there and then and left. Done as he’d asked and left him there, leaving him all alone on the frigid, frozen, ice planet. It felt like they are the only two living things on the whole thing. She had still to see a Tauntaun or a Wampa and if she was honest that disappointed her. She likes to see and experience new things, but this was getting too difficult to tolerate.

Things between them have been strained. They don’t talk to each other apart from out of necessity. Such as during training, meals and when they’d worked together to restore some electricity, heating and plumbing to their hideout, even if it was limited in its capacity and effect. Kylo slept at one end of the room and she at the other. They kept their distance, more his choice than hers. She had tried to talk to him, but he would shut her down with one-word answers and that would be that. They’d also kept out of each other’s minds and thoughts and not used their connection at all. It was awkward to say the least and incredibly frustrating. 

Sharing a space to live in and train in with someone who chooses not to speak just infuriates her at times. And she found that the only way to deal with her annoyance is during training. She’d go at him a little harder, more brutally, making her hits with her chair leg – in place of her lightsaber – connect a bit firmer, much to his chagrin. But even then he’d say nothing and still hardly talk. He’d just accept the anger in her hits, almost as if he thought he deserved them. 

Her mission has reached a massive stumbling block. But her life of solitude and hardship on Jakku had taught her all about perseverance and that is what she’s determined to do. Persevere and bring Kylo back to the Light. Even at the expense of her own feelings for him, which by her own admission are still there, burning hot below the surface. Essentially though her feelings are secondary to the greater cause of bringing balance to the Force. 

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey is feeling exceptionally restless; it had finally stopped snowing after a week. She gazes out of the reinforced window across the white empty wilderness of Hoth. And then she squints; brow knitting together, she is sure that she can see something in the distance, a moving speck on the horizon.

She looks around and remembers that Kylo is in the training room, meditating – something he has been doing a lot of since the incident. She never questions it, but she can’t imagine he did a lot of meditating when he was with the First Order – they don’t strike her as the peaceful contemplation type of organisation, so she allows him his silence for that. 

She looks back through the window and the speck is growing rapidly bigger. With intrigue she decides to head outside, telling herself that it’s to get some fresh air – which she’d not had for a week - and not because she wants to see what it is that is heading their way.

After pulling on her parka, gloves and headgear she quietly heads out. Creeping along the corridor so not to disturb Kylo, he had become much calmer thanks to his frequent meditation, but she is sure his anger is still right beneath the surface and only needs a tiny trigger to set it off. 

Rey reaches the door at the end of the corridor and glances over her shoulder. Her stomach churns with a sense of excitement and anticipation at what she is going to find once she steps outside, but she ignores it and presses on. She pulls the door open and steps out into the freezing cold before closing it behind her. The cold sends a shiver down her spine, but then its replaced by a feeling she just can’t seem to shift, instead she chooses to ignore it.

Rey heads toward the freighter, which is now covered in a thick layer of snow. She starts to feel nervous and foolish for going outside alone and not telling Kylo what she was doing or where she is going. She begins to think of how he’d react to her absence and imagines his anger and him reacting with blind rage. There’s an eeriness about being outside in the unknown on her own and the only noise to be heard is the loud rustling of snow, being whipped around from the wind that is picking up again. 

Two thirds between the freighter and the door she decides to go back inside and pretend this never even happened. Besides she quickly realizes that she can’t spot whatever it is across the barren landscape and that troubles her. The feeling she can’t shake just grows and grows as her anxiety builds. She turns on her heels and begins to walk when she hears a low growl coming from behind her and her heart drops.

Rey slowly turns around, trying to control her anxiety and breathing. She finds that she’s looking up at what she assumes is a Tauntaun, given its appearance against Kylo’s description. A vile smells fills her nostrils and she grimaces, it turns her stomach. The creature looks down at her and she doesn’t know what she should do, apart from stay calm. 

The Tauntaun begins to rustle and snort, breathing nervously though it’s many nostrils. She gulps, her fear is now real and her hand instinctively moves to her lightsaber.

Suddenly the Tauntaun rears up and turns, hitting her in the side with its powerful tail, sending her crashing into the thick snow. Rey shifts and looks up just as a long clawed arm swipes at the Tauntaun. The Tauntaun lets out a sickening shriek of pain as it collapses into the snow, splattering Rey with droplets of blood and turning the snow an instant red. 

Rey’s eyes widen as she finds that she’s looking up at the monstrous face of a Wampa with its jet black eyes, teeth and sharp curved horns. Her mouth hangs open but her instincts kick in as she scrambles across the snow, needing to get out of its reach. Once back on her feet she pulls her lightsaber from her belt, but she’s all fingers and thumbs. Gripped by her fear and panic, not thinking at all. 

The beast roars loudly as it steps toward her and swings its long arm. It hits her across the side of the head sending her sprawling unconscious and face first into the snow while her unlit lightsaber goes flying.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading :) it's very much appreciated :):)
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos', comments and support you have so patiently given this fic - it is just so incredible. <3<3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes or if this chap feels at all disjointed - it underwent a bit of re-writing.
> 
> Disclaimer - this is a work of fan fiction, I do not own any of the characters/locations etc - they belong to Disney and in the mind of George Lucas.
> 
> Also you may have noticed that the Gifs at the end of each chapter have now been removed - they will feature in the comments section so not to distract from the fic as they're just a little bit of fun to accompany the story :D


	23. You Must Stand and Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a line from Fight by Motorhead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grrr

-0-0-0-0-0

Kylo had been deep in meditation when he felt a spike in his connection with Rey followed by an animalistic growl of pain. His eyes shoot open and he’s up on his feet in a flash, sprinting out of their training room and into the corridor, when he hears what he can only assume is the roar of a Wampa. He arrives at the living quarters, where he last saw Rey, but it’s empty and his stomach flips.

He spins and storms to the outer door; he’s surprisingly calm – not on the verge of a destructive outburst just yet. As he pushes the outer door open and gets a chilly blast from the howling wind and sub zero temperatures of the hostile and frozen planet he’d elected to hide on. He’s not suitably dressed for going out into the snow – he’s only wearing his trousers, boots and tunic, but that doesn’t stop him. Not when he sees the giant white furry beast dragging Rey off through the snow.

Just by the freighter the Tauntaun screams and flails about, as it slowly dies in terrible pain and he knows that the noise will attract attention from whatever else might be hiding out there in the freezing wilderness. It is something they cannot afford. He has to make a decision. Silence the Tauntaun and end it’s suffering or save Rey.

Kylo pulls his lightsaber from his belt and takes a steadying breath, the wind whipping around him, chilling him to the bone and making his eyes water. He can feel in the air that a yet another blizzard is brewing fast and dangerous. His body shudders almost violently, his mind is telling him to go back inside, save himself as his insides begin to feel icy.

He takes a deep breath needing to remain calm. With great mental persuasion he forgets how cold it is, as he heads in the direction of the Tauntaun. He’s made his choice – kill the screeching beast first and save Rey second.

For a moment he imagines the reaction he’ll get from Rey when she discovers he elected to kill the creature ahead of saving her. How her eyes will widen and her mouth will slacken in shock as her brows knit together in disbelief. It spurs him on; he wants to see that reaction in person and not just a mental image.

With a flash of burning red, that is all the brighter against the pure white of his surroundings he plunges his blade into the chest of the Tauntaun, silencing it in an instant. He rips his saber back out, and turns in the direction he’d seen the Wampa heading.

As he goes to step away he spots something silver shining against the snow and steps over. It’s Rey’s lightsaber. He quickly grabs it, and despite it being the former saber of his uncle and grandfather it feels alien in his hand, like it doesn’t belong there. Pushing the feelings of his relations aside, he clips it to his belt and trudges as briskly as he can across the never-ending blanket of snow.

His body is screaming in protest from the cold, his fingers feel hard and frozen as he tracks the Wampa and Rey. His chest is heaving with the exertion, his lungs burning. His mouth is slick with saliva and as quick as the tears trickle from his eyes they dry numb to his cheeks. His insides feel as if they’re on fire and his muscles scream with pain.

Kylo spots the Wampa up ahead and feels a sense of relief that they are not actually that far from the base. He holds his hand closely to the fiery hot saber that hangs limply in his grip, needing to warm up and loosen his fingers for the ensuing battle, before switching hands to do the same with the others.

The Wampa sense his presence and drops Rey’s leg and turns to face him. It roars a warning, but Kylo doesn’t falter, stepping confidently towards them, whirling the saber around, ready to do battle with the monster.

If he was being honest he has no idea how to fight the Wampa, not face on anyway. Maybe if it hadn’t sensed him he could have snuck up on it and stabbed it in the back, but to fight it face on with the giant beast seems near impossible with its long clawed arms and expansive reach. But the sight of Rey unconscious and bloody in the snow rallies him.

Kylo strides forward as if the snow is no longer there, determined and assured. When he gets to within striking distance of the Wampa it takes a swing at him and he bends back, but not quite far enough as it’s claws makes contact with his shoulder and he hisses as its they dig in through his tunic, ripping his skin open. Kylo grips his lightsaber with both hands and surges forward and he blade drives into the Wampa’s side with an upward thrust and a exertive grunt. The wail of the beast is blood curdling as it swings its arm and hits Kylo hard on the shoulder. Kylo stumbles backwards and his lightsaber falls into the snow.

The Wampa roars once again and Kylo looks up and then down at his empty hand before seeing his lightsaber at the feet of the beast. He knows the deathly risk of using the Force. His Signature would be revealed and Snoke would be on it within a second and then he’d be as good as dead and so would Rey. But he’s got Rey’s lightsaber – the Skywalker lightsaber - hooked onto his belt and he gulps, hand moving toward it.

Rey cracks open an eye and sees a blur of white and dark above her. Both eyes fly open and she finds Kylo being smacked heavily around the head by the Wampa and he slumps to the floor next to her. Rey reaches for her lightsaber, but its not there. Panic shoots through her as she gasps with fear. The Wampa starts to stoop forward about to claim Kylo as its prize, so Rey goes with her instincts. She dives on top of Kylo and summons the Force to stop the beast, to freeze it in place, just as Kylo had done to her in the forest on Takodana.

Her eyes are scrunched shut and breath held tightly in her chest, but she doesn’t feel like she’s being ripped apart by the dangerous creature, so she opens them. Kylo is drifting in and out of conscious beneath her, his face tinged with blue and blood smeared across his neck and his face. She cranes her neck to find the Wampa frozen in position; arm out stretched toward them, mouth open and eyes a furious dark.

Rey shifts so she’s sitting next to Kylo and catches sight of her lightsaber clipped to his belt. She grabs it, scrambles to her feet and ignites it, the pale blue blade is hardly noticeable against the surrounding white. She takes a step back, briefly assessing the creature, before deciding on her target point and taking a deep breath.

Kylo’s eyes flutter open and into focus to find the Wampa very much alive and reaching for him with a menacing snarl. His eyes widen and he’s just about to use the Force when he sees a pale blue blade burst through its chest and it roars in agonizing pain. As it starts to slump forward he rolls out of its way before it crashes into the snow where he had just been lying.

He looks up to find Rey on the back of the creature, triumphant with her victory, turning off her saber as she takes a self satisfied breath with a small smile on her lips. Kylo’s breathing is now labored and he’s feeling increasingly weak, the cold is claiming him, he can feel it sapping the life out of him.

‘ _Rey_ ’ he whispers through their connection as he fades, eyes rolling up into the back of his skull and he falls back into the snow.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :) <3
> 
> Thank you for all of the support - kudos' and comments :) <3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes - my bad.
> 
> Disclaimer - I own nothing this is just a fan fic


	24. so sacrifice and show how much you care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title line from Hold On by En Vogue
> 
> Verse
> 
> Trust and honesty too  
> Must be the golden rule  
> You'll feel the strength of passion in your soul  
> Burn so deeply within  
> Ooh, the magic that you share  
> So sacrifice and show how much you care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> brrrrr

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Kylo. Kylo.’ Rey rasps as she jumps off the body of the Wampa, slipping her lightsaber into her belt and over to him.

She touches his cheek and recoils from the icy feel of his shivering skin.

‘No, no, no, no. Come on, Kylo. No, don’t you do this to me. Not now. Not here.’ She snaps as the storm begins to close in on them.

Rey grabs his arm and wraps it around her shoulder. She snatches up his black saber attaching it to her belt next to her own. With a burst of energy and adrenaline, she hauls him up and out of the snow, while rising to her feet, taking his whole weight on her slender body.

‘Come on. Kylo. You’re going to be fine. You’ll see.’ She mutters as she begins to drag him toward the base.

The air is bitterly cold and numbing her skin with each frozen blast that batters them. Her heart is pounding hard and fast, her breath is rasping, but that is all nothing compared to him. She searches his mind, but find nothing but emptiness.

‘ _Hang on for me Kylo. We’re nearly there. Come on_.’ She urges into his mind, praying that he can hear her.

As they draw closer to the base she feels his weight shift a little off her and she sees that he’s struggling to walk, his pace is languid as his feet barely even lift out of the snow. She looks up at his face and finds his eyes are half closed as he noisily sucks in air to his lungs.

She begins to feel his fear and anxiety through their connection, he’s worried and so is she, but she’s got to be strong for him, despite her own pain. Her head is throbbing and her side is sore from where the Tauntaun hit her with its tail, but at least she’s not freezing to death.

As they reach the base Rey uses the Force to open the outer door and drags him inside and hears him murmur and mumble. She pushes his chin up and sees his eyes are now fully open, but he looks tired and his breathing has become increasingly rapid. She closes the outer door, locking out the blizzard and howling wind.

‘Can you walk?’ She questions urgently and he gives her a single nod and together they stagger to the living quarters.

Once inside she eases him down onto his bunk - legs hanging over the side, and crouches next to the bed, eyes staring intently at his pale face as she pulls off her gloves and headgear, dropping them onto the floor.

‘Tell me what to do. I don’t know, you need to tell me.’ She stammers urgently and he closes his eyes.

‘I need, I need to get out of these clothes.’ He mutters teeth chattering as he hugs himself, trying desperately to make himself warm.

‘Okay, okay.’ Rey nods as she takes hold of his leg and lifts it up, placing his foot on her thigh.

She makes short work of his boots and removes his socks to find his feet are extremely white and cold and when her warm hands brush against them she has to stifle her gasp, but she presses her hands around them, transferring her body heat to him.

Kylo undoes his trousers and pushes them off his hips. For a moment Rey just stands and stares at him, feeling unreasonably embarrassed. But he shivers again and that brings her out of her trance. She takes hold of his trousers at the leg and with some small assistance from Kylo she pulls them off, dumping them in a heap on the floor along with his boots and socks.

Rey leans forward as she grips the hem of his bloody tunic and pulls it up and off him, it clings a little to the drying blood of his wounds and he hisses, but she’s not got time to worry about that, he needs to warm up first.

‘Okay, now, um. Some warm clothes. Uh, um………..’ She pauses and can’t look him in the eye as she points toward his underwear, knowing that she’s blushing and feels rude about it given the situation they’re in.

‘They’re fine.’ He answers her question wearily and she nods thankfully, as much as she'd like for him to be getting naked for her, this is far from the time for it.

She turns on her heels and pulls out a pair of thermal trousers, a long sleeve tunic, a couple of pairs of socks and a jumpsuit from the locker behind her. She starts with his feet, quickly piling the pairs of socks. Then on goes the thermal trousers that cling to his strong thighs and then his jumpsuit, one leg at a time and she leaves it bunched around his waist.

‘Are you starting to feel warmer?’ She questions as she helps him pull on the clean tunic with minimal contact with his nasty looking gashes across his shoulder blade.

‘Yeah.’ He responds and his voice sounds a little less weak and tired.

Kylo pulls the rest of his jumpsuit up and zips it halfway before sinking back onto the bed, eyes slowly closing with a long sigh.

‘What else can I do?’ Rey queries as she watches the steady rise and fall of his chest, her panic easing at the sight.

‘I could do with a hot drink.’ He grumbles while looking up at the ceiling in place of where the top bunk used to be and burying his hands into the pockets of the jumpsuit.

‘All right.’ She informs him before heading over to the other side of the room, which had become their mini kitchen.

She pulls off her parka, and while boiling the water she warms her own hands over the steam, the feel of his icy feet clinging to her palms. Intermittently she fires glances at him as he continues to shiver, but with less frequency and violence.

Now with a hot cup of caff in her hands she returns to his side and he slowly shifts so he’s sitting up. He smiles weakly at her in thanks, as he takes the cup from her hands and takes a long sip.

‘How are you feeling?’ She presses softly as he sighs.

‘I’ve been worse. How are you?’ He mumbles and gestures to her bloody face before taking another sip.

‘Oh, I’m fine. Um, I want to thank you. You know. For what you did.’ She tells him as she wrings her fingers.

Kylo looks up at her and then away.

‘Well at least you finally saw a Tauntaun and a Wampa, even if the one was going to eat you.’ He quips and she smiles, that’s the Kylo she’s been so desperately missing.

The sarcastic, mischievous Kylo, who vanished into thin air after the incident appears to have returned, despite the dire situation they’d ended up in. She feels buoyed by his return and he looks happier too about being able to speak to her more freely, without fear and distrust.

‘I should thank you too. If it hadn’t been for you I’d have been its next meal. A frozen meal, but a meal all the same.’ He smiles warmly at her and she glances down, blushing slightly at his thanks.

‘What else do we need to do to warm you up?’ She asks it so innocently that it startles him and he nearly chokes on his caff, coughing in shock.

‘What?’ He gasps, eyes fixed on hers and she shrugs.

‘I mean do you need to, uh, sleep, um. Do you need extra blankets for warmth, because there aren’t really any going spare.’ She rambles with a gulp.

‘Normally yes, but I’ll be okay.’ He dismisses, regaining his composure and she feels her heart sink.

‘No, if that’s what you’re meant to do, then that’s what we’ll do.’ She declares.

‘But there are only two blankets, this one and that one.’ He states as he points at the blanket he’s sat at top off and the blanket on her bed.

‘Okay, well then, um. Then we’ll just have to share them.’ She announces, avoiding his eye contact.

‘How?’ He asks and she looks between the two beds, his and her one the other end of the room – all the other beds he’d destroyed and discarded.

‘We’ll have to sleep together.’ She says quickly, her blush burning her face and her insides.

‘In one tiny bed? I don’t think they were made for sharing.’ He mutters with his own faint blush colouring his deathly pale cheeks, as he looks around him at the bed, it’s only just wide enough for him to sleep in with any sort of comfort.

‘Then we’ll have to push them together.’ She decides and quickly marches off to the other end of the room to begin moving her bed to meet his.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and your continued reading :):D:D<3
> 
> Thank you for the love and support you've all shown this fic be it kudos' and comments - they are wonderful and inspire me to work to make this progressively better :) <3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes
> 
> Also I don't own anything - just my fic driven mind :)


	25. If you can, you'll see all the world in his fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a line from Save a Prayer by Duran Duran and recently covered by Eagles of Death Metal
> 
> Verse containing line  
> Feel the breeze deep on the inside  
> Look you down into your well  
> If you can, you'll see the world in all his fire  
> Take a chance  
> Like all dreamers can't find another way  
> You don't have to dream it all, just live a day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a long one :(

-0-0-0-0-0

Now with both beds in the middle of the wall, wedged together, Rey returns her attentions to Kylo. He’d patiently sat in a chair - she’d salvaged from a disused control room a few weeks prior - wrapped up in both blankets watching her work, despite his claim he could help, but she just reminded him who is the boss and he shut up.

She disappears into the fresher, and a little bit later she comes back out with a pot of bacta gel and a clean face. Having washed the dried blood from her nose and a cut above her eyebrow and dabbed some bacta on it.

‘How are you feeling now? Warmer?’ She enquires as she walks over to him, feeling a knot forming in her stomach.

‘I’m getting there.’ He answers, his voice sounding stronger.

‘You should get in the bed, and then I can, um, help with this.’ Rey mutters waving the pot of bacta gel in the air for him to see.

Kylo nods and shuffles over to the now joined beds, the blankets wrapped around his shoulders. He drops them down onto the mattress and sits on the edge of the bed. Rey coughs before walking purposefully toward him, eyes down, urging her body to stay calm and her blush to fade. 

Once she arrives at the bed, she sits down next to him, unable to look him in the eyes. Kylo unzips the jumpsuit and shifts it down his arm, before carefully pulling the tunic down, giving Rey the access she needs but still keeping warm.

Rey unscrews the lid and sinks her fingers into the goo while studying the three slashes across his shoulder and surmises that they don’t look too deep. She gently presses her finger against the start of the first slash and he flinches from the cool gel and she gulps, but she still won’t look at his face.

Rey works in silence, covering the wounds with the bacta gel and the atmosphere between them speaks volumes – so much is unsaid between them, too much. Her mind wanders to the memories of seeing the varying scars on his back and him confirming that some he’d received because of her.

‘When I didn’t bring you to Snoke, I had to be punished.’ His voice is low, as if he’s afraid someone might overhear.

She pauses and looks up at him and she sees the pain of his memory pass his eyes.

‘What did they do?’ She whispers, hand held in midair between the pot of bacta gel and his wounded shoulder.

Kylo coughs and looks down, shifting a little, clearly uncomfortable with the question or maybe it’s the answer. He takes a moment then lets out a deep breath before bringing his eyes back up to her face.

‘They, they whipped me. Every morning. Then they’d treat the wounds, and then whip me again, opening them back up.’ He begins and she can feel his hurt at the memory as she gazes up at him.

‘They’d tie me to this rack by the wrists and ankles. Face down, gagged beneath my hood to muffle my cries of pain, but I never gave them the satisfaction. I took the pain, all of it silently. And while Hux whipped me, some others would crank the rack and it would stretch, pulling at my wrists and ankles. Pulling and pulling. They felt like they were going rip off. But they always knew at what point to stop, so they didn’t separate the joints. But always just enough to cause excruciating pain. Stopping when your joints are just on the brink of popping apart.’ Kylo explains with a shake of his head and Rey gasps at his words, it makes her stomach churn.

‘That’s awful’ She murmurs dropping her hand to her lap and staring intently at him feeling his pain ripple over their connection.

Kylo scoffs before he glances at her and sees tears welling in her eyes and she feels sick and he sighs softly.

‘That was nothing really, not compared to what Snoke did.’ He sniffs, looking away from her.

‘Why, what did he do?’ She whispers in the tiniest voice, fighting back her tears and her growing nausea.

Kylo takes a breath, scrunches his eyes close, and then sighs, heavier and deeper this time.

‘Mental torture. Psychological torture. First they shaved my head. I know that seems like nothing, but my hair is part of who I am, and I don’t know it just had an effect. Being bald.’ He begins with a sighs and absently he runs his hand through his hair as if he’s making sure it’s still there and Rey wants to run her hand through it too but stops herself.

‘I was put in a cell like a prisoner, not like the Master of the Knights of Ren. I was made to sleep on the damp floor of this tiny little concrete cell with no toilet and no daylight. Not big enough to stand up in. Nor to lie fully stretched in. For hours and hours, it felt like a lifetime. I was half naked, bleeding from my wounds and they’d tie my wrists behind my back, with my trusty hood over my head. And then Snoke would summon me at all hours of the day, mostly at night, when I’d just managed to fall asleep. He was there, in my head like a searing ache, shaking me awake. He’d summon me like a beast just to have him scramble around in my head, while I had to squat on the floor with my hands still tied behind my back and the hood still over my head.’ His voice is full of bitterness and anger and that scares Rey.

‘And then whenever Snoke was bored he’d hold these mock executions. Usually when Hux was addressing the First Order. I’d be marched out, shirtless and shoeless, hood on, hands tied behind my back. Blood seeping down my back from my latest whipping. Forced to my knees and then I’d just wait. And wait, and then sometimes I’d feel a rope around my neck, other times I’d hear the crackle of my lightsaber, feel the heat of it. Not really knowing if Hux had been told to go through with it or not, until I’d get soaked in freezing water and dragged back to my cell.’ Kylo sighs, looking down at the ground and clenching his hands into fists and she can feel the anger burning hot on the edges of their connection.

‘How long did that go on for?’ Rey asks in a small voice, swallowing down the bile from her stomach.

She desperately wants to touch him, to comfort him, to be there for him. To pull him into her arms and take the pain away, to banish his memories. She knows that they fuel the fire that the Dark Side clings onto inside him. For years all he’s ever known is darkness, pain and suffering and it feeds the anger for the Dark Side to live on. She needs to make new memories, sunny memories and hopeful memories with him and for him. 

‘Three months. Then Snoke deemed I’d served my punishment and the time had come for me to return to my position and resume my training. Which I did, and my hair grew back. I had come to hate them. Snoke, Hux, Phasma. All of them. It wasn’t the Dark Side that made me hate them. It was me. They’d humiliated me, punished me, tortured me all because of you.’ Kylo continues and Rey can taste his disdain for his former organisation through their connection and gulps, knowing that she’d caused it, caused him so much hurt.

‘But, despite my hate I went back to training. I decided to use them. Snoke taught me more and more about the Dark Side and my Grandfather, he urged me to become more ruthless and heartless. To cast aside all of my humanity. To basically become what everyone thinks I already am. A monster, no longer a human, some sort of beast only he could control. And I let him think that’s what I was becoming, and I suppose I am no matter what I do. I am the monster he created.’ Kylo hisses and Rey simply listens, but she’s dropped her gaze. 

‘I continued with the Knights of Ren, but even they’d been given instructions. I was always required to fight three on one every time with the Knights and never allowed to use the Force. But I always bested them and they hated it.’ Kylo recalls with a twisted smirk and Rey takes a shuddering breath, shocked by his cavalier attitude.

‘Snoke wanted me to become my Grandfather. Always told me to finish what he’d started. That was his sort of mantra, from the very first moment he spoke to me when I was a boy. He fed me the stories about my Grandfather that my Uncle refused to tell. They all sounded so heroic and brave and, right. That the Dark Side was the right side of the Force. I idolized Darth Varder, my grandfather. But I was a fool, an idiot for ever believing it, for believing him, for being so weak.’ He chastises himself with a bitter snarl as his shoulders tense and Rey’s brows knit together surprised at his admission of his own weakness.

Rey sits there and listens, he’d never spoken so much and she isn’t about to stop him, not when he’s opening up to her and being so honest. She can feel his honesty spreading through the connection, along with his anger and pain. He’s telling her the truth she can feel it.

‘Then one day Snoke summoned me, said he knew where you and Skywalker were hiding. He said that I was to go there and kill my uncle, and bring you back to him. He told me his plans for you Rey, and I will never share them with you, because there would be no Light left in you if he ever got hold of you.’ His voice hitches as he turns his head to look at her and she can see the genuine emotion and fear in his eyes and she gasps, her chest clenching with her own fear, just what would Snoke do to her?

‘He told me where you were and that I was to go there alone, no storm troopers, no Hux, no Phasma, just me. That by doing as requested I’d complete my training. I agreed to go, but then I ran. And here we are.’ He rushes his conclusion with a sigh and Rey realizes that he’s not just hiding something deeper from her but he’s holding her hand, but she doesn’t protest, instead she smiles shyly at the contact.

She can see the hurt and pain sweep across his eyes in their silence as he remembers the tortures, the battles and his feelings of being subjected to them. She can feel his self-pity and once again his never-ending self-hatred and self-loathing like a constant beat in their connection. 

They sit in a long silence; both of them digesting what he’d told her. So many horrible thoughts dance around Rey’s mind and all she’d have to do is look and she’d see them. In all their technicolour, the full horror and the full nightmare that he had lived. 

‘I’m tired.’ Kylo mumbles as he gives her hand a little squeeze.

‘Okay.’ Rey nods and he lets go of her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for getting through that super length chapter :D
> 
> I will continue to thank you all for the love, support and chance you've given this Reylo trash fic :D:D:D:D Each one of you is wicked!!!
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes - difficult to spot them all in such a long bit of writing :/
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts and opinions :D


	26. Don't even talk about the consequence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a line from Untouched by The Veronicas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)

-0-0-0-0-0

‘I’m tired.’ Kylo mumbles as he gives her hand a little squeeze.

‘Okay.’ Rey nods and he lets go of her hand.

Kylo rises to his feet, as she stands up with the pot of bacta in her hand and steps over to the locker, placing it on one of the shelves. At that moment a thought occurs to her, and she slowly closes her eyes, before she looses her nerve she’s going to put it out there.

‘I read in a survival manual from one of the ships that, that skin on skin contact is one of the best ways to warm someone up.’ Rey blabs quickly and she is so very grateful that her back is to him, especially when she hears him cough in shock.

Kylo freezes on the spot at her words, they spin around in his mind and he is sure his heart has stopped beating. He gulps slowly, and his heart lets out a loud thud, kicking back in. 

‘Wh-what?’ He chokes trying to regain is composure, but she has totally bowled him over.

‘I mean we don’t have to, you know if you don’t want to, but uh. That’s what I read, you know, in the survival manual about crashing on snow planets, things to do, you know-‘ She rambles; her nerves and embarrassment clear in her voice.

‘Okay.’ He interrupts, his voice assured.

‘What?’ She gasps, not sure she’d heard him right.

‘Skin on skin contact.’ She all but whispers, as she slowly turns to face him.

‘Yes, skin on skin.’ He agrees with a slow nod, his eyes fixed on her and she feels the weight of his gaze and has to looks away.

They stand in an awkward and expectant silence, neither of them sure of who should make the first move. Despite everything that has transpired between them back in Hellhound Two and on the freighter where they’d kissed so passionately and touched one another with such wanton desire, skin on skin contact for health purposes seems so intimate and close.

Kylo takes a deep breath and steps over to the lighting panel and turns it off, submerging them into darkness apart from the pale light of the moon shining through the window. He then begins to remove his clothes.

‘Um, how much skin on skin?’ Rey inquires with a high-pitched nervousness.

Kylo pauses as he pushes the legs of his jumpsuit down his thighs and glances up at her. And his heart skips a beat when he sees her standing there, illuminated by the moonlight. She looks so beautiful and he wants her so desperately it hurts – mentally, emotionally and physically. 

‘You’re the one who read the manual, but I think you can keep your underwear on.’ He replies and the tension in the air sparks and fizzles as Rey nods.

Kylo rids himself of his remaining clothes apart from his couple of pairs of socks and his underwear. He climbs into the bed and pulls the blankets up to his nose and lets out a shudder, staring up at the ceiling. Rey meanwhile has removed her boots, jumpsuit and is just pulling off the thermal trousers with her fumbling hands.

She lets out a quiet breath as she removes her thermal vest, leaving her in just her socks and underwear in front of him. She turns to looks at the bed, feeling a nip in the air that is thick with unanswered desire. She takes a deep breath as she removes the ties in her hair and ruffles it out before she pulls up the blankets and climbs in next to him. 

They lie beside one another, both of them looking up at the ceiling in a heavy silence. Kylo turns his head to look at her and she slowly looks up at him. His eyes track down over her face and focus on her lips and she watches him. 

Suddenly feeling alive with lust and passion she rolls onto her side and reaches up, brushing her hand across his jaw before leaning in and kissing him gently on the lips. It takes him a second before he responds and it very quickly intensifies. Rey presses closer to him, forgetting the bacta gel covered cuts on his shoulder beneath her chest as they fall into their mutual passion. 

The connection between them sizzles and vibrates with overwhelming yearning and need. They’re becoming lost in the moment, the craving and longing. But then Kylo pulls away, panting heavily against her swollen and slick lips. Rey’s eyes drift open and she looks deep into his eyes and she knows what will happen if she lets it. She shudders at the thought, she wants it to happen, she needs it to happen.

She leans back in but Kylo pulls back a little further from her, and she feels her chest clench tightly, worry spreads like fire through her mind for a second.

‘Rey’ He whispers and she moves her head back a little to look at him, confusion set in her eyes, quickly replaced by strong resolve.

‘You don’t have to do this.’ He mutters, eyes searching her face and seeing nothing but unbending determination. 

‘I want to do this. And I’ve told you before don’t tell me what I do and do not want.’ Rey replies adamant and confident, even if her insides feel like liquid.

‘Only if you’re sure.’ He questions lowly, needing her to be sure that this is what she wants, and not some strange sense of duty or that she’s only doing it because she thinks that’s what he wants – which it is, but he’d never want her to feel pressured into it.

‘Kylo, I want to. I really want to do this.’ She tells him firmly, eyes fixed on his and her mind repeating ‘I want to’ over and over in case he’s checking for any doubts.

Kylo nods slowly after a quick sweep of her mind and finding the words ‘I want to’ on repeat and that reassures him that she does in fact want to have sex with him.

‘Okay’ He murmurs taking a deep breath and she smiles a radiantly honest and pure smile.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Thank you for the kudos' + comments - you guys rock my fic world!! :):D
> 
> I apologise for any errors or mistakes - this isn't one of my best chapters and it probably sucks big style :(:\ but hey this fic is about trust right?!
> 
> Disclaimer - I own nothing, none of it's mine well this story is but the characters etc aren't


	27. I don't care I'm down for what you want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title - line from Talking Body by Tove Lo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;D - Warning this chapter most likely sucks!! And it's loooonggg!!

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey leans toward Kylo and kisses him tenderly. It’s almost hesitant at first, but she quickly injects it with eagerness, slipping her tongue into his mouth as she presses her torso into his side. She needs him to feel her certainty and determination. She feels his arm shift from beneath her and his fingers brush down her back over her chest bindings and she shivers with desire.

In one fluid movement Kylo shifts them so Rey is now lying on her back and he’s in between her legs, breaking the contact of their lips and tongues. Rey looks up at him as he looms over her, held up by his hands either side of her head. She bites down on her bottom lip as thoughts of what is happening dance around her mind, soft and loving, raw and passionate. She wants him, she needs him.

She lifts her hand and gently cups his jaw and his eyes soften and he smiles faintly at the sight of her flush pink cheeks lit by the moonlight. He slowly lowers himself, reclaiming her lips as his own. Still supporting his weight with his one arm, so not to crush her, leaving his other free to explore her.

Rey’s hands shift from her sides and she embraces him, holding his body close against her own, wanting him to feel her beneath him. Reassuring him of her intentions, letting him know that she wants this perhaps even more than he does. Her hands run up and down his back and she can feel the scars that cover his skin, but they don’t repulse her or disgust her, in fact that make her crave him more. Her need to show him a life without darkness, pain and suffering. A life of Light, love and enjoyment.

Kylo’s free hand discovers her body, roaming freely, brushing his fingertips over her warm skin, feeling her tremble under his touch. It’s intoxicating and he drinks it up, hand searching everywhere he can reach. Her arm, side, waist, hip and thigh but not yet where he yearns to touch.

As he brushes her hair from her forehead he starts to kiss along her jaw and then down her neck. Rey can feel the lusty urges building in response to his every move, his every kiss, his every touch. He nips her throat and she groans, eyes fluttering close, hands gripping his back tighter.

Kylo kisses, licks and nips his way along her collarbone and toward the edge of her chest bindings. Rey’s now watching him intently, and has moved one hand to run though his hair. She’s breathing heavily through her nose as she chews on her lips. Her heart is pounding so fast it’s making her feel dizzy and her legs are starting to feel like jelly.

Kylo snatches a quick glance at her and she sees that his eyes are so wide and dark with passion that she’s not even sure where the pupils ends and the iris’ begin and the mere sight of him sends sensations straight to her crotch, moaning with appreciation.

He slips his fingers inside the binding and together they remove it, no need for words or thoughts, they just do. Rising off the bed in unison as Kylo pulls it from her body, exposing her even more to him and he looks down at her. Relishing the sight of her small but ample breasts and it makes his stomach clench with a lustful hunger and renewed verve.

Kylo practically pounces on her, kissing her with passionate fury, and they tumble back onto the bed. Rey lets out a loud gasp at the feel of Kylo brushing his thumbs over her erect nipples before leaning down and taking one between his lips and she pants, digging her nails into his scalp and gripping the blanket with her other hand.

He licks and teases her nipple, drawing breathless huffs from her lips, before he does the same to the other.  Only this time his eyes are fixed on hers and she groans loudly as she tosses her head back, arching up into him and he holds her at the waist, letting her body do as it feels, letting her be the one in charge. Being a servant comes too naturally to him, but he’ll do anything she wants of him right now.

He moves along her body, alternating between soft kisses, playful nips and hot licks, leaving her quaking in his hands as he kicks the blankets further down the bed and pulling off their copious amounts of socks, letting the chill in the air caress their near naked hot skin.

Arriving at the band of her underwear he looks up and her head is still tossed back, chin in the air, chest rising and falling at an expectant pace. The sight of Rey giving herself to him, hungrily wanting and needing him is a fascinating view, one he embeds into his mind, needing to remember this night for the rest of his life.

Kylo pulls up one of her tanned lean legs, running his hand down the outside of her thigh as he trails kisses along the inside. The heat is radiating from her and it invigorates him from his earlier woes. He brushes his fingers over her pubic area and growls softly with appreciation for how wet she is for him, while Rey gives a gasping yelp at his fondle.

He shifts so he’s kneeling between her legs and slips his fingers inside the band of her underwear. Rey feels her heart skip a beat at the feel of his fingers under the material and she looks directly at him. His hair is messy and wild from her fingers, his face is no longer deathly pale, instead it is tinged red from a flush.

She bites down on her finger, their eyes locked together as he removes her underwear, pulling it slowly along her legs and then over her ankles, tossing them to the ground. Not from embarrassment, but perhaps feeling a little shy she closes her knees together, and he smirks at her while stepping back off the bed.

Kylo pushes his own underwear down and kicks it off with a self-satisfied snigger as he watches Rey’s eyes widen even further when she catches sight of his large erection. He climbs back onto the bed and gently places fingers on her knees and opens her legs for him.

He crawls back up her, kissing and touching her body as he goes and Rey gulps at the feel of his erection against her. They are again eye level and Kylo takes a deep breath as Rey strokes his arms back and forth.

‘Are you sure?’ He asks in a low voice and she nods enthusiastically.

‘Yes.’ She smiles and he needs no further confirmation as he presses down on top of her and his hand disappears between them.

Rey takes a deep breath, lips pursed together as she feels the tip of his cock at her entrance. She starts to breath a little more rapidly through her nose and her eyes scrunch close as he pushes into her.

‘ _Look at me Rey_.’ His voice is animalistic and commanding inside her mind and her eyes shoot open, looking right into his.

She can see the concern and worry in his eyes as he hovers frozen only just inside her and she takes a quick calming breath. Letting go of her grip on the edge of the mattress she cups his jaw and brushes her thumb across his cheek and smiles at him. He moves, inching deeper inside her, his own breath held tight inside his chest as he watches a flicker of pain pass her eyes but her smile doesn’t fade.

Now completely inside her he lets out his breath and for some reason he wants to chuckle, the intensity is overwhelming, but he refrains. Rey is thankful for him giving her a moment to adjust to the feel of him; it’s a different feeling to what she thought it might be. She feels complete. Like they fit together, like a puzzle, it feels perfect.

Needing to move as the ache increases in his crotch he slowly pulls back out and she hisses with a shake of her head, ridding herself of the thought of pain. Balancing on just one hand he pulls her leg up higher on his hip, before doing the same with the other. Rey hooks her ankles together behind the small of his back and her sniggers at her, she’s a fast learner and he likes it.

Kylo begins to move back and forth, thrusting in and out. Grunting and groaning, stealing kisses from her when she arches up or he swoops down. Rey begins to meet his thrusts with a rock of her hips and it increases the friction. The weight of holding himself up becomes heavy on his arms, and if he’s honest his injured shoulder is beginning to ache a little, so he eases himself down onto his elbows, showering her with reassuring kisses.

Rey lets her body take over, as she moans and groans at the feel of him thrusting into her and her hips rocking to meet him by instinct, feet planted into the mattress. Her hands wander, exploring the plains of his back once again, scratching along his scarred skin and eliciting a deep throaty growl from him.

Feeling surprisingly brave she settles her one hand on his butt and he chuckles, his smile natural and wide but he doesn’t stop and it is the most beautiful image in the entire galaxy, it takes her breath away – he’s so surprising that he never ceases to amaze her. Rey giggles in response to his chuckle, turning her head away from him in embarrassment, but he turns it back and rewards her with a passionate kiss.

Rey can feel a build up of heat and sensations deep inside her core, especially as he keeps hitting a incredibly sensitive spot inside.  Her breathing is becoming rapid and her body is tingling all over. Kylo begins to buck his hips faster and she can feel a build up within him through their connection – it’s hot like a volcano, searing like the brightest sun, it vibrates and radiates with their energy and passion, their joined desires and lust.

Rey lets out a loud moan as her eyes close, and she clamps down on him, muscles contracting, her body hitting its release and she claws at his back.

‘Kylo’ she pants, heart pumping rapidly and her breath shallow.

He doesn’t last much longer, the feel and sight of Rey falling apart is enough to send him over the edge and he thrusts quickly, bringing on his release, his forehead presses into her shoulder and it hits him like a wave.

‘Fuck, fuck, Rey.’ He groans as he releases inside her, his breath coming out in short sharp puffs. He sags his full weight down on her and she willingly accepts it, brushing her hand through his hair, taking a moment to catch their breath.

Kylo pulls out of her and she whimpers at the loss, he belongs within her in every way possible, he’d already burrowed his way into her heart and now she belongs to him physically, because she can never ever give herself to anyone else in anyway. She is his.

He rolls onto his back, chest heaving from their exertions. Rey sits up and draws the blankets up over them; after all he is still recovering from the cold that nearly ended his life. She nestles into his chest, fingers making circles on his skin, his arm curled around her, his nails brushing up and down her spine.

Neither of them speaks as they drift off to sleep; there is no need, nothing needs to be said. Both of them lay there in silence. Mutually basking in the after glow of their sex and Rey is truly glowing.  A soft white Light, an aura he’d not seen before, it is captivating and alluring and for a change it takes Kylo’s breath away.

He doesn’t know how much longer he can resist it - the Light.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I wrote it and I hope it didn't disappoint (but I fear it has :s) nevermind - thank you for reading anyway!!! :D:D
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes
> 
> Thank you for the comments + kudos'
> 
> I'm currently suffering from a bit of writers block - I've got ideas, I just need to lay the work to get them there!! Gah!!!


	28. I will end up lost in confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Lovefool by The Cardigans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey sighs softly, happy in the moment between sleep and full consciousness, when everything is peaceful and silent. No thoughts or worries. No troubles or woes. No fear or terror. Just peace and quiet.

She slowly cracks one eye open and smiles at the fact that she’s still nestled into Kylo’s chest. She lifts her head up, both eyes now open and her smile widens when she sees how at ease and calm he is, there is no worry or fear on his face, in fact she thinks he looks almost serene. She realizes that he slept soundly, not harassed by nightmares or his fears.

She presses a long kiss on his shoulder and he still doesn’t stir. Biting down on her bottom lip, with a wicked smirk on her face she drifts her hand over his chest, feeling it rise and fall at a steady pace. Taking a quick look up and seeing that he’s still dozing she runs her fingertips over his toned abdomen. Exploring his body, as he did here’s only hours earlier. Feeling each taunt muscle below her light caress, she purses her lips and a red flush spreads across her face and down her neck as she moves further south. 

Cautiously lifting the blanket that covers their waists Rey blushes harder, sneaking a glance at his still peaceful expression. Rey takes a quick breath as she turns her gaze to under the covers and her eyes widen. Her head spins dizzyingly as memories of the night before flood her mind.

‘Like what you see?’ Kylo murmurs in a sleepy yet playful tone from behind her and Rey freezes, blanket clutched in her hand, held up in the air.

She gulps, trying to think of something to say but she is defeated by her embarrassment and lets out a strangled cross between a gasp and a chuckle. She shudders with arousal at the feel of his fingers caressing her back.

Kylo sniggers as he sits up and plants a soft kiss against her hair and Rey finally begins to breath again, dropping the blanket, but not yet able to face him.

‘Are you okay? You know after last night.’ He enquires as he rests his chin on her shoulder, eyes full of worry, concern and genuine interest.

Rey takes a deep breath and lets the grin cover her face as she finally turns to look at him, craning her neck, fully aware of how bright red her skin is. But she’s no longer bothered by it, because to her it’s a indicator of how much he turns her on and she really wants him to see how deeply he effects her.

‘I’m fine. Great in fact.’ Rey enthuses and a solitary eyebrow shoots up on Kylo’s face as removes his chin from her shoulder.

‘Um, how are you feeling?’ She adds with a shrug trying to act cool and composed but inside her stomach is fluttering with renewed expectations and newly discovered sensations.

Kylo keeps a guarded expression as he sits back and rolls his neck and shoulders and her brows narrow as she watches him, waiting for his answer. Her stomach clenches painfully as panic fills her mind, was it awful? Was she that bad?

‘I’m a whole lot better. I think that was the best cure for nearly freezing to death.’ He snickers with a disarming glint in his eyes and a wicked smirk on his lips, finally putting her out of her worried misery.

Rey scoffs with a shake of her head and a disbelieving look that he would torture her like that. She suddenly realizes that she’s not bothered by how naked she is in front of him, after all there’s no need now – he’s seen everything. 

Feeling un-expectantly bold she springs on him. Pressing him back onto the bed and pinning him down by the wrists above his head. She grins at him triumphantly and a raise of her eyebrows. He laughs happily beneath her grip, not fighting her nor protesting.

‘Interested in round two are you?’ He growls lowly from his throat and his eyes flash dark, both taunting and challenging her, and she feels heat pool at her core.

Rey smirks before leaning down and capturing his lips with her own in a passionate and dirty kiss, one that makes Kylo practically purr. Challenge accepted.

‘Rounds two, three, four.’ She murmurs against his lips and in return she gets what she was looking for – his arousal.

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey is lying on her back staring up at the ceiling as Kylo is draped across her chest, head resting in the crook of her neck. His arm across her and fingers softly caressing the warm skin of her upper arm and shoulder.

She can feel his hot breath tickling her neck and she smiles faintly, knowing that he’s halfway between dozing and completely alert. She gently brushes the back of his hand as she thinks of nothing. Her mind is empty, clear of thoughts. 

But then one randomly pops into her mind as he shifts his head and sighs, his hair brushing against her jaw. She smiles at the thought, at his reaction if she dares to suggest it.

‘I can grow facial hair thank you very much.’ He mumbles softly into the bare skin of her shoulder and she chuckles, not offended by the intrusion into her mind.

‘What about a haircut too?’ She teases as he gives her a full body squeeze, pulling her that tiny fraction closer to his own.

‘You want me to have a haircut?’ He enquires; now more awake as he lifts his head to look at her while moving up onto his elbow. 

Rey turns to look at him and smiles warmly as she reaches up and runs her fingers through his thick locks.

‘Why not? Not a lot, just a cut. Maybe it’ll help with your disguise.’ She jests with a giggle and gets a scowl and a shake of his head in return.

‘I don’t like my ears.’ He whines, prompting Rey to brush her thumb over one of his ears and he pulls away from her touch.

‘I like them. They give me something to grab hold of.’ She sniggers to his clear surprise as he almost chokes on thin air.

‘You’re getting very forward scavenger.’ He quips after regaining his composure and a wicked twinkle in his eyes.

Rey giggles loudly as he dives on her, crashing their lips together, full of fire and zeal. She’d lost count of which round they’re at and that delights her even more.

-0-0-0-0-0

When they finally emerge from the confines of their bed the sun is low in the sky and the day spent. Rey pads over to the locker to grabs a change of clothes for her shower, leaving Kylo sprawled across the bed resting from their exertions. Her body is sore in areas that she was somewhat unaware of, other parts that had been unused for many years, her muscles ache in a different way from their training and her mind feels exhausted.

Their connection hums with contentment. It is warm and soothing, binding them together with comfort and honesty. No matter what they say their connection will always tell the truth but only if they both are open on it. 

Rey disappears into the fresher happy, sated and thoroughly relaxed. She even begins to hum a quiet tune to herself, one that she’d heard being played by the band in Maz’s Castle as she prepares the shower.

Kylo hauls himself up off the bed and pulls on his trousers. He steps over to the window and looks out over the expanse of Hoth, the nothing. The snow, the emptiness. He closes his eyes and sighs heavily. 

Locked inside the ruined base, caught up in their antics they are free, away from the pressures and expectations of the galaxy, of the Resistance, the First Order, everyone and everything. It is just the two of them, alone and together. But he knows that it won’t, it can’t last. He knows that it won’t be long until they are found, be it by the Resistance, the First Order or someone else.

He slowly opens his eyes and he knows what he’s got to do. What he’s got to tell her. But he also knows that he can’t predict her reaction and that troubles him. He closes his mind off from her for the moment. He needs to be alone with his thoughts for now.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Thank you for the lovely comments, the kudos' <3
> 
> I apologise for any errors or mistakes :(


	29. Why don't you be you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a line from the beautiful Let It Go by James Bay <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wordy chapter here - no-one said relationships are easy right??

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey walks out of the fresher with a spring in her step and a happy smile, that is until she sees the dark expression on Kylo’s face and her mood instantly darkens. She cautiously steps forward toward the chair he’s sitting on as the pan of water boils on the stove. He looks up and feigns a smile and she pauses, their connection is vibrating with tension.

‘Sit down Rey.’ He commands with a firm gaze.

Rey shuffles over to the edge of the bed and perches on the end. Her stomach is twisting and turning, feeling unpredictability passing through their connection.

Kylo looks up at her and takes a deep breath, and it only works up her anxiety. 

‘What is it? Is everything okay?’ She poses nerves clear in her tone.

‘Rey. When this storm clears up, we’re leaving Hoth’ He tells her and she shakes her head, her panic evaporating and being replaced with confusion.

‘Okay. But why? Aren’t we safe here? Has something happened?’ She croaks anxiously, her pulse racing as he takes a long breath.

‘With each passing day Snoke becomes even stronger. The First Order becomes bigger, more powerful. We cannot stay here, we need to face them, soon.’ Kylo confesses and she feels fear wash over her, she doesn’t feel ready or confident enough to face Snoke, even with Kylo by her side.

She doesn’t know what to say or to do. She can see everything weighing heavy on his shoulders, the weight of his expectation. Along with his fear and concern, but also his determination.

‘I don’t think I’m ready. In fact I know I’m not ready.’ She mumbles looking at the grey tiled floor, not wanting to see the disappointment in his eyes at her.

‘No, you’re not. Not yet. But we can’t stay here. We need to move on to somewhere that’ll serve you better.’ Kylo points out and now she looks up at him brows furrowed.

‘What do you mean? Where?’ She enquires, intrigued as to where he has in mind, he’s obviously been thinking about it, but she hadn’t noticed.

‘You know I can’t tell you.’ He mutters and Rey feels a flash of distrust cross their connection and she flares up.

‘Why not? Why can’t you tell me? What do you think I’m going to do? Huh? What exactly?’ She rages, up on her feet and arms flailing around.

‘I just can’t, okay? Trust me.’ Kylo snaps and she shakes her head, face furious.

‘Trust you? How can I trust you if you won’t tell me the truth? You can’t even tell me where we’re going, what are you so afraid of?’ She snaps, her fury hitting him in waves as he gets to his feet.

‘You talk about truth, but you haven’t told me the real reason you’re here have you Rey. That you’re on a mission from the Resistance to bring me back to the Light, slip your mind did it?’ He growls stepping closer to her.

‘What?’ She gasps surprised recoiling back a little.

‘Oh yeah. I know all about your little mission Rey. Given to you by her and Skywalker. To draw me back to the Light, but I’ve got news for you, you’re going to fail. Because I can’t go back to the Light. You can pretend to like me and fuck me all you want to try and sway me, but I'll tell you now it won’t work.’ Kylo taunts, eyes dark and mad.

Rey she sees a flash of blind rage and anger pass her mind and she slaps him hard across the face and he’s stunned at her aggression.

‘You have no idea, do you? I more than like you and I’m not trying to sway you or fuck you back to the Light side. I love you, and I didn’t fall in love with you for some god damn mission. I fell in love with you because I wanted to.’ Rey storms, tears spilling from her eyes as she dashes out of the room.

Kylo is shocked by the true depth of her feelings. He had a faint inclination that she felt something more than simple hate and tolerance, but for her to confess her love for him flattens him. He’d thought maybe she was going along with everything as part of her mission, not because she actually wanted to be there with him. Sometimes he’s surprised at just how stupid he can be.

‘Rey.’ He calls urgently as he sets off after her. 

There aren’t many options of where she can go. Only the training room and outside. His stomach drops at the thought of her fleeing outside into the blizzard – now this time he is even more underdressed for the conditions to be going after her.

Rey sags against the wall next to the external door and slides to the floor, hugging her knees as big, hot tears roll down her burning cheeks. She’d just told him that she’s in love with him in the worst possible way, during an argument, as retaliation. 

She sees out of the corner of her eye that he’s walking half naked toward her, trousers done up loosely, barely clinging to his hips.

‘Rey.’ His tone is soft.

‘Go away. Leave me alone.’ She sniffs, wiping her nose with the back of her hand.

‘You know I can’t do that.’ He whispers as he stops next to her, towering over her, but she doesn’t look up at him, instead she hugs herself more.

Rey chokes back a sob, not wanting Kylo to see how easily and quickly she’s fallen apart because of him. She blocks her mind from him too, just in case he thinks about poking around where he’s definitely not welcome at the moment.

‘Rey.’ Kylo mutters as he sits down next to her.

His hand hangs in the air full of nervous uncertainty. He wants to touch her, comfort her, but he doesn’t want her to feel uncomfortable. So he drops it into his lap and looks at her, but she refuses to look at him.

‘Rey. Look at me. Please.’ He croaks, his voice wavering.

Rey slowly tilts her head to look at him, jaw clenched and breathing hard through her nose and her tears still flowing down her flush cheeks.

‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did, not like that. But I have to be honest with you. I can’t go back to the Light. I don’t belong there. I don’t belong with the Dark either. I don’t belong anywhere.’ He informs her with a sad sigh.

‘And being with you is the closest I’ve been to the Light since I was a child. But I can’t change what I’ve done, be someone I’m not. I’ve spent so much of my life being what other people want me to be. The son of legendary rebels. A Jedi Padawan. An apprentice of the Dark Side. The Master of the Knights of Ren. Snoke’s rabid attack dog. I need to be me and that isn’t with either side of the Force.’ He continues with a sorry smile, choosing not to mention the L-word she’d landed on him.

They sit in a pitiful and awkward silence, and Kylo feels a chill on his skin, he wants to return to the reasonable warmth of the living quarters, but he will not move until Rey does. He stares at her as she processes what he’d said.

‘I’m sorry too.’ Rey sighs, tears still flowing and Kylo looks up at her and sees the strain in her eyes, the pain of her heartbreak and it cuts him like a knife, right to the core.

‘I’m sorry that your fear of who you are, is ruling your life and your future. That you’re so scared, that you think hiding somewhere in the middle is the best answer. You need to be honest with yourself Kylo, you know the truth – deep down, we both do, you’re just too afraid to admit it.’ Rey sighs and the tears splash onto her bare arms. 

‘I’ll help you with what you need to do, with Snoke. But after, if we get through it, I can’t be with you. Not if you feel that you can’t return to the Light. Because I know that I belong with the Light. And the Resistance. They’re the family I never had, and maybe I’ll even become a Jedi, who knows. But that is my future, with or without you. Preferably with, but that’s your call.’ Rey whispers, and tears flood her eyes as she looks at him and he sighs.

Their connection is silent as they digest each other’s words, their apparent honesty. Kylo can feel Rey’s honesty that she belongs with the Resistance and the Light. But all she can feel is fear coming from him and she knows that he’s still not being completely honest, that he’s just scared. 

She figures that he must have talked himself into believing that he’d be happy half way in between the Light and Dark – in the grey area. But she knows the truth that he’s too afraid to accept and admit – he is more Light than Dark. She just hopes her words have some effect on him.

Rey rises to her feet and brushes her hand over his cheek before walking back to their living quarters, leaving him alone with his thoughts and her strong words in the draughty corridor half naked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading - hope you weren't too disappointed with this one? :s Just showing that the smallest things lead to the biggest arguments sometimes with sad/bad outcomes - true to life :(
> 
> I hope you didn't hate it - I'm worried :Z :Z :Z (it has a point in the progression of this fic i swear)
> 
> Thank you for the kudos' and the comments - you guys are fic life <3 <3 :D:D
> 
> Apologise for any errors or mistakes.


	30. See the flames inside my eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title - line from I'm a Mess by Ed Sheeran

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :s :( :) ?

-0-0-0-0-0

Kylo is sat in the dimly lit, dank and cold corridor in just his trousers, alone with his thoughts and Rey’s strong words. Alone with his decision. She had told him that she will help him defeat Snoke but beyond that unless he accepts the Light then they are through, done, finished. The though is bitter in his mind and makes him feel sick. He doesn’t want things to be over with Rey. He can’t envision his life or future without her. She has ingrained herself into his life with such effortless ease that she feels part of him.

His mind wanders with thoughts of her, of her beauty, truth, strength and honesty. Thoughts of her radiance and her purity – which he worries that he’s diluting and corrupting with his mind, fears and body. But despite him she still shines so brightly. She still believes in him, that he can go back and feel a peace within himself. The Light is so strong with her, so untamable, so wild, so natural, so free and so sure. 

He closes his eyes and he realizes that it’s his own his selfish fear and misery holding him back. His own internal punishment and torture for all the wrongs he’s done. The long list of people he’s hurt, lives he’s taken, none more so than his own Father. The thought lingers heavily in his mind, dense and gloomy. It makes him want to be gag, but more than anything it makes him want to kick, punch and scream. Hurt himself, punish himself. 

The pain he’d caused because he thought – no Snoke thought – it would help him fully accept the Dark side and renounce the Light. But in truth it cut him to the core, sliced him in half. In the cold light of day, hours after he’d murdered his own Father. Locked in the cell that he’d call home he sobbed and sobbed, cried anguished tears of regret and grief. That’s why he accepted the tortures and punishment dished out to him by Snoke and Hux without question or sound. It was what he deserved; it’s what he deserves. For all that he’s done, for all those who’ve suffered because of him and none more so than his own family. 

He is scared of going to the Resistance because he doesn’t want to see the look in his mother’s eyes when they meet again after so many years. He doesn’t want to see the pain, suffering and disappointment in her eyes, knowing he’d caused them all. The same with his uncle, he doesn’t know if he is strong enough to face either of them. He is weak, a coward.

The fear is still controlling him, ruling his every action and thought. The Dark side is still so raw and strong within him living off his fear like a life support; it’s so exhausting. He’s exhausted, spending every single waking minute, trying to not let it overcome him. But when Rey is by his side he feels the pull a little less and less. Her Light is slowly saving him, pulling him from oblivion. Her love is his salvation and if the Light is a by-product that he must accept then he’d be a fool not to.

She is Light and it would be utterly selfish and stupid of him to try and make her choose between him or the Light. He’d loose every time, she’d made that quite clear. He thought he could be with Rey on his terms – a life of exile, running and hiding, constantly looking over their shoulders worried that every moment could be their last. 

When he should just accept who he can be with her, under her guidance, her love, her devotion. If that means going back to the Light side and being around the Resistance and his family then that is a sacrifice worth making – Rey, love and Light or nothing, emptiness and ultimately a lonely and no doubt agonizing death. The answer is staring him in the face.

Kylo springs to his feet and sprints down the corridor as fast as his trembling feet will carry him. He bursts through the door into the living quarters and Rey jumps to her feet off the bed panicked and alert. Her hand reaching for her lightsaber, instincts kicking in. He can feel her fear in their connection and it makes his heart stutter with disappointment that she fears him.

‘Kylo.’ She croaks, lightsaber in her hand, thumb ready to ignite it in her battle stance.

Rey checks their connection and rather than feel his usual self-hate and self-loathing she feels warmth, hope and love and it startles her, relaxing in her pose but lightsaber still poised for use if need be.

‘I choose you.’ He whispers tears welling in his eyes and sincerity in his expression.

Rey takes a long breathe, digesting his words, each of them rolling over and over in her closed off mind. She’d wanted him to choose her, she needed him to choose her, but hearing the words makes her heart skip. 

She is aware that this will be far from easy; in fact she imagines it’ll be the hardest thing in the entire galaxy for him to commit to the Light and overcome his battle with the Dark. The Dark which festers deep inside of him like a poison constantly dripping into his blood and mind, destroying him. He needs her, he needs her Light, and she needs him. He is her strength and she is his.

‘I know you can never undo what you’ve done, but together, me and you, we can make the future a better place for us, for everyone.’ Rey informs him, her voice clear of astute.

Kylo nods slowly, taking in her words, her commitment to him and their joined future. He clears his mind of everything, he just wants to feel. To feel their connection as Rey fills it with positivity and Light. It makes him shudder, the feel of the warmth and brightness of the Light, it’s a strange yet familiar sensation rippling through his body. He falls to his knees, gasping for breath, head slumped forward, the Light is overwhelming him, blinding him.

Rey darts over to him sinking to the floor in front of him, eyes full of concern and worry.

‘Kylo.’ Rey whimpers as she reaches up and clasps his head loosely in her hands and she looks deep into his eyes. 

She gasps when she sees that in place of fear and pain she sees hope and belief but more importantly there is a small flicker of Light and that fills her heart and soul. She’d never loved him more than in that moment.

‘I’m scared Rey. I don’t know what kind of reception I’ll get with the Resistance if we survive, but I’m willing to face it as long as you’re by my side.’ Kylo murmurs, holding her in an intense gaze and her stomach churns with a sense of dread.

She doesn’t know the Resistance or General Organa well enough to know what kind of reception Kylo will get if they survive. She likes to believe that from her conversations with his mother and her determination that her son can be saved that he wont face a firing squad. But she’s not foolish enough to think he will go unpunished. His crimes are despicable and plentiful and he deserves to face the consequences, he more than knows it too.

But they will face all that is thrown at them. Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :) - hope it was okay and didn't feel too rushed?:/
> 
> Thank you always for the love & support you show for this fic with comments and kudos' :D <3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :(


	31. Bonus!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No chapter title - this is my Friday bonus!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :o - welcome to my Friday night bonus chapter!! Enjoy :)

-0-0-0-0-0

Kylo is lying on his side in bed, lids hooded over his dark eyes, but he’s not tired. There are too many thoughts dancing around his head. Thoughts of what they’re going to face when they meet Snoke. None of them are good and few of them even have a positive outcome of life.

Rey slips into the bed behind him and instantly wraps herself around him, nestling her chin in the crook of his neck as he pulls her arm round his middle, drawing her closer to him.

He takes a deep breath, trying to vanquish his thoughts before she has chance to see them, but it’s too late. Rey catches sight of the traumas he is envisioning for them in their battle against Snoke. The horror, the pain, the violence. And the death. In none of his thoughts does Rey die, just him and Snoke. Him at the hands of his former master and Snoke at the hands of Rey. But he never lives and that shocks and pains her.

_‘No. That’s not going to happen. We will beat him together. And we will both survive._ ’ Rey is insistent in his mind, firm and determined.

He gives her hand a little squeeze and she responds by peppering his neck and bare shoulder with kisses, pushing warmth and love at him physically, emotionally and mentally. Kylo sighs, if he could he’d save her the terror and pain of going up against his corruptor he’d do it in a flash, but sadly he can’t. He’s not strong enough to face him alone and do it by himself. He needs her; he needs her power, her strength, her love and her Light.

Rey’s breathing evens out as she falls asleep, head now pressed into the pillow. Kylo stays awake, his mind once again awash with thoughts of a nightmare. Despite his newfound allegiance with the Light for the sake of his love for Rey, the reality of their situation cannot be ignored. Rey may not want to see or think of what is to come, but one of them has to, and who better than the former servant. The former First Knight. Snoke’s one time apprentice.

Kylo wakes on his back with a start, he must have dozed off. But Rey’s not there curled around him. He scans the room but she’s not there. He dives to his feet and dashes into the fresher – not there either. As fast as his feet can carry him he runs to their training room.

‘Rey!’ he calls hoping to hear his name in return, but gets nothing.

His heart is pounding and his stomach knots uncomfortably as he arrives in the training room – she’s not there. He can feel the panic and fear rising from deep inside. Racing through his veins and mixing together making him gasp. Further down the corridor and he finds the outer door half open.

Kylo dashes to it and chokes when he sees a bloody handprint smeared across the white door. His eyes instantly tear from both his dread and the bitterly cold wind. He can hear nothing but his out heartbeat thudding loudly in his ears, not even the whistle of the wind.

He feels dizzy and lightheaded as if everything has slanted off center as he pushes the door open and steps out into the night. Out into the pale and ghostly moonlight and the everlasting snow, but the cold white and inky black of the night sky are not the only colour he can see.

The snow is bleeding a dark scarlet and Kylo gags – blood, but whose? His heart stops inside his chest. Rey. His breath comes out in short sharp pants through his nose as he clenches his jaw tightly. He reaches for his saber, but it’s not there. It’s still inside on the windowsill by the bed and on instinct he raises his hand and summons the dangerous red blade.

It hits his palm with a rasping sting, but he doesn’t flinch, he doesn’t feel pain. Pain is nothing. Kylo steps out into the blood drenched snow, it crunches under his bare feet. Saber held low by his body, alert and ready.

Kylo creeps as quietly as possible through the pink snow, head repeatedly spinning around so not to be caught off guard and unaware. As he approaches the freighter he’d commandeered from Niima Outpost he hears the faintest sound of a breath. It’s small and weak but it’s there.

Stepping around the freighter, heart racing, blood pumping, his own breath held tightly in his naked chest the blood trail ends. Kylo freezes, his mind not registering the sight before him.

A pained and tiny gasp brings him out of his trace and he hurries over, dropping to his knees, saber discarded into the snow. His eyes scanning and searching her broken body, his eyes brimming with fresh tears and his chest moving with panicked breaths. His Rey. Lying there half naked in an ocean of crimson snow, stomach slashed open and blood oozing out as she weakly clings to life.

‘Rey.’ He croaks, the tears rolling like rapids, blurring his vision.

She slowly opens her eyes and looks at him, her eyes still full of love and Light and a tiny smile forming on her blood-splattered lips. He reaches forward and his hands wave and hover in the air, not sure of where to place them.

‘Tell me what to do. Tell me how to fix you. Please.’ Kylo cries feebly as he sniffs, trying to hold back the river of tears, but failing.

‘Hold me.’ She murmurs, clearly drained by the effort, her life seeping away.

Kylo scurries around and gently lifts her. His hands shaking with shock and he curses himself when she hisses from agony, his chin wobbling as he tries desperately to find some sort of restraint in order to comfort her. To be strong for her.

‘Who did this?’ He mutters with anger as he brushes his hand over her loose hair which is wet with her blood.

‘Sn-Snoke.’ Rey mumbles her grip on her life wavering and her eyes flutter close.

‘No, Rey. Rey, listen to me, you can’t leave me. You can’t. Please, don’t leave me.’ Kylo rambles as he presses soft kisses to her forehead and feeling her skin cooling beneath his lips.

Rey slowly opens her eyes and looks up at him as her breathing becomes increasing shallow. He shakes his head and tears from his eyes splash on her deathly white face.

‘I love you.’ She whispers as even the exertion of holding her lids open becomes too much and they close.

‘Please Rey, don’t leave me. Not now. I need you.’ Kylo whimpers as her whole body sags and her chest stills.

‘No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Please no. Rey.’ Kylo weeps as clings to her, pushing life through their now empty connection, urging her to live.

‘I love you. I love you.’ He sobs in between pressing desperate kisses to her lips.

Kylo remains curled over her body, pleading and begging her though their connection to live, but all he finds is a wordless, hollow void where she used to be. His breathing settles, and his tears peter out, but his heart feels heavy and slow, as if it’s trapped in a vice and being gradually squeezed.

With the greatest care, love and affection Kylo moves to lift Rey up into his arms. Memories of carrying her onto his shuttle back on Takodana flood his mind and he can’t help but feel sorrow, because if he’d not chosen to do that then, she’d not be dead in his arms now.

Not feeling the cold he carries her back inside the base that had become their home. He gently places her on the bed and he feels a horrendous absence. Everything now feels bare and blank. Life to him is meaningless – she had been his only purpose and now she is gone. Taken by Snoke.

At the mere thought of his former master he can feel the anger and hate boil through his veins. Where is the sniveling wretch? He can’t feel his signature in the Force, but he must be nearby, he must be there. For him to have murdered Rey he has to be on Hoth, hiding in the shadows, waiting for his moment to pounce.

Kylo presses a kiss to Rey’s forehead before rising to his feet. Controlled by his anger, hate and fury he stalks out of the room, saber summoned once again. He makes his way back outside and there he is. Standing half way between the base and the freighter, bold as brash and twice as ugly, waiting for Kylo.

Kylo cricks his neck and loosens his wrist; this is a battle he must win, even if he has to die doing it, but one he must win all the same. Snoke does not get to take Rey’s life and get away with it. Death will be his punishment and Kylo will be his executioner.

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Kylo, wake up.’ Rey shakes Kylo awake from his nightmare and his eyes are wide and bewildered by the sight of her crouching next to him, hands on his bare shoulders, face a picture of worry and concern.

‘Rey.’ Kylo squeaks as his hands rush up to grab her face, startling her.

‘You were having a nightmare.’ She explains as he simply stares at her, making her blush.

‘I love you.’ Kylo admits, eyes fixed and focused on hers and her heart skips a beat.

‘I love you Rey. The scavenger from Jakku. My scavenger from Jakku.’ Kylo states sleepily and there he is again – stealing her breath and melting her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as ever for reading <3
> 
> Thank you for the lovely comments, kudos' + bookmarks - you guys rock my socks off!!! lol <3 :D
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes in this bonus chapter.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it - doesn't really serve much to the plot other than a bit of L.O.V.E. confession <3<3<3<3


	32. You've got a friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is from the song You've Got a Friend by McFly or lots of different ppl inc Al Green

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

-0-0-0-0-0

‘I don’t like it. Not knowing where she is. She’s out there on her own with a monster. He’s evil. Pure evil. Plain and simple. Evil.’ Finn snorts at Poe as they sit in the canteen.

Poe nods unconvincingly as he chews on a piece of fruit.

‘We don’t even know if she’s alive. She could be dead. He could have killed her. He probably has killed her. What if he’s killed her? What if Rey’s dead!’ Finn panics arms waving in the air and panic gripped in his chest and Poe looks up.

‘Finn, Rey is not dead.’ Poe states firmly, watching as the panic and fear spreads across Finn’s face – wide-eyed horror.

‘How do you know? No one knows. You don’t know. I don’t know. BB-8 doesn’t know. The General doesn’t know. Even Master Skywalker doesn’t know. No one knows, Poe.’ Finn storms and BB-8 whistles softly from his spot by Poe’s feet at the mention of his name.

‘Finn, calm down. Getting all worked up is not going to help. Look, you’re right, no one knows where Rey is. But we have to trust her. She can look after herself you know that.’ Poe argues gently, so not to further upset his friend.

‘But she’s with Kylo Ren. The First Order’s evil poster boy. Snoke’s rabid dog. You know what he is Poe. He’s a murderer, a cold-blooded killer. He murdered his own Father. I saw it happen. Oh my, what if he’s taken her to him……. To Snoke?’ Finn snaps aghast, eyes growing even wider as he gulps heavily.

Poe places his cup down on the table and looks straight at Finn and while he sympathises with Finn’s worry, he knows it won’t do him any good.

‘If Rey was with the First Order and Snoke, I think we’d know about it by now, don’t you? I mean they’re not exactly shy and retiring types. They’d have let us know surely.’ Poe states with a pointed look.

‘But what if they have? What if they have Rey, and they’ve told the General and Master Skywalker and they’re hiding it from us. What if they do know where she is, and she’s with them and they don’t want to tell us because-‘ Finn rambles wildly.

‘Because of what Finn? What, you think General Organa and Master Skywalker would keep it quiet because of what?’ Poe interrupts angrily, as much as he loves Finn as a friend his worrying can grate when he gets carried away.

‘I-I don’t-I don’t know. I’m just worried. She’s my friend. And I don’t know where she is and that worries me. It makes me sick.’ Finn sighs as his shoulders sag and BB-8 gives him a low sympathetic whistle while rolling out from beneath the table.

‘I know you are buddy. I am too, but getting upset isn’t going to help anyone. Least of all you. Look, why don’t we go and speak to General Organa, and ask if we can go on a scouting mission to Coruscant. Find out some informants. See if they’ve seen either of them. What do you think?’ Poe offers with a friendly smile and a clasp of the former Stormtroopers shoulder and Finn gives him a delighted grin.

-0-0-0-0-0

‘General Organa, would it be possible to speak with you for a moment?’ Poe asks curtly as Finn and BB-8 hide behind him.

General Organa looks up at him from her desk and then tilts her head to look at the two behind him then back at Poe.

‘Go on.’ She states, eyes narrowing slightly as the trio shift forward in unison.

‘Um, well Ma’am. You know how worried Finn, BB-8 and I have been about Rey and the lack of information about her and….. him. Well we were wondering, if it would be possible for us to go on a scouting mission to Coruscant. Go and talk to some informants and Resistance supporters to see if they’ve seen them.’ Poe rabbits a little flustered and General Organa glances over at her Brother who’s sat in the chair in the corner of the room.

‘And what do you expect to find or be told? That Rey and Ben were spotted strolling through the streets of Galactic City?’ She muses and maybe her tone is a little too sarcastic when she sees Poe all but flinch.

‘It was just a thought. I mean we don’t have any other leads, and this not knowing is just incredibly frustrating.’ Poe mutters with a deep breath and Finn has to bite his tongue from ranting and raving.

‘We understand your frustrations, we really do. We both feel them too. We want to know where they are just as much as you. To know that they’re okay. But unfortunately we don’t. But we do have faith in Rey. We have to trust in the Force.’ General Organa concludes and Poe nods in acceptance.

‘With all due respect General, Master Skywalker, but the Force is your thing. It’s not mine. So I can’t really believe in something I don’t understand and I’ve tried, I really have. But I don’t think I ever will. Rey is my friend. My first friend and I need to do something. I need to be out there looking for her, protecting her. Not just doing maintenance. I need to find her. I’m worried for her. I’m worried that something bad has happened to her besides who she’s with.’ Finn interjects bitterly as he steps from behind a shocked Poe.

‘While I understand your sentiment Finn, and your desire to be a good friend to Rey, you have to trust her. She is far more powerful than any of us could anticipate. She is strong with the Force and it will guide her, show her the way.’ Master Luke assures but it doesn’t pacify Finn.

‘But what if she’s hurt and she can’t use the Force? What if he’s taken her to the First Order?’ Finn cries out, his anger coming out along with hot tears spilling from his eyes.

‘Finn.’ Poe gasps as he grabs hold of his friend by the arm.

‘Finn. Rey is not with the First Order.’ General Organa responds, her voice a little less friendly and more commanding.

‘How do you know? She could be there with them, having who knows what done to her.’ Finn rages as Poe pulls at him, trying to get him to leave the room.

General Organa and Master Luke share a pointed look, maybe Finn has a point, how would they know that Rey is or isn't with the First Order unless they were told and why would the First Order do that?

General Organa takes a deep breath and clasps her hands together on her desk, looking up at an emotional Finn and an apologetic Poe.

‘Okay. You can go to Coruscant, on an undercover scouting mission. For three days. You leave in the morning. And you must find someone else to carry out all your duties in your absence. And all information you find, must be returned to me, do you understand?’ General Organa states clearly, her eyes steely and determined.

‘Yes General.’ Poe answers as he lets go of Finn, who simply nods to the terms and they make a hasty exit.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :):D <3 
> 
> Thank you for the <3, support, kudos', comments + bookmarks <3<3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :|
> 
> oh and don't forget to take a little peek at the gif zone in the comments section just for s**ts and giggles :D


	33. You break down my walls with the strength of your love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from I Have Nothing by the late great Whitney Houston

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff for Valentine's Day <3

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey wakes to find the bed empty beside her, hand groping the void of where Kylo should be. She springs up and finds him standing at the foot of the bed, dressed but removing his boots and with a pink flush to his cheeks.

‘Are you okay?’ She asks cautiously and he looks up at her, eyes twinkling with mischief.

Kylo doesn’t answer instead he climbs onto the bed and crawls up to her, but Rey doesn’t back away, instead she stays sat up. She can feel his hot breath caressing her face, but also the cold radiating off his clothes.

‘Have you been outside?’ She whispers, feelings rapidly building inside as he stares at her, not saying a word.

Rey’s stomach knots as their eyes lock together. She wants to lean in and kiss him, but something stops her and she doesn’t know what. She feels lust and desire racing through their connection and her breath hitches in her throat.

‘I love you.’ Kylo tells her, his tone of voice firm and assured, his eyes a blaze with his honesty, and she gulps.

Kylo had told her that he loves her in the early morning hours, surrounded by the darkness of the night, when she’d woken him from a nightmare that she didn’t dare to look at. Rey had spent a good while after his confession, with him wrapped around her body considering what he’d said. She thought maybe it had just been a reaction to his nightmare or because he was still half asleep, so to hear him repeat it now is all the confirmation she needs. That they are in this together. That their love for one another binds them.

‘I love you too.’ She smiles, raising a hand to his cool cheek and gently brushing her thumb over his scar.

Kylo crashes their lips together with hunger and passion, arms wrapping around her body and pulling her closer as he sinks back on his heels. Rey wraps her free arm around his neck as he pulls her from beneath the blankets, so she’s sitting in his lap.

They remain locked in their lusty kiss for what feels like an age, lips and tongues fitting together, knowing what the other wants, where they should go, where they should be. Rey can hear her heartbeat growing louder in her ears, as her pulse begins to race and she is sure he can hear it too.

Kylo’s grips her as if he never wants to let her go, she is his and he wants her to know and feel that. Rey moves her hand from his cheek and slips it between their chests. It comes to rest over his heart and she can feel it steadily pounding beneath her fingers. The feel of Kylo’s heartbeat mixed with the sound of her own makes her lightheaded. Knowing that they now beat for the other person is astonishing to her. Having never felt love or been loved, it is a beautiful experience that she is more than happy to share with him.

Kylo slowly pulls his lips away from hers, leaving her panting, chest heaving and lips swollen. She blushes softly and smiles a little embarrassed beneath his intense gaze, unable to return the look.

‘I really do love you, you know that don’t you?’ He murmurs, eyes fixed on her face, needing to gauge her reaction.

Rey nods as she pushes aside her embarrassment and looks at him, and feels his love through their connection. It’s strong and vibrant, warm and pure. She feels overwhelmed by him, and comes to realize that when Kylo commits to something, he fully devotes himself.

‘I’m just worried that I’m not worth loving. That I’m not worthy of you, worthy of your love.’ He mumbles and it throws her a little.

Rey moves to grip his face, brushing back his hair to see him, to truly see him. She sighs, as he looks down, unable to look her in the eyes.

‘Look at me.’ She commands and he slowly looks up at her, his dark eyes meeting her hazel ones.

She searches his face as he watches her. Her eyes perhaps lingering a little too long on his scar, and she feels his fingers dig in a little on the small of her back but she doesn’t waiver. She leans forward and presses a soft kiss to his forehead. Then moves on by trailing light, tender kisses along his scar, and she can feel his skin heat up beneath her and she giggles playfully before capturing his lips in a long sensual kiss.

After a while Rey breaks away from him. They’re both gasping for air, eyes fluttering close and foreheads pressed together, breathing the other in, clinging onto each other as if they’re the only ones left alive in the whole galaxy.

‘I love you Ben Solo.’ As the words trickle from her lips she realizes what she’d just uttered and freezes.

Rey’s eyes dart open with shock and her own fear. Fear of her mistake, fear of his reaction to her use of the name he’d been given by his Mother and Father. But she is stunned by his lack of response. He doesn’t react with violence, or anger. He slowly opens his eyes to look at her, and her breath is held trembling in her chest, heart on pause, waiting for him to speak, to do something.

But when he doesn’t speak or move and simply stares at her with blind surprise she feels the need to fill the heavy unsure void.

‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called you that.’ Her voice is weak and feeble in between her short sharp pants of her freeing breath.

But still he doesn’t react, his grip doesn’t increase or decrease, and her fear builds so quickly she worries it’ll spill over and consumer her. Their connection feels cool and detached. Rey’s stomach clenches and flips, she can feel the bile bubbling inside.

‘Don’t be.’ He finally replies, but his voice isn’t affectionate or loving, it’s absent of emotion and that bothers her.

Kylo lets go of his hold on her, placing his hands on her hips, not loosing all of their physical contact as he considers the use of his actual name. He blinks slowly, chest rising and falling steadily as he ponders, his name rolling over and over in his mind. He doesn’t close himself off to her, allowing her to be part of his contemplation.

‘ _I’ve not been Ben Solo for so long. It’s alien to me. It feels and sounds like someone else’s name._ ’ Kylo informs her with a sorry sigh as he adverts his eyes from her.

‘ _But it sounds good on your tongue._ ’ He adds with a purr and his eyes dart back up to meet hers.

Rey gasps at his suggestive taunt and her eyes widen, then a grin spreads across her face and a blush dusts her cheekbones when she sees the mischievous glint return to his eyes.

‘I’ll try and be Ben Solo for you, scavenger.’ He teases, fingers digging into her hips and Rey smiles happily back at him, arms once again wrapping around his neck as she draws him close.

Tumbling back onto the bed, trapping her beneath him, she knows his commitment to her goes far beyond his comfort. But she feels that he will do his utmost to be good and do right for her. To be the man she knows in her heart that he can be, the man she sees when she looks at him. Not some faceless monster. Not a cold-blooded murderer. But a man of strength, power, love and compassion. She sees Ben Solo not Kylo Ren. She may not have realizes it until that moment, but it is as if they are two different people in one body and the real person is Ben, not Kylo. Ben Solo is hers.

‘You didn’t answer my question.’ Rey mutters breathlessly as Ben pulls at her tunic to expose her collarbone.

‘What question?’ Ben asks, distracted by peppering kisses along her warm skin.

‘Have you been outside?’ Rey pants, squirming beneath his attention as the slight feel of his fingers on her sides makes her shudder.

‘Yes.’ Ben nips her collarbone and Rey starts to crumble.

‘Why?’ She gasps as Ben pushes her tunic up so it bunches around her neck, exposing her bare breasts to him.

‘I wanted to get some air.’ He answers before swooping down and capturing a nipple with his mouth and Rey is lost the moment she feels his tongue flick the erect and sensitive bud, all questions forgotten.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading - hope you enjoyed this fluffy fluff with a plot development-ish bit :)
> 
> Thank you as always for your support etc through kudos', comments and bookmarks :):):):D:D:D<3<3<3<3
> 
> sorry for any errors or mistakes.
> 
> Disclaimer - I own nothing - it's not mine, just borrowing it for this fic.
> 
> Was listening to Believe by Mumford & Sons on repeat when writing this one :D


	34. Chapter 34

-0-0-0-0-0

With the freighter reloaded with their supplies Rey is standing in their living quarters, alone and contemplating. She looks around the room and remembers what it looked like when they first arrived – like a military barracks, not the space it is now. There was so much more in the room, but Kylo Ren put paid to that. Now it is theirs, their nest, their hideout, their seclusion and their home. It is the place where they merged, mind, body and soul. The place where they’d confessed their love to one another. Where Kylo Ren became Ben Solo and made a commitment to the Light and to her.

She knows that she’s unlikely to ever be back there so she imprints everything to memory, including the things they’d experienced there. With a deep breath she closes her eyes and the experiences wash over her.

Ben steps in behind her and wraps his arms around her waist and presses a gently kiss to the back of her head. It is time for them to leave, to head, well Rey still doesn’t know – and to continue on their shared journey and goal.

‘Come on, it’s time to leave.’ Ben whispers into her ear and she sighs.

Rey takes a deep breath as she thinks of where it is they’re going – what unknown destination will become their home. Despite his claim that he’s chosen her and the Light Side, she can’t help but feel that he’s still hiding from her, even in the smallest way. For her to fully trust him she needs to see all of him, all of his thoughts and he needs to trust her with them.

‘ _Dagobah_.’ He whispers into her mind and she jolts out of her daze.

Rey turns around and looks up at him and sees a faint smile on his lips.

‘Dagobah?’ She mumbles as her brows furrow, sure she’s heard the name somewhere but not why.

‘It’s one of the purest planets in the whole galaxy within the Force. It might help with what we need to do.’ Ben begins to explain.

‘But why there?’ She gulps, not wanting to question his decision, but also needing to know why.

‘We both need to learn control and power in the Force. Also due to the presence of the Force we should be able to go undetected and not have to hide our Signatures. Which of course means we can train. I take it my uncle didn’t tell you anything of Dagobah?’ Ben enquires and Rey shakes her head.

‘No, nothing. I mean I’ve heard the name, but nothing more than that.’ Rey mutters as he leads her over to the bed to explain more.

‘Well I only know what he told me when I was kid. That it’s a remote world of swamps and forests with no advanced civilization. It’s got some creatures which inhabit it. The worst being the dragonsnakes and the swamp slugs, oh and the Knobby white spiders.’ He sniggers seeing the expression on her face change from inquisitive to apprehensive.

‘You’re really selling it, you know.’ Rey grumbles feeling less enthusiastic about going to Dagobah now.

Ben smiles as he crouches down in front of her.

‘If my uncle could survive there, then you’ve got no problem. You’re so much more powerful with the Force than he is.’ He notes, taking hold of her hands in her lap.

‘And what about you?’ She whispers looks straight at him, concern burning through their connection, but he simply smiles at her.

‘Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. By all accounts I’m quite strong with the Force myself.’ He quips with a bright grin and taunting glint in his eyes.

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey is just settling herself after take off ready to go to Lightspeed, watching the galaxy drift by from her position in the pilot’s chair. When a red light begins blinking repeatedly on the control panel in front of her. She scoots forward and curses under her breath when she sees that it’s an alert for a failure in the engine. It’s not dangerous – yet – but without replacing the failed part they will most definitely not be reaching Dagobah.

‘That’s not good is it?’ Ben questions as he watches her brows furrow and eyes narrow.

She doesn’t reply – it was an obvious question with an even more obvious answer. She grabs up the inventory list of parts on the freighter she’d complied weeks back and unfortunately they’re not carrying the part needed.

‘I’m going to see if I can fix it, but if I can’t then we’re going to have to land.’ She grumbles while getting to her feet and flicking the autopilot switch but catching sight of annoyance flit across Ben’s face.

Rey sweeps out of the cockpit, leaving Ben alone with his thoughts of trepidation at the idea of landing somewhere.

-0-0-0-0-0

Ben finds Rey with tinkering with a part of the engine, face slick with grease and oil. Her teeth are bared and gritted as she battles to repair it, but to no avail as she lets out a growl and sags backwards anger on her face.

‘It’s no good. We’re going to have to land. I can’t fix it. I’ve never seen these modifications before.’ She snaps glancing up at him from her position beneath the floor.

‘Okay.’ Ben replies softly, still not wanting to land because he knows that the only option is incredibly dangerous for two people on the run.

Rey tidies things before climbing out, wiping her hands on a rag, annoyance still written all over her face. Ben pushes the grate back, and tries his best to not let her see or feel his fear about where they’re going to have to go.

She abruptly pushes past him and heads for the cockpit, he can feel her disappointment at not being able to fix the engine. He slowly follows knowing that he’s going to have to provide the coordinates.

Rey is sat arms crossed over her chest in the pilots seat. Breathing heavily through her nose and jaw clenched. Frustration bubbles in their connection. Ben hesitates in the doorway, not sure if he should say something.

‘You need to put in the coordinates.’ She barks at him and he takes a deep breath before stepping forward and punching them in.

‘How do you know all those off by heart?’ She queries as he moves to the co-pilots chair and sits down.

‘When I was a child I memorized them. I wanted to impress my Father. But he wasn’t interested. He just said “Yeah that’s great kid.” At least Chewbacca was impressed. They just stayed with me.’ He mutters bitterly, sinking back into the chair, looking straight ahead as the freighter changes course.

Rey doesn’t press him any further, knowing that despite everything, his family is the sorest point to him, and he will share information when he wants to or is ready too.

‘So where is it we’re going?’ Rey asks cautiously, snatching a glance at him before returning her attention to the galaxy ahead.

‘Bespin. Cloud City.’ Ben answers, his voice coated with uncertainty and Rey furrows her brows in surprise.

Rey had a postcard saying “Wish You Were Here” of Cloud City back on Jakku and the idea of seeing the floating city makes her buzz with excitement. Bbut there’s clearly something about going there that fills Ben with a sense of dread. She can feel it through their connection, his worry and she fears it’s for more than just the possibility of being spotted.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading - hope it wasn't too bad - I'm really badly suffering from writers block with these chapters :( so if anyone has any idea of what they want to see happen on Bespin/Cloud City shout me up :D:D:D:D
> 
> Thank you for any kudos'/comments/bookmarks - you're all legendary!!!
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes.
> 
> Here's to the end of writers block!!!


	35. Chapter 35

-0-0-0-0-0

‘We’ve had a request from a Corellian Light Freighter asking for permission to land. It matches the description of the ship that the First Order are looking for. What do you want me to do?’ A young black woman asks a man sat behind a large white desk.

The black man with white hair, dressed in smart and official clothing looks up at the young woman and sighs.

‘Grant it permission.’ He replies with a pensive look and the young woman nods before turning on her heels.

‘Sir, we’ve just received information that a First Order shuttle is en-route.’ A young man in similar attire to the now stopped young woman interrupts. 

‘Thank you.’ The seated man nods, dismissing the man before turning his attention to the woman.

‘Level 50, docking bay G.’ the man says sternly and the young woman sags her shoulders.

‘You still want it to dock here, with the First Order on their way. Are you crazy? You know who’s on that ship. You know what he did. Han Solo was you’re friend and Kylo Ren murdered him. His own son.’ The pretty woman barks furiously.

‘Level 50, docking bay G.’ The man repeats and the woman scoffs, shaking her head as she storms out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

The man opens a comms connection on his desk, sighing nervously.

‘Calrissian.’ A woman’s voice trickles across the airway and the man smiles in recognition.

‘Princess.’ The man purrs with a flirty tone.

‘Baron Administrator Calrissian. What do I owe this pleasure?’ General Organa sniggers.

‘That Corellian Light Freighter you told me about. The one from Jakku, it’s requested permission to land here for urgent repairs.’ Lando informs Leia who instantly straightens up, eyes flicking over at her brother, who steps forward.

‘Are you allowing it?’ She asks cautiously, apprehension in her voice.

‘Yes. But a First Order shuttle is also en-route.’ Lando says, his voice in a low hush and eyes darting around.

Leia stares up at Luke, panic washing over their faint connection. They both know the almighty risk to Ben and Rey and the peace of Cloud City if the First Order find them.

‘General, I don’t want any trouble. Cloud City has seen enough, I don’t want any more brought here. But there is only one thing that the First Order will be doing here and if they find him, then…….’ Lando trails off and the implication hangs heavy in the air for both sides of the comms.

‘The First Order will recognize the freighter.’ Leia stresses and Lando nods absently, knowing that they will in an instance seeing as it is what they’re looking for.

‘I can get rid of the freighter, but it will be a push with time. And I can possibly find another transport for them, but no one will be allowed to leave or arrive while the First Order are here. I’ve been through one of their searches before.’ Lando cautions as he hears a knock on the door.

‘Enter.’ He commands and the young woman from before steps inside.

‘The Corellian Light Freighter is just landing. I told them that they cannot disembark until inspections have been carried out.’ She states coolly and Lando nods at her as she leaves.

‘Leia, I’ll do what I can to keep your son safe for your sake, not his.’ Lando states firmly.

‘Thank you Lando. You’re a good friend.’ She replies as she feels her heart clench tightly in her chest. 

Ben is so close, but still so far from her, and now add the imminent danger he is going to be in and she feels nervous. She looks over at Luke, who has a stoic expression, but she knows he’s feeling it too.

-0-0-0-0-0

Lando gets to his feet and proceeds to leave his office, the young woman is right outside the door, the air is tense between them.

‘You should hand him over to them.’ She hisses.

‘I’m not going to do that.’ Lando answers as they begin to walk through the pristine white corridor.

‘He’s a murderer, a killer. And you’re going to protect him. You’re a stupid sentimental old fool.’ She snaps as Lando stops turning to face her.

‘You may be my daughter Jasmia, but I am in charge of this city. Do not question my decisions. I made a promise to a dear friend to what is right, and this is the right thing to do. And don’t forget you were close to him too once.’ Lando tells her sternly.

‘Once maybe, until he turned into a monster. What if they find him? Huh? What then? Do you really think that the First Order won’t destroy us for harbouring a wanted criminal? You know what happened to Hosnian Prime and the New Republic, blown from the sky, obliterated. Do you want us to be next? Do you think your people will accept your choices if they’re facing death because of him? Do you? Just because you can’t let go of the past and some sort of blind allegiance to a bygone era. Do the right thing by your people. Hand Kylo Ren over.’ Jasmia snarls.

Lando doesn’t respond, instead he marches off in the direction of the docking bay. Leaving his daughter to brood alone in the corridor, anger clear on her face, but also a pained expression.

-0-0-0-0-0

‘I don’t like this.’ Ben grumbles as they sit waiting for clearance to disembark. 

‘Just stay clam.’ Rey insists as she glances at him and sees the tension radiate from him and burn across their connection.

‘We shouldn’t have come here. And don’t you think it’s a little odd that we’re being held. I’ve got a bad feeling about this. Something’s not right. We should just leave.’ He mutters bitterly with a shake of his head.

‘We can’t and you know that. We barely made it here, let alone getting to Dagobah. Surely the First Order aren’t all the way out here.’ She tells him, her voice full of naïve optimism.

‘You’d be surprised just how far the arm of the First Order stretched and as for Lando Calrissian, I wouldn’t trust him as far as I can throw him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already sold us out to the First Order.’ Ben mutters angrily and Rey sinks a little in her chair, her naivety making her feel stupid. 

‘Cleareance has been granted. You are free to disembark. You will be met by Baron Administrator Lando Calrissian at the foot of the ramp.’ A woman’s voice cuts through the comms and Rey instantly looks at Ben who gives her a pointed look.

‘We can’t stay in here. We need the part. Come on.’ Rey states as she gets to her feet, but she can feel his reluctance.

Ben closes his eyes and sighs deeply before rising to his feet. He pulls his scarf up over his face and tightens it off behind his head. He knows that even as far away as Bespin there are bounty hunters everywhere. After all his Father got picked up by the legendary bounty hunter Boba Fett in this very city when he and his Mother were double crossed by Lando Calrissian to his grandfather, Darth Vader. The thought of what happened sends a chill down his spine.

Rey climbs down the ramp to find a man in stately clothing with a young woman at the foot of the ramp and she gulps anxiously. Ben walks down the ramp behind her and his stomach tightens at the sight of the welcoming party.

‘I’m Baron Administrator Lando Clarissian and this is my daughter Jasmia. Welcome to Cloud City.’ The man smiles at Rey, and it instantly puts Ben on edge, that and the intense stare he’s getting from Jasmia.

‘Um, thank you.’ Rey blushes, wary of the reason for the formal greeting as she looks up at Ben, who’s looking anywhere but in front of him.

‘If you’d like to follow me.’ Lando continues to smile but his eyes fall on Ben and his gaze is intensely distrusting, tinged with pain. 

Ben breathes heavily through his nose, desperately trying to keep calm. Rey can feel the anger building within him and sends him love and comfort through their connection. She needs things to stay calm. She steps confidently forward and walks off with Lando, leaving Ben alone with Jasmia.

‘Hello Ben, or should I say Kylo Ren.’ Jasmia hisses and he looks down at her, his jaw clenched and his anxiety spiking.

‘So she’s you’re girlfriend then?’ Her tone is surprisingly jealous as she crosses her arms over her chest, eyes narrow.

‘Why, are you jealous?’ Ben scoffs, finally speaking to her.

‘The First Order shuttle has just broken atmosphere, ma’am.’ A voice breaks the silence and Jasmia looks down at her wrist with panic and then back up at Ben, whose eyes have widened with fury.

‘Like Father, like daughter I see. A Calrissian family trait.’ He growls at her, stepping closer and she takes a step back, fear gripping her as anger ripples though him and his connection with Rey.

Rey gasps when she feels it and spins round to see Ben gripping his lightsaber in his one hand and yanking on the young woman’s hair with his other, his face contorted with blind rage as his cloth mask slips.

‘Ben.’ Rey calls out as Lando turns around too.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading - hope it wasn't too bad, what with the introduction of an original character.
> 
> Thank you for the kudos', comments + bookmarks - you guys are amazingly supportive and I can't thank you all enough.
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes.


	36. Chapter 36

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Rey, get back on the freighter.’ Ben snarls as she hurries toward him but stops a safe distance away, not wanting to provoke him into doing anything rash.

‘Don’t be so stupid Ben.’ Lando interjects as he comes to a stop a little bit away from the unpredictable former First Knight.

‘Stupid! I was stupid for coming here. I mean what’s your plan Calrissian? Hand me over to the First Order? Get whatever they’re willing to pay for me? You’ve always been deceitful, only ever in anything for what you can get out of it.’ Ben snarls as he digs his lightsaber into Jasmia’s ribs and she winches from the pain, her face a picture of terror, tears filling her fearful eyes.

‘Listen to me. We got notification that the First Order shuttle was en-route, just after we granted you permission to land. We couldn’t refuse them it would be suspicious. I have no intention of handing you over to them. I made a promise to your Mother to do the right thing. And the right thing is to help you. I’m not doing this for you; I’m doing it for her. Because, believe me I have no love left for you, not anymore. Not after what you did. But my love for your parents compels me to help you, and that is what I’m going to do. So let my daughter go and trust me.’ Lando commands as he steps a little closer to Ben, his hands up to show he’s no threat.

‘Trust you? My Father trusted you, and you froze him in carbonite before handing him over to Boba Fett. And you want me to trust you.’ Ben snaps, eyes darkening by the second.

‘Ben, please stop this. Think about what you’re doing.’ Rey urges, desperation in her voice and panic fizzing through their connection, but he completely ignores her.

‘If you get back on that freighter you’re a dead man.’ Lando barks, his eyes awash with panic, but he’s trying to hide it for the sake of his terrified daughter.

‘I’m already a dead man.’ Ben hisses as he tightens his grip on Jasmia, hand curling around her neck and his lightsaber digging uncomfortably into her ribs and she gasps in pain.

‘Ben, please.’ Jasmia yelps, hot tears spilling from her terrified eyes.

‘Ben listen to me, listen. He’s right. If we get back on the freighter then we’re both dead. At least here we might stand a chance. We can hide somewhere, but please you don’t have to do this. We need to trust them.’ Rey begs stepping closer to him and his eyes flash with fury as he glances at her.

The atmosphere is tense and full of nervous energy as they all wait on Ben’s reaction to Rey’s pleading words. Ben glares at Rey and then at Lando, aware that they’ve both got their hands on weapons – Lando on a blaster at his hip, but more surprisingly Rey’s hand hovers over her lightsaber, trembling slightly. 

The sight of Rey reaching for her lightsaber ready to fight him sparks a reaction within Ben. So many emotions dance around his mind that he simply cannot focus on just one, so he goes with the loudest - anger. He shifts his weight so he’s stood behind Jasmia – her body shielding his. He tightens his grip around her neck and she starts to wheeze. Jasmia is desperate for air, her hands frantically clawing at his arm. 

‘Please Ben. Let her go. We’re running out of time.’ Rey pleads, taking another tentative step closer to him.

‘No, you’re wrong. She’s running out of time.’ Ben snarls and Rey can see that he’s become Kylo, his eyes dark and absent of emotion.

Her fear is compounded when the comms on Jasmia’s wrist announces that the First Order shuttle is docking on level 25. That General Hux is requesting the presence of Baron Administrator Calrissian and that the city is now on shut down on the pain of death. She can see the muscles in Ben’s face constrict and tighten at the mention of General Hux, his adversary within the First Order. His old rival, his tormentor and punisher. 

‘Please Ben, let her go.’ Rey cries out as Jasmia begins to choke, her breath coming out in strangled rasps as he digests the news of General Hux’s presence in the city.

‘Stop calling me that.’ Ben growls, eyes black as the darkest night, lost from her once again, like their first night on Hoth.

But this time Rey will not back down, she will not run and hide. Jasmia’s life depends on her. On her ability to get through to him. The problem is that she’s only gotten through to him when he’s been Ben or the more tamable version of Kylo Ren. Not when he’s the cold-hearted monster she has nightmares about. Not the Kylo she saw cut down his own Father. Not the man before her now. But this is a challenge that she must accept and find quick resolution to otherwise they’re all going to be dead.

With a steadying breath to calm her fears and nerves, Rey closes the distance between them, hearing the sound of worried gasps from Lando behind her. Ben/Kylo doesn’t retreat from her; instead he stands firm with fuming eyes fixed on Rey. She holds her breath, as she reaches up and places trembling fingers on his cheek and he flinches. His eyes scrunch close for a second before darting back open, staring straight at her. Ben is absent from her, lost in a world she refuses to enter, but she will not be deterred. 

‘I love you Ben Solo. Don’t leave me for Kylo Ren. Please.’ Rey whispers her plea at him, her eyes full of love and determination urging him to believe her, to listen to her.

Ben/Kylo inhales deeply through his nose as he contemplates her words, considers her plea. All things edge on him at this moment. Their future and Jasmia’s life are held in suspension while he makes his choice. The silence is deafeningly eerie, utterly uncomfortable and lingering heavily over them, everything hinges on Ben being Ben and not Kylo. Rey takes a short step back needing to give him some sense of space to think, but her eyes remain fixed on his face. Pushing positivity, strength, clam and most of all love at him. Needing him to believe her, to trust her. 

Ben/Kylo’s grip slackens around Jasmia’s throat and she’s no longer rasping for breath, but Rey can see the tension of the muscles in his hand and knows that he’s still strangling her.

‘Sir, General Hux is en-route to your office.’ The sound of a young man’s voice by the docking bay door interrupts cutting through the air like glass. 

The young man pauses with hesitation when he sees Jasmia being held captive by Kylo Ren. His eyes widen and all but pop out of their sockets at the sight of the notorious former First Order killer. Ben/Kylo’s blood boils at the mention of his adversaries name and his face contorts into a scowl.

‘Kylo Ren.’ The young aide cries with disbelief before spinning on his heels and sprinting off back into the building, his destination obvious to all.

Lando is quick on his heels, in a neat spin he pulls his blaster from its hilt, flicks the switch to stun and runs after the aide, needing to stop him before he gets there, and blows this whole thing more apart than it already is.

‘Ben, please.’ Rey whimpers, eyes fixed on his, urging him to do the right thing, her heart racing as her panic grows, knowing that they really don’t have time for this to continue. 

Rey knows that if this stand off they’re engaged in goes on much longer then she will have to fight him. The idea of it makes her sick to the stomach and her blood run cold. But if she has to, then she will, she’d made that quite clear to him, that she will kill him if she has to.

Ben/Kylo takes a deep breath before he lets go of Jasmia. She darts away from him, hunched over and her hand clutched to her neck as she gulps, filling her lungs with much required air. She looks back at him over her shoulder, a look of clear hate.

‘You really did become a monster.’ Jasmia gasps, but Rey sees something other than hate in her tear filled eyes and it quietly troubles her, there is something that runs deeper between them, but right now she’s not got time to ponder that.

Rey turns her attention back to Ben/Kylo and simply stares at him. His jaw is clenched tightly, eyes still black and thunderous as he glares at Lando’s daughter as she regains her composure.

‘Follow me.’ Jasmia eventually commands as she continues to rubs her neck.

Jasmia sets off at a steady walking pace, shaking off her fear and easing her body as she goes, but Rey can see that she’s still rattled by what had just taken place. With time of the essence Rey reaches forward and places her hand on the lightsaber still held in Ben/Kylo’s and tugs it away from him, out of his grip. That brings him back to the present and back to her. Now when he looks down at her she sees Ben, not Kylo looking back at her. His eyes are no longer black and crazed with madness, but back to his normal deep brown. The eyes she adores lgazing deeply into and wondering about all that they’ve seen.

‘Come on, we need to go. If you can’t trust them, then please, trust me.’ Rey murmurs at him, giving him a faint smile of reassurance before turning to dash after Jasmia.

Ben sucks in a long breath through his gritted teeth as he makes his choice. Believe and trust in Rey, and by proxy Lando and Jasmia or face Hux and the First Order without his lightsaber and having to use the Force instead. He’s got to trust them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :) Please let me know what you think or how you think the fic is progressing or if you don't like anything or suggestions or pointers, whatever :D:D:D
> 
> Thank you for the comments, kudos' + bookmarks you guys make my day :D:D:D
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes - I try to find them all, but sometimes they escape me :\


	37. Chapter 37

-0-0-0-0-0

Ben catches up with Rey and Jasmia in a corridor and finds Lando dragging the limp and unconscious body of the young man from the docking bay through a door. Ben can tell that he’s not dead, just stunned, and the thought that Lando had actually done that for his sake makes him feel uneasy.

‘Come on.’ Jasmia hisses as Lando steps back into the corridor.

‘Ma’am General Hux is awaiting Baron Administrator Calrissian in his office.’ A young man’s voice drifts through the comms on Jasmia’s wrist.

‘Baron Administrator Calrissian is en-route.’ Jasmia barks into the comms and Lando nods at her before casting a cautious and unfriendly eye at Ben and Rey.

‘Be careful.’ He warns his daughter before dashing off to play dignitary for the First Order General.

Jasmia doesn’t speak, she just carries on down the corridor expecting them to follow her and they promptly do so. Rey is still carrying Ben’s lightsaber and she can feel an unusual heat emitting from it. They follow Jasmia quietly and without question.

Rey can feel the distrust Ben has across their connection and she takes a second to watch him, he’s nervous and on his guard. But there’s something else, something he’s hiding from her. She’s feeling scared, she doesn’t know these people, but she feels compelled to trust them, even if she’s not sure why.

After a while Jasmia comes to a stop in the middle of a nondescript corridor. Rey glances around and looks blankly when she can’t see any doors, hatches or passages.

‘In here.’ Jasmia indicates as she points at the wall.

Rey furrows her brows and shakes her head as she stares at the white plastic panel. Jasmia steps forward and presses her hand against it and it comes apart, opening up to reveal a service cupboard. It is barely big enough for a single person to comfortably work in let alone two people to hide in.

‘It’s a service cupboard.’ Ben grits as he looks between the confined space and Jasmia.

‘And? If you want to get out of here alive then that’s where you’re going to hide, understand.’ Jasmia hisses at him, the bruises of his fingers beginning to bloom on her neck.

Rey nods and steps inside the cupboard without any further delay. As Ben steps forward to join Rey in the cupboard, Jasmia stops him with an outstretched arm.

‘I don’t recognize you anymore. You’re not the boy I remember. The boy I loved.’ Jasmia croaks at him in a hushed tone, trying to keep it between them, but Rey is able to hear her words and the unspoken pain in Jasmia’s voice and she sees fresh tears in her eyes.

Ben looks down at Jasmia and Rey stands awkwardly watching from inside the cupboard. She feels a pang of jealousy and anger as she watches the flicker of hurt pass over Ben’s eyes. Rey realizes that there’s deep and agonizing history between him and Jasmia, and that makes her stomach churn. She wants to know what it is that happened between them, the whole story, but she doubts she ever will.

Ben has the decency of looking sorry for what he did before, even if he can’t bring himself to say it. With a short breath he steps inside the cupboard, wedging himself between Rey and the wall. Jasmia pushes the panel close, submerging them into the dark apart from the glow of the lights on the control panel.

Trapped in the darkness, hiding from everything and their trust placed entirely on Lando and Jasmia Calrissian not giving them up to the First Order, they begin their wait. Standing in complete silence, not wanting to risk a single noise that might draw attention.

‘ _You need to stay calm._ ’ Rey presses in his mind as she feels his agitation coming across their connection, mixing quietly with her own.

‘I _am calm._ ’ He snaps back, rolling his eyes.

‘ _Okay_.’ Rey sighs, the atmosphere between them is palpable.

She was genuinely scared for Jasmia. She really did think that Kylo and the Dark had returned, she was sure he and it had. But she had managed to calm him, bring him back to Ben. She closes her mind off from him, even though he’s so close that she can reach up and touch him. She needs to be alone with her thoughts.

Rey closes her eyes and goes to cross her arms when she realizes that she’s still got his lightsaber, the odd warmth that comes from it has become secondary. She looks down and can just about make it out in the dim eerie light of the cupboard. It fits comfortably in her hand and that makes her throat go dry. It’s a weapon born from the Dark Side, created to kill and maim, to bring on fear and terror and she’d felt both because of it. It’s an ill constructed weapon, tempestuous, erratic and unpredictable much like it’s creator and keeper. She shudders at the idea of it, the sight of it and her fright of it.

‘ _You should have this back._ ’ She quickly states in his mind as she presses the lightsaber against his hand that is awkwardly dangling at his side.

Ben takes it from her without thanks and hooks it onto his belt. She feels uncomfortable being trapped alone with him, when he’s still so cut off from her. When he’s on the cusp of the Dark side, conflicted and in pain. He’s still not completely her Ben and that worries her. Will he ever be Ben, was he ever fully Ben back on Hoth, or will she always have to share him with his torment and conflict. He chose the Light and her, but is that ever really possible for him, to be one or the other. In her heart of hearts she knows that he will never be able to commit himself totally to the Light, the Dark will forever be part of him, of who he is.

They stand in an empty silence, the only noise coming from their merged breathing and the occasional whir of the control panel behind Rey. Waiting for the unknown, waiting for what neither of them is sure of. Escape or death, there’s no in between.

-0-0-0-0-0

The silence drags on for what feels like an eternity and lost in her own thoughts about Ben, the Dark side and Jasmia is making Rey angry as she repeatedly sighs heavily, much to Ben’s silent ridicule or eye rolling and head shaking.

‘ _Stop that._ ’ He snaps in her mind and she purses her lips, eyes boring into his skull and he knows it.

‘ _Why?_ ’ She retorts petulantly.

‘ _Do you want to get caught and die?_ ’ He snarks and she can feel his judgmental gaze burning into her skin.

‘ _Of course not._ ’ She mutters, folding her arms over her chest.

‘ _Then stop it_.’ He takes a tone of authority and that annoys her, after his behavior for him to be acting superior just makes Rey even more frustrated.

‘ _What did she mean to you?_ ’ Rey hisses and her tone inside both their heads oozes of jealousy.

Ben scoffs quietly and she can tell that he’s smirking and shaking his head at her question and her accusatory tone.

‘ _I loved her once._ ’ He answers, his voice full of raw honesty in her mind and that shocks Rey, she really wasn’t expecting him to be open with her, not about that.

‘ _Wh-what what happened?_ ’ She splutters thrown by his admission.

‘ _Why don’t I show you?_ ’ Ben murmurs and Rey’s brows knit together at his offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Thank you for the kudos', comments and bookmarks. It would be totally and utterly amazing if this fic gets to 200 kudos' by the end (especially as my original target was just 50!!!! - you guys just totally rock) 
> 
> I know this is hardly on the level of Interstellar Transmissions (that fic has crazy kudos' + comments) but I genuinely appreciate the love and support you have shown for this fic :D<3:) - I get blown over by each and every kudos', comment + bookmark <3<3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes and I hope you don't feel this chap has dragged :s


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :'(
> 
> I'll apologise now for what is about to come....
> 
> Oh and I need some inspiration - can anyone provide anything!?!?! Any ideas??

-0-0-0-0-0

‘ _Show me?_ ’ Rey mutters with confusion.

 _'Yes. My mind is yours. All you have to do is look.’_ Ben offers and Rey is completely and utterly taken aback by how free he’s being with her, especially given what had happened earlier when he was unrecognizable to her.

Rey braces herself with a deep breath as she focuses on him and his mind. Her access is painless; he doesn’t resist or fight or push against her. He allows her in, accepting her completely inside his head.

She sees a teenage Ben wearing the dress of a Jedi Padawan as he walks down a dimly lit grey stone corridor alongside Master Luke. The Jedi Master looks a little slimmer and less grey and that makes Rey smile slightly, having only known the more portly and grey version of the man.

_‘Ben, you understand that Jedi are forbade from forming attachments such as romantic love, marriage and family.’ Master Luke states as he glances at his Padawan._

_‘Yes Master.’ Ben’s answers curtly, as they walk slowly._

_‘And you understand the reasons why.’ Master Luke asks, coming to a stop and turning to face his nephew. ‘Yes Master.’ Ben grumbles as he stands next to the Jedi Master._

_‘Recite the Jedi Code.’ Master Luke requests much to Ben’s annoyance as he begins to walk again._

_‘There is no emotion, there is peace._

_There is no ignorance, there is knowledge._

_There is no passion, there is serenity._

_There is no chaos, there is harmony._

_There is no death, there is the Force.’ Ben states it word for word, his voice controlled, as he catches up with his Master – shoulder to shoulder._

_‘Love, marriage and family are born of passion. Passion can become anger, hate and fear. They can lead to the Dark side of the Force.’ Master Luke talks, his voice calm and his words calculated as he watches his nephew intently for a reaction._

_Ben doesn’t respond with words. Instead his jaw tightens and his chest heaves, he knows exactly what his uncle is getting at, and he doesn’t like it. Besides it angers him that he is being spoken to like some sort of Jedi youngling. He is aware of the Jedi Code; he’s been repeating it every day for years. It’s engrained into his mind, part of his subconscious._

_'It has been brought to my attention that you have been spending a lot of time with Jasmia Calrissian on Coruscant, to the detriment of your individual training. I allow you to travel to the city to study and train. And when available to see your parents, which is far more than the other Padawans are afforded. You have taken advantage of the fact you are my nephew. But now because of your indiscretion and clear disregard of my rules you are no longer permitted to travel alone to Coruscant.’ Master Luke states as he pauses and Ben follows suit._

_‘But Master, Jasmia is just a friend.’ Ben defends himself, feeling the anger light in his veins._

_Master Luke gives Ben a knowing yet accusatory look and Ben’s nostrils flare and his jaw clenches, his anger blazing in his blood._

_‘Ben, I know that she is more than just a friend. I can see it in your eyes. You are in love with her, and dare I say she is in love with you. But you cannot have, or continue, a relationship with Jasmia if you are to become a Jedi Knight. You must choose between her and the Jedi Order. You cannot have both.’ Master Luke is firm and sharp as he folds his hands over his stomach beneath his beige robes, but there is a serenity in his eyes and that makes Ben’s blood boil more._

_Ben looks at the ground, his eyes distant, as he considers his future. A life as a Jedi or a life with Jasmia. He wants both. His grandfather had both. He was a Jedi Knight and had a relationship, a marriage with Padmé Amidala – his grandmother. Even if being with his grandfather had ultimately ended in the unbearable tragedy of the former Queen of Naboo’s death during childbirth. He still had everything he wanted for a time. And Ben wants it all. He wants to be a Jedi Knight and be with Jasmia._

Rey gasps at the memory he shows her, her heart drumming faster in her chest as she gazes up into his troubled eyes. By allowing her to see his past he’s stirring up anguish and hurt from deep within, but he tries to mask the pain he feels from Rey, but she catches the slightest glimmer.

‘ _Go on._ ’ Ben urges into Rey’s mind and she takes a sharp breath before returning to his mind, to see more of who he is and how he became what he is.

_‘He wants you to choose. The so-called last Jedi wants you to decide between the Jedi Order and love. He is foolish and naïve. Love and passion feed us young Solo. The Dark side does not forbid love. It fuels it, adds fire to it. Accept the Dark side and you can have it all. All that you desire, all that you wish for. Cast aside your parents just as they abandoned you to a life so unworthy of your powers. Finish what your grandfather Darth Vader started. You and I, together can be unstoppable. We can rule the galaxy and reign with terror and fear, my apprentice. For years I have shown you the way, now destroy the Jedi and become who you were born to be. Who you are meant to be, Kylo Ren.’ An alien hiss fills Ben’s mind._

_Ben is in what appears to be a bedroom; it’s sparse of any sentiment or reminder of who he is. There’s only a bed, a small wooden stool, a desk, a wardrobe and nothing else. He looks up into the darkness on the sound of the name he’d selected to become, and he feels the power surging through his veins, like molten metal, the Dark side truly being freed within him._

Rey’s eyes are wide as she looks up at Ben. She can make out a haunted expression on his face. She doesn’t even need to ask whose voice it was she heard. There is only one explanation – Supreme Leader Snoke, the creature who seduced Ben to the Dark side to be his puppet. Corrupted from such a tender age, he really didn’t stand a chance. She feels sick from the sound of the voice and the provocative words used in the final seduction of Ben Solo.

Rey pushes aside her discomfort and presses on needing to find the answer to her own thoughts, of how deeply Ben cared for and loved Jasmia. Spurred on by her sudden insecurity and jealousy.

_‘Ben you can’t give up the Jedi Order for me. I’m not worthy of such a commitment. You cannot give up who you’re meant to be, not for me.’ Jasmia shakes her head, her eyes full of defiance and sure emotion._

_‘But I love you and I want to be with you. I don’t understand, don’t you want to be with me?’ Ben whines petulantly._

_His face is a picture of confusion and rage, he is willing to give up so much for her and she doesn’t want him to. She’s not even considering his offer. He’s giving up the Jedi Order to be with her, everything he’s ever known and been._

_‘I do, I love you. But being a Jedi is what you’ve wanted for so long. To bring peace to the galaxy. To follow in the footsteps of your uncle and your grandfather. To be a Jedi Knight.’ Jasmia reasons as she reaches out and takes his one hand in both of hers._

_‘What? So you want me to choose the Jedi and not you. You don’t want to be with me anymore?’ Ben storms, hearing his pulse loudly thumping in his ears._

_‘You don’t have to choose, because I’ve done it for you. I’ve thought long and hard about this and I can’t stand between you and who you are meant to be. I love you Ben Solo, I really do. But the galaxy and keeping the peace is so much more important than me. Than us. Don’t try and fight me on this, my mind is made up. You’re needed with the Jedi Order. Your too powerful, too important to give up all that for me.’ Jasmia croaks, not even convincing to her own voice, her resolve waining, but it is what needs to be done; it is what’s right._

_Ben doesn’t say anything, too swept up in his numb disbelief and shock. Jasmia steps closer to him and he doesn’t move. She leans in and presses a parting kiss to his cheek before turning and leaving him. Alone with his devastation and heartbreak. He’d chosen her and the Dark side. But she is gone, slipping out of his life and leaving a ghost in her place. There is only one thing left for him – the Dark and Snoke. True, devote and unadulterated acceptance of the Dark side of the Force. Master Luke – his uncle – won’t know what’s going to hit him._

Rey gasps as she withdraws her eyes scanning his stoic face, but the wet shine of eyes in the glow in the cupboard show his true emotions. She doesn’t know what to think or say. Jasmia had meant so much to him that he’d given up the Jedi Order and the Light for her, but she left him and it seemed so simple for her to make the choice for him. Completely unaware of what her decision that day would lead to. But Rey is more than sure she knows it now.

‘ _There were so many things that lead me down that path. She was just another element. But yes, I committed myself to serving the Dark side the moment she left._ ’ Ben answers her silent question and she fights back her tears.

It’s like looking in a mirror. He chose the Dark side in order to be with Jasmia, and now he’s chose the Light side so he can be with her. Rey is not sure of where she stands, her place in his life, in his love. She shuffles backwards, pressing into the control panel and Ben shakes his head at her reaction.

’ _Rey, what’s going on?_ ’ His tone is urgent and worried.

‘ _I don’t know. I just need some space_.’ She mumbles, head forward and eyes on the ground.

‘ _Rey, I love you. Jasmia’s part of my past. She’s history. It’s you I love. You who I want to spend the rest of my life with.’_ Ben’s voice is soothing and reassuring as he steps forward, trapping her with his body.

Rey slowly looks up at him as their connection shimmers brightly with love and devotion, his love and devotion to her, to them, to their uncertain future. Looking deep into his eyes and seeing his heart and soul laid bare to her, Rey knows that Ben Solo loves hard. So hard in fact he’ll even change the fabric of the galaxy because of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this chap and selecting to read this fic!!!!
> 
> Danke for all the kudos', commnents and bookmarks - you're all just so wonderfully supportive it means a lot :D:D
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :|


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :|:o
> 
> Hope you've all have a good weekend? Sorry for no chapter yesterday - writers block!! I saw Deadpool today and somehow felt inspired!!! Random!! ;D But it is a love story!!! :D;D;)

-0-0-0-0-0

‘So Baron Administrator Calrissian, have you seen or heard from the war criminal Kylo Ren?’ General Hux enquires, his eyes steely and cold, but there’s a strange and unsettling chirp to his tone as he interlocks his fingers together.

‘No General, I’ve not seen or heard from Kylo Ren and nor do I expect to.’ Lando replies, both his face and voice neutral as he sits back in his chair, eyes fixed on the General.

‘Perhaps it was _Ben Solo_ you saw instead?’ General Hux quips, his eyes staring intently at Lando and a faint smirk on his lips and raise of his eyebrow.

‘I’ve not seen Ben Solo since he was a boy. And I don’t want to. Not after what he did.’ Lando almost fully controls his voice apart from a quiver of anger, which is true to how he does actually feel about Ben.

‘And what about the female scavenger. A girl who goes by the name of Rey. She’s something of value to him. After all he took her from Jakku for a reason. And everyone knows that Kylo Ren doesn’t exactly have friends. He’s not what anyone would call sociable.’ General Hux purrs arrogantly, his tongue clipping the words off his teeth.

‘No, not seen her either. Look, I don’t hold any love for Ben Solo and certainly not the man he became. So, if he or they happened to turn up here on Cloud City. I’d have no problem informing the First Order.’ Lando informs the General, as he leans forward on his desk.

‘And what about your daughter? Jasmia isn’t it? I understand that she and Ben Solo have _history_ ; maybe she’s seen him?’ General Hux smirks at Lando while sitting back in his chair.

‘No, she’s not seen him either.’ Lando shakes his head defiantly as his stomach clenches uncomfortably.

‘Are you sure? Maybe I can speak to her, _personally_.’ Gerneral Hux sneers, making the last word sound completely suggestive and it makes Lando’s skin itch.

Lando waits a moment before he sighs and presses the switch on his comms, eyes fixed on the deathly pale and self-important face of the General, who’s watching him like a hawk.

‘Jasmia, can you please come to my office.’ Lando requests after she answers the call. ‘I’m on my way.’ She replies full of easy control.

‘Wonderful. I have one or two  _personal_ questions for her about our mutual associate.’ General Hux taunts with yet another smirk and it unsettles Lando even more.

Lando knew that Jasmia and Ben were close when they were kids – she was probably his only friend – and that they saw each other a few times as they got older, in their teens. But the implication of Hux’s tone and the suggestive nature of his words rattle him. It makes him think he’s missed something about his daughter’s friendship with Ben Solo.

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey stands in silence, over thinking all that she’s been allowed to see of Ben’s past in his mind. It’s troubling her, there are gaps she’d like to be addressed, but its not the right time or place for those questions. She comes to realize that by him showing her what he did, that he must have more trust in her than she’d previously thought. It makes her heart skip a beat. She has all but completed her mission set out by General Organa and Master Luke; in fact she’s done it. She’d managed to bring Ben back to the Light and get him to trust her. Now she just needs to keep him alive. No small task, especially when they’re hiding in a cupboard from the First Order, on a floating city, and with no means of transport.

Ben sighs as he contemplates how close he got to becoming Kylo Ren again. How easy it had been to let the Dark burn through his veins. He just hopes that they manage to survive, escape and get to Dagobah. Where hopefully he’ll be able to renounce or learn to control the Dark Side. But he knows that it could work in opposite and make him even more powerful with the Dark Side. He pushes the thoughts of the Dark Side out of his mind and focuses on the Light, and Rey.

-0-0-0-0-0

Jasmia enters her Father’s office and sees the General sat in his smart dark charcoal First Order Uniform with his crown of ginger hair. She approaches confidently, not wanting the man to see any chinks in her emotional armour.

‘General.’ She addresses him firmly and Hux smirks as he rises to his feet to greet her, offering an outstretched hand that she politely takes.

‘Ah you must be Jasmia. You are a true beauty, no wonder Ben Solo finally accepted the Dark Side when he was told being with you was forbidden by the Jedi.’ Hux sneers and Lando furrows his brows as Jasmia clenches her jaw.

‘I don’t know what you’re on about General.’ She is defiant in her response, looking direct into his eyes.

‘Such modesty. But I fear your Father doesn’t know the full extent of your relationship with Ben Solo. Come on Calrissian, you’re a worldly and travelled man. I’m sure you know all about young love and heartbreak. My Master has seen inside Kylo Ren’s mind. He saw everything about your daughter and her first love. Every single _intimate_ detail.’ General Hux brags knowingly, drawing out the last sentence and leaving it hanging red hot in the air between them.

‘I’m sorry General but I fear you have been misinformed as to the nature of my _relationship_ with Ben Solo.’ Jasmia barks at him, a steely look in her eyes.

General Hux stares at her, a slight twitch of a smirk on his lips. He can see that she’s putting on a front; the truth is there in her eyes, like windows to her soul.

‘As I said, the Supreme Leader has seen inside Kylo Ren’s mind. He saw everything of your relationship with _Ben_. Even how you left him when he was willing to give up the Jedi Order for you. Do you know that by you leaving him that was the final push he needed to turn to the Dark side?’ Hux smiles brightly as he relays the information provided to him by his Master.

Jasmia’s brows furrow, lips purse and her nostrils flare a little at the news. She doesn’t want to show him any emotion or any weakness he can exploit, but the news troubles her deeply.

‘Look, I don’t know what lies you’ve been told General. But Jasmia and Ben were never in any sort of relationship. He was off training to be a Jedi and Jasmia was on Coruscant living with her Mother. So how would they have conducted this so called relationship?’ Lando queries as he rises up out of his seat, knuckles pressed into his desk.

‘Do not accuse the Supreme Leader of lies and deceit, Calrissian. Be careful now. I’m sure you don’t want to end up being carbonite like your old friend Han Solo was once, do you now?’ General Hux growls angrily at Lando who sits back down, eyeing the General suspiciously.

With a faint hand gesture from Hux two stormtroopers enter the office and walk over to Jasmia. They seize hold of her arms before she even has chance to react.

‘What are you doing? Let her go.’ Lando shouts as he jumps to his feet as Jasmia struggles against the stormtroopers grips.

‘We’re going to find out how much you truly meant to Ben Solo when you’re a guest of Supreme Leader Snoke. Thank you for your time Baron Administrator. We’re done here.’ General Hux smirks as the stormtroopers begin to drag Jasmia away as he leads them toward the door.

‘Get off me.’ Jasmia cries out as she struggles against their tight grips.

‘Wait, wait. Please. I’ll tell you where Kylo Ren is.’ Lando cries and Hux grins with such self-satisfied triumph as he turns back round to face Lando, as Jasmia shakes her head at her Father’s betrayal.

‘No Father, don’t.’ Jasmia spits, as General Hux grins at the former smuggler.

‘I’m sorry Jasmia, but I will not choose him over you.’ Lando commands as he walks around from behind his desk.

She shakes her head vigorously, surprised by her own feeling to defend Ben, especially after what he’d done, and what she’d earlier begged her Father to do – to hand him over straight away. But seeing him once again stirred her long suppressed feelings for him.

‘Follow me.’ Lando states as he leads them out of the room, Jasmia still battling against the two stormtroopers as they drag her behind their commander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :D <3
> 
> Thank you for the kudos' (over 200!!!! <3 you amazing ppl!!), comments + the bookmarks! :D <3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :|
> 
> I've been accused of romanticising abuse with this fic - that wasn't my intention at all, and I'm not entirely sure where I have? But if you think I have then by all means let me know and where - which relationships etc. Ta!


	40. Chapter 40

-0-0-0-0-0

‘I’ve had enough of this. This waiting. I’m not going to keep waiting here for them. If they want me then they’re just going to have to kill me.’ Ben mutters with frustration as he shifts around in the small space like a caged beast.

‘But what about Jasmia? Don’t you trust her?’ Rey mumbles, eyes fixed on his face in the pale glow of the service cupboard.

‘There’s only one person I trust. And that’s you.’ Ben states with certain conviction as he steps forward closing the small distance between them.

Rey looks up at him and even in the dim light she can see the honesty in his eyes, he really does trust her. However she cannot trust him explicitly. Not after how easy it has been for him to lose his control and plummet back to the Dark side, even if he’s managed to scramble his way back to the Light each time. She has to stay alert and on her guard, no matter what.

‘Are you with me?’ He whispers, his eyes fixed on hers as he cups her jaw and she nods.

She’s with him, till the end of the line. Ben leans down and captures her lips in a fleeting kiss, and she hopes to whoever that is not the last time she will enjoy the feel of his lips on hers.

He turns away from her and takes a deep breath, unhooking his lightsaber from his belt and composing himself for battle. Rey follows suit, gripping her lightsaber between both hands that tremble slightly with anticipation. Ben presses his hand against the panel, holding his breath as it slides open back into the corridor.

He steps confidently out into the empty hall with Rey a step behind, all eyes scanning and checking for company.

‘ _Stay behind me. Stay close_.’ He orders in her mind and she does what he says.

Rey settles a step behind Ben, checking behind them intermittently. Her heart is racing as they make their way along the corridor. Fear and anxiety mixing to make her nauseous. Ben moves silently ahead of her, like a ghost. No heavy breathing, no ruffling of fabric, no sound of footsteps. It continues to surprise her that someone with such anger, frustration and fire can creep so quietly.

They reach the end of the corridor and Ben presses himself against the wall, so Rey does the same, her gaze alternating between watching what Ben does next and making sure it’s clear behind them.

Ben snatches a glimpse around the corner before pressing back against the wall. Rey looks up at him and sees that he’s taking a slow calming breath.

‘ _There are six stormtroopers. I’ll go first. You stay here, keep watch_.’ He informs her before disappearing round the corner, not giving Rey any time to object.

She slides along the wall and glances around the corner to see Ben effortlessly killing the stormtroopers. He moves with such ease and grace, it’s almost poetic, if it weren’t for the fact that he’s killing people.

Suddenly Rey feels a burning pain in her upper arm, just below her shoulder, and yelps loudly as she stumbles back round the corner. It all happens so quickly as Ben spins round just in time to see Rey clutching her arm as she disappears from his view. Her lightsaber is lying on the floor. Ben turns back to face the stormtrooper, as he deflects the shots aimed at him. His eyes are the blind, dark rage of Kylo Ren. He closes in on the stormtrooper, who stands his ground and shoves his menacing red blade up through the stormtroopers neck, holding him in place with his free arm as the trooper twitches in his death.

Ben withdraws his lightsaber and dashes round the corner to find Rey sitting on the floor holding onto her arm just below the fierce red wound. He crouches down and inspects the wound.

‘It’s not too deep, just a flesh wound. You’ll be fine once we get some bacta on it. Remember what I taught you about pain.’ Ben rambles as Rey watches his face and sees the relief wash over it.

‘Come on, we need to get moving.’ He adds, his tone urgent as he looks around.

Ben helps Rey to her feet, not because he has to, because he wants to. He grabs up her lightsaber and hands it to her and she hooks it onto her belt. As they head round the corner Rey’s eyes widen at the carnage of the stormtroopers. Their dead bodies litter the floor. She scoops up a blaster, as Ben drags her along. She shudders at the sight of the stormtrooper with the gaping hole in his neck. It makes her blood run cold.

-0-0-0-0-0

General Hux, Landon and an imprisoned Jasmia turn into the corridor where Jasmia had hidden Ben and Rey. Her heart is racing fast and her breath is coming out in short quiet pants as she continues to fight against the grip of the stormtroopers. Panic is gripping her, knowing that this could result in devastation and death. Her own death perhaps.

Lando nods at the white plastic panel to Hux’s side. He’s flanked by a squad of stormtroopers, all with their blasters raised and pointing at the paneling.  With a triumphant grin Hux indicates for one of the stormtroopers to press open the panel. Lando stands further down the corridor with Jasmia and the two stormtroopers. The trooper presses the panel and it shifts open. Jasmia holds her breath, fear gripping tightly in her chest. Hux’s proud smile fades to be replaced with a scowl of pure anger as he storms into the service cupboard searching for Ben and Rey.

‘WHERE ARE THEY?’ He bellows with rage as he steps out of the cupboard, eyes raging at everyone, but lingering longer on Lando and Jasmia.

‘FIND THEM.’ He shouts his orders and the stormtroopers scatter along the corridor.

‘What sort of tricks are you playing Calrissian?’ Hux rages as he marches his way toward the Father and Daughter.

‘I’m not playing any sort of tricks. They were put in there. I swear they were.’ Lando mutters as he gawps between the empty cupboard, General Hux and Jasmia.

‘Take her to the shuttle.’ Hux barks at the two stormtroopers as the rest continue to search along the corridor, ripping open all the panels.

‘No, wait, please.’ Jasmia begs as tears threaten to spill from her eyes and she tries to break away from the grip of the stormtroopers.

‘Please no. We’ll find them. They can’t have gone far. Please just don’t take my daughter.’ Lando pleads desperately, stepping in front of the stormtroopers as they go to drag Jasmia away.

‘Please Hux, you don’t have to take her. We’ll find them. They’re here somewhere. I know it.’ Lando begs as the stormtroopers barge him out of the way.

‘Sir, there’s been an unofficial departure. A Corellian Light Freighter with two people on board. It appears to be heading for Hoth.’ An aide announces to Lando from behind them, his eyes scanning between Lando, Hux, Jasmia and the stormtroopers.

Hux spins around to face the aide, his face contorting with anger and rage. He storms toward the clearly terrified aide, who takes a couple of steps back, starting to tremble with fear.

‘Get to the shuttle. NOW.’ Hux bellows right into the face of the petrified aide, but not addressing him.

‘Sir, what about the girl?’ one of stormtroopers holding onto Jasmia questions.

‘Take her.’ Hux hisses as he turns back round. Hux marches back toward Lando and Jasmia, his eyes dark with bitter menace.

Lando instinctively steps in front of his daughter. Needing to shield her from Hux’s blatant rage.

‘I swear if they are not on that freighter you are both dead.’ Hux snarls, leaning in toward Lando, who firms his jaw in strength and defiance.

Hux shoves past them and gives a short nod to his Lieutenant who’d moved to stands behind Lando. The Lieutenant taps Lando on the shoulder and as he turns to look he punches him hard in the face. It sends the Baron Administrator flying back into the wall, unconscious.

‘No, please. Please. Stop. Dad, dad help me.’ Jasmia screams as she is dragged away by the stormtroopers, eyes full of worry and terror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)
> 
> Thank you for the kudos', comments + bookmarks :D <3
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes or errors :|
> 
> There's a gif zone in the comments - feel free to have a look or share your own :)


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> padding

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Sir, sir. Are you all right? Can you hear me?’ The aide babbles as he crouches down next to Lando.

Lando groans, hand reaching up to his aching jaw.

‘What happened? Where’s Jasmia?’ He grumbles groggy from the punch.

‘She was taken by General Hux. They’re heading to Hoth in pursuit of the Corellian freighter.’ The aide informs the Baron Administrator as he helps him sit up.

‘I need to get to my office. Now.’ Lando snaps as he hauls himself to his unsteady feet before shaking off both the dizziness and the aide he charges off down the corridor.

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Please just let me go. You don’t need me. Kylo Ren doesn’t care about me. Nor does Ben Solo. He’s not the same person I knew. If he cared for me, would he really do this?’ Jasmia pleads and tilts her head back and pulling the neck of her tunic down with her bound hands so he General can see the developing bruises on her neck.

‘Are you saying he did that? Why?’ General Hux is cautious and controlled.

‘Because he thought we were going to hand him over to you. He wanted to kill me. He was going to kill me.’ Jasmia states as she looks at Hux.

‘Why didn’t he?’ Hux queries with narrow eyes.

‘I-I don’t know.’ Jasmia lies, knowing that the truth won’t help anyone.

‘Then you must mean something to him, otherwise you’d be dead by now.’ Hux smirks with a gleeful smile.

‘No, he really wanted me dead. He just……….. he was talked out of it.’ She gulps, unsure of where the outcome of her confession could lead.

‘By who? You? Your Father? No, wait. The girl. The scavenger. She obviously means more to him that the Supreme Leader first thought. He will find this information VERY useful.’ Hux sneers as he watches Jasmia intently, she resigns herself to the fact that she had not helped anyone with her admission.

-0-0-0-0-0

Leia is sat waiting at her desk, ready for news from Bespin and Cloud City. She keeps taking deep breaths to remain calm, fingers tapping intermittently on the paperwork that covers it. She casts an eye at her brother.

Luke is sat in the chair on the other side of the desk, mind wandering far and wide, eyes down and brows furrowed. Fingers absently stroking his greying beard. Leia wonders what it is he’s thinking about. She’d never ask, but at the same time she’d love to know.

Suddenly there is a crackle on the comms. It startles Leia as they both look up, eyes meeting. Leia takes a breath and presses the button to listen.

‘Leia. Leia, is that you? Leia, they’ve taken my daughter. They’ve taken Jasmia.’ The panicked voice of Lando Calrissian fills the airwaves.

Leia looks at Luke with confusion as she quickly tries to understand. Luke leans forward in his chair, toward the mic point.

‘Lando, it’s Luke. Who’s taken Jasmia? Ben?’ Luke questions, his voice full of composure.

‘No, no. The First Order. A General Hux. He’s taking her to the Supreme Leader of the First Order. I’ve got to do something. I need to save my daughter.’ Lando rants, his frustration and pain clear to them both.

‘Lando, you need to stay calm. Now, where is it they’re heading? Did they say?’ Luke takes control with his calm tone.

‘Yeah, they’re heading to Hoth first. Ben’s heading there. They’re in pursuit of the freighter.’ Lando’s voice trails a little, knowing what his words can do to his old friends.

Leia springs out of her chair and dashes around her desk; ripping the door open she accosts the first member of the Resistance she finds.

‘You. Get me Poe Dameron. NOW.’ She barks, panic and anger bubbling in her heaving chest.

She turns back into the room and sees the sense of judgment in her brother’s eyes.

‘What?’ She snaps; arms crossed over her chest as she makes her way back to her chair.

‘You need to remain calm. Both of you.’ Luke suggests but gets a pointed look from his sister and a scoff through the comms.

‘Lando, do you know why they took Jasmia?’ Leia queries, everything quickly back under control.

Luke gulps, sure of what their old friend will say, his gaze adverted from his sisters.

‘To see how much Jasmia actually meant to Ben. Did you know about them? That they were in some sort of relationship? That they were apparently in love.’ Lando asks bitterly and Leia’s eyes shoot up to her brother’s face.

‘No.’ She replies as Luke takes a deep breath.

‘Maybe you should ask your brother. Because he apparently knew all about it. He was the one who told Ben to choose the Jedi Order or my daughter.’ Lando informs, his voice full of disappointment and dripping with contempt.

‘Yes, I did tell Ben to chose. He could not become a Jedi if he was in love. So I asked him to decide. I don’t know what he decided because after that he was lost to the Dark side.’ Luke addresses them, his voice hitching a little.

‘Apparently he choose Jasmia, but she rejected him. Told him to choose the Jedi Order, and well, we know the rest. He opted for the Dark side and became a monster.’ Lando hisses.

‘Sir. I need to tell you something straight away.’ The aide steps forward to Lando’s desk, taking the lull in conversation over the airways as his opportunity.

‘What is it?’ Lando barks, his tone a little aggressive but he gestures an apology with his hands.

‘The Corellian Light Freighter was empty.’ The young man informs and Lando is instantly confused.

‘I’m sorry what? What do you mean it was empty?’ Lando mutters as he hears the baffled gasps from Leia.

‘Jasmia set the freighter to autopilot after inputting the coordinates for Hoth. She told me to claim that two people were on board. I didn’t question her command and did as requested. Also there are reports that six stormtroopers were found dead in a corridor.’ The aide rambles, his tone full of panic.

‘So, they’re still in the City then? I want the City to be put on complete lockdown. Effect immediately. No one is to come into or leave this city.’ Lando announces.

‘Yes Sir.’ The aide nods and hurries out of the room.

‘I’m sorry Leia, but if something happens to my daughter because of your son, I will not hesitate to hand him over to the First Order. The girl as well.’ Lando states and both Leia and Luke know that he means it.

Just as Leia’s about to speak there’s a knock on the doorframe, and she looks up to see Poe and Finn standing in the doorway.

‘Poe, Finn. Come in.’ Leia commands, quickly becoming the General once again in voice, posture and steely gaze.

Poe and Finn, with BB-8 right behind enter the office and look between the General and the Jedi Master and Poe can instantly tell there is tension in the air.

‘Once again I’m sorry that you’re trip to Coruscant had to be cancelled. But with a large number of First Order troops being present on the planet hunting down Resistance associates, it would have been too much of a risk to send you. However I do have something far more urgent that I need you to do.’ General Organa states firmly, not taking her gaze off the pilot.

Poe remains calm whereas Finn has to suppress his annoyance about the cancellation. When Poe had told him their trip was off he was outraged and even ended up cursing at Poe and BB-8. But now there in the General’s office he’s at least getting some sort of answers as to why.

‘Of course General. Whatever you need.’ Poe is all business, cool, calm and collected – typical Poe.

‘I need you to take a small team to Hoth for a rescue. On the line is an old and trusted friend Lando Calrissian. He’s the Baron Administrator of Cloud City on Bespin. His daughter Jasmia has been taken by the First Order to Hoth.’ The General begins her instructions and Poe nods keenly. 

‘But why Hoth? There’s nothing there? Apart from snow.’ Finn wonders out loud and receives a sharp look from the General.

‘The First Order are in pursuit of a Corellian Light Freighter. They believe that Ben and Rey are on board.’ General Organa mutters and that perks Finn’s interest and BB-8 whistles softly at the mention of Rey’s name.

‘So what has Jasmia got to do with it?’ Poe questions a little hesitantly.

‘She was a friend of Ben’s when they were children. The First Order believes that she is of value to him. That’s all we know. But we need you to lead a team to rescue her.’ The General is as careful with her words as she is with firm stare.

‘But what about Rey? Where is she?’ Finn interjects, panic in his voice.

‘As far as we are aware she and Ben are still on Cloud City.’ Master Luke answers for his sister.

‘Then we should go there.’ Finn snaps as he looks between everyone in the room.

‘No, you are going to go to Hoth and rescue Jasmia. You will then receive further instruction once Jasmia is safely on board.’ General Organa is firm in both her voice and her steely look direct at a defiant Finn.

Finn huffs, knowing that he should not question the orders of the General. He also knows that Poe will never betray a direct command. He takes a step back; shoulders slumped in disappointment at being so close to Rey but still so far from his friend. 

‘Sir, what do you know of the First Order that took your daughter?’ Poe questions to Lando.

‘Not much other than their commander is a General Hux. Oh and it appears six stormtroopers were killed here so they're down in numbers.’ Lando tells them, his voice laced with anger and Finn shudders at the mention of the General’s name.

‘Time is of the essence. You need to get her before they realise that the freighter is empty. Good luck.’ General Organa states and that is their dismissal.

Poe, Finn and BB-8 leave the room. While Finn is disappointed about Rey, being given the opportunity to do something so important buoys him. The feeling of trust surges through his veins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :) I know this chapter sucks a bit as it's Reylo free and it seems a little disjointed, but hey it is just padding :)
> 
> Thank you for the kudos', comments and bookmarks - you make my fan fic writers day all the more brighter :D
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :|


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> x

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Are you sure you’re okay to fly. It’s heavy traffic.’ Rey queries softly as she looks cautiously over at Ben from the co-pilots chair.

‘I think my two hands can fly better than your one at the moment, don’t you?’ Ben scoffs at her as he swiftly maneuvers the stolen ship to avoid hitting a large freighter.

‘I guess. You’re doing a really good job. It’s as if you were born to fly.’ Rey muses quietly. 

Ben snickers, knowing what it is she’s implying. The silence looms between them as they both digest her thought. Rey shifts uncomfortably in her seat, a bacta patch pressed against her upper arm. Stuck on in Ben’s haste to escape when they acquired Lando’s personal transport.

Moments before they boarded the small but well equipped shuttle, Rey altered the codes on the control board to allow all waiting craft to arrive and depart. To create as much disruption to any pursuers. While the city was on lockdown by the First Order it had left a number of ships in limbo, not able to go anywhere – land or leave. But now all are free to go. 

They’d seen their old freighter take off and Ben had guessed that Jasmia must have put it on autopilot. Clearly in the hope of making Hux think they were fleeing. A short time later as they dashed through the deserted corridor toward Lando’s private landing dock, they’d seen the black shuttle of the First Order speed off into the sky. In desperate and menacing pursuit of the freighter and fugitives.

When they’d boarded Lando’s shuttle Rey made moves to take the pilot’s chair, but grimaced painfully when trying to lift her arm to reach the controls. It prompted Ben to practically pick her up and deposit her in the copilot’s chair. He then slapped the bacta on her arm with a stern eye that told her not to object.

Ben was proving to be a better pilot than Rey had thought. From what she understood of his family, being a talented pilot ran in it. His grandfather Anakin Skywalker and his uncle Luke Skywalker, and not to mention his father Han Solo were all gifted at flying. She watches him with keen interest as she fiddles with the edges of the bacta patch. Ben is completely focused on flying them through the traffic chaos that Rey had created. 

Ben’s shoulders ease a little once they’re out of the atmosphere of Bespin and Cloud City and he takes a long slow breath as he flips the switch for lightspeed and then autopilot. He sinks back in the chair and closes his eyes, and Rey is sure he’s contemplating the brief but violently dangerous visit to Cloud City.

They sit in silence as the galaxy races past them. Somewhat easy in the knowledge that Ben had disabled the tracking system on the shuttle, so they’re all alone. No one hot on their tail. Rey lets out a quiet breath, her own body relaxing and the pain beginning to subside a little in her arm. That is until she moves it and then the pain radiates through her skin and muscles, and she winces.

Rey watches Ben; he looks calm and almost peaceful if it weren’t for the fact that she can see the pain around his eyes. She gets out of the comfortable copilots chair and steps over to him, his hands are resting on his thighs and his eyes are still closed. Rey climbs into his lap and the surprise of her action makes him jump. His eyes are wide with shock, and he goes to speak but she stops him by placing a finger against his lips.

She snuggles in closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder as he moves his hands to warp around her body, pulling her closer to him. She needs his warmth and comfort. She’s never needed someone as badly as she needs him. Ben soothingly runs his hand up and down Rey’s back as he kisses her forehead, showing her his affection, reassurance and love.

-0-0-0-0-0

Ben realizes after a while that Rey has fallen asleep on him. The shock of the events of the day taking its toll on her. He brushes a stray strand of hair from her face and she murmurs in her sleep, nestling into his chest. Ben smiles warmly at her, his heart full of love for her and it stuns him. He’d never thought he’d love anyone so much. Of course he’d loved his parents, his uncle, even Chewie. He’d loved Jasmia once upon a time, but all of it pales in comparison to how he feels for Rey.

Rey stirs awake, her eyes instantly focusing on Ben’s face and his faint smile. It makes her smile in adoration. 

‘Hey.’ She mumbles, a faint blush spreading across her cheekbones and Ben’s smile widens, thinking how cute her embarrassment is.

‘Hello.’ He replies before leaning over and pressing a kiss to her dry and chapped lips.

‘I need to see what provision are onboard.’ Ben says as he trails his fingertips slowly down her back.

Rey scoots off his lap and stands up, allowing him to get up and carry out his check. 

-0-0-0-0-0

As the stolen shuttle drops out of hyperspace Ben returns to the cockpit and Rey looks up at him from her position in the pilot’s chair.

‘There’s a box of rations, some water and some clothes, Lando’s and Jasmia’s. Enough to keep us going for about two months.’ He informs her as he perches on the edge of the co pilots’ chair.

Rey nods as she takes the shuttle out of autopilot and Ben doesn’t object when she takes control. Instead he settles further back in the seat and guides Rey over the treetops. He’s looking for somewhere that they can land that looks safe, but also reasonably hidden from any First Order patrols that may pass over the planet. He spots a slight opening in the forest canopy up ahead, and knowing Rey’s talents for flying he decides that she’ll be fine with squeezing the shuttle through the small gap.

‘Right ahead, there.’ He states, pointing at the break and Rey nods in agreement.

She slows the shuttle and with precision and great restraint Rey ducks the shuttle between the trees and down into the forest towards the earth below. Utterly focused and concentrating she lands the ship on the swamp and it sinks only a little before she cuts the engines. 

Ben smiles at her and she can feel his pride trickle across their connection and she sends him back vibes of happiness. He rises out of his seat and disappears out of the cockpit, leaving Rey to trail after him.

‘So are we going to stay on here or are we going to sleep out there?’ Rey queries as she follows him into the small living quarters.

It only consists of a small seating area and a table, there’s a kitchen area that doubles as a corridor, leading to a small sleeping quarters – with two beds and a fresher. It’s all very basic, but necessary. Clearly the shuttle is not to be used as a sort of home. It’s more for transience. 

‘I think to feel the full benefits of the Force we probably need to sleep out there.’ Ben answers as he disappears into the fresher, leaving Rey standing in the tiny sleeping quarters.

When he re-emerges Rey is sitting on the edge of the bottom bunk, toying with her lightsaber in her hands. She glances up at him and he smiles warmly at her.

‘You don’t need to keep your signature hidden anymore.’ Ben smiles and she instantly stops hiding it, it’s like a weight off her shoulders and out of her mind.

But she frowns when she realizes that she can’t find him in the Force, he’s still hiding his signature and that both confuses and annoys her, but she doesn’t want to set off his temper, so she pushes it aside.

‘We should be covered by the purity of the Force on the planet. I think you’d have to be pretty close to someone to be able to detect their signature.’ He mutters as Rey steps forward and laces her arms around his neck.

She runs her fingers through his hair and Ben is bewitched. He leans forward and presses a soft kiss against her lips before going to step away. But Rey’s having none of that as she presses their lips together more aggressively, needing and wanting more from him. And he dutifully obliges.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this rather tame chapter. But and even bigger thanks to those of you who've stuck by this trashcan tribute to Reylo!!! You leave me gobsmacked!! <3<3
> 
> Thank you for all of your support be it in kudos', comments or bookmarks - you guys rock my socks off!!! :D:D: <3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes
> 
> Do let me know if there's anything in particular you'd like to see happen and I will do my best to try and fit it in. :)


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poe = B)

-0-0-0-0-0

Poe is piloting the small and non descript transporter containing the rescue team. Jess is co-piloting and Finn is practically glued to the back of Poe’s chair while BB-8 wobbles around in the doorway. 

‘Straight ahead, can you see the smoke?’ Poe points out, nodding toward the plume of a black cloud rising in the distance.

Poe lays out his instructions on how they’re going to carry out the rescue. He’s in charge and everyone respects that, respects him. He brings the ship down behind a reasonable rise in the snowy landscape, but within walking distance of the First Order shuttle and the crash site.

With the transporter safely landed they all disembark as Poe gives a final instruction to Jess and BB-8 who will guard the craft till their return. He smiles at the balldroid, who whistles in response to him.

The rescue team makes their way toward the crash, trudging as fast as possible through the thick snow. Its not easy work and everyone quickly becomes tired but they don't complain. It’s so cold that Finn’s teeth chatter as he trails after Poe as the snow pours down from the blank white sky.

Poe doesn’t let the snow and the freezing temperatures get to him. He’s on a mission and it’s all business. When given a direct order by General Organa he will always do his upmost to fulfil it and to the very best of his abilities. Today is no different.

They gather on the top of the rise of land and look down on the wreckage. The stormtroopers are scanning through it, clearly in the hope of finding something or someone, and it makes Poe sigh with relief that the freighter was empty. The sight of a crashed airship makes his blood run cold, especially when it’s associated with someone he’s come to deeply respect, if not love. 

They’re all dressed in white winter clothing that was hastily banded together back on D’Qar. Leftover pieces that the Resistance had acquired from the long past battle between the Rebel Alliance and the Galactic Empire – a war his parents fought in, alongside General Organa, Master Skywalker and the legendary Han Solo.

They slide quickly down the other side of the mound, blending into the stark white background, much like the stormtroopers if it weren’t for the breaks of black in their uniforms. 

Just as Poe, Finn and the four Resistance fighters with them slip behind some large rocks General Hux comes marching off the First Order shuttle. Poe pokes his head around the side to see if he can see Jasmia, but he can’t, so he concludes that she must be onboard the craft.

‘We are not leaving this godforsaken waste of a planet until we find something that makes it clear that Kylo Ren and his whore are dead, you understand?’ Hux barks his orders at the stormtroopers who are digging through the mangled wreck.

He turns on his heels and disappears back into the shuttle. Poe takes a deep breath as he calculates the plan. They need to get to, and then inside the shuttle without engaging the stormtroopers. Because quite frankly they are outnumbered – the six of them against eighteen stormtroopers. Besides the objective is a rescue, not an assault. But as some wise old woman in a bar on Coruscant once told him “you cannot make an omelette without cracking a few eggs”, so if needs must, then they must.

‘You three stay here and cover us. Only engage if you have to. You guys are on me.’ Poe commands with an assured nod, before taking a deep breath and dashing out from behind the rocks.

Poe, Finn and the Resistance fighter called Hagan hurry toward the ship, going un-noticed by the stormtroopers sifting through the debris of the freighter. Poe is first onboard, but Finn is hot on his heels while Hagan covers their rear. 

The shuttle is eerily quiet and that makes the hairs on the back of Poe’s neck stand on end, as he tiptoes toward what would be classed as the living quarters. He sees a young woman gagged and bound, wrists chained to a rail behind her, sitting on a bench. Her eyes widen at the sight of the pilot.

‘Jasmia?’ Poe mouths at her and she nods enthusiastically, spotting the emblem of the Resistance on his hooded jacket.

‘Hux?’ He adds quickly, needing to establish where the officer is.

Jasmia gestures to a door just off to her side and Poe looks over. It must be a fresher. Finn steps in next to him and his eyes light up at seeing the young woman they’ve been sent to rescue. 

‘Hux is in there. We need to get Jasmia out asap.’ Poe whispers into Finn’s ear.

Finn scowls at the mention of the First Order General and he’d love nothing more than to kill the ginger officer. But Poe had made it very clear that they are not to kill anyone unless absolutely necessary. 

Poe steps forward, past Finn and over to Jasmia. He nods at Finn to cover the door Hux is behind and to Hagan to stay in the doorway. All communication through nods, looks and hand gestures. He reaches the woman and looks down at the chains attached to the cuffs on her hands. Jasmia looks up at him pleadingly, her eyes full of fear and terror. He sighs softly before his brows furrow a little when he hears a whistling coming from behind the door, it sounds like a whistled march.

He shoots a glance at Finn who simply shrugs, eyes still locked on the door, blaster held high and ready to use. Poe shoves his hand in the pocket of his jacket and produces a set of keys. He’d swiped them from a First Order officer when in the same bar on Coruscant he’d received the words of wisdom from the old lady. He selects a key and tries it on the cuffs, nothing.

Another key and still nothing. He can see the anxiety building in Jasmia’s face, sweat beading on her forehead as she flits between watching him, Finn and the door. Another key and still the cuffs are locked. Poe can feel a tremble of panic run through his veins. He fumbles with the set of keys, his breath tight in his chest as he sees Finn shuffle uneasily out of the corner of his eye. The whistling continuing.

He mutters inside his own mind as Jasmia knits her brows together, her worry growing by the second. Poe pushes the key into the lock on the cuffs and his body sags with relief as it turns and unlocks them. He quickly and quietly removes them from Jasmia’s wrists and takes a step back. Jasmia rises to her feet and nods to let him know that she’s okay.

Together and with Finn covering them they make their way toward the door as the whistling stops. Once they’re in the doorway with Hagan and ready to sneak past the stormtroopers outside Poe turns to Finn.

‘Get Jasmia to the transporter. I’ll be right behind. Now go.’ Poe is firm and his gaze steely, telling Finn not to argue or question him.

Finn’s jaw clenches as he nods reluctantly as he follows Hagan and Jasmia toward the rocks where they’d left the three covering them. He glances over his shoulder to see Poe creeping around the outside of the ominous black First Order airship.

General Organa may have told him to incur minimal human casualties, but she never said anything against sabotage. He smiles to himself as he pulls out a vital piece of the engine and looks over to the mound of snowy earth. If it weren’t for the fact that he knew his team and Jasmia are scurrying through the snow he’d just think it was the wind causing the kick up of snow.

Now with Jasmia rescued and the shuttle disabled Poe makes a mad dash back to the transporter, almost chasing Finn and co down. They’re just ahead of him when he hears a furious yell drift across the breeze.

‘Jess, get the engine started.’ Poe orders through the comms on his wrist and he sees the snow spray into the air as Jess boots the engines.

The team, Finn, Jasmia and Poe climb onto the transporter and Poe slams his hand hard against the ramp button and hears the whir of the mechanics as it lifts up. Jasmia follows Finn over to the seats and has just sat down when Poe steps over.

‘I think you should come to the cockpit.’ He informs her before disappearing through the door.

Jasmia – who removed the gag back on the First Order craft – follows Finn into the cockpit and finds that Poe is already working away with the take off. She stands awkwardly next to Finn, not knowing anyone there.

‘I’m Poe Dameron. This is Finn, Jess and that’s BB-8. We’re with the Resistance.’ Poe smiles as if he’d read her mind, and Jasmia looks between the smiling faces and the balldroid and smiles weakly back at them.

‘I’m Jasmia Calrissian. I guess I should thank you for rescuing me.’ Jasmia mutters.

‘Oh, don’t thank us yet. Not until we’re in hyperspace.’ Jess teases.

‘Well I don’t think our friend Hux is going to be going anywhere any time soon.’ Poe laughs as he fishes the part he’d removed from his pocket and holds it up for Jess to see.

Jess laughs with him while Finn and Jasmia share a bewildered look, neither knowing the significance of the part. Poe and Jess work at ease together as the transporter exits the atmosphere of Hoth and into space.

‘Best check in with the General and see where we’re going.’ Poe states as he leans forward and clicks on the comms line to D’Qar.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Thank you for the kudos', comments and bookmarks <3
> 
> Sorry for any spelling or grammar errors or mistakes


	44. Chapter 44

-0-0-0-0-0

Ben presses the button for the ramp to lower and Rey stands next to him, eyeing him suspiciously. She doesn’t really mean to, but it’s bothering her that he’s still hiding his Force signature, while she is no longer hiding hers. 

The ramp lowers with compressed hisses of air, and Rey is hit with humidity and it makes her gasp. But not as much as the murky overgrown forest they’re hiding within. It’s so murky and drab and dim lighting. It’s so quiet and empty of life; it makes the hairs on the back of her neck stand as she grips her lightsaber. She’s got an uncomfortable knot in her stomach, and there’s something in the back of her mind telling her to leave. 

But Ben strides down the ramp toward the swamp, so she bites her tongue and pushes the thoughts of fleeing away. She needs to show Ben that she trusts his decision of being there. Taking a reassuring breath Rey follows him down the ramp and across the marshland to the foot of a gnarltree.

Ben looks up at the giant gnarltree – it rises and rises high into the sky, disappearing into the fog above. It has so many huge roots growing from the trunk and out into the bog, with multiple vines threading across both trunk and roots. Rey is really feeling unsure of the planet and laces her fingers through Ben’s needing to feel his comfort and support.

‘What-what was that?’ She gasps, eyes trying to focus on something she is sure just moved amongst the vines. 

Ben follows her gaze and shakes his head – he can’t see anything moving. But Rey can feel the living things of the planet through the Force. There may be no human life or even any other intelligent species in their vicinity or on the planet at all. But there are creatures all around them and she is sure there’s one lurking in the vines and roots of the massive gnarltree.

‘I can’t see anything.’ He mumbles in response as he squints but only sees roots and vines.

‘Can you feel anything in the Force?’ Rey questions innocently, but full of heavy hints of knowing that he can’t.

Ben sighs and closes his eyes before turning to face her. Rey pulls her hand from his and folds her arms across her chest, her eyes fixed on his face but he can’t look at her.

‘Why are you still hiding your Signature?’ Rey challenges him, untold venom lacing her words, unable to hide her annoyance.

Ben quickly becomes flustered as he tries to think of a plausible reason or excuse. He knows that whatever he says Rey will not be pacified. But just as he’s about to supply her with an answer she shrieks and a heavy weight crashes down on his shoulders, sending him stumbling forward. Rey jumps out of his way as she sees the gnarled and knobbly grey body of what she can only assume is a snake.

The Dagobah python begins to wrap its long body around Ben’s torso. He struggles against the predator, trying to free his arms as his hands grasp for his lightsaber on his belt.

‘Ben.’ Rey calls out as the creature’s flashes it’s large mouth full of sharp teeth at her.

With wide eyed shock Rey fumbles with her lightsaber as Ben grunts with effort, desperately trying to release the snakes crushing grip on him. Rey finally manages to get her saber free as Ben’s face begins to redden as the air is pushed from his lungs. His breath is coming out in gasping pants. She ignites the blue blade and with pure instinct she swings the lightsaber through the air and strikes the snake, dragging the blade down its wide back. It doesn’t make a noise as such other than a loud hiss as it releases Ben.

He falls forward onto his hands and knees, gasping for air as the creature shrivels away into the void beneath the gnarltree. Rey sinks to her knees, lightsaber still in her one hand as she rests the other on Ben’s shoulder.

‘Are you okay?’ She asks, eyes scanning over his face as the colour settles in his cheeks.

Ben nods, in between deep breathes. He turns his eyes up to meet hers and he smiles faintly.

‘Thank you.’ He mumbles and Rey smiles in disbelief that he feels the need to thank her.

‘You don’t need to thank me Ben. We’re in this together.’ She reaffirms as he sits back onto his heels, needing him to believe her.

‘I’m not so sure about sleeping in the open now.’ Ben murmurs with a smirk and Rey chuckles as she gets to her feet offering her hand to him.

Ben smiles faintly as he accepts her hand and gets up off the moist ground. He looks around cautiously as Rey watches him carefully. Studying his face, seeing the conflict of emotions that are ever present in and around his eyes. 

‘You were going to tell me why you’re still hiding your Signature.’ She grumbles eyes focusing firmly on his face.

Ben sighs as he looks down at her.

‘I don’t know. Perhaps, I’m just not completely ready yet. But I will be. Soon. Very soon. I promise. Really soon.’ He replies softly and Rey scoffs quietly as she checks the Force.

She can feel the Force all around; it’s so pure and so powerful as it travels through her body, through her veins and through her mind. It’s so bright, natural and pristine that it makes her gasp. She wants Ben to feel it too. For it to course through him so untainted, unsoiled and total in its strength and command. But she is all too aware of his continuous internal struggle with the Dark hidden deep inside, and his strain to keep it under any semblance of control.

Rey nods, knowing that like with everything, Ben needs to work things through at his own pace. That if she tries to push him, he’ll just dig his heels in deeper. And that could lead to lethal consequences. 

‘Come on. It’s getting dark.’ Ben states as he steps away, heading back toward the shuttle.

Rey follows him, safe in the knowledge that they’re alone other than the odd creatures that occupy the planet. Once both of them are back on board Ben closes the ramp, before making his way to the small kitchen area. Rey sighs as she lingers by the ramp, not sure what to do with herself. For the first time in a long time she’s feeling a little lost in herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Thank you for the kudos', comments and bookmarks - you guys melt my heart <3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes in this chapter :\


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is significant.......you will see ;)

-0-0-0-0-0

After eating in a heavy and awkward silence Rey is sat in the cockpit, mulling over recent events. Her mind drifts guarded over every single thing she, and they, had been through recently. All the pain experienced, the raw emotion, the terror, the feeling of losses long suppressed – more him than her, but through their connection she feels it as bitterly as he does. Also the beauty of true honesty and complete trust he has extended to her. So many emotions float around in her mind, and just recalling everything is mentally exhausting. 

But she focuses so deeply on the fact that when Ben loves, he truly loves, with everything he has. With everything he is. And he loves her. She knows what she needs to do, what she wants to do. She needs him to know that she trusts him fully and completely. No holding back. How can they defeat Snoke if there is any element of distrust between them. He trusts her, now she needs to show him that she trusts him. 

She jumps to her feet and hurries out of the cockpit. She finds him sat on the bench in the living quarters, reading a book he must have found in one of the draws beneath. He doesn’t notice her at first, too engrossed in the literature. Rey steps closer to him and coughs to clear her throat in order to catch his attention. He glances up at her, caution and curiosity on his face.

‘Are you okay?’ Ben queries as he places the book down on the bench next to him, eyes watching her.

‘I trust you. I really, really do trust you.’ She breathes, chest heaving and eyes burning brightly.

Her mind is completely open to him, just as his was to her back on Cloud City. Ben looks up at her his eyes narrow and brows knitted together with puzzlement. He rises to his feet and the air between them is electric, like a pulse beating loud and steady. 

‘Rey?’ Ben mumbles as she takes a step closer to him, hazel eyes locked on his dark ones.

‘Trust me.’ She whispers before pressing her lips against his.

He pulls back, breaking their contact and Rey looks at him – eyes urgent and searching, urging him to believe her, to trust her. Ben breathes heavily as he considers her desperate plea. He looks intently into her eyes and feels her pressing her trust through their connection. It’s so vivid and genuine that he is almost powerless to deny her anymore.

‘I do.’ He murmurs crashing his lips against her hungry lips, succumbing to her.

He clinches her at the waist, both hands wrapping around her, pulling her closer to him while she wraps her arms around his neck as they kiss. Their joint relief at being alive and trusting one another pours into the desperate and eager kiss. In one swift move Ben lifts her and she wraps her legs around his waist, not breaking their passion. He steps over to the small table and places her down on it, drawing his lips away.

‘Stay there.’ Ben insists with a quick peck and a wave of his hand as he steps away from her, drinking in the flustered and blushing figure of the woman he loves beyond all comprehension.

Rey watches with keen interest as Ben dips into the sleeping quarters, and emerges a moment later with the blankets and pillows in his hands. He dumps them on the cushioned bench opposite her – where he’d been reading. The book is now a forgotten pastime. He then disappears again, only to re-emerge with the mattresses this time. Rey watches him with bemusement. Ben drops the mattresses down on the small section of floor, slotting them between the table that Rey is still sat on, and the wall to the other room. They just manage to fit to his clear satisfaction. 

Rey jumps off the table and grabs the pillows and blankets. She places them down on the joined mattresses, before looking knowingly at Ben, who stares at her. She can feel his desire and craving for her sizzle across their connection, and it goes straight to her core. Felling her own arousal she lets out a staggering breath. She desperately wants him too.

Rey kicks off her boots and steps onto the bed she’s just made. Ben matches her, boots discarded in the kitchen area before he joins her, standing on the mattresses. Rey’s eyes wildly search his face. His eyes are glassy with lust and there’s even a faint pink blush to his cheekbones. She lifts her hand and softly traces the scar she gave him. A constant reminder to them both of what she could do when so new to the Force and with a lightsaber.

It’s like she flicked a switch in the way he reacts. Grabbing her by the waist, pulling her flush against his body and making her yelp with surprise, slamming their lips together. A clash of lips and teeth, knocked together so furiously that Rey can taste blood. She’s not sure if it’s her own or his, as they search on another’s mouths, tongues dancing as one. The taste doesn’t bother her, it’s addictive, but maybe it should. But she’s not time to be thinking of that, not in that moment. 

Hands frantically grope, pulling at clothes and desperately needing to feel soft yet toned skin. They sink down onto the mattresses, Rey pulling off Ben’s tunic as he all but rips hers off along with her underwear, but she doesn’t care. She just wants him, needs him, craves and yearns for him. Ben presses her down onto her back, head resting against the pillows. She looks up at him as he stares intently down at her, holding his weight up on his hands and she feels a shift in him.

It’s only small, but it’s significant. Ben sits back on his heels between her legs and undoes her belt and trousers and pulls everything off. Before standing to rid himself of his, placing his evil black saber on the table and Rey remembers she’s left her lightsaber in the cockpit. With her mind momentarily distracted she doesn’t register that Ben is now on top of her. Kissing her so affectionately and gently as his fingers caress along her jaw lightly, it makes her shudder back to the present. 

His hand slips between their entwined bodies and she gasps as he brushes his fingertips over her clit. Rey leans up and kisses him furiously, hands gripping his upper arms as she holds him against her. Her heart is racing, her breath coming out in faint paints and her body is aching for more, for him. Ben slips a finger inside her, and then a second. Working her, preparing her. But she’s already ready for him; she doesn’t understand his delay, his torture.

Ending her torment, Ben moves so his cock is at her entrance and she nips his bottom lip impatiently and he sniggers before pushing into her. Rey moans loudly at the feel of him sliding into her, eyelids fluttering close and toes curling into the blanket. He always affords her a moment to adjust to the feeling of him, before pulling back, almost all the way out before quickly thrusting back in. Time for respite over. He sets a constant pace, and Rey works to meet each of his thrusts. Her eyes now open and gazing between his dark and glazed eyes and the ceiling of the shuttle, depending on how Ben holds himself up so not to crush her.

Suddenly Rey shifts them so Ben’s on his back, he’s stunned yet amused by her boldness. Rey is now in control. At first she’s a little unsure of herself, but Ben rests his hands on her hips and gently guides her. Rocking her hips back and forth, up and down and in a figure eight. He runs his fingers down the outside of her thighs as she takes over. Rey bites down on her bottom lip sweat gathering on her brow and hands clenched into fists on his chest.

With each move she makes she gets a feeling in the Force. At first it is dim and distant, but as she works Ben into ecstasy it becomes brighter and nearer. He closes his eyes, hands loosely holding her hips, his mouth hanging open as he groans at the feeling of Rey riding him. She pants, gasps and moans, one hand running through her hair as the other digs nails into the pale skin of Ben’s chest.

Ben sits up, one hand gripping in Rey’s hair as their lips collide in a dirty, desperate and passionate kiss. His other holds his balance, fingers digging into the mattress behind him. Rey shifts her hands to his shoulders, using them as leverage as she continues to move, to control, to be in charge.

Ben’s fingers trail down her spine and she arches her body into his, before his arm wraps around her waist. Rey can feel herself tightening, clenching around him, heat pooling in her core. She grunts and groans through her orgasm and it brings Ben to his release. It’s the most intense one she’d experienced, and everything around them seems to glow with Light and power. Their breath mingles together as they cling to one another whispers each other’s names, bodies slick with sweat. Chests heaving, eyes closed, pulses racing in unison and Rey feels Ben in the Force, a bright and promising light. Her eyes spring open to meet his dark but hopeful eyes, and she smiles happily at him before launching her body against his. Sending him back onto the mattress with a joyful chuckle, pulling her down with him.

‘I can feel you.’ Rey whimpers against his lips.

Ben snickers with a wicked glint and Rey playfully slaps him.

‘In the Force.’ She adds with a beaming smile and he pulls her down for a long sensual kiss.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter :) hope you liked it :s
> 
> Thank you for the kudos', comments and bookmarks you have bestowed on this story <3
> 
> I apologise for any errors or mistakes you might have found in this chapter :\


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crushing!! ;)

-0-0-0-0-0

General Organa had instructed Poe to bring Jasmia to D’Qar so she could speak to her on a more personal level. Poe was intrigued by what the General had meant and Jasmia was unwilling or unable to expand on it.

But, ever the trusted member of the Resistance Poe did as requested of him and brought Jasmia to D’Qar. When the ship landed General Organa and Master Skywalker were waiting with Chewbacca for the daughter of the Baron Administrator of Bespin. All Poe knew of her relationship to the General was that she was once a childhood friend of Ben Solo, which if he was honest Poe found somewhat hard to believe.

Poe had been raised on Rebel and Resistance bases across the galaxy and his path had crossed with the only child of General Organa and Han Solo when they were much younger and before Ben had left to train with his uncle. He’d not really spoken to the boy, but he found him shy, quiet and introvert. He kept himself to himself, walking around the perimeter with C-3PO. It appeared to be a lonely existence. So when Poe had found out who Kylo Ren really was he couldn’t say he was overly surprised.

‘Jasmia. It’s a pleasure to see you again. I hope you’ve not been harmed?’ General Organa asks the young woman, her voice full of friendly authority.

Jasmia smiles faintly at the woman she’d only known briefly as a child, aware that the General’s eyes have been drawn to the bruises on her neck, a gift from the woman’s son.

‘Nothing out of the ordinary for a hostage.’ Jasmia answers with control.

‘I’m Master Skywalker. I’ve not seen you since you were a baby.’ Master Skywalker introduces himself with a single nod and Jasmia feels a small sense of anger flood across her, knowing the part he played in Ben Solo’s downfall to the Dark side.

‘It’s wonderful to meet you Master Skywalker.’ Jasmia smiles friendly at the Jedi, but she can see in his eyes that he’s not convinced with her politeness. 

‘Come, I’m sure you’re tired. You’ve had a trying time. You need to rest.’ General Organa fills the void of silence before it has time to grow.

‘Is my Father okay, General? The last I saw of him, he’d been knocked unconscious by General Hux.’ Jasmia queries rooted to the spot, not wanting to move until she’d received news.

‘You’re Father is well, as far as I am aware. He called me for help to save you from the First Order.’ General Organa turns back to face the determined and composed woman.

Poe and Finn stand just behind Jasmia and Finn scowls once again at the mention of the ginger First Order Officer. He wishes he’d been able to kill Hux back on Hoth. But Poe was in charge and he didn’t want to go against him, but letting him live doesn’t sit well with Finn and he fears repercussion. Hux and the First Order do not like to be bested by anyone and no doubt they will want revenge.

‘Is he still on Cloud City? I fear that the First Order will strike against him, the city and Bespin as a recompense for my rescue.’ Jasmia states and Finn smiles to himself, seeing a very controlled and commanding woman before him – he’s impressed.

‘Your Father ordered immediate safety measures of the city and Bespin. They’re no longer allowing any airships to leave or arrive. They’ve also put up their safety shield. The city is protected.’ General Organa states softly, knowing that Jasmia understands the meaning of the defenses.

‘So I wont be going home any time soon?’ Jasmia sighs and Finn’s heart goes out to her when he hears the sorrow in her tone and sees the slight sag of her shoulders.

‘You will be safe here.’ General Organa informs her, placing a comforting hand on her arm, before withdrawing it and turning to lead the way, alongside her brother.

Jasmia, Poe, Finn and BB-8 trail behind, walking in silence. Finn glances at Poe and sees firm determination in his posture, the way he carries himself. Always so self aware and self assured, brimming with confidence. He wishes he were more like Poe. 

‘General.’ Jasmia breaks the silence and they all stop, turning to face her.

General Organa doesn’t speak; she simply gives Jasmia a questioning glance and slight shake of her head.

‘You’re-you’re not expecting…………him here are you?’ Her voice quivers with the slightest sense of fear and worry, and for a moment it seems that no one understands just who she means.

General Organa steps forward a little, her eyes full of warmth but also tiny hints of regret.

‘He’s not here and nor will he be. Not anytime soon.’ She soothes, trying to reassure her and Jasmia lets out a deep breath and nods.

‘I’m truly sorry for what happened to your son. I really am.’ Her words are genuine, full of honesty and pain.

Finn furrows his brows as he gazes at the beautiful woman, full of poise just like the General. They’re both women of esteem and expectancy. Both had been destined for leadership since birth. The General is fulfilling her destiny now, while Jasmia is well on her way to fulfilling hers. Finn can’t help but admire them. Strong and independent women, like Rey.

‘Thank you.’ General Organa mutters as she turns back, heading toward the buildings of the base, the others following suit.

-0-0-0-0-0

Jasmia is sat in the canteen, at a table in the corner. It’s fairly deserted. They’d arrived back to base just at the end of the evening meal. She toys with her food as her other hand absently runs over her neck. The feel of Ben’s deathly fingers on her skin haunts her. Her mind is drifting far and wide, no focus on the present. The here and now. 

She doesn’t notice Finn and Poe approach her table until Poe casually coughs to draw her attention. Jasmia looks up and smiles softly at the pilot and his mate. The two men sit down opposite her and tuck into their meals.

‘Are you okay?’ Poe offers an opening gambit, eyes flitting up to her face.

Jasmia nods and Finn notes that she’s in a change of clothes. No longer wearing the long-sleeved blue tunic and black trousers, but now a loose grey elbow length tunic and black trousers. Her long hair is in a loose plat, instead of the severe high ponytail. She looks younger than her years. Finn feels a blush burn through his skin as he adverts his eyes back to his meal.

‘You don’t seem okay.’ Poe gently points out.

Jasmia looks up at the pilot and sighs.

‘It’s been a difficult time.’ She sums it up and hopes it doesn’t warrant further questioning from the pair.

‘Did you see Rey on Cloud city?’ Finn mutters, eyes unable to settle on Jasmia as she looks over at him.

‘I did yes.’ Jasmia answers honestly, why lie?

‘Was she okay? With him?’ Finn presses, his voice laced with distrust as he mentions Kylo Ren but not by name.

Jasmia had spent over an hour going over every single detail of what happened on Cloud City regarding Kylo Ren and Rey with General Organa and Master Skywalker. It had been difficult and it had been draining. She’d felt uncomfortable when their questioning took a more personal turn toward her doomed relationship with Ben Solo. Especially given Master Skywalker’s part played in it its demise. So to have to rehash everything for Poe and Finn is too much.

‘Rey was well. I didn’t spend much time with her. But she was well from what I saw. Happy even. She and …………… she and Ben seem to get on really well. They have a great connection.’ Jasmia chooses her words carefully when she sees the concerned expressions on her companions’ faces.

They fall into an awkward silence, Poe and Finn digesting the news of their friend. Finn doesn’t like the sound of it and begins to brood, worried about Rey. 

‘So has General Organa told you what you’ll be up to here on base?’ Poe questions with a chirp to his voice and Jasmia looks up at the handsome pilot.

Finn doesn’t listen to her answer; he’s too busy thinking about Rey being with the monster that is Kylo Ren. He’s spent far too much time thinking about the two of them, so what are a few more minutes.

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Supreme Leader I can find the girl. She can prove to be a valuable acquisition to the First Order.’ Hux snivels through the comms on his shuttle.

‘No. She means nothing to him. It is the scavenger. The bright light from Jakku that means something to Kylo Ren. It is her we must target. More now than ever before. You will return to me. There is a shuttle en-route to you, General. And then we shall hunt down his whore and destroy her. Rip her apart, tear her to shreds right before his eyes.’ Snoke menaces through the comms before the line goes dead.

Hux breathes heavily through his nose, alone and angry. He wants to find Jasmia, he doesn’t like to be bested and least of all by a woman. Who no doubt had help from the Resistance. His blood is boiling; he doesn’t like to be made to look a fool. And he’d quite like to see her again. 

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Thank you for all the <3 and support :D:D:D <3<3<3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :\
> 
> I hope you guys don't mind the chapters without Reylo? The other guys are important players :)


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> but what does it mean??

-0-0-0-0-0

It had been two weeks since they’d arrived on Dagobah and Ben had really put Rey through her paces, brutally so at times. She is mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. He’d warned her it would be tough, she just hadn’t really expected it to be so tough.

Working with the Force to make it waiver to her needs and work to her every whim was proving to be more difficult than she’d ever thought. It had taken all of her concentration, her will and her wit. 

They’d even been training with lightsabers. At first Rey had been a little rash and clumsy, leaving nicks on Ben’s already scared skin. He’d not complained, simply accepted the pain of the burns like a person accepts air to breath. Rey had felt bad, but he’d just shrugged. The causes of the scars mean nothing to him, immune to pain. 

By the end of each day Rey was so tired that Ben had to remind her to eat, before they crawled into bed, too tired for anything other than falling asleep in each other’s arms. They’d not made love since their first night on the swamp planet.

They’d travelled a little away from their shuttle, deeper and darker into the murky marshland. The Force moves around them as they explore, stopping every now and again to practice their abilities to use it. Whether it be by lifting the odd boulder, pull large roots from the earth or tie up vines, using nothing but the power of the Force. Rey never questions the reasons for Ben getting her to do those things, as he does them himself too. 

They’d also gone over Rey’s ability to sense impending attacks. Ben was already able to. Learnt from his time as a Jedi Padawan and as Snoke’s apprentice had taught him – more the latter than the former, but he was already quiet experienced, whereas Rey needs to learn and learn quick. Other elements they’d worked on, were how to use the Force for protection, manipulation, wisdom and even persuasion. Even though Ben deemed the latter the least useful against such a Force sensitive being as Snoke. Or even Hux and Phasma, not many people he’d encountered in the First Order were of weak mind – but the stormtroopers could be useful.

A lot of the time it was Rey’s ability to focus, and not get distracted that needed the most work in those first few weeks. And Ben had come up with some ingenious ways to test her. They usually involved him kissing her neck and running his hands freely over her body, as she concentrated on holding something incredibly heavy above them. Knowing that if her concentration waned they’d be crushed or he’d have to intervene.

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Do you feel that?’ Rey queries as they stop near the entrance of what looks to be a dark and dank cave.

Ben pauses and feels a cold chill run across his skin and down his spine. 

‘It feels cool.’ Rey adds, the temperature was vastly different from the rest of the planet with its never-ending humidity, even during rain and storms, near constant warmth.

Ben stares down the entrance of the cave, his blood runs cold and nausea pools in his stomach. He wants them to leave, but Rey steps closer to the cave.

‘Stop.’ He gasps and she turns to look at him.

He’s deathly pale, sweat beading on his brow and his chest rising and falling quickly. His eyes staring intently and hauntingly into the darkness of the cave.

‘Ben are you okay? What is it? What’s going on? What’s wrong?’ Rey enquires as she steps over to him, taking him clammy hand in her own and becoming even more concerned when he doesn’t look at her.

‘We can’t go in there.’ He mumbles, and he can hear it calling to him.

The Dark side. It sings his name over and over. Ben Solo. Kylo Ren. Desperately drawing him in.

‘Ben.’ Rey whispers as she steps closer to him, clasping his head in her hands, eyes scanning over his unfocused eyes.

Ben snaps out of his trance and his eyes stare deeply into Rey’s. 

‘What is it? Where did you go?’ She demands, still holding his head in her hands, face turned to hers.

‘The Dark side is in there. It was,……….it was calling to me. Telling me to enter.’ Ben murmurs to Rey’s worry.

‘The Dark side.’ She mumbles, stepping away from him and turning to face the cave entrance.

‘I’m not going in there. I can’t. I can’t.’ Ben insists as he watches her.

‘But you need to. You need to go in there.’ Rey states, as she turns to face him.

Ben stares at her with utter disbelief, wide-eyed and amazed at her words, her suggestion, her claim.

‘What? I can’t. It’s the Dark side. I can’t go near it.’ Ben snaps.

‘But you have to. You need to face it. You need to face your fear. If you want to defeat Snoke, you need to do this.’ Rey insists, once again getting closer to him.

‘I don’t fear the Dark side. I fear what it does to me.’ Ben hisses stepping away from her.

‘I don’t fear it either or you. I love and trust you. And I know that the good, and the Light inside of you will beat the Dark. But I think you need to go in there and face it. And beat it. I will be with you Ben. Me and you together. Please trust me. I’ll be there every step of the way.’ Rey is persistent and determined.

Her eyes are steel as she looks at him, urging him to believe her and her words. She pushes strength and certainty through their connection – which has only grown brighter, stronger and more beautiful since their arrival on the planet.

Ben flits his eyes between her sure face and the dark cavern, full of the unknown and uncertainty. He takes a calming deep breath before nodding slowly. He’ll do it. But only with Rey by his side needing her strength and resolve. Rey nods, and with hands held firmly together they walk into the cave, eyes blinking rapidly to adjust to the darkness.

Once out of the dim sunlight that filters through the massive trees, and with readjusted eyes they wait, for whatever it is that called to him. Ben can feel his breath in his throat, and Rey’s racing heart as they stand there, waiting.

A branch of a gnarltree snaps behind them and they both spin to face the unseen creator of the noise. But what they find is beyond what either of them could imagine.

Ben and Rey stare in complete disbelief and utter shock at the sight of Rey in a black dress lying on the ground, screaming in pain. Her body is battered, broken and torn, not to mention very visibly pregnant. Ben chocks, hand springing to his mouth. Rey’s mouth hangs open as she stares at herself. The alternative Rey looks so real, so present.

The image Rey is crying out in pain as she gives birth, wrists jangling against the chains as she clutches her swollen stomach. Tears flooding down her face, mingling with the blood seeping from an angry cut on her bottom lip.

Rey’s fingers grips even tighter on Ben’s hand, making both sets of knuckles pale. They’re fighting their fears as the image plays out before them. Tears being held back, air being held in throats. 

As the image Rey goes through the final stages of her labour, Snoke appears, all long fingers and reptilian movement. Full of silent menace as he slithers his way down toward Rey’s legs, hands dipping down to gather the newborn.

Rey gasps in horror at the sight of the Supreme Leader, she recognises him from Ben’s memories. Her blood chills and hot bile makes its way up her throat, as she watches the creature lay claim to her image’s child.

The small baby with dark hair held almost gently in Snoke’s long spindly fingers, cries as the image Rey sags back against the earth. Her life spent, sapping out of her, dying.

‘The child of the late Kylo Ren is strong with the Force. So very strong. My apprentice.’ Snoke sneers as if he’s looking straight at them, while holding their baby in his twig like fingers.

Then the image is gone. Ben and Rey are left panting with fear and clinging on to one another.

‘What-what does it mean?’ Rey whimpers as she clings to his arm, tears spilling from her eyes.

‘I don’t, I don’t know. I think it was showing us a possible future, maybe. But that’s not going to happen. You hear me. That is not going to happen. Because we’re going to defeat Snoke. Like you said. Together. Me and you, you hear? Me and you.’ Ben insists as he grabs her face, looking deeply into her eyes. 

Rey nods, feeling his calloused fingers brushing against her cheek, as he sends her positive and loving feelings through their connection, an unusual thing for him to do. Normally it’s the other way around, her reassuring and comforting him. But what they’d just seen was like a punch to the gut, too unbelievable to even consider. The sight of herself dying during childbirth and then her child, their child, being stolen away by that monster traumatises her. She was aware that death in childbirth was a fate that befell Ben’s maternal grandmother – Padmé Amidala, and to contemplate it being her own fate makes her sick.

Ben grabs her trembling hand and drags her out of the cave and back into the stifling humidity of the swamps and she heaves, doubling over and sinking to her knees. He crouches down beside her, his own body shaking all over as he runs his hand caringly over her back. He’s supporting and comforting her as she processes what they’d seen, and needing her to believe in his decisive words about defeating Snoke.

‘I think we should get back.’ Ben mutters as he rises to his feet, offering Rey his hand.

She accepts it and they begin to make their way back to their base.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading :) hope this one isn't too disjointed in the wording :/
> 
> Thank you for the comments, kudos' + bookmarks <3<3<3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes
> 
> This one was inspired by Luke going into the Cave of Evil/Dark Side cave in Empire Strikes Back :)
> 
> Oh and please have a look in the comments section at the gifs :) There is a question I want to get people's views on?! :)


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dang!

-0-0-0-0-0

Over the next weeks Ben had pushed and pushed himself, to the brink of collapse. Hour after hour of torturous training – with lightsabers and the Force. Rey is constantly worried about him, but every time she tries to raise her concerns with him, he’d just glare at her and mumble that he needs to be ready for Snoke, for their fight. That he needs to be more powerful than Snoke could imagine or remember. He has taken it upon himself to shoulder the majority of the burden of defeating Snoke.

But despite the seemingly never ending training he never seemed to be exhausted, not like Rey had been for the first two weeks. But as the weeks pass by she feels less and less tired. The training has become muscle memory, instinct. 

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey cracks an eye open, and she is in her favourite place. Nestled into Ben’s bare chest as he sleeps, halfway between peaceful and tormented. He’s never fully asleep, always alert and ready to react, to kill. Suddenly nausea washes over her and she feels like she needs to throw up. She dives to her feet and makes a dash for the fresher. Falling to her knees just in time to be sick in the toilet.

Ben is awake in an instant at the feeling of Rey rushing off. He hears her throwing up and jumps to his feet.

‘Rey? Are you okay?’ He calls as he walks through the original sleeping quarters and sees her slumped on the floor of the fresher, head hanging into the bowl.

She grunts in response and he steps inside the fresher, crouching down next to her as he flushes the toilet. Eyes fixed on her flush, clammy face as she hugs the bowl.

‘Rey?’ He cautions, reaching out and brushing her hair from her face.

‘I’m okay. I’m just not feeling too good.’ She mumbles, embarrassment causing her to look down, not wanting him to see her in this state.

Ben gets a twisting feeling in his stomach and he gulps slowly. The air freezes in his chest, and his heart stops. 

‘Has-has this happened…..has this happened before?’ He grumbles his question, panic held in tight control, but on the verge of exploding.

Rey shakes her head a little in reply before leaning over to be sick again. Ben kneels down next to her and holds her hair back as she deposits what’s remaining of her stomach contents into the toilet.

‘Do you want some water?’ Ben questions as Rey leans back against the cool wall, breathing heavily and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, eyes fluttering close.

‘Yes please.’ She whispers and he rises to his feet, legs trembling with certain worry.

He leaves the fresher and heads over to the kitchen area, his heart now racing. His fear and worry held in his closed off mind. He doesn’t need her to feel or see his panic. Not when he has a fair idea what’s wrong with her. He grips hold of the counter and scrunches his eyes close. Taking deep breathes.

He searches the Force and finds Rey in an instant, bright and strong, burning like the sun. But right there with her is another signature. A beautiful, brilliant and pure light. So innocent and so raw. And he knows what it means. She’s pregnant.

The memories of being inside the cave flood his mind, what they saw. Snoke stealing away their child. Rey chained and dying in childbirth. Him already dead, no explanation given. His fear burns through his veins, through his soul. Their possible future. He doesn’t know what to do. How can he. He may be a man grown, but when it comes to Rey he’s just a boy. He knows what Snoke would say, even Hux – that he’s gone soft, he’s weak and powerless because of a girl.

Hot tears spill from his eyes as he sinks to his knees, hands dragging down the cupboard door. He doesn’t know what to do to ensure what they saw never happens. He needs to protect Rey and their child. Their child. How could he have been so careless? Letting his primal desires and instincts take over. He should have been stronger, had more self-control. Snoke always reprimanded him for his weaknesses. And now look where he’d left them. Rey is pregnant and it’s his doing. He’s enabled that possible future they’d seen to become reality. 

‘Ben?’ Rey mutters as she stands at the end of the counter staring at him.

He gulps and wipes the tears from his face, sniffing the unspent ones back. 

‘What’s wrong? Are you okay?’ She continues stepping closer to him.

He gets to his feet, but he can’t look at her. Not after what he’s done. Done to her. He’s put her in this position. Marked her fate. 

‘I’m fine. Fine. Nothing to worry about.’ He lies and the words and ability for falseness just drips from his tongue. 

‘What were you doing on the floor?’ She doesn’t let up, eyes fixed on his face and he still doesn’t look at her.

‘Nothing. I’m just tired.’ Again he lies, but even he doesn’t feel convinced by what he says.

Rey’s brows furrow and her eyes narrow – he’d never once said he was tired in the six weeks they’d been on Dagobah. Not once, so why now. 

‘Tired?’ She murmurs, but he steps away from her grabbing up a glass.

‘I’ll get you that water. Why don’t you take a seat? Are you feeling better?’ He changes the subject with ease as he pours her a drink.

Rey doesn’t press his claim, she knows better than to question him. And she doesn’t feel like dealing with his tantrum. For a grown man he certainly likes to throw strops. So she goes to sit at the table, her back to him.

Ben takes a long breath as he digs his nails into his palms, leaving crescent moon shapes in his skin. He picks up the glass and takes it over to her, placing it on the table. Rey picks it up and takes a long sip. Needing to get rid of the rancid taste in her mouth.

‘Are you feeling better? Do you know what might have caused it?’ Ben questions, feeling a blush spread across his cheeks, still unable to look in her eyes.

Rey shakes her head and shrugs as she sips slowly from the glass.

‘I’m just tired I guess. Maybe it’s a delayed reaction to that and the heat. Lack of food. Different things.’ She analyses, and not even thinking of the actual reason – pregnancy.

Ben nods, knowing the truth. It’s their truth, but for some reason he can’t bring himself to share it with her. To tell her that he knows what it is, that it’s his fault. She’s still so innocent and naïve in some ways and that destroys him. He’s corrupted her, ruined her. 

‘Um, why don’t you just stay in here today? Rest. Sleep. Whatever. You don’t need to train today. Just take the day off.’ He rambles and Rey looks up at him surprised. 

‘But what about Snoke?’ She queries with wide eyes.

Ben shrugs as he focuses on the wall to his side, fingers fiddling awkwardly.

‘I don’t think he’s going anywhere. Not yet. Your health is more important.’ He rambles and she looks puzzled.

‘But-‘ She begins but he interrupts.

‘No but’s, Rey. Just do it. You need to rest. It’s important.’ He snaps, spinning on his heels and snatching up his tunic from the bench and boots from the floor, pausing to grab his lightsaber before disappearing outside.

Rey is baffled by his reaction to her being sick. Maybe there are deeper issues at play, but she’s not about to confront him over it. Not with his unpredictable temper. But she thinks that getting some rest is a good idea.

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.’ Ben cries as he slashes at the gnarltrees and vines with his lightsaber.

His anger at their situation comes out in bursts of aggression. He sinks to his knees, once again tears streaming from his eyes. His saber is still ignited and he barely registers that one of the side blades is burning into the skin on his hand, he simply accepts the pain, feeling it’s punishment. Punishment for his foolishness and his recklessness. He drops it on the ground and it turns off. He stares at the black lightsaber. Recalling how he rebuilt it after Rey cleaved it in two, back on Starkiller Base during their battle. How things have changed since then. 

His eyes drift close as he remembers their first face-to-face encounter. The surprise in her eyes when he took of his helmet and revealed his face. How she looked at him as if he was something other than a monster, a murderous creature. From that very moment he was lost. Even more than when he took her his prisoner, his feelings moved beyond intrigue. He was captured by her strength, her beauty. Her fierceness, her power and control. Her untainted ability in the Force. How he tried so desperately to teach her, to get some sort of command over her. But how weak he really is. 

And now he’s gone and truly done it. He’s got her pregnant and set them on a path that surely will end with their deaths and their child being a prisoner to the Dark. The next puppet of Snoke and his monstrous ambition. All because of him. 

But he can’t let that happen. He can’t let Rey live that fate. Nor their child. They deserve life. To live. With or without him. He knows what he’s got to do, he’s just afraid he doesn’t have the strength to do it.

‘Ben.’ A voice calls out to him and he spins around, up onto his feet in one swift move, lightsaber gripped in his burnt hand and he sees the owner of the voice and his eyes widen.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all saw that one coming didn't you??? ;)'
> 
> Thank you for reading :) hope you don't think this one sucked big style??? :/:S
> 
> Thank you for all the support - kudos', comments + bookmarks :D:D:):) <3<3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :|
> 
> Please feel free to have a look at the gifs in the comments section
> 
> If you have any thoughts or ideas please feel free to share :)
> 
> Oh and who do you want the voice at the end to belong to???? Living or dead???


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quiet moment of realisation
> 
> Completely irrelevant - but I read on a TFA forum the following and well it never occurred to me before but now I've seen it, it made me :D
> 
> Kylo - sKYwalker/SoLO - well duuuurrrrr!!!!!! ::::rolls eyes at myself!!!::: \\_(")_/

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey had rested like Ben had suggested. She’d even managed to fall asleep, but the nausea woke her up, and she’d had to once again dash off to the fresher to be sick. She is feeling tired, drained and weak. She glances into the small mirror above the sink. She’s pale and her loose hair is lank, sticking to her clammy skin.

She wonders if she’s picked up something from the water? Together they’d hooked up a water tank to gather the rainwater – it rains a lot – to use in the fresher for running water. But if she has become ill because of the water, then surely Ben would be sick too. And as far as she’s aware he’s fine. She runs her hand over her hot skin and sighs. The urge to be sick has passed. 

Rey wanders back out of the fresher and takes a seat on the bench opposite the table. She looks around the room, trying to think of something to do, to distract herself. She’d already read the few books they’d found in the draw beneath the bench over the past few weeks – a little each night. Not being able to train with her lightsaber, makes her hands twitch and spasm in memory. 

Ben may have stopped her from training with her saber, but how would he know if she trained a little with the Force. A shy and disobedient smile crosses her lips, as she snatches a look at the door to the ship. All clear.

Rey lifts the container of water into the air using the Force and tilts the one side up, pouring the clear liquid into her glass, half full. Ben often tells her off for misusing the Force and being lazy. He is far too serious for his own good at times. Even with his snarky sense of humour. She smirks at the thought. 

Returning the container to the side she then brings the glass to her, retrieving it from the air and taking a slow sip. She wonders what Ben is doing. He’d been gone for a while so she decides to have a look. 

Rey shakes her head with surprise when she finds his mind closed to her. Strong barriers blocking her way. Why is Ben hiding his mind from her? Does he blame himself for her being sick? She checks their connection and instantly recoils. Their connection is full of rage, bursts of anger and aggression. Rey gasps at the feeling.

Fear grips her heart and mind as to the cause of his anger. She gulps, straight away thinking of the Dark side and its lure. She knows, they both know, that the Dark is still ever present within him. It may be locked deep inside, but it’s there. Always ready to be set loose. Teetering on the precipice. Ben will never be totally Dark or Light, she accepts that. The pull of the suppressed side within him, will always be screaming through his mind, through the Force. Calling to him, desperately trying to seduce him and drag him back to be its slave. 

It troubles Rey. She’d felt the Dark within her back on Starkiller Base. When Ben was still Kylo. When he’d killed his own Father in cold blood moments earlier. He’d hurt Finn, left him severely injured and unconscious in the snow. Then he’d come for her. Stunned when the saber came to her and not him. His anger burning away at the insult that she – just a scavenger from a desert backwater – had managed to summon the heirloom of the Skywalkers, bypassing him. 

His anger became aggression and they fought. She was on the back foot for the majority of the fight. It was her first experience of using a Lightsaber, and she was fighting someone who’d had so much more experience with the legendary weapon. But he was disadvantaged she knew that. He was badly injured from Chewie’s bowcaster shot to the abdomen. Then being hit across the shoulder by Finn with the pale blue saber. Not to mention how he beat himself on the side to inspire himself to continue the fight. 

But he was also emotionally disadvantaged. She could see it in his eyes. The conflict held within over killing his Father, as if he hadn’t found the answer he’d expected. Then he’d extended his offer and she was shocked. He wanted to teach her in the ways of the Force – no mention of a particular side – not Dark or Light. And she took that moment to accept the Force. Feeling it surge through her mind, body and soul. Both sides – Dark and Light. And she reacted. Taking him by surprise, beating him. Slashing him across the face, splitting his lightsaber in two. Sending him reeling into the snow, shocked and stunned. Bewildered, fearful. The Dark was guiding her in that moment. Even now after everything they’ve been through together, she can’t be sure that she wouldn’t have killed him, if the earth hadn’t split open, separating them. Saving him. 

It scared her. The raw power, the desire, the impulse of the Dark side. And she knew that she could not accept the Dark side again. She pushed it out, away, ridding herself of its seductive qualities. Wanting no part of it. But she knows that it’s inside her somewhere. Ready and waiting for that moment of weakness. Ready to show it’s use. To control her emotions, to take over.

Rey shakes her head, shaking the thoughts of the Dark side from her mind. She can’t allow herself to think of it, giving it any sort of opportunity. She takes a long deep breath. Centering herself. She decides to meditate, calm her mind. Feel the purity of the Light spread over her. 

She places her glass down on the table before sitting down on the mattress and slips into her meditation pose. She closes her eyes and focuses on the Light, clearing her thoughts, thinking of nothing.

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey had been meditating for a while, she is feeling better, no longer feeling sick and deduces that it was just one of those things. She feels so much better, more peaceful and positive when she finishes meditating. She takes another deep breath, a warm smile on her lips as she loosens her limbs and joints, getting feeling into them again. 

Curiosity prompts her to see if Ben’s mind is still locked off from her and she’s disappointed to find that it is, and she frowns. Just what is he doing that he wants to hide from her. But not wanting to let the doubts and darkness back into her own mind, she quickly draws away. Checking their connection instead and finds that it’s no longer raw with anger and aggression, but it is neutral, almost numb. There is barely any emotion; it’s just a steady and constant pulse. Rey isn’t sure what to make of it, what does it mean? That Ben is calm? Perhaps he’s meditating, like she had been, and Rey feels better with that thought. Or he could be on his way back to her. She decides to check the Force for his signature.

She knows what he said about the power of the Force on the planet. That you most likely have to be really physically close to someone to find their signature. But she likes to check all the same. There’s something comforting about knowing that Ben is no longer hiding from her in the Force, it gives her a warm feeling inside. She smiles affectionately at the idea as she searches the Force for him.

Her brows knit together, as a puzzled expression spreads across her face. She’s found a signature in the Force, it’s practically on top of her. She doesn’t know who’s it is, but it somewhat feels familiar. She knows it’s not Ben’s because he’s not there. She’s alone inside the shuttle. But that doesn’t stop her from scanning around the room. There’s no one there. It’s just her.

Then it dawns on her. She may be innocent enough and a little naïve, but she’s certainly not stupid. Her eyes widen and her jaw slackens as she lets out a loud gasp. Her hands tremble in her lap, before instinctively moving to rest on her abdomen. Cradling a not even formed baby bump. She’s pregnant.

Does Ben know, is that the reason for his reaction earlier she wonders? Did he realize, see it in the Force, and found their baby’s signature. He’s blaming himself. Blaming himself for giving the vision they saw in the cave life to breath, to become true, to happen. 

Rey knows that she can’t let him feel at fault. They are in this together, the two of them. Now three of them. He never did anything she didn’t want. He never forced her into anything she didn’t want to do. He can’t feel guilty over what they have done. She won’t let him. 

Rey scraps her hair back into a loose knot and springs to her feet, grabbing her boots. She needs to find him. Tell him that she loves him. That they will face everything together. That together they will not let the possible future they saw become reality. But more than anything she wants to hold him, reassure him. Soothe and comfort him. 

She pulls on her boots and disappears out into the swampland of Dagobah, completely forgetting her lightsaber on the side.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading - sorry nothing was posted on Friday - wasn't very well :(
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading this fic, for supporting it, for giving kudos', comments + bookmarking it - you give me so much <3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes in this chapter :|
> 
> I hope you didn't mind the quietness of this chapter - just wanted a silent moment for Rey to figure something massive out :)
> 
> Oh and don't forget the gif zone in the comments :D


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best - not nearly my best :( soz

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Ben.’ A voice calls out to him and he spins around, up onto his feet in one swift move, lightsaber gripped in his burnt hand and he sees the owner of the voice and his eyes widen.

‘Gran-grand. Grandfather?’ Ben mutters in shock, amazed to actually see his maternal grandfather in front of his eyes, he feels sick.

‘You can’t be here? You’re dead. I don’t understand.’ Ben rambles incoherent as he stares deeply at the eerie form a few feet away.

‘You need guidance.’ Anakin Skywalker states too clearly.

‘But…..but……why now and never then? When I asked for it?’ Ben garbles still confused about the whole situation he’s found himself in.

‘Because you asked for it for the wrong reasons. You asked for guidance on how to suppress the Light side of the Force, how to rid yourself of it. I could not give you that. Not when I returned to the Light. I do not know exactly what you were told by Snoke about my redemption and death. I will tell you the truth. I accepted the Light because it was still within me and it saved my son, it saved Luke. Just as the Light is inside of you. Do not let the Dark side overcome you because of your fears, as I did. I know what it is you saw in the cave. It was only a possible future, Ben. It is not certain. Do not let my mistakes become your own. Do not let the Dark side draw you back. You are scared, fearful of what could happen. Fearing loosing Rey, your child. Because of your fear you are susceptible to the Dark side. Do not fear what can only be a possibility.’ The Force ghost of Anakin informs him in his blue hued visage.

Ben scowls and looks down at the mossy earth beneath his boots, lightsaber still gripped in his clenched fist. The words of the legend he’d been so obsessed with emulating form heavy in his guarded mind. He doesn’t need Rey hearing his failing thoughts. Thoughts of not being strong enough to save her and their child. Thoughts of his own fears. His grandfather is right. He is scared, he is worried and he is fearful.

‘Ben.’ Anakin says and Ben looks up at the ghost and takes a deep breath.

‘I don’t know what I’m doing. I know I’m not strong enough for her, for them. She is so strong grandfather. She is so powerful with the Force, and so is the baby already. And loosing them scares me. She is so much stronger than me. She’s s able to fight back the Dark. But I feel it with every beat of my heart, with every breath. The Dark side clawing at me, trying to break me. Destroy my resolve and it’s exhausting. I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know if I can protect them.’ Ben sighs, showing the ghost his weakness, knowing the implication.

‘You need to be stronger than the Dark side. Do not let what happened in my past be your future. Do not let your fears feed the darkness. Embrace the Light, fight the Dark. Find the balance to overcome within yourself. You are Light and Dark Ben. Accept who you are, but you need to control it. Learn from my mistakes. Be what I could not be. Be a Father.’ Anakin pleads impassioned to his grandson despite being a ghost.

Ben shakes his head in confusion. He has so many questions on how to keep his fears at bay, how to control the Dark within, but he doesn’t know how much time he’s got with his grandfather – even if he’s in ghost form. 

‘I don’t know if I can.’ Ben complains bitterly, tears burning in his eyes.

‘You have a chance, an opportunity to be stronger than you think you are. You need to trust in yourself. Trust in the Light. Trust in Rey. She will help you. Together you are so much stronger. You need to face this together. You are not enough to face Snoke on your own, you need her, as she needs you. Together you will overcome what you both fear. Trust me Ben. Do not push Rey away as I did Padmé.’ There is sorrow in the words of the ghost and Ben can see a semblance of anguish in the ghost’s eyes.

Ben goes to speak again when he hears a noise so familiar it renders him speechless, frozen to the spot. Frozen in time, eyes bulging and heart seized. He knows that sound better than anyone – the engines of his old command shuttle. 

Ben’s jaw clenches as he casts his eyes skywards, blocked by the green canopy, not able to say for any certainty where the shuttle is. Above or below the tree line, but what he does know is he must get back to Rey. He looks back toward the ghost of his grandfather, whose expression is shared by his own. One of urgency but also determination, as if the ghost is trying to convince him of his need to be strong.

He nods assured at the ghost, words are no longer required, they have a mutual understanding – Ben will not try to be his grandfather. He will be better than him. He will be a Father to his child, and be the best man Rey deserves. He takes a deep breath, holding his crossguard saber firmly in his hand and turns on his heels and runs. 

Ben runs and runs as fast as he can, heading in the direction of the ship he and Rey call home, the place they conceived their child. Their pure and innocent child. His feet barely touch the ground, his breath hardly registers in his lungs as he sprints, dodges and jumps over swamps, roots, vines. Even skipping over a Dagobah python and brushing past a knobby white spider. 

His heart begins to beat louder in his ears and faster in his chest when he catches sight of his former command shuttle through the trees, but that’s not what troubles him the most. It’s how close it is to where their ship is, practically hovering above, but unable to land due to the span of its wings. But that’s not to say there hasn’t been a landing party roaming their home.

Panic fills his mind, and he throws his guard down, desperate for her to be there. Waiting patiently for him to let her in, but he finds nothing. Their connection is still and silent, other than the pulses of his panic.

The command shuttle is just above the canopy of trees as he arrives at their ship. He finds that the door is open and he feels his breath freeze in his throat. He hears the engines reverse thrust and knows that the shuttle is moving away and he feels a tiny moment of relief as he steps through the door. 

‘Rey.’ He calls out, but he can’t see her or feel her or their child.

‘Rey.’ He whimpers, tears threatening his eyes as he scans around the room.

His watery eyes are drawn to something shiny and metal on the floor by their bed. He crouches down and picks it up; it’s the Skywalker Lightsaber. It’s Rey’s Lightsaber. He gags, falling to his knees. He knows she’d not go anywhere without it. Clutching the saber to his chest as his own slides to the floor with a thud.

The tears roll angrily from his scrunched up eyes, teeth bitten together. Rage and anger burning like hot lava through his mind, body and soul. Searing his veins as it passes in furious pain.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading - I will be honest I really struggled with this chapter - I really wanted to include a Force ghost of Anakin but then refreshed myself by reading about them and they really struggled on how to write it - there were a fair few versions of this chapter and I'm still not happy with it at all, but this is the best one I could come up with and for that I can only apologise.
> 
> As always thank you for the support you've shown this fic - you're all great <3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes.


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

-0-0-0-0-0

Untold rage boils through Ben as he rises to his feet, his mind desperately searching the Force for Rey and their child. But he can’t find them, she must be cloaking their child too. He just hopes and prays that they’re not on the shuttle, stolen away from him.

While his mind is occupied his body just does. He heads for the door to the shuttle, stepping back out into the spitting rain of the swamp planet. The cool drops of water splash his face as he looks to the blocked sky, seeing only thick green trees. Rey’s Lightsaber is still gripped tightly in his hand, his own weapon forgotten inside the shuttle.

‘Ben.’ The voice is the most sought after and perfect sound he’d ever heard.

His head jerks in the direction it comes from and there she is. Rey, the scavenger from Jakku who stole his heart the very first time he laid eyes on her, even through the narrow visor of his helmet.

Rey steps out from behind a gnarltree, a puzzled expression on her face as she sees Ben staring up, her Lightsaber gripped in his hand. Ben rushes over to her, discarding the Lightsaber to the ground. He drops to his knees at her feet. Wrapping his arms around her middle and pulling her close to him, cheek pressed against her abdomen.

Rey is stunned, speechless at his reaction. She can feel his relief wash over him through their connection as he holds her tight in his arms. She places a hand gently on top of his head and brushes her fingers through his thick dark hair.

‘You know don’t you? That I’m pregnant?’ Rey whispers, eyes stinging with unknown tears as she glances down at him.

Ben freezes, holding his breath. Rey knows.

‘Is that why you were so angry before? I felt your rage and it scared me, Ben. I can’t keep living in fear of your anger along with everything else.’ Rey is calm and measured with her words.

Ben detaches himself from her and stands up. He looks like a little boy who’s been scalded for misbehaving. He looks down at her, his eyes full of unspent tears, remorse, regret and shame.

‘I’m sorry.’ He mumbles, his cheeks flush with his own embarrassment.

Rey sighs before taking his hands in her own, the gesture prompts him to look her in the eyes and she smiles softly at him before it expands into a grin. It suddenly hits her; she’s going to be a mother. Her. A lowly scavenger from Jakku is having a baby with the son of heroes and legends and lets not forget royalty. It makes her almost feel light headed and giddy.

‘What?’ He gasps, taken back by her smile and change in body language.

‘We’re going to be parents, Ben. Me and you. Us. A family.’ She says the last word with such hope – the word is so precious to her, something she can never recall having.

Ben screws his lips together, trying to fight away his smile, but it is only fleeting before he too smiles at the thought of them being a family. Rey’s joy, strength, happiness and Light is infectious. They gaze adoringly at one another, hands together, fingers entwined. Their connection full of bliss and contentment. 

Needing to move past the reason for his anger and rage, Ben leans down and kisses Rey softly on the lips before pulling back. But it’s not enough for her, spurred on by hormones, happiness and desire she leans up and kisses him. Capturing his pout in a fierce and possessive kiss. Reminding him of who exactly is boss between them.

Together they drop hands and move to cling on to the other, pulling at the other, needing to deepen their current physical connection. Rey admits in her mind that she’s feeling aroused, and receives a animalistic groan from Ben against her lips. Feeling both confident and brazen Rey presses her body against him, and the momentum soon sets them on their way back to the shuttle. 

Not forgetting her Lightsaber lying in the mossy earth, Rey stretches out a hand and quickly changes her mind from dirty thoughts with Ben to summoning the saber. It hits her hand with a sting just as they arrive in the doorway.

‘Rey, wait. What about the First Order? They were just here. Don’t you think we should go somewhere else or leave?’ Ben whimpers against her hungry lips.

Rey sighs as she pulls back from him. She looks him directly in the eyes as they stop just inside the shuttle. With a quick flick of her wrist Rey closes the door and gives him a pointed look.

‘Well if they actually manage to land next time, then they’ll be in for a surprise then won’t they?’ She sasses at him and he’s completely thrown by her nonchalant attitude.

Rey smiles wickedly as she grabs hold of the back of his neck, and slams their lips together. She wants him right now, and she’d be dammed if anything is going to stop that from happening. They can talk about everything else later. But right now, Rey just wants to be loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading - sorry this is just a short chapter, it felt like it reached its natural conclusion so that's why its a shortie :)
> 
> Thank you for the support, love, kudos', comments and bookmarks <3<3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes
> 
> I've not got time for a big gif zone - feel free to do your own :):D


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Don’t you think we need to talk about what happened?’ Rey asks from her position in the pilot’s chair. 

She’s just managed to get the shuttle from between the thick green canopy of Dagobah and is now heading for space. 

Ben scowls in the co-pilot’s seat, arms crossed over his chest. He sighs.

‘Ben.’ Rey states as she glances at him and rolls her eyes at his petulance.

‘You’re going to be a Father. You can’t keep sulking and going off in fits of rage all the time. You’re a grown man.’ Rey scalds him and he sinks deeper into the chair.

‘I’m not sulking. I just don’t want to talk about it, okay?’ He hisses, rising to his feet and stomping off into the living quarters.

Rey shakes her head and sighs heavily. Things had been so much better between them only a short time earlier, when they were consumed within their love. She quickly remembers how he let her be in control, how she pinned his wrists above his head as she made love to him. Their eyes locked together, their pants and groans merging as one. It had been an intense experience. But it’s just a memory now, a moment of the past.

She blushes at the recollection, before recalling the reasons for their current tension. She keeps asking him about what she felt through their connection – his anger and rage. She wants to know why. She’d told him that he cannot blame himself for her falling pregnant, but still he digs in. Hiding from her, retreating into his mind, closing her off.

Rey flicks the autopilot switch before walking into the living area. Ben is sat at the table. She walks round to sit on the bench. He glances up at her. She returns his look with her own expectant gaze, crossing her arms over her chest.

‘Okay, fine. I’ll talk. Yes I was angry. At myself. For putting you in this position. I got you pregnant Rey, me, no one else. I was angry that I’ve enabled, what we saw to become a reality. The fear at the idea that it could come true. I couldn’t deal with it. I was just so angry with myself. Not you. I can never be angry with you. Not even when you did this.’ He pouts as he points at his scar and Rey blushes, shifting in her seat. 

She doesn’t need his to reminder her of what she did to him. She sees it every day. A constant reminder to them both of her own moment of anger. When she let the Dark side it and let it control her. She shudders at the thought.

‘But then something happened.’ Ben mumbles, averting his eyes from her inquisitive look.

‘What?’ She enquires, uncrossing her arms and leaning forward.

Ben takes a deep breath and slowly looks up at her. 

‘I saw my grandfather. Anakin Skywalker. A ghost of him. He spoke to me. I know it sounds crazy, but it happened.’ Ben recalls the moment and his eyes tear up as he sees the clear disbelief in Rey’s face.

‘And what did he say to you?’ Rey asks cautiously knowing how much Kylo Ren idolized Darth Vader and there is at times a very fine line between Ben and Kylo.

Ben wrings his fingers on the table, as he takes a moment to recollect for her, his eyes flit back up to her face. The tears are still there, watering them.

‘He told me that I’m scared. Fearful and that makes me susceptible to the Dark side. But not to fear what might not happen. He told me I need to be strong. Stronger than the Dark side, and to learn from his mistakes. He told me to be what he couldn’t. To be a Father. To trust in you. Trust in us. Because we need each other, and only together can we defeat Snoke.’ Ben informs her and she watches him in silence.

Rey sees the expression on his face change from annoyance, to defiance, to acceptance and finally belief. She gets to her feet and steps over to the table. Without a second thought she jumps up onto it, shifting so she’s in front of him as he removes his hands. Eyes watching her with curious wonder. She places her feet either side of his thighs and looks at him.

‘This is why we fight. So our child grows up with both parents. Not like me, not like you. Your grandfather is right. We can only defeat Snoke together, and we will. We beat him. Because I love and I trust you.’ Rey is firm and confident with her words as she holds a hand to her tummy.

She reaches forward and snatches up Ben’s hand and presses it against her not even there bump. Urging him to feel the strength of their love. His face softens as he leans forward a little and Rey presses a kiss to his wavy dark hair – it’s grown again since she cut it.

After a quiet moment of shared emotion and love, embodied in their calm connection Rey pulls back, shifting so she’s standing once again.

‘So why Naboo?’ She queries as she heads for the cockpit, needing to get them to their next destination before they linger too long, and risk being caught by the First Order.

‘My grandmother was the Queen there once.’ Ben tells her and it stops Rey in her tracks. 

She turns around to face him, her face a picture of surprise.

‘Your grandmother was once a Queen?’ She blurts in bewilderment, eyes wide with astonishment.

Ben rises to his feet and walks round to join her. He smirks with warm and happy eyes, teasing her.

‘Yes. Padmé Amidala was elected Queen of Naboo when she was just a girl. That’s how she met my grandfather. Then when she finished serving she became a senator.’ Ben explains to her as he wraps an arm around her waist, shifting her slightly closer.

‘Have you ever been to Naboo?’ Rey asks out loud as they walk into the cockpit, Ben allowing her to pass first.

‘No. I’ve never been. But I’ve heard it’s beautiful. Grassy hills, lakes, waterfalls. We’ll just have to see.’ He advises and Rey can feel his reluctance.

A different planet, especially one that has a human population increases the chance of Ben being spotted. Which can lead to the First Order turning up to retrieve him, no matter the cost on the local inhabitants.

Rey sits down in the pilot’s chair and sends the shuttle into Lightspeed as Ben sits down quietly next to her. He tries to hide his fears from Rey, but he’s feeling worried about going to Naboo. Despite his family heritage, he is a stranger at best and at worse a murderous monster.

Rey senses his anxiety and reaches over and gives his hand a quick squeeze, reassuring him. She also sends him warmth and love through their connection. He smiles faintly at her before focusing on the planet that comes into view as they exit Lightspeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Thank you for the support, love, kudos', comments and bookmarks :D
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :/


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) Fluffy

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey sees a city coming into view as they edge closer to the bountiful planet. The city is on a sheer cliff over a vast floodplain. The lights twinkle as dusk settles across the sky. The beauty of it stuns her; with its sandy coloured buildings and green roofs, it looks so exotic, so regal and elegant all bathed in the warm orange glow of the disappearing sun. 

They’d already been cleared to land, and while she tries to stay focused on landing their shuttle, she can’t help but be distracted by the tremor of anxiety through her connection with Ben. She snatches a glance of him and sees his normally pouty lips are worn in a thin line. His eyes are steely and firm, staring straight ahead and his jaw is clenched tightly. 

‘Are you okay?’ She mumbles, as she lowers the shuttle toward their appointed docking point.

‘I’m fine. It’s just….. I don’t know. Being here. The risks of being in a city. I just have this feeling that no matter where I run, until Snoke is dead, there’s a dark cloud hanging over me. Always having to look over my shoulder. It’s like there’s a noose around my neck. Slowly being pulled tighter.’ Ben muses, rubbing his hand absently along his neck.

Rey’s brows furrow as she looks over at him and can feel his pain. But he reins it in, not wanting to ruin her experience of the planet. Rey has such enthusiasm for everything. When she experiences something new for the first time, she truly embraces it and goes all in. And he doesn’t want to take that from her with his worries.

Rey lands the shuttle and Ben quickly shifts from the co-pilot’s chair and into the living quarters. It may be getting dark out there, but it doesn’t mean he is free to walk around unmasked. A thought occurs to him as he opens the small wardrobe containing Lando’s clothes. He’s spent so much of his life hiding behind a mask. Even as a child, he wore a mask. Pretending to be something he wasn’t. 

He pushes the thoughts and doubts away, as he searches through the clothes for something suitable to hide his face, but there’s nothing. There is a cape and Ben shakes his head, he’s not wearing that. It’s pale blue and there’s no hood. His fingers grip the material in frustration and he scrunches his eyes tightly shut. There is nothing, no option.

He feels slim arms wrap around his waist from behind. Hands lock together over his stomach, as Rey presses her face into the back of his neck, between his shoulder blades. The gesture instantly settles him and the tension leaves his body. 

‘There’s nothing to hide my face.’ He grumbles, feeling a blush of embarrassment.

Rey presses a kiss against his spine before detaching herself. She steps around him and delves into the wardrobe and Ben just watches as she appraises the offerings. She selects a white long sleeve tunic and pulls it from the hanger. She glances up at him before turning to face him completely. She pulls the neck of the tunic wider, before reaching up and placing the tunic over his head. Ben smirks with amusement, but doesn’t stop her.

Rey fiddles and folds, adjusting the cloth around his neck, looking intently as she works before nodding with approval. Ben glances down to see that she’s fashioned the tunic into a scarf and a smile spreads across his face as he looks up at her.

‘I was, am, a scavenger remember. Finding a new use for things is what I do.’ She teases before giving him a brief kiss on the cheek, right over his scar.

She quickly steps away from him, needing to get things sorted. Ben follows her over to the door to the shuttle. They’d already packed their Lightsaber’s away into a small bag, not wanting to draw attention to themselves, by them being on show. Rey picks up the bag from the counter, and with a deep breath she steps confidently to the door and presses the button.

The door hisses as it lowers and they both get their first breath of Naboo air. Ben’s hand is resting on the small of Rey’s back and he can feel some tension centered there. He soothingly rubs her back with his thumb as they step out of the shuttle, ready to face the next chapter of their life together. 

-0-0-0-0-0

Ben and Rey had found out that it’s not recommended for anyone other than Naboo natives to travel to the Lake Country at night, so they’ve decided to spend the night on their shuttle. Locked away in their home..

But when Ben watches Rey’s eyes widen with wonder at the city she is seeing only at a short distance, he feels a pang of guilt. He wants her to experience the galaxy. See the planets and the cities. Immerse herself with the natives, enjoy their cultures and customs. Sample their foods and drinks. Listen to their music and languages. Yet she will sacrifice her love to learn and exploring for him; and he can’t do that to her. Not now that she will spend the rest of her life bound to him, through more than just a bond. But through their child. 

He decides that he wants her to have a life before her focus turns to their child. So despite at possible cost to his own life and discovery he makes the decision that they will see part of Theed.

‘Come on.’ Ben states firmly as he takes hold of Rey’s hand.

She bristles at first, a confused and aghast expression on her face, as she doesn’t move from the spot she’s standing on. Ben turns around to look at her, a faint smile on his lips.

‘What-where?’ Rey gasps as she stares into his dark eyes, his makeshift scarf obscuring his features and hiding the majority of his scar.

‘To look around. Unless you don’t want to?’ He quips with a clear tease in his voice.

Rey’s lips widen into a happy smile and she looks like an excited child. It buoys Ben; he’s made the right decision. Letting Rey have some sort of freedom for however long it can last, makes him feel warmth and joy through their connection and he chuckles.

Rey tightens her grip on his hand as she pulls him toward the transporter into the city. Her excitement at seeing anything of the beautiful city, gives her a bounce to her step. Ben willing follows, their hands clasped together. He snatches a reassuring glance at the small bag nestled on her hip containing their Lightsabers. Their difference between life and death. 

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :D 
> 
> Thank you for the kudos', comments etc <3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :\
> 
> Also sorry for the inconsistent posting of chapters at the moment - writers block - but I think it's gone now!!


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :):(

-0-0-0-0-0

Having made their way into Theed from the spaceport Rey drank in the sights of the human capital of the planet Ben’s grandmother once ruled. There are reminders of her everywhere they looked. Be it her name written on a plaque or a statue. Ben had stood transfixed by the image of Padmé Amidala. At the Royal Palace, the Library, and the University. She had been a much loved queen and it breaks his heart. 

He’d recalled seeing an image of the former Queen of Naboo in a book from when he was a child, but being on the planet she ruled, looking at an image of her made his heart surge with remorse and guilt. Rey had comforted him, wrapped her arms around him and kissed him on the shoulder, needing him to feel her support, and not just through their connection.

Now they find themselves standing by the edge of the gardens to the Theed Royal Palace. Darkness has fallen but the palace is illuminated with lights and Rey is in awe. In awe of the beauty of the sandstone building on the edge of a cliff. Twinkling against the black backdrop.

Ben stands just behind her, hands resting on her shoulders, chin resting softly on the top of her head. He presses a kiss into her hair. It’s an unguarded moment of love and deep affection, pulling down his material barrier to feel her against his lips. Rey smiles at the gesture, she feels his love and warmth radiating from him.

‘Are you hungry?’ Ben mutters into her hair as he runs his hands up and down her arms.

Rey spins round and looks up at him with a broad smile.

‘Starving. I’m eating for two remember.’ She giggles at the expression on his face and raised eyebrow.

‘Come on then. Let’s find somewhere to get something to eat.’ Ben says softly as he takes her hand in his and leads her back toward the more populous part of the city.

‘Rey. Are you hiding your signature?’ Ben queries, as they get closer to the hub of the nightlife.

Rey pauses, pulling on his hand. Her eyes giving her away in an instant before she adverts her gaze, but Ben saw it and felt her guilt. 

‘Rey!’ Ben admonishes her in disbelief.

‘I’m sorry. I forgot.’ She whimpers stepping away from him.

Ben sighs heavily, but he can’t be mad at her for long, he never has. Not even when she got the better of him during the interrogation, or their fight on Starkiller Base when she could have killed him. Even then, moments for death he couldn’t hate her, or be angry with her. 

‘Come here.’ Ben pulls her into his arms, embracing her and soothing her concerns.

Rey hides her signature but when she searches the Force she can detect their baby. She steps away from him and places a hand on her stomach, glancing down. Ben looks down too.

‘I don’t know how to….our baby. It’s signature.’ Rey murmurs, her voice hitching with worry.

Ben steps closer once again and places his hand over hers. He doesn’t know either, and even though their baby is only weeks old it shines so brightly with the Light. Both of them are caught up in their worry and concern that neither of them notices a man watching them from the shadows. 

-0-0-0-0-0

Ben and Rey are settled into a booth at the back of a small restaurant tucked into a back street. There are a few other patrons inside along with the staff. Ben is sat further into the corner of the booth so he can eat while Rey keeps a cautious eye cast over the room, nerves jangling a little.

They eat in relative silence, only really sharing comments about their meal. Apart from when Rey decided that Ben must try a piece of fruit, and cut him a slice before insisting on feeding him, causing him to blush coyly as his eyes scanned the room.

With their meals finished and Rey insisting that Ben relax by having a drink of Corellian whisky they begin to feel more at ease in the restaurant. Ben gets to his feet and ducks his head down as he shuffles off toward the fresher, keeping an eye out as he walks, really not wanting to draw attention to himself or them.

Rey sighs, she feels happy. Then she realizes that this is the first meal they’re shared in public, almost like a date. A grin spreads across her lips and she is lost in her thoughts. So lost in fact that she doesn’t even notice the man approach the booth.

With a careful arm he stretches from his position just behind where Rey is sat lost in her daydreams. He hooks the strap of her small bag over his middle finger and then with a quick look at the corridor that leads to the fresher he pulls the bag off the seat.

The bag swings toward him and his eyes are wide and triumphant with needy satisfaction as he manages to take claim of something that isn’t his. A smirk spreads across his lips as he grips the strap, holding the bag close to his chest. He takes a step to leave but as he turns he finds himself face to face with a tall dark haired figure, obscured by the shadows. He gulps, feeling the hostility from the man in a beat.

‘Put that back.’ Ben snarls lowly, his eyes burning with anger.

Rey hears Ben and spins up out of the booth to find him separated from her by a stranger dressed in shabby clothes and the smell of being homeless.

‘The bag. Hand it back.’ Ben is clear and concise with his instructions but still the man clings onto the bag.

‘You will hand the bag to the man in front of you and leave immediately.’ Rey commands as she steps in behind the man.

It takes a moment but the man complies with Rey’s Jedi mind trick. 

‘I will hand the bag to the man in front of me and leave immediately.’ He hands the bag to Ben, who gratefully takes it before leaving.

Rey sighs in relief as she looks up at Ben, but his eyes are neutral. Without a word he turns around and heads to the bar, pulling up his makeshift scarf. He tosses enough credits onto the counter and leaves. Rey hurries after him, feeling his annoyance vibrate though their connection. She catches up with him in the street.

‘What’s wrong? Are you angry with me? Have I done something?’ She questions, her own annoyance seeping out of her tone.

Ben stops and looks at her. Her bag still clutched in his hands.

‘Have you forgotten? That we’re on the run? You can’t just leave this lying around. That guy would been long gone before you’d noticed. What were you even doing, to not realize?’ He snaps at her, leaning in closer to stop anyone listening in.

‘No, I’ve not forgotten that we’re on the run. How could I? I’m reminded of it every single moment. And I’m sorry that I slipped up. That I got distracted by realizing that this was our first date.’ Rey barks back, getting defensive.

Ben shakes his head confused by her words, by the news that she thought that they were on a date. It completely throws him and it breaks his defenses. He looks at her bewildered. Then he steps forward and pulls her into his arms, the bag hanging down from his arm.

‘Come on.’ He whispers into her ear.

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey hears a knock and Ben stirs beside her. He peels himself away from her and rubs the sleep from his eyes. He rises to his feet and stretches his back and neck as the knock sounds again. Rey cracks an eye open, and watches as a half naked Ben heads in the direction of the door. She snuggles back down into the blanket, while Ben discovers the cause of the knocking. He grabs his crossguard lightsaber from where it rests next to hers and goes to the door.

Rey begins to drift off again, hearing the sound of the door hissing with air as it opens. But then her eyes fly open.

‘Kylo Ren.’ An alien hiss fills her ears, followed by the sound of Ben’s red bladed lightsaber igniting.

Rey springs to her feet and dashes the short distance to the entrance of the shuttle. Her eyes widen, her breath catches in her throat and her heart freezes when she sees the monster of their vision opposite Ben, who has a look of absolute fear on his face. She can instantly sense something is wrong. Ben’s arms tremble as he fights off Snoke’s control over him. His lightsaber slowly turning to point at himself.

‘Ben’ Rey cries out, dashing forward but suddenly freezing, held in place by Snoke.

‘The scavenger.’ Snoke hisses with a sickening tone and Rey’s eyes are drawn to his sneering face.

Snoke overpowers Ben, who fights his control with all his might, Rey can feel the tension and strain, the battle and heart in their connection. But Ben’s defeated by the creature, and the lightsaber plunges into his chest, by his own hands.

Rey screams, but she can’t hear a single word, as she watches as Ben crumbles to the ground, lightsaber extinguishing as he falls. His eyes locked on hers and she sees his fear and it destroys her, breaks her heart.

Hot tears spill from her eyes as she stares at the lifeless body of the man she once hate, but came to love.

‘Rey.’ Snoke jeers as he steps closer to her, but she still can’t move.

‘The child.’ Is all he says, and her eyes dart to his evil face.

All of what they saw in the cave in Dagobah has now become reality and not just a possibility.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-0-0-0-0-0

Ben shakes Rey gently, not wanting to startle her from her nightmare.

‘Rey. Rey. Wake up.’ He commands firmly and her eyes fling open.

She focuses on him and relief washes over her in an instant as her fingers run over his face, making sure he is actually there.

‘You were having a nightmare.’ He explains as she throws herself into his arms.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :-) hope it was an ok chapter :s
> 
> Thank you for the support, kudos', comments etc <3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :|


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

-0-0-0-0-0

Ben had flown the small shuttle up to the Lake Country while Rey sat silently in the co-pilots seat. Thoughts drifted too frequently to the nightmare that made her sweat run cold. She’d closed her mind off from Ben, needing to process what she saw alone. It was only when he told her that he saw it too, when he’d entered her mind because she was screaming and flailing about, that her tension eased.

They’d travelled onto the Naberrie family’s retreat house on Varykino by Gondola speeder, having to stop for Rey to be sick into the waters. Ben held her hand and rubbed her back while she threw up because of her pregnancy.

Once they arrived at the small dock Ben lead the way with caution and suspicion, carrying a bag containing the clothes they’d removed from the shuttle, some rations, water and a medical kit. His lightsaber was within easy reach on his belt, and he knows that Rey has hers too.

Ben searches the Force for any other Force sensitive being, but other than his child growing within Rey he’d doesn’t find anyone Force Sensitive. But there is someone – a living being not far from them. His hand reaches for his lightsaber and he gulps, slowing his pace a little.

A man walks round the corner and practically jumps out of his skin when he sees Ben and Rey – their postures both in a mix of defense and attack.

‘Who are you?’ the man gasps, regaining his composure.

‘Who are you?’ Ben counters and the man gawps at him.

‘This is private property. You can’t just turn up here. I’ll have to ask you to leave. I will be informing my mistress of this intrusion. Now I suggest you leave.’ The little old man with white hair orders them.

‘This is my ancestral home.’ Ben blurts to Rey’s surprise at showing himself so soon.

‘Wh-what? This property belongs to the Naberrie family. Has done for years.’ The old man initially stammers before finding himself, as he stares intently at Ben.

‘Lei-Leia Organa is my Mother.’ Ben admits and Rey can feel a wave of pride mixed with pain from him.

The man’s mouth falls open as he squints taking a better look at the son of the daughter of the late Queen.

‘You’re Leia’s boy? You’re Ben Solo?’ He murmurs as he steps a fraction closer to them.

Rey bristles but Ben doesn’t move, he simply allows the old man to study him and consider him.

‘But you’re a wanted man. The First Order is searching the galaxy for you. You’re a murderer. You murdered your Father. You cannot stay here. You must leave.’ The old man hisses as he steps back, waving his arms around in shock and dismissal.

‘Please. We have nowhere else to go. We’re desperate.’ Ben pleads and his voice is raw with his feelings.

‘Please. You have to help us.’ Rey adds her voice, desperation coming out in her tone.

The man switches his gaze to her and she instantly straightens, weary of his intense eyes.

‘You? Who are you?’ He queries as he steps closer to her.

Rey gulps with anxiety as the man studies her face. Ben simply watches as the man who is clearly years older than his parents’ looks at Rey.

‘I’m no one. Just a scavenger from Jakku.’ Rey whispers and she sees Ben rolls his eyes, she knows her value, but rarely mentions it.

‘This is Rey. She’s my girlfriend.’ Ben interjects and the old man’s eyes narrow as he continues to stare at Rey. 

Eventually the old man steps back, done with his assessment, but there’s a look of recognition in his eyes and it unsettles Ben, but he’s not sure why.

‘Fine. You can stay. But only for the love I bear to your Mother and her Mother before. But remember this, I will not hesitate in alerting the First Order if you do anything. Padmé Amidala’s grandson or not.’ The old man concludes and they both see an unknown strength despite his years.

Ben lets out a long breath as he nods.

‘You’ll hardly even notice us. All we ask for is a room, some food, some clean clothes and updates from Theed.’ Ben offers and the old man flashes his eyes up at him.

‘You are the Prince of Alderaan. The only grandson of the late Queen Padmé Amidala of Naboo. You will have more than just a room, some food and some clean clothes.’ The man states curtly.

‘You don’t have to go to any trouble for us-‘ Ben begins to challenge the older man, but he gets quickly interrupted.

‘No, you will have a suite, meals and laundered clothes. My Father Paddy Accu would be ashamed of me, if he thought I was not treating you with the titles you hold, and the family you are from.’ The man counters and Ben is powerless to argue given the determined expression on the man’s face.

‘I’m Ruwee Accu. I was named after you’re great-grandfather.’ The old man finally smiles and Rey feels the tension ease in her back as they follow the old man into the beautiful old villa.

-0-0-0-0-0

Having settled into a suite – complete with balcony and spacious fresher with a deep bath – Ben leaves Rey resting while he wanders around the Lake Retreat.

He is admiring a painting on the wall in one of the corridors when he hears footsteps, a quick search of the Force tells him that they pose no threat. It’s Ruwee who turns the corner and smiles almost warmly at the towering figure of the First Knight of Ren.

‘She was a lovely girl, Padmé.’ Ruwee tells him as he stops next to Ben.

‘You knew her?’ Ben queries as he glances at the man, who is sporting a happy expression.

‘When we were children. My Father worked here for many years. I practically grew up here. I started working here, helping my Father when I was a teenager. By then Padmé had been Queen twice, and was serving as a Senator. I saw less and less of her in those years. But when she did return she was always the same warm, friendly, compassionate Padmé that I remembered.’ Ruwee explains with fondness of his memories.

‘She planned to raise her family here. She loved it here so very much. But what happened to her was terrible. Tragic. She was such a wonderful young woman. With such a big heart, so much hope and goodness……’ Ruwee trails off when he sees Ben’s shoulders slump slightly.

They stand in silence, both contemplating the painting. One full of memories of a lost friend and the other thoughts of a woman he would never know.

‘Before, when you were looking at Rey, it was as if you’ve seen her before.’ Ben questions, as he looks down at the man, who continues to admire the painting.

‘Because I’ve seen her eyes before.’ Ruwee answers softly and Ben is stunned with confusion. 

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :) - hope this one didn't suck toooooooo bad.
> 
> Thank you for the kudos' + comments <3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :(


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3

-0-0-0-0-0

Three months later

Ben and Rey’s time on Naboo in Varykino has passed peacefully. Ben had alternated his time between training, meditating, spending time with Rey and helping Ruwee with doing repairs or general work. Rey meanwhile had continued to suffer from sickness during the earlier weeks of her pregnancy. But that disappeared to be replaced by mood swings, cravings and body changes. She’d complained of bloating, and an increased need to use the fresher, clumsiness, her skin darkening in various places, her belly becoming rounder, a loss of appetite - and then it suddenly returning full force. Not to mention the backache. Ben told her constantly that he thinks she’s beautiful, but she often returned his words with a scowl. 

Rey had all but pushed him away, feeling so insecure in her own body. They’d not been intimate since their first night in Varykino, but every night Rey would nestle into his chest and he’d wrap his arm around her, pulling her a little closer, but always aware of their growing child.

Ruwee had brought news from Theed about the galaxy. But very little of it brought any joy or comfort. The First Order had begun to target Resistance affiliated planets, because they claimed that General Organa was hiding her traitorous son. The last they’d heard his Mother had gone into hiding. This news had caused Ben to sit in quiet meditation on the balcony from dawn till dusk for three days straight. Without a single word spoken or even food.

On the last night he’d spoken to Rey, of how he searched out for his Mother in the Force. Something he’d not done in years, but he couldn’t find her and it worried him. Rey comforted him in his disappointment, and told him that it was most likely that she was hiding her signature from Snoke, and that she’s no doubt safe and well. Despite Ben nodding in agreement, Rey wasn’t sure that it settled his concerns.

She knew he was feeling responsible for what was happening to the galaxy, but every time his mood darkened, no matter how she felt she would pull him back. Wrapping her arms around him, holding him close, pulling him tighter. Whispering in his ear about their future together with their child. He always seemed to come back to her, but even then there was something just a little distant about him.

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Where are we going?’ Rey wonders as she follows Ben along the edge of the island, their hands locked together.

‘For a picnic.’ Ben answers, a hint of joy in his voice as he carries the basket put together by Ruwee and a blanket under his arm.

They continue walking before Ben stops on a beach. Rey glances around, as Ben unravels the blanket and places it half on the grass and half on the sand.

‘This was the private beach my grandmother used to visit.’ He offers an explanation Rey had not even sought.

‘It’s really pretty.’ Rey observes, as she looks over the lake and it calms her slight tinge of nerves.

Ben takes her hand and guides her to the blanket. She sits down and he goes about sorting their food. She looks around and feels peaceful and content, a small smile creeps across her lips as Ben offers her a cup of a fruit drink. 

They settle down to enjoy their picnic, sharing light chit-chat, avoiding the subject of the Resistance, his Mother, the First Order and their situation. So basically they end up talking about her pregnancy.

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Ow.’ Rey gasps, a hand springing to her hardly visible bump.

‘What is it, are you okay?’ Ben is on her in a second, hands held in midair, not sure what to do.

Rey’s expression changes from painful surprise to a happy smile. She reaches out and takes his hand. She presses it against her bump and beneath his hand Ben feels a kick and he gasps, eyes full of wonder.

‘It’s our baby.’ Rey mutters with delight, her eyes fixed on his and a feeling of complete and utter love and devotion passing between them.

They both sit in awe of the tiny life inside her, letting them know that he or she is there. Ben can feel tears welling in his eyes, and his face begins to ache from his endless smile. He knows he doesn’t deserve this kind of happiness. Not after all that he’s done. Not after he’s destroyed so many families, deprived countless people of having families. A stray tear escapes his eye and he sniffs the rest back.

Rey shifts onto her knees and edges closer to him. She brushes the tear from his pale cheek and smiles softly at him. She can feel his doubt and trouble through their connection. 

‘I love you.’ Rey murmurs as she pulls him into her arms, his head resting against her growing chest.

‘I know.’ Ben sniffs quietly, his smile fading.

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Rey. I want our child to have my surname.’ Ben suddenly blurts during a lull in their conversation.

‘Of course they’ll have your surname. I mean it’s not like I’ve got one to offer them.’ Rey quickly replies, reminding herself of her humble origins.

‘Would you like one?’ Ben asks, his voice low but soft and his eyes are bright and hopeful.

‘Would I like what? A surname?’ Rey shakes her head, confused at his question – he knows that she still seeks her parents, her family, her identity.

‘You can have mine, if you what that is?’ Ben mutters and a blush begins to form on his cheekbones.

‘Ben, is this what I think it is?’ Rey’s voice peters out as she sees the genuine emotion in his eyes as he nods.

‘Rey, will you marry me?’ Ben’s voice is so sincere and loving that she gulps, her heart is racing and a grin spreads widely across her face as she gasps.

‘Of course. Yes.’ Rey cries as she launches herself at him, throwing herself into his arms.

Ben accepts her into his arms as they tumble back onto the blanket. He makes sure that he’s as careful as possible given her delicate situation. She smoothers him with kisses and their baby kicks up a storm from within her, joining in with their celebration.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading as always (warning - the end is coming for this fic :/)
> 
> Thank you for the continued views, kudos', comments etc - you guys are such inspiration to keep going :D 
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :(


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :S

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Congratulations.’ Ruwee smiles warmly at them when they return from the beach and their picnic and share their happy news with him.

Rey hugs the old man, her emotions getting the better of her and it makes Ben smile. Once Rey lets the caretaker go he steps over and shakes Ben’s hand firmly.

‘Congratulations Sir.’ He offers formally and Ben shakes his head, without malice.

‘Ruwee, you don’t need to call me Sir. It’s Ben. Even now.’ He chastises the man with a clearly affectionate tone.

‘Sorry Si-Ben.’ Ruwee blushes faintly as Rey giggles at his bashfulness.

‘Let me prepare you a celebratory meal. I insist, please.’ Ruwee offers but they see a look in his eyes that tells them not to argue.

‘Okay. That would be very nice of you. Thank you.’ Ben agrees as he sees the look of happiness in Rey’s face and eyes.

‘So when are you planning on getting married? Before, or after the baby is born?’ Ruwee enquires a little cautiously as he looks between the two of them.

Ben and Rey exchange glances, they’d not actually discussed the finer details of their engagement and their future marriage.

‘We’ve not actually spoken about it.’ Ben mutters as he bites his bottom lip and looks at Rey.

‘Oh. Well I’m sure there’s no great hurry.’ Ruwee fills the void before turning on his heels and dashing off.

Rey sighs as she turns to face Ben, who looks down at her. He gulps, he recognises that expression.

‘Do we know when we’re going to get married? Before or after this one? Before or after Snoke? When Ben?’ Rey queries with narrow eyes and furrowed brows as she gently caresses her bump.

‘You’re not going anywhere near Snoke. Not when you’re pregnant.’ Ben hisses and Rey instantly steps into defense mode.

‘What? We’re going to face him together. Me and you. That is what you said.’ Rey snaps and Ben shakes his head at her.

‘You are not facing Snoke when you are carrying my child inside of you. No chance Rey. It’s not happening.’ Ben states his tone firm as he crosses his arms over his chest, standing tall.

‘So what then, huh? We just hide away here until I give birth and then we face Snoke? What about the galaxy? Is everything meant to be put on hold because I’m pregnant? Snoke and the First Order are tearing through the galaxy, while we hide away here. It won’t even be long before they find us. Is that what you want? Them to find us? Or do you want to go and confront them first?’ Rey barks and shifts her hands to her hips, her body language full of defiance and challenge.

‘Of course I don’t want them to find us. And I do care about the galaxy. I never wanted the First Order to destroy the Hosnian System, nor to turn the weapon on the Ileenium system. I do care about the galaxy. But I will not risk you and our child for anything. Can’t you see? You and our baby mean everything to me. You are my world. Haven’t you realized that yet? From the moment I met you Rey, I was lost. You stole me, like the scavenger you are.’ His voice hitches as he looks down at her, his eyes full of genuine emotion.

Rey looks at him and feels the truth in their connection and it fills her with warmth. She steps in closer to him, raising her hand to his scarred cheek. Their eyes meet and she takes in a deep breath as her other hand finds it’s place on his shoulder.

‘I know.’ Rey whispers into his ear, her breath tickling his skin, but he’s once again lost.

Totally captivated by the girl who torments him so much, haunts his nightmares and brings light to his daydreams. He’s never understood his grandfather more than these weeks on Naboo. Anakin Skywalker was his grandfather. Darth Vader was not the same man; he was a shell of the person who’d gone before. Anakin was motivated by love and loss. His desperation to keep Padmé safe and alive, had consumed him so deeply that he lost his Light, and almost faded from the good completely. He understands his reasons, they sound like his own. Ben will do anything for Rey and their unborn child. Anything. But he’s realized that Anakin was corrupted with falsities and ideas. Lied to by a man in disguise. He doesn’t know if it’s possible for the Force to save someone from dying and he’d sooner not find out. 

-0-0-0-0-0

Despite Ben expressing that Rey is having nothing to do with Snoke while she’s carrying his child, she still persists with her Force training and basic combat drills. Ben watches her from the shadows, hiding himself – a familiar feeling – guarding his emotions from her. Rey is too headstrong and independent to be stopped by him alone. He just hopes that every time their baby kicks her, she realizes that everything is bigger than just the two of them.

Rey is so determined and full of fire and Light that he knows stopping her will be beyond difficult, but can the galaxy wait another twenty plus weeks until Rey has given birth and recovered sufficiently to face and destroy Snoke and the First Order. Even the idea of coming face to face with the First Order – Hux, Phasma, and especially Snoke sends an uncomfortable shiver down his spine and makes him feel sick. It won’t be easy. He has realistic expectations. He knows that the chance of him dying are vast, he’s not stupid or delusional. No not anymore. Not now that he’s no longer blinded by Snoke and his lies. He just hopes that Rey manages to survive and raise their child in a free and peaceful world. That is his vow as a Father – that his child will be free, happy and loved. 

He knows what he’s got to do, but like when he murdered his own Father he’s not sure he’s got the strength to do it. But somehow he did it. He killed his Father. The thought, the recollection makes him retch and gag. What he did to the man who loved him unconditionally, even after he’d stabbed him through the chest is unforgivable. He doesn’t deserve to be a Father, not after what he’d done to his own.

Ben slumps into the chair in bedroom he shares with Rey. Tears burning hot against his eyes, hand clasped over his mouth as bile swills in his stomach and into his throat. He feels hot and clammy. And he just lets go, collapsing into a wall of emotional torment and regret. Shoulders shaking as he sobs silently. His face quickly becomes slick with a mix of tears and sweat. He bites down on his hand to muffle his gasping breathes. His heart is broken, never recovered after what he’d done, and the memory is destroying him even further. The feel of his Father’s tender caress to his cheek, a moment before he plunged to his death haunts him, more than the scar Rey burnt into his skin ever could. 

He reconciles his turmoil, and with deep steadying breaths he finds the strength. He will do what is necessary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> thank you for the kudos', comments etc <3<3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :(


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :'(

-0-0-0-0-0

Resting on his elbow Ben watches as Rey sleeps after the first time they’d been intimate in weeks – since their first night at his ancestral home. He takes a quiet deep breath, inhaling through his nose. With slightly trembling fingers he brushes a stray strand of hair from her face. She looks so beautiful, so angelic, perfect and content. His heart surges with a full pain as he looks down at her. His eyes drift toward her growing abdomen, and he has to fight back the tears that are threatening to escape. 

Ben peels himself from Rey’s warm body, doing his utmost not to wake her. Holding his breath, especially when she murmurs in her sleep. He creeps over to the chair where he’d discarded his clothes, and quietly pulls them on. His eyes are fixed on the slumbered form of the woman he loves more than anything. He tightens the belt around his waist and hooks his crossguard lightsaber onto it. His heartbeat is slowly rising and his breathing is becoming shallow as he edges closer to his fate. 

He moves over to the desk and writes on a piece of paper before folding it and placing it down on the wooden desk. He steps back over to the bed and carefully leans over. He plants a soft kiss on Rey’s temple as he brushes his fingers over her bump.

‘Forgive me. I love you both.’ He whispers into her hair, before wrenching himself away from them and over to the door, making sure his steps are unheard.

He pulls open the door and steps into the corridor, taking a last look at Rey; sleeping peacefully, knowing that she will protect the life she carries inside of her with every breath in her body, every drop of blood. Tears blur his vision, but are cleared with a long silent breath, before he gulps and pulls the door close.

Ben squeezes his eyes shut, head resting against the door, taking a moment to compose himself before he leaves her, leaves them. Not sure he’ll ever see them again. Not sure if he’ll ever meet his child. He pushes those thoughts aside; they’ll not help him. Not now.

-0-0-0-0-0

‘You must look after them. Promise me. Until my Mother and the Resistance arrive.’ Ben is firm and direct with Ruwee who nods in confused disbelief.

‘Please, you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to go. Stay here. I’m sure you can figure something out.’ Ruwee pleads, as Ben stands in the doorway to the outside, to his future, to his fate.

‘I have to. For their sake. For Rey and our baby, I have to go. For the sake of my Mother, the galaxy, for everyone I have to do this. What's happening to the galaxy is because of me. So I need to be the one to end it, once and for all.’ Ben is firm but his voice is laced with uncertain emotion.

‘You must come back. Rey needs you.’ Ruwee mutters, his face expressing his fear and worry.

‘Rey can look after herself. She’s never needed me.’ Ben jests weakly.

‘But that’s why she needs you.’ Ruwee counters and his words make little sense to Ben, not right now at least.

‘Thank you, Ruwee. Thank you for being a friend. For all your help, and for telling me about my grandparents. About what they were like, about who really were.’ Ben smiles warmly at the old man.

‘Ben, please don’t go. Don’t do this. Not to them. They need you.’ Ruwee begs once again.

‘I have to.’ Ben replies simply and Ruwee sighs deeply before slowly nodding in acceptance.

‘I think I will come to understand in time. I just don’t think she will.’ Ruwee mutters as he looks up at the troubled young man.

‘When my Mother arrives, tell her who Rey is. Who she really is. But don’t tell Rey. I’ll tell her when I come back.’ Ben smiles faintly, trying to give the old man a sense of hope.

But he knows the truth. There is little hope he'll return.

They share a warm embrace before Ben quickly spins on his heels. He dashes down the steps toward the Gondola speeder; unspent tears burning his eyes once again. He glances back at the caretaker, and his eyes wander to the room he’d shared with Rey. He presses against her mind and sees she’s deeply asleep and it comforts him. He can feel the glow of her Light and that of their child. Both are beaming. It drives him on. 

With a deep breath he moves away, disappearing into the darkness across the lake.

-0-0-0-0-0

Once inside the personal shuttle they’d commandeered from Lando Calrissian, Ben takes a deep breath. He allows a couple of tears to spill from his eyes. This is the hardest decision he’s ever made, even harder than leaving the First Order. He regains his rattled composure. He feels he can trust Ruwee. But given what he’s doing, he can’t guarantee that the old man hasn’t gone and woken Rey, to tell her what he’s doing.

He guards his mind, his thoughts and his signature against all incomers. He starts the engines and makes short work of the take off, even in the dark – he’s a better pilot than he’d claim. He is the son of Han Solo after all.

Once clear of the atmosphere of Naboo, he reaches out with a shaking hand to punch in the coms code he’d stolen from Rey’s mind. It’s her emergency code for the Resistance. He hesitates for a beat, before punching it in and his stomach flips uncomfortably. He feels sick. He’s not even sure that it’ll work, what with the Resistance going into hiding. His body tenses when he hears a crackle of radio static.

‘Rey!’ A man’s voice he vaguely recognizes fills the silence of the cockpit.

‘Rey, can you hear me? Are you okay? Can you talk? What the hell has he done to you? Rey?’ The voice practically screams at him, and Ben can feel the anger emitting from the other end of the coms.

‘I need to speak to General Organa.’ Ben replies with surprising calm, desipte his knotted stomach.

‘Kylo Ren? Where’s Rey? What have you done to her? Where is she? I swear if you’ve done anything to harm her I will kill you.’ Comes the unsurprising threat from Poe Dameron – the Resistance’s best pilot and Rey's friend.

‘I need to speak with General Organa. Now.’ Ben repeats firmly, his eyes fixed on the vast starry sky that surrounds him.

No one answers him, and for a moment he fears that the line has been lost, but the light is still lit on the coms panel. A few minutes later he hears shuffling, scrapping of metal on concrete, angry, yet hushed voices muffled in the background as he waits. Waits to speak with General Organa. Waits to speak with his Mother. For the first time in years.

‘Ben?’ His Mother’s voice sounds all too familiar, yet completely alien to his ears.

‘Where’s Rey?’ She questions and he can hear her concern.

‘She’s safe, for now.’ He replies honestly, because he can’t guarantee her safety, not now he’s not by her side.

‘What do you mean for now? Where is she? Are you with her? Ben, what is going on?’ His Mother blurts, her anxiety bubbling through the coms.

‘I haven’t done anything to her. I wouldn’t.’ He guards his response and he’s not sure why – perhaps he still finds it hard to trust, even his own family.

‘Tell us where she is? Tell us where you are?’ Leia asks in a voice he knows is her senator voice - all astute and commanding and it makes him smirk.

‘I’ll tell you where she is. But not where I am.’ He answers a little cryptically and he can hear his Mother talking to his Uncle off mic.

‘Okay, we’ll do this your way.’ Leia offers and Ben scoffs, she’s talking to him like a politician.

‘Rey is on Varykino.’ Ben answers.

‘Naboo.’ Luke states loudly and Ben shakes his head.

He knew that he wasn’t talking to his Mother alone, he already knew Luke was by her side. But he thought, perhaps that this exchange wouldn’t have an audience that no doubt consists of Finn, Poe and a collection of droids. And who knows who else.

‘Yes. She’s with a man called Ruwee Accu. He’s a decent man, but he’s no fighter. You need to get there as soon as possible. Before she realizes I’m not there. Please.’ Ben tells them, his voice controlled and steady till the last word, not giving away the emotions he’s fighting inside till his request.

‘Of course. But please tell me where you are? Where you’re going? Ben. You’re my son. You’ll always be my son. So, please let me help you.’ Leia pleads and Ben can hear the hitch in her voice.

‘Get to Rey. That will help me.’ He is short with his reply and he cuts the coms link.

Ben lets out a series of breaths, the tension he’d been holding leaving him as he sags back into the chair. Before a confrontation like that would have ended in anger, hate and violence, but now he just sits there, blankly staring out at the sky as he accepts his emotions. Loss, sorrow, hurt, pain, suffering, anguish - so many emotions.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Thank you for the kudos', comments + for your amazing support :) <3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :'(

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey sighs happily as she wakes up, with a small smile on her lips. She stretches her arm out, but finds nothing but a void. Her eyes fly open and she is bolt upright in a second. Her eyes scanning the room, but she’s can’t find him. A quick check of the Force and her brows furrow – she can’t find his signature. 

Rey flings the sheets off her naked body and grabs one of Ben’s tunics from the wardrobe – she likes wearing his clothes, it always makes her feel closer to him, plus they’re looser than hers given her condition. She pulls it on, along with her underwear – she doesn’t want to be searching for him in next to nothing. Not when Ruwee is around.

She dashes out onto the balcony – where Ben meditates. But he’s not there. Panic washes over her in waves as she grips the edge of the sandstone wall and looks out over the lake. It’s calm and serene like normal. 

She hurries back into the bedroom and a piece of paper on the small wooden desk catches her eye. Her heart stops as she hesitantly steps over to it. She feels sick, her breath has escaped her body and her mind is full of worry. With trembling fingers she lifts the paper. She slowly gulps the lump in her throat down, as she opens out the note to read it.

Rey

Forgive me.

I love you both forever.

Ben

Tears instantly form in Rey’s eyes as she collapses into a heap on the floor, the note clutched to her chest. She struggles to breath, to understand. She sobs bitter and anguished tears while muttering ‘no’ over and over under her breath. He’s left her. He’s left them. A surge of anger rises from deep inside and she lets out an animalistic wail. 

After some time she rises to her feet, chest heaving. Note all but crumpled in her hand. Her face is pale and tear stained. She feels a distantly familiar power, a feeling of darkness. But then she feels her child, their baby move inside her, kicking her. Reminding her of the goodness and the Light. The promise and the hope. And it brings her back. 

She’d once felt anger, hate and darkness towards Ben, back when he was still Kylo Ren. During their fight on Starkiller Base, when he’d told her she needed a teacher and that he could show her the ways of the Force. She let the Force in, as Maz had said; she felt it running through her body, pumping through her veins. But it was uncontrollable, unruly. A poisonous mix of Light and Dark. She was so unprepared for it, and it nearly overtook her. She fought him like a rapid beast, slashing, swinging, hitting and kicking. Beating him down, but still he got up. She branded him, tore a scar into his face. Splitting his features in two. He fell to the snowy ground and she could have killed him. The darkness within her wanted to, and even now she cannot say with any certainty that she wouldn’t have, if it weren’t for the earth between them cracking open and separating them. 

She doesn’t want to ever feel that way again. Through Master Luke and then Ben’s guidance she has learnt to control and balance the darkness that lives within her – it’s not near as much as is inside Ben, but it’s enough for her to feel concern at times. Like now. She can feel the anger and the hate feeding it. Nourishing it, bringing it back to life. 

Rey places a shaky hand on her bump and her baby kicks wildly beneath it. Letting her know that the Light is more powerful than the dark. She pauses and takes a calming breath. She needs to speak to Ruwee, to see what he knows, if anything. After a moment or two she leaves the room in search of the old caretaker.

She turns the corner into the living area and finds General Organa sat on the sofa, next to Master Luke being served a hot drink by Ruwee. Finn and Poe are standing by the open doors, deep in conversation, with BB-8 at Poe’s feet. Chewie is standing nearest to her and roars in greeting. 

All eyes fall upon her as she gawps at them, not sure why they’re there. Not sure how they’re there. Not sure of so many things in that moment. Finn is on her in a flash, bounding across the room in her direction, Poe and BB-8 hot on his tail, as Master Luke and General Organa get to their feet.

‘Rey, are you okay?’ Finn gasps as he pulls her into his arms, she’s too stunned to stop him.

But the moment her growing baby bump presses into his firm abdomen he shoots back, eyes wide with wonder as he looks between her abdomen and her bewildered face.

‘Rey. Are you all right?’ General Organa takes over the line of questioning as she steps closer, her tone gentle.

Rey doesn’t know what to say, or think. She feels overwhelmed. Still reeling from Ben’s abandonment of her and their child and now this. Her hand instinctively caresses her bump, and she sees four sets of eyes follow her hand.

‘Are you pregnant?’ General Organa gasps, despite being able to see the answer.

Rey looks at the woman. The mother of the man she loves. The grandmother of her child. She can see the surprise, the love and the hope in General Organa’s eyes and faint smile. Rey nods slowly, confirming the news.

‘You’re having his child? You’re having a murderers baby? Did he force you? Is that why he’s ran off?’ Finn snaps, his fierce need to protect Rey – despite her not needing it – boiling over.

‘What? No, he didn’t force me. I love him. We’re meant to be getting married.’ Rey barks, divulging the information, and sees a hint of disappointment in Master Luke’s eyes.

‘Married?’ Finn cries as he looks at her with utter confusion.

‘But he’s a monster. A creature. He must have done something to you, to your mind. You can’t be thinking straight.’ Finn adds with firm shakes of his head.

‘No, you’re not thinking straight. I love him. And he loves me. We’re going to be a family.’ Rey snarls at Finn and he looks crestfallen.

‘Rey.’ General Organa steps in getting closer.

Rey turns to look at the Princess and sees warmth and trust in her smile, and she can’t help but smile too. General Organa pulls her into her arms for a tender embrace. Rey drinks in the feeling of being held in Ben’s mother’s arms, and she wonders for a moment how often he himself had experienced it. Not very often from what he’d told her about his childhood and it pains her.

‘Do you know where he’s going?’ General Organa mutters as she withdraws from the embrace.

Rey shakes her head. Fresh tears forming in her eyes.

‘No. He never spoke about the First Order base. He didn’t like saying much about them at all. His time with them was difficult.’ Rey murmurs and she hears Finn scoff.

‘You need to tell us everything you know. But first we need to get back to our base. It’s safer there.’ General Organa smiles at Rey.

‘I thought the base on D’Qar had been destroyed?’ Rey queries confused.

‘It has, but we’ve got a small base on another planet while the D’Qar base is repaired.’ General Organa states.

‘Oh.’ Rey mumbles as she looks over at Master Luke.

‘Well you should get dressed. Have something to eat, but we really cannot linger. We need to leave as soon as possible.’ General Organa addresses them and Rey nods.

She leaves them alone after brief hugs with Poe and Chewie and greeting BB-8. Once alone in her room the hot tears spill from her eyes, rolling down her flush cheeks. She climbs onto the bed and hugs herself. The feelings of abandonment she had as a child flood back. But this time it’s different. This time she knows the chances of him returning are next to none and that breaks her heart. She held the lie of her parents or family she can’t even be sure anymore, that they would return for so long.

After packing a bag of her belongings and Ben’s, Rey has something to eat before thanking Ruwee and bidding him goodbye. As the Gondola speeder races across the lake she stares at the villa – it holds so many memories and not just for her.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading
> 
> Thank you as always for the support, kudos', comments etc for this fic - you guys are amazing!!! <3<3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :|


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :'(

-0-0-0-0-0

Ben is en-route to the First Order base on Moraband. It’s lonely being on his own. Of course he’d spent so much time alone before, but once Rey came bursting into his life back on Jakku, they’d not been apart. He’d not felt this alone in months, and it makes him feel empty and lost. He allows his mind to wander, roaming freely through his memories.

‘Did you want to be a Jedi?’ Rey questions him.

It’s early morning on Hoth, the sky is still dark and they’re in bed, nestled together, Rey in her favourite place – pressed against his body, face resting on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around her.

‘It was easier to say I did, than admit that I didn’t know. And I still don’t know what I want to be. All I do know, is that I want to rid the galaxy of Snoke and the First Order and be with you. That’s all I know I want.’ He replies honestly with hope and longing in his voice as he runs his fingertips over the bare skin of her arm.

Rey smiles at him tenderly, before leaning up closer and pressing a loving kiss to his lips.

‘What about you? Did you want to be a Jedi when you went looking for my Uncle?’ He questions, genuinely curious as to her answer.

‘I’m not sure. I thought I did. Maybe I was caught up with the idea of it. The thought of having some sort of belonging, a sense of purpose, I don’t know. Being in the solitude of the island. Just me and Master Luke, it made me think of wanting something else. Needing something else. A family. A Jedi is such a lone force, they sacrifice family. I saw that with Master Luke. He sacrificed his relationships with you and General Organa for the ways of the Jedi. There were unguarded moments when it was clear in his eyes; that he wanted to be there for you both. To help you and guide you. But his vow as a Jedi came first, and I guess I don’t want that. I want a family. One of my own, made by me.’ Rey divulges and it’s so heartfelt that Ben scoffs softly.

‘When did you realize that? Before or after you left the island?’ Ben enquires as he rolls onto his side, brushing his fingers over Rey’s jaw, staring intently at her now they’re eye level.

‘I dunno, maybe I started to realize it on the island. But I definitely knew I wanted a family when I returned to Jakku.’ Rey mumbles and blushes, her eyes cast away from his face and it makes Ben smile.

‘Really?’ Ben teases her with a broad grin.

‘Yeah. I don’t know. I don’t know why. But there was, is, something about you. That drew me in.’ Rey shrugs, looking up at him with a knowing look.

‘I knew from the very first moment I saw you that I want to be with you. All the time.’ Ben whispers before kissing her intently, pressing her onto her back with the weight of his body.

-0-0-0-0-0

Another memory fills his mind only this time Rey isn’t in it. It’s of him as a small boy, going on an adventure with his Father while his Mother is busy on diplomatic business.

‘Well, well, well if it isn’t Han Solo.’ Maz shouts as Han, Chewie and a curious and wide-eyed Ben step through the doors into the castle on Takodana.

She scurries over to consider them a bit longer. Inspecting and appraising his Father and then Chewie - who she calls her boyfriend, but Ben doesn’t know what that means. Then her bespectacled gaze lands on Ben. He stares intently into her glasses, transfixed by them, as she switches out her lens’ to view him better.

‘Hey Maz.’ His Father greets her, and she gives him a look Ben sees his Mother give him.

His Father lifts Ben up and plops him down on a high stool. ‘Stay there and don’t move. I’ve got some business to attend to.’ His Father warns him.

‘Chewie, keep an eye on him.’ Han calls to the Wookie, who’s being groped by Maz behind the counter.

Chewie roars in acknowledgement as Han looks down at his son. He smiles faintly, before ruffling his dark curls and stepping away. Leaving 5 year old Ben alone at the bar. A man places a glass of green milk with a straw on the counter, and Ben reaches for it with both hands. He places the glass in his lap and begins to drink the liquid while looking around the room at the assortment of strangers.

He takes in the sight and sound of the band; there are all sorts of smugglers and pirates, traders and even slaves - held by their owners on chains. It’s all-new to the innocent eyes of young Ben Solo. Never before has he been in such an establishment or such a variety of what his Mother would call ‘undesirables’.

A ratty and dirty looking man who his Father is deep in conversation with glances over at Ben and smirks, he can see who the kid is straight away.

‘Who’s the kid?’ He sneers at Han, who glances over his shoulder at Ben – he’s alone but he looks as if he’s doing okay.

‘He’s nothing to do with this.’ Han barks as he returns his attentions to the man.

‘He’s your son, isn’t he? Your kid with Senator Organa? I imagine the good politician wouldn’t be too happy about the kind of places you’re taking your son, do you Solo?’ The man sniggers along with his two cohorts.

‘Leave him out of this. This is between you and me. Not him.’ Han snaps, no one threatens him or his family.

‘Awww getting soft in your old age.’ The man snarks with a wide grin as he nods, his two thugs get to their feet.

Han panics as he sees them get up and walk around the table. He doesn’t want to have to resort to violence, not in front of his son. He’s only five. Just a boy. He doesn’t need to see that.

‘Leave my son out of this.’ Han hollers as he jumps to his feet, knocking the table, but the two thugs don’t advance on Ben, no they roughly grab hold of him by the arms.

‘Chewie.’ Han shouts, and Ben glances up to see his Father being retrained by two unsavory looking characters, while the man his Father had been talking to is walking towards him.

‘ _Stop him_ ’ a voice so distance inside his mind tells him.

Ben feels scared and panics. He feels a surge of unfamiliar energy through his body, he’s never felt it before, and it terrifies him. He scrunches his eyes close as he flings his hands up in front of his face. It feels like the energy shoots out of his hands.

The glass that had been in his lap smashes on the concrete floor, spilling the green contents in all directions. The room falls silent but Ben keeps his eyes closed, and hands raised in defense. Holding onto his breath.

‘Ben.’ He hears his Father’s voice but it sounds different, cautious and uncertain.

Ben slowly opens his eyes, and finds that the man who was walking toward him is frozen to the spot. He gasps so hard he almost falls back off the stool. He is gripped with shock and confusion.

‘ _Well done_.’ There’s that voice again.

Han brushes off the hands on his arms, and hesitantly steps toward his son, but rather than pull him into a reassuring hug, he keeps his distance. Wearing a stunned expression, as he glances between his little boy and the frozen smuggler. Han clenches his hands into fists to stop them shaking.

‘Ben. You need to let him go, okay? Can you do that?’ Han half orders and half wonders, as he stares at his son who blinks with confusion at him.

‘I-I-I don’t know.’ Ben’s voice is tiny and pained.

‘Okay. It’s okay. We’ll figure this out. I promise, okay? I’ll help you. I’ll always help you Ben.’ Han murmurs as he finally gets closer to his son, crouching down so he’s eye level with him.

‘You need to let it go. The fear.’ Maz mutters, as she steps from around the counter, Chewie towering over her.

Ben takes a couple of deep breathes before sighing. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, he’s just a child.

‘I don’t know how.’ He mumbles, tears beginning to spill from his big dark eyes as his cheeks flush pink.

‘Just stay calm and let the Force guide you, and then he’ll be free.’ Maz instructs as she brushes a long finger down his cheek.

Han snorts at the mention of the Force while Ben does as she tells him.   He quickly thinks of being in the Millennium Falcon playing on the ship, running around after Chewie. It calms him before he raises his small hand and clicks weakly. But nothing. The man is still frozen, so Ben tries again. His click is louder, but the man remains glued to the spot.

‘It’s not working.’ Han hisses, his voice growing with anxiety as Chewie stands guard now that the initial shock wears off the other punters and people begin to move around.

They can hear the mutters - ‘it’s the Force’, ‘the boy must be some sort of monster,’ ‘what is wrong with him’ etc. Ben can feel his heart pumping faster as he begins to worry. He’s scared, he doesn’t understand and clearly neither does his Father, from the look in his bewildered eyes.

‘What do we do?’ Han growls toward Maz as Ben continues to click his fingers, growing increasingly desperate as the tears run freely down his face, making his trousers damp on the lap.

‘ _Close your eyes and let go_.   _I'll help you.  Trust me._ ’ There’s the voice again and Ben stops and gulps.

He slowly closes his eyes and stops. Stops thinking, stops moving; stops everything. He lets go. He hears the man gasp loudly as he staggers forward. His eyes fire open.  But before he has chance to register what is happening he finds himself bundled up into Chewie’s long, furry and protective arms and being hurried out of the castle.

Ben sighs loudly at the memory. He’s not sure why his mind went there. Over time he came to figure out who the voice he heard was – Supreme Leader Snoke. But it also served as the first time he saw the look of caution toward him in his own Father’s eyes. A look of distrust, one that he never got out of his mind. It fed the disappointment he felt about Han Solo.

He closes his eyes and drifts into a fretful sleep in the pilot’s chair.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for making your way though this weighty chapter (possibly one of the longest, if not the longest of the whole fic) 
> 
> Thank you for the support, kudos', comments etc <3<3<3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :|


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :):(

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey spent the entire journey to the temporary Resistance base in a numb daze. Consumed in her thoughts and despairs, hung up with her feeling of loss. Her hand continuously strokes her bump, their child. A symbol of their love, their commitment to one another and their future together. Together is a word that rips straight into her heart. They’re not together anymore. He’s abandoned her, like her parents. Tears roll silently down her cheeks.

She doesn’t even move or react as the Millennium Falcon shifts out of lightspeed. So caught up in her trance, her heartbreak. Her devastation at the situation she is in. Facing a life of loneliness without Ben, being a single parent to a child who’s already so strong. The more she thinks the more she tortures herself.

Finn had spent the flight scowling at her every time he came into the cockpit to speak to Poe, General Organa or even Chewie, but not once did he utter a single word to Rey. He is still in disbelief at what Rey has done. Fallen in love with a monster, become pregnant by a murderer. He cannot understand.

Rey has chosen to sit in the chair behind Poe in the co-pilot’s seat, while General Organa sat in the chair behind Chewie in the pilot’s seat. Poe was visibly ecstatic to be flying the legendary ship. Meanwhile, Finn, Master Luke and BB-8 stayed in the living quarters apart from when they needed to speak to someone in the cockpit, but that didn’t include Rey.

She gets the impression that what has transpired between her and Ben has not been met with approval. But it’s hard to actually tell. General Organa and Master Luke both have an incredible knack of not expressing their feelings in their faces, so she doesn’t know for sure that they don’t agree with what has happened. Finn is clear with his anger, while Chewie gave her a gentle roar and a brief hug. Poe is by far the most outwardly supportive and Rey is more than grateful for his kindness. BB-8 just seems a little confused with the tensions. 

Everyone left Rey alone, lost in her thoughts and anguish for the duration of the flight. But at same time she wanted to someone to talk to, to tell them how hopeless she feels. How devastated, how alone and lost. But most of all she just wants a real hug. But the person she wants to hug the most isn’t there, and she fears she’ll never see him again. And her heart breaks all over again.

With the Millennium Falcon now at its destination and the cockpit empty of everyone else, Rey sniffs back her tears. Rubbing the trails of salty rivers from her pale cheeks. She takes a deep breath before rising to her unsteady feet. A brief and reassuring caress of her bump, and she leaves the ship. Functioning on autopilot she doesn’t even notice the vast desert panning out in front of her through the window.

It’s only when she steps outside and onto the Ramp, and is hit by an almost familiar heat that Rey looks around. She sees nothing but orange/yellow sand and pale blue sky. Are they on Jakku?

‘Whe-where are we?’ She mumbles out loud, not even noticing if there was anyone else around.

Poe hears her confused words from where he is standing, at the foot of the ramp. He strides toward Rey, and wraps a friendly arm around her shoulders with a dazzling smile on his handsome face.

‘Tatooine. Master Skywalker’s home planet.’ He smiles at her warmly as Rey looks around, finally seeing the planet that Master Luke only mentioned during their training.

Poe gives her a squeeze and the warmth of the gesture, sends Rey into floods of new tears and sobs. Poe pulls her into his strong and welcoming arms, despite her initial reluctance – pushing against his chest to stop him. But when he hushes her, she gives in and accepts the hug. 

-0-0-0-0-0

Having regained her composure with the help of Poe, Rey finds herself in an underground bunker. The temporary headquarters of the Resistance and as always at the heart of it all - the control room. She sees General Organa standing with her arms crossed over her chest, behind a small bank of monitors. Rey and Poe walk over. 

‘Are you okay?’ General Organa smiles softly at her and she nods. 

She can’t break down every time she thinks of Ben, that will destroy her, and she needs to be strong. She needs to be strong for their baby. 

‘Jasmia. You know Rey.’ General Organa addresses the screen, and Rey sees that Ben’s former love is on the monitor.

Rey waves her hand slightly, not sure if the other woman can see her. Jasmia nods with a faint smile in return.

‘Do you think you’ll be able to track the shuttle?’ General Organa questions, her voice strong and determined but with an undercurrent of anxiety and worry.

Rey notices that Master Luke is standing to the side of the bank of monitors, with Chewie behind him. But she can’t see Finn and that disappoints her. He’s her friend, she loves and trusts him. She needs him to at least listen to her, even if he can never bring himself to like Ben. But most of all she just wants a friend right now.

‘The original tracker has been disabled manually on the craft. However there is a second tracker that can only be engaged here on Cloud City. The tracker is deep inside the engine, so as long as there is no engine damage, I should be able to remote access it from here. I just need to process the codes.’ Jasmia informs them, and for a moment Rey feels a pang of jealousy that Jasmia will know where Ben is before her.

They all watch the screen as Jasmia goes to work, her face neutral as she types the codes. Master Luke and Chewie have stepped closer to General Organa, and Poe is resting a reassuring and supportive hand on Rey’s elbow. BB-8 has rolled over to his feet and in addition C-3PO, R2D2, and other members of the Resistance have joined them. But Finn is noticeable by his absence. 

‘Okay. I’ve got it. The shuttle is in the Corellia System.’ Jasmia trails off as she looks up at the screen.

‘He’s gone to Corellia.’ Master Luke scoffs in surprise.

General Organa’s shoulders sag as she sighs deeply, gripping onto the back of the chair in front of her. Master Luke steps closer to his twin and places a hand on her shoulder.

‘His Father’s home planet.’ General Organa murmurs with her eyes closed.

‘I hope they kill him.’ Rey hears Finn mutter bitterly from behind him and she spins on her heels in anger.

Before Rey has a chance to react to Finn and her anger, Poe steps in, shoving Finn out of the room, up the steps and outside. Rey follows, feeling her rage bubbling beneath the surface.

‘What is your problem?’ Rey rants the moment she’s outside in the blazing sun.

‘This. All this worry for Kylo Ren. The Frist Order’s attack dog. A murderous monster. It’s as if you’ve all forgotten what he is, and what he’s done. He killed his own Father in cold blood, yet it’s as if you’ve just swept it under the carpet. Like it doesn’t matter. And you just throw yourself into his bed, and let yourself get brainwashed and pregnant. You’re having his baby, Rey. His. A monster’s child. What kind of child do you think it’ll be, huh?’ Finn rages, arms waving about as he stares Rey down.

She clenches her jaw, not wanting to rise to his words.

‘I thought better of you. I didn’t think you’d become his so easily.’ Finn’s words cut right through her, and she reacts with violence. Slapping him hard around the face.

‘That’s the thing Finn. You don’t know me at all. None of you do.’ She spits as Finn nurses his sore cheek.

‘But let me guess. He does? Can’t you see he’s been manipulating you? And you’ve just fallen for it. Do you really think that he left the First Order? He’s going back to them. And the next move is you. You and his baby. Don’t you think that was their plan all along? For him to get you pregnant, breed you and then hand you both over to Snoke and the First Order? You’re a puppet in their game. Can’t you see that?’ Finn rants, his face open and eyes wide.

‘And that’s why you will not be part of any rescue mission, Rey.’ General Organa’s voice is commanding and powerful from behind her.

Rey spins around to find the General and Master Luke standing at the entrance to the bunker.

‘What? You can’t be serious? I have to save him.’ Rey blurts with shock, tears pricking in her eyes.

‘We can’t risk you and your baby. You will stay here, if we carry out any sort of mission. I, we, cannot risk you ending up in the hands of Snoke. Not in your condition.’ General Organa adds as she steps forward toward Rey, who recoils in astonishment.

‘I have to go. You can’t stop me. I love him and I need to help him.’ Rey snarls, hands balled into fists, that Master Luke notes with a narrowing of his eyes.

‘If Ben wanted your help, you’d be with him now. Not here with us. It was Ben who called us, asking for our help, to help you. He doesn’t want you and your child to be any part of this. He wants to protect you both, and that’s what we will do. We may not be able to save him, but we can respect his wishes.’ Master Luke’s voice carries softly across the air and Rey feels increasingly hopeless.

Her only option now is to steal a ship and do it herself. But a quick glance around shows her that she is limited in her options for a ship to commandeer. There’s only the Millennium Falcon within view, and that was difficult enough to pilot on her own the last time and back then she wasn’t twenty weeks pregnant. She side-glances at Poe and a new plan forms in her mind. 

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for getting through this one (another long one!!)
> 
> Thank you for all the support of this fic - WOW over 300 kudos' - I'm speechless!!! Thank you also for any comments :D
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :|


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :s

-0-0-0-0-0

Ben takes a deep breath as he stands at the foot of a statue of his Father. They may have had a terrible relationship – considering how it ended, but he’s sure that his Father would never have wanted this kind of memorial. His eyes narrow as he reads the inscription at the base ‘In memory of General Han Solo of the Alliance to Restore the Republic’. Ben shakes his head; it’s far too proper for the man he remembers. He was not the best Father – too many long absences once it became clear that Ben was Force-Sensitive. Not to mention the endless failed promises – but even Ben knows his Father would have hated that sort of dedication. His Father was too much of a rouge, chancer, scoundrel and rebel to be happy with that line. 

With another deep breath he pulls the makeshift scarf – the one Rey made him back on Naboo - from his face and looks up. His heart skips a beat when he sees a Besalisk male look over at him and appraise him. Ben stands firm, despite a tremble in his knees. He needs to be caught, and to be taken to the First Order headquarters on Moraband. He needs to do this and he needs to do it now.

He begins to pace around the statue, deliberately staring at anyone who happens to walk past. He needs someone to alert the First Order, even if it’s just for their own financial gains, for the bounty on his head. Maybe he should have headed to Coruscant instead – there are plenty of bounty hunters there. He’d have been arrested by now. But for some reason, he was drawn to Corellia. He doesn’t know why, he just was.

-0-0-0-0-0

‘General Organa. General Organa. There’s a live feed from Coronet City on Corellia by the First Order.’ Lieutenant Connix blurts as she runs into the small dining quarters inside the bunker.

In an instant General Organa, Master Luke, Rey and Poe have abandoned their meals, and are hurrying after Lieutenant Connix back to the control room. Finn remains sitting on the other side of the small room, jaw tight and disapproving as he watches them rush off.

‘Put it up on the central monitor.’ General Organa orders as they enter the control room.

Lieutenant Connix does as requested, and all eyes fall on the live holonet feed on the large monitor in the middle of the room. Rey’s heart leaps when she sees Ben being manhandled by a number of stormtroopers, but he doesn’t fight them. General Organa gasps when she sees the face of her son for the first time in so many years. He’s a man grown, and looks so much like his Father in his younger days, that it breaks her heart and she forces her tears back.

‘Breaking news: the First Order traitor Kylo Ren, otherwise known as Ben Solo, has been arrested in Coronet City on Corellia in the Core Worlds. His partner, a female scavenger who goes by the name of Rey, remains at large.’ A droid announces the arrest, and Rey feels bile swirl in the bottom of her throat at the mention of her name.

The feed then repeats the footage of Ben being arrested by a First Order officer dressed in dark grey with ginger hair.

‘General Hux.’ Poe whispers in Rey’s ear, and she shudders at the sight of the man who Ben despises, she already knew who it was but Poe doesn’t know.

‘I just wish I knew what he was planning to do. Whatever it is, it’s madness. He knows that he’s barely got a chance of surviving this. Going one on one with Snoke and the First Order, it’s foolish. Unless of course he eradicates the Light within him and becomes completely Dark. A Sith. I just don’t know how he can match up with Snoke. Not when Snoke is so powerful.’ Master Luke wonders out loud.

‘With all due respect Master Skywalker, but Kylo R-Ben, is quite powerful too. I mean he froze a blaster bolt in mid-air. He just left it there until he was done with it. And he froze both Rey and I, and read our minds. A little more successfully in my case.’ Poe addresses the Jedi Master, with a look of insecurity.

Master Luke casts his eyes on Rey and pauses for a moment, digesting what it is he wants to say to her.

‘And what do you think? You’ve spent more time with him than any of us. What do you think Rey?’ Master Luke asks her, while looking her square in the eyes.

Rey gulps as memories of her time with both Kylo Ren and Ben Solo flood her mind.

-0-0-0-0-0

‘What is your play here Ren? Giving up so easily? You must be up to something.’ Hux sneers as he towers over a seated Ben on the transporter to the First Order headquarters.

Ben glances up at his old adversary, but doesn’t utter a single word and that only infuriates Hux even more. 

‘Are you going to get down on your hands and knees, and plead with the Supreme Leader for forgiveness, huh? Is that it? Life on the run too boring for you? Not enough blood on your hands for your liking? And what about your little co-conspirator? The scavenger girl? Your whore. It won’t be long before we find her. And then you can have a brief reunion, before the Supreme Leader executes you in front of her. What was it? Was she that bad, you want to come running back to the First Order to get away from her? Not quite what you expected? Not enough kinks for your needs? Because we all know what you are Ben Solo. The son of rebels and traitors. The nephew of the apparent last Jedi. A creature with nothing but darkness within you, but not even the right kind. Not even the useful kind. You’re pathetic, you know that? A miserable, worthless, waste of time. I should just kill you myself.’ Hux gleans with flourish and clear menace, but Ben is not intimidated, not by him, he simply watches.

Hux remains standing over Ben, a blatant sneer on his lips and distrust in his eyes, as he wrings his fingers behind his back. It gives Ben a little feeling of satisfaction that he’s rattled Hux so much in such a short space of time. At least he’ll have that going where he’s going.

‘Sir, we are just entering Moraband airspace.’ A young man in a flight suite announces to Hux who nods once and the man leaves.

Ben feels his whole chest clench and tighten. This is it. No going back now.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :D:D:D
> 
> Thank you for all the support - kudos', comments etc <3<3<3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes I make - my bad :(


	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :'(

-0-0-0-0-0

‘General. There’s a new live feed from the First Order on the holonet.’ Lieutenant Connix informs the standing General of the Resistance.

General Organa steps over to the large monitor in the center of the control room, and looks up with trepidation and expectance. She doesn’t know what she’ll see. It could be Ben being executed or he could still be alive. She hopes for the latter. Rey steps in next to the General, and gently brushes her hand over the back of the General’s. General Organa smiles faintly at Rey, as she clasps their hands together - a united front, a joined bond of love for the same man. 

The link pops up on the monitor and the room is now full of various members of the Resistance, all of theme either genuinely interested or have a morbid curiosity. Rey hears General Organa take a deep breath as the link begins to play.

They see an empty space of deep red sand. It looks like a fighting arena and Rey’s heart skips a beat. Her mouth goes dry, as her free hand presses against her baby bump. Their child instantly responds with a flurry of kicks.

They watch, as Ben is lead into the arena by a patrol of stormtroopers, behind an arrogant and smug General Hux. Ben’s hands are in chains and a gag is in his mouth, but Rey can spot a defiant look in his eyes and it makes her feel uneasy. 

Ben is walked over to a rack, like the one from his memories that he so freely let her explore, and Rey can’t help but gasp at the sight of it. She feels General Organa squeeze her hand in comfort and support, and Rey bites down on her bottom lip. Ben’s memories quickly flash before her eyes as he’s pressed into the rack. His arms are pulled violently up and his wrists and ankles are restrained in metal cuffs.

General Hux steps over - having removed his coat and rolled up his sleeves. Rey clenches her jaw and fights back her tears, as she knows what’s coming. Hux takes hold of a whip from a stormtrooper, and with a flourish of his wrist it makes a loud crack across the dry earth. Rey feels General Organa jump at the brutal sound. 

After a few more hits on the ground and making dust rise, Hux takes a long deep breath before he steps closer to Ben. He rips the shirt off Ben’s back, and Rey can taste blood in her mouth, she’s biting her lip so hard. Hux doesn’t say a word as he draws his arm back, face contorting and the whip gliding through the air, before connecting with the middle of Ben’s back with a sickening sound of leather on flesh.

General Organa gasps loudly as the camera gets closer to show the damage of Hux’s first strike. Ben didn’t cry out and Rey knows that he wont, he’ll never give Hux that satisfaction. Master Luke steps forward and grips his sister by the shoulders, to steady her as they all watch in horror at the sight of Ben being whipped.

Hux carries on whipping Ben as some stormtroopers crank the mechanisms on the rack, pulling at his joints, separating them, but never enough to pop them. Rey wants to cry, for him, for her, for their baby. Watching him suffer like this, is so much more punishing to her, than seeing the torture from his memories. She feels sick, and the joined grip on General Organa’s hand is making her own hurt, but she doesn’t complain, neither of them do. 

Rey feels a hand on her shoulder and she flinches, turning her head quickly to find Poe standing there, sympathy written across his face.

‘Rey.’ He mumbles, but she shakes her head, she knows what he’s going to say.

‘You don’t need to see this.’ Poe adds against her reluctance.

‘But that’s the thing. I’ve already seen this.’ Her voice hitches with emotion, and the tears can no longer be held back, as she returns her attentions to the screen.

Hux’s hits begin to weaken as sweat drips from his brow, and he’s panting loudly from his exertion. Ben is still silent, not uttering a single cry of pain. Accepting it all. But his back is red raw, and blood is pouring from his deeper wounds. Rey feels increasingly sick at the sight of the injuries. General Organa looks incredibly pale, and Rey’s not even sure how she’s still standing, feeling the tremble in the older woman’s hand. But like all great leaders she shows only strength and poise to those who serve under her. 

Ben is released from his restraints, and he’s breathing heavily as sweat gathers on his forehead. His face is only a little etched with pain as he glares at Hux – who simply smirks back at him, a true look of self-satisfaction. Ben’s wrists are once again chained, as he’s lead away. 

The moment Ben is off screen Rey lets go of General Organa’s hand – and the commander doesn’t stop her, before falling into Poe’s strong arms. Being held in his warm and comforting embrace, she sobs into his shoulder, her bump parting them. Her reminder of why Ben is doing what he is. Why he’s suffering how he is. 

-0-0-0-0-0

‘You know that this is only going to get worse Ren. The Supreme Leader doesn’t care about you anymore. I can do what I want. Whatever I want to you. No holding back.’ Hux sneers as he walks next to Ben while straightening his uniform out.

‘You can make this easier for yourself. Just tell me where your whore is and this will all be over with your execution. I’m actually looking forward to it. Finally being rid of you. Just tell me where the girl is, and all this will be over so much sooner.’ Hux smirks.

Ben takes a deep breath before nodding at Hux. The First Order General narrows his eyes, as he stops the stormtroopers with a wave of his hand. Hux takes a cautionary step closer to Ben. He pulls the gag from Ben’s mouth, looking disgusted at the spit on the material. He leans in a little closer.

‘I’ll never tell you where she is.’ Ben sniggers with a brief smirk, before being punched hard in the face by an enraged Hux.

‘Fine, have it your way. You know what’s coming.’ Hux grins wickedly as he turns his back on Ben and storms off.

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey knows that General Organa, Master Luke and the Resistance are plotting a rescue mission for Ben. It was obvious, but so is the fact that she's not even allowed to know the details. But that matters little when she has devised a plan of her own. She will never be able to look her child in the eyes, if she doesn’t at least try to save their Father. She’d never be able to forgive herself. She needs to try. She has to. 

‘I need your help.’ Rey whispers into Poe’s ear, as those around them return to their work and he instantly tenses.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Thank you for the support you have shown this fic be it kudos', comments or views <3<3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes - I try my best to find them :z


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :o

-0-0-0-0-0

‘No. No way. I’m not doing that. No chance. Are you out of your mind? I am not going to fly you to Moraband. Have you got some sort of death wish? The moment you get even close to Snoke he’ll know you’re there. What do you honestly think you’re going to achieve, huh? Your death and your baby’s death.’ Poe snaps, horrified at her request.

Rey sighs, she knows that he’s right, but that doesn’t change how she feels. What she wants. Madness or not, she cannot abandon Ben. She steels herself ready to argue with Poe.

‘I know the risks. I know what can happen, but I have to do this. I have to try. He needs me. And I need him. I can’t do this alone.’ Rey mumbles caressing her bump.

‘But it’s complete madness Rey. Snoke will get you and then what? He’ll kill you. He’ll kill your baby. Is that what you want? To die?’ Poe shakes his head, his eyes expressing his fear for her.

‘Of course I don’t want to die. I want to have my baby and be a Mother. But I want my baby to have a Father too. To know its Father. I have to do this for my baby’s sake. I have to.’ Rey begins to weep, tears dripping from her eyelashes.

‘The best thing you can do it stay well away from Moraband. Think of your child, Rey. Please. Just think your baby.’ Poe pleads as he grips her hands in his own.

‘You don’t understand. You can’t understand. I don’t want my baby growing up without a Father, like I did. I can’t do that Poe.’ Rey snaps as she pulls her hands away from his and turns her back on him.

‘Well, I’m sorry Rey. But I can’t help you with this. I just can’t.’ Poe sighs before he goes to leave.

The door opens before Poe has chance to leave and he looks up to find Finn standing there.

‘I’ll do it. I’ll help you.’ Finn mutters as he stands in the doorway to the storeroom.

‘What?’ Poe gasps as Finn steps into the room and closes the door behind him.

‘I’ll help you. I’ll do whatever you need me to do, to help you. I promise you. I will help you. Whatever you need, I’ll do it.’ Finn states with a firm nod, much to Rey’s clear amazement and confusion.

Ever since Finn found out about her and Ben he’s been nothing short of nasty, hateful and vile toward her. So why the sudden change of heart?

‘I don’t understand. Why? You hate what I’ve done. So why would you help me now?’ Rey pushes past a bewildered Poe to face Finn.

‘Because you’re my friend. And I’m sorry for how I’ve been. I really am. I can’t take back what I’ve said, or what I’ve done. But I can, and I want to help you.’ Finn tells her, shame clear in his face for his previous behavior. 

‘You really hurt me, Finn. It broke my heart. You were my first friend, and for you to say what you did, it really, really hurt.’ Rey explains a look of pain in her eyes at the memories.

Finn lets out a slow and sorrowful sounding breath, as he glances down at the floor. He doesn’t know what to say to her. He’d been rash and wrong to judge her without even speaking to her. Not that he’s actually spoken to her about what had transpired between her and Kylo Ren. But he’d been in the shadows listening, whenever she spoke about him with General Organa, Master Luke, Chewie and Poe, and even BB-8 at times. Listening to her talk about the bond, and love she has for the man she knows as Ben Solo. 

Rey’s conversations varied depending on who she was talking to – with General Organa she spoke of how Ben is such a gentleman (much to Finn’s clear surprise), how he is fiercely protective of her. How he also has a wicked sense of humour – to which General Organa replied he got that from his Father. 

With Master Luke she spoke of how passionate, encouraging and devoted Ben was with her combat and Force training. With Chewie she told him that Ben occasionally reminisced, both happily and mournfully, about spending time with the Wookie on the Millennium Falcon. With Poe she was a little more open about her relationship. She told Poe that Ben made her feel alive, wanted and loved. She told him that she fell in love with Ben by her own choice.

Listening to Rey talk about her feelings, a life he’s not seen and a relationship he doesn’t understand, made him realize that he had been far too quick to judge, too harsh to react the way he did. So he needs to make it up to her, and if that means helping her with her plot then he will.

‘Rey, I’m really, really sorry. I know I can’t take back what I’ve said or how I’ve behaved, but please. Please let me make it up to you now. Let me help you. Please.’ Finn begs, his eyes searching her face.

‘But how can I trust you?’ Rey wonders out loud.

‘You can trust me.’ Poe announces as he steps forward and Rey turns her head to look at him.

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Where is she?’ Snoke practically purrs as he sits on his throne on the dais, staring down at a chained Ben.

Ben is crouched on the floor, bound hands pressed into the grey and dank slabs of the walkway. His wounds are still seeping with blood and they sting from the contact with the stale air. His head is slumped forward and his hair is sticking to his temple with sweat.

‘Tell me. Where is she? Where is the scavenger? Where is your whore? Tell me.’ Snoke hisses, clearly growing with frustration at Ben’s refusal to answer.

Ben can feel Snoke on the peripheral of his mind, pressing and starting to probe. It’s like a slow scratch and it makes him want to retch, but he stops himself. Keeping his breathing steady and controlled, trying to fight him away.

‘Tell me. Where is she? Just tell me, and it’ll all be over very quickly.’ Snoke snarls as he grips the arms of his throne growing with frustration.

Ben continues to resist, but the probing gets more intense and his breathing is becoming heavier. He doesn’t even notice that General Hux has now stepped into the chamber, standing by the door, watching the scene unfold.

He can’t fight him back any longer, Snoke’s power begins to overwhelm him. He pushes back one final time as hard as he can, but it’s pointless. Snoke is inside his mind. Scrambling around, searching and scanning his memories. Desperate to find anything that will tell him where Rey is.

Tears spill from Ben’s eyes as he can see each and every memory Snoke violates with his own mind. He grits his teeth as he still puts up a honorable fight, not willing to let Snoke find what he clearly wants.

‘Promising. Very promising.’ Snoke mumbles as he sees their memories of their first day training on Jakku.

‘I see the darkness still within you, Ben Solo.’ Snoke sneers when he sees the fight in the Cantina in Niima Outpost. 

‘Ah, a lithe body and a pretty face, and you show your weaknesses once again Kylo Ren.’ Snoke leers at Ben’s memory of him and Rey on board the freighter after their escape, Rey treating his wounds before things got a little heated. 

‘But even then the Dark still lingers inside you. Even with the Light of the scavenger, you can’t deny the Dark side.’ Snoke menaces with glee when he sees the memory of their fight on their first night on Hoth.

‘There it is again. Your compassion for her.’ Snoke hisses as he views Ben’s memory of saving Rey from the Wampa on Hoth.

‘But I see you once loved another.’ Snoke sniggers as he witnesses Ben’s time on Cloud City with Jasmia.

‘And then to Dagobah.’ Snoke announces as he sees them arrive on the swamp planet.

‘Ummmmmm, what a toned and tender body your scavenger whore has. Such small but pert breasts. And how she so willingly opens her legs for you. Craving your touch, the feel of you on her. Practically begging you to be inside her.’ Snoke leers at a memory of Ben and Rey having sex and Ben has to swallow down his vomit. 

Ben pushes hard inside his mind, his eyes scrunched closed and his jaw clenched so hard his face hurts, and Snoke retreats. Finding no further memories to help him. He sits back, tapping his long spindly fingers on the arms of the throne, as he appraises Ben.

‘General Hux.’ Snoke booms toward the First Order officer, and Ben’s eyes fly open as he hears the other man approach, how he hates him.

‘Dagobah. His scavenger whore is in Dagobah.’ Snoke informs Hux who stops next to a still kneeling Ben.

‘No. No. Nooo.’ Ben groans as he flips his eyes up to look at Snoke, who smirks back down at him.

Hux sneers and side eyes Ben before nodding at Snoke, spinning on his heels and dashing off to retrieve Rey.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading
> 
> Thank you for the support - kudos', comments - you guys are awesome!!!
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :|
> 
> I can't guarantee that the next chapters will be daily as I wanna give them time to flow naturally, just a heads up :)


	65. Chapter 65

-0-0-0-0-0

A Few Days Later

‘Shhhhhh.’ Rey hushes as she turns to look over her shoulder at Finn, who puts his hand up in acknowledgement.

She, Finn, Poe and BB-8 are making their way across the barren desert of Tatooine; in the dead of night to reach a transporter to commander to fly to Moraband and rescue Ben. It all sounds so simple, but Rey knows that it’s hardly going to be the case.

Poe is on point, with BB-8 speeding off ahead of him. Rey is in the middle, hurrying along despite her growing pregnancy bump, and Finn is at the rear, checking that they’re not being followed. Slung over her shoulder is a replacement staff – she’s not even sure where her old staff is, still on Jakku? Her Lightsaber is dangling from her belt, and she’s got a small bag - her essential survival kit.

Poe reaches the transporter and looks over to see Rey and Finn rushing toward him. Rey glances around as she arrives at the transporter with Finn right behind her. She stares intently at Poe, waiting for him to open the panel to activate the door, but he doesn’t move. Poe looks over Rey’s shoulder, and she follows his gaze to find General Organa, Master Luke and Chewie stepping out from behind the transporter.

‘Are you going to stop us?’ Rey challenges with defiance, as her attention flits between Poe and the newcomers.

General Organa takes a deep breath and steps forward. She can see the emotions written all over Rey’s face even in just the moonlight.

‘No. We’re going to help you.’ General Organa replies with a knowing smile, as she walks toward Rey, hands open and reaching for the woman who will be her daughter-in-law when the time comes.

Rey lets a tear trickle from her eyes, as she accepts the General’s hands in her own. They share a connection and a feeling in that moment. One that goes beyond the physical contact, it’s a feeling of love and Force.

‘I think you’ll need a better ship than this tin can, though. Don’t you?’ General Organa smiles at Rey, as she gestures toward the Millennium Falcon.

General Organa pulls Rey into her arms for a Motherly embrace, holding the young woman tight, and feeling the bump of her grandchild pressed against her. It makes her decision feel less troubling. She wants more than anything to right the wrongs of the past. She wants her grandchild to know and be loved by their Father.

‘I know that I’m powerless to stop you. Despite Ben’s wishes. I can see what he means to you. So I can’t stand in your way.’ General Organa whispers into Rey’s ear, as she gives her a slight squeeze.

-0-0-0-0-0

General Organa leads them over to the Millennium Falcon, walking assured and confident with great purpose. Rey hangs back a little as they reach the legendary ship. She takes a deep breath, and Master Luke pauses beside her.

‘Are you all right Rey?’ He asks softly and she nods.

‘I’m fine. I’m fine. Just…..I don’t know.’ She mumbles, brushing away a stray tear, frustrated with herself for her own weaknesses.

‘Scared?’ Master Luke offers the word, and it fits perfectly to her feelings, but she doesn’t want to admit it.

How can she be scared? How can she be scared when she’s not the one being tortured and brutalized at the hands of a monster. How can she be scared, when she is surrounded by those that she loves and trusts; not alone in the darkness chained up like a beast. How can she be scared, when Ben showed that he’s not.

She gives a single nod, not wanting it to become too big in her mind, and stopping her. She needs to focus. She needs to feel the Force and work with it. She needs to be strong and determined, not emotional and irrational.

Her former Master and the Uncle of the man she loves, takes her free hand in his. She looks up at him, his face just about illuminated in the pale moonlight and sees that his eyes are confident and assured. She smiles with a deep breath, feeling reassured by him, just his calm presence makes her feel stronger.

She and Master Luke board the Millennium Falcon together, and they both head straight for the cockpit. She finds Chewie in the pilot’s chair and the co-pilot’s seat empty. General Organa gestures for Rey to take the seat, and after a quick breath she steps over. Easing herself and her bump into the chair. She smiles and takes a long breath, a small smile spreading across her lips. She feels the presence of Ben on board the Falcon. Not just through the company she’s surrounded by – his family, who are now her family. But from the memories he let her see.

She and Chewie work together to initiate take off, and Rey catches sight of X-Wings appearing in the sky – Poe leading the way, as the Resistance fleet joins them on their mission. She feels even more determined.

-0-0-0-0-0

Hux nods and the stormtrooper launches the ice cold water over Ben; who’s asleep with weariness and exhaustion on the floor of his cell, in nothing but a pair of thin trousers.

He springs awake, and instantly sets his eyes on the looming figure of the ginger General. Hux smirks as he instructs two troopers to get Ben. He struggles against their grips, continuous acts of defiance that do not help him, but they give him a tiny moment of satisfaction until Hux punches him hard in the stomach and he doubles over, but doesn’t give a single grunt.

He is chained at the wrists and ankles, and dragged through the dark and dank corridors to Snoke’s chamber. Hux holds onto the other end of the chain leash and yanks it hard to make Ben stumble and fall. Eventually he’s thrown down onto his knees, at the foot of the dais. Hux steps in next to him, eyes full of rage and anger as he waits to be addressed by the Supreme Leader.

Snoke gives a simple wave of one of his long spindly fingers, to indicate that Hux can now address him.

‘Supreme Leader. The _girl_ was not on Dagobah.’ Hux hisses menacingly, as he glares down at Ben, who keeps his eyes focused on the ground.

Snoke roars in anger and his hand flies up into the air, and Ben instantly feels him push into his mind. It’s agony as Snoke rips furiously through his mind, searching and scanning. Rooting and rummaging. Ben desperately tries to fight, to put up a barrier, any sort of barrier. Protect himself, preserve his thoughts. But the pain just grows, and it feels like his head will explode. Unable to fight Snoke off any longer, he begins to scream as blood trickles from his nose and his eyes bulge.

‘WHERE IS SHE?’ Snoke rages.

Snoke pushes and presses harder, deeper, and Ben can see every single memory the creature brushes past in his violent search. He lingers the longest on the memories of Rey. No matter how insignificant they are to anyone but Ben.

‘TELL ME. Where is SHE?’ Snoke rants.

Seeing his most treasured moments being violated by Snoke, triggers something deep inside of him. With a sudden burst of power and energy, he fights Snoke off. Pushing back, throwing up barriers, ending the probing. Snoke cries out incensed and furious at the act of defiance.

With a swift flick of the wrist, the chains binding Ben’s wrists fall to the ground. Then a second flick and Ben feels a sickening pain in his own wrist as Snoke breaks it, snaps it in half, but he doesn’t utter a single moan or groan of pain.

‘The girl. The _girl_ , General. She must be with _his Mother_ and the Resistance. Bring me _General Organa_ and _his_ scavenger.  Alive. Kill the rest. Destroy the Resistance and all their sympathisers.’ Snoke snarls toward Hux, who nods before glaring at Ben, before spinning on his heels and hurrying off to oversee the attack.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading
> 
> Thank you for the kudos' and comments <3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :|


	66. Chapter 66

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Hey guys, we’ve got incoming. TIE Fighters. A lot of them.’ Poe informs them from his position as Commander of the Resistance Fleet - leading from the front of the invasion party.

Rey’s stomach tightens and her heart skips a beat. She’s worried for him and all of the pilots. She has no doubt about their abilities, but that doesn’t stop her concern. After all they’re in this position because of her and because of Ben. They could all die because of them. Because fate set this path for them all a long time ago. 

General Organa steps forward, and talks to Poe through the comms giving him instructions. Telling him to engage and draw the First Order away from Moraband. She wishes him luck, and her parting words of ‘May the Force be with you.’ Rey feels sick at the thought of Poe being injured or worse killed. She wants to tell him something, but she’s not sure what. Her it was her mind, or perhaps it’s the Force, but something tells her that she will see him again. She feels General Organa’s hand on her shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze, and it eases her fears and builds her resolve. She needs to be strong. 

Just then a blast flies past the Falcon, and Chewie growls in annoyance, as he swiftly maneuvers them out of danger, while Finn returns fire from the gunnery position.

Rey watches as a space battle ensues ahead of them. Blaster bolts firing at rapid speed, in the darkness of the sky surrounding Moraband. Explosions from hit targets. Ships falling at destructive speed toward the planet, as they come apart in mid air. A dogfight between the small Resistance fleet and the much larger and imposing First Order. Her breath leaves her chest in a strained gasp, and she is grateful that she is not part of that battle. But she knows that hers will be so much worse. 

-0-0-0-0-0

Snoke is startled by Ben’s powers with the Force. He rises to his feet, eyes burning into Ben’s skull. Ben catches sight of his cross guard Lightsaber hanging from Snoke’s robes. He stares intently at the saber, focusing his entire energy on it. Snoke sees and pulls the saber from his belt. 

‘You think this will help you now? You are beyond help. No-one can help you. Such an ugly design. So raw and temperamental. Much like you. Both will be destroyed.’ Snoke taunts as he waves the saber around, before igniting it with that familiar crackle.

He doesn’t notice Ben’s burning gaze, or how the hilt grows hotter as he passes it between his hands, while admiring the glowing red blade. 

‘The blade that murdered your Father.’ Snoke muses out loud and Ben scowls, tears flooding his eyes, but he needs to focus.

Abruptly Snoke extinguishes the saber, and dumps it down onto the seat of the chair. He turns to face the still crouching Ben who gulps from the menacing glint in Snoke’s eyes. The Supreme Leader begins advancing down the dais toward him. Ben gulps, not sure what is going to happen next. He renews his resolve and returns his energy to the Lightsaber.

As Snoke steps toward him Ben begins to crawl backwards, his broken wrist clutched to his chest. He alternates looking between Snoke and the Lightsaber. Urgently sending his energy toward the volatile red Kyber crystal. 

‘Where do you think you are going?’ Snoke sneers, as he raises his hand and tenses his fingers into what can only be described as a sort of claw. 

Ben sees the lightsaber fly into the air above the chair; it’s shaking violently and he gasps in shock. He can feel the Force pulsing through his veins, pouring out of him. It’s so bright, so powerful and so strong. The feeling is incredible as it surges through his body. He’s never felt the full power and effect of the Light side, not until now.

He turns and scrambles to his feet, making a desperate dash for the door as he envisions the Kyber crystal in his mind. It’s glowing so brightly that its almost blinding. Millions of tiny cracks merging together, until they form a large split in the crystal. He throws every single drop of Force he can muster at the crystal.

Snoke roars in blind rage from halfway between Ben and the dais. He latches onto Ben with the Force. The Dark side encircles the Light, and Snoke freezes Ben in place only feet from the door.

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey sees a bright red light engulf the ancient Sith temple the Falcon is sweeping down toward. She gasps as debris shoots up into the sky, nearly hitting the legendary ship – if it weren’t for the keen eyes and expert skills of the Wookie sat in the pilots seat.

Chewie glides the Falcon close to ground level, and Rey can see that the old ancient building is caving in on itself. She feels sick and temporarily clutches her hand to her bump, while tears prick her eyes. Her fears becoming so real. She desperately searches out Ben in the Force, but is left overwhelmingly disappointed. 

The cockpit of the Falcon is deathly silent as Master Luke and General Organa take in the scene around them, and Rey can feel their worries and anxieties, matching her own. Chewie gracefully lands the Falcon in a clearing. In a flash Rey is on her feet, Lightsaber drawn from her belt and she darts for the door. She leaves them all behind, crying out her name. Calling for her to stop, to wait. Shouting that it’s dangerous. Pleading and begging. But she is so focused on finding Ben, that she is all but blind to any other dangers.

Rey bolts through the ruins, eyes scanning around looking for Ben. Her heart is racing, her lungs are burning, and their child is kicking her frantically as she searches for him. Both of them hoping beyond hope to find him alive.

She freezes with a horrified gasp, as tears quickly threaten to escape from her eyes when she finds him. 

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Thank you for the continued support for this fic <3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes - spelling/grammar etc


	67. Chapter 67

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey bolts through the ruins, eyes scanning around looking for Ben. Her heart is racing, her lungs are burning, and their child is kicking her frantically as she searches for him. Both of them hoping beyond hope to find him alive.

She freezes with a horrified gasp, as tears quickly threaten to escape from her eyes when she finds him. 

Snoke sniggers as he holds Ben suspended high in the air, frozen and unmoving, apart from blood dripping from his broken limbs and deep wounds. Ben had used all of his Force energy to destroy the Kyber crystal. So now he’s defenseless against Snoke, who somehow managed to survive despite being crushed beneath a part of the ceiling. He’d used the Force to haul himself from under the rubble, and crawl back to his throne despite his dislocated and broken leg. Snoke had then used the Force to drag Ben from beneath the boulder that pinned him by the arm, and sending him high into the air.

Rey has her hand clasped over her mouth, not wanting to draw Snoke’s attention. The tears are quietly and softly falling from her horrified eyes as the scene plays out before her.

‘Kylo Ren, you were always too impulsive, too reckless. Too disobedient. Your Father was right, I did just use you for your power. You were just a weapon for me to wield. The power of your genes, of your family. Your anger toward your own parents, your own family fuelled you, made you soooooo susceptible. And you just came so willingly, so easily seduced. Seduced by false promises and ideas. You really were just a naïve, lonely, desperate and impressionable little boy. It was child’s play.’ Snoke snickers, as he holds his broken arm to his chest, and black blood oozes from a deep gash on his forehead.

Rey edges closer, guarding her steps, hidden from sight, but she can see. She can see Ben battered and broken, being held in the air by Snoke and his powers, and it would shatter her heart if she let it. But she needs to be strong, hold her resolve, for him, for her and for their child.

‘And then you went and rebelled, after all I did for you. With you. Everything I showed you, everything I taught you. The skills and experiences, all of my knowledge. I poured everything into you. All that time I spent working on you, wasted. I made you into my perfect creature. My weapon. Something we could both be proud of. But you were foolish. Too easily seduced by a pretty face and a lithe body. Seduced by affection. Your head was turned by a girl so beneath your breeding. It is an insult that you, you the grandson of the great Lord Vader, lowered yourself to the level of a no mark scavenger. After all we’d done for one another. All because she opened her legs for you and let you in. And you were drawn to the Light, so willing and compliant. But deep down we both know what you are, Kylo Ren. You’re too damaged and too broken to live by the Light. You have felt too much pain, too much desperation, too much hurt. Too much Darkness. Too much in fact, that you cannot even consider the consequences of your rash actions. She will die. Your apparent savior will die. And it will be by your hands.’ Snoke recalls bitterly.

Rey edges even closer, but she accidently knocks some rubble, and it tumbles noisily to the ground and she freezes, her heart stops. Snoke snaps his neck in the direction of the noise, and his menacing and dark eyes narrow. He knows someone’s there, and a wickedly evil smirk spreads across his face. He knows who it is, and that delights him in the sickest possible way.

‘And here she is, your little ray of Light. Your savior. Come to try and rescue you.’ Snoke sniggers, as his eyes zone in on Rey, and she can feel them like lasers burning into her skin. 

She gulps and closes her eyes. She takes a short breath, and knows that there is no longer any point in hiding behind the rubble of the crumbling temple. So she steps out, feigning confidence and poise. Trying to show Snoke that she’s not afraid of him.

Ben’s eyes fill with hot tears that spill quickly down his face, as he watches Rey about to confront his nemesis. His torturer, his abuser. He wants to scream at her, tell her to turn and run, to leave him to his fate. To save herself and their child. But he’s powerless. Between Snoke’s telekinesis and the sudden absence of the Force within him, he can’t. All he can do is watch in horror, as the love of his life faces off against the greatest evil he has even known and ever encountered.

‘Sweet Rey of Light. The one who managed to seduce the fearsome master of the Knights of Ren to the Light. By simply opening your legs and lying on your back. But what was it like, huh? To let your own Brother do such things to you? To make moan with pleasure as he took you? To feel him inside of you? To make you come undone beneath him?’ Snoke sneers, with a disturbingly self-satisfied smirk from his renewed position by his throne.

Rey feels instantly sick, hot bile rushes from her stomach and up her throat. She gags and clasps her hand to her mouth, hot tears spike in her eyes. She looks up at Ben who can’t react, can’t tell her the truth. But she knows the truth, despite her reaction.

‘What? Didn’t you know? Because he did. He knew all along that you are his little sister. Sick isn’t it? Your own brother. Horrifying that he knew and still he did it.’ Snoke mocks with a shake of his head, but the smirk doesn’t fade, in fact it seems to grow even bigger.

‘No. No. It’s not true. I know it’s not true. You’re lying. You’re the sick one. It’s lies, it’s all lies.’ Rey cries, the tears rolling from her eyes from the shock of the scene unfolding

Absently her hand rests on her abdomen, and Snoke picks up on it in an instant. His eyes widen with disgusting glee.

‘And you’re with child. The child of your own brother. The product of incest, it’s disgusting. But the child. The child is strong, so strong with the Force.’ Snoke marvels his voice becoming almost seductive, as he shifts on his throne, eyes fixed on Rey’s abdomen.

Rey feels anger and indignation course through her veins. The child is hers and Ben’s. It is not the product of incest. And it will never be a puppet for Snoke. She’d sooner die than see her child in his hands. Memories of the cave flood her mind like an unwelcome guest. But she quickly casts them aside.

‘My child, our child, is strong with the Light. It will never be Dark. Our child is pure and good, and it will never be yours.’ Rey spits at him, her anger pouring out of her in waves.

‘And it will never be yours either.’ Snoke hisses with a twisted smirk.

Rey gasps in agony, her Lightsaber falling to the dirt, as both hands clutch her abdomen and she sinks to her knees. It feels like she is being ripped apart from the inside. Heavy tears splash the ground as she gasps and whimpers. He is killing her child. Killing it within her.

And all Ben can do is look on, from where he is suspended with invisible restraints. His heart is pumping so slowly, he can feel the life of him slipping away at an agonizing pace, slow and torturous. Just as the life of his baby begins to slip too. 

Out of nowhere Rey can feel a pure bright energy surge through her. It is perfect, flawless and true. It is a pristine, untainted and clean energy. And it flows through her and the pain evaporates, vanishing from her body and her mind. She rises to her feet, and looks Snoke in the eyes and he falters, blinking with confusion.

‘My child is pure with the Light. You cannot destroy it. But it will destroy you.’ Rey states, brimming with confidence and assurance, as she takes a solid step forward toward Snoke.

Luke, Leia and Finn arrive at the dilapidated entrance of the temple, and see the scene unfolding before them. Ben held at a great height above the absent floor. Rey taking a step toward Snoke, who is in situ on his throne, injured but alive. They rush forward, needing to help.

‘Your child is a monster. An abomination. A creature. The product of incest.’ Snoke snarls as he slides from his throne, balancing awkwardly on his one good leg, gripping the arm in support.

Rey stops and takes a deep breath, building and conjuring the Light to her. Her own Light and that of her child. She needs to destroy and kill Snoke, while she’s got chance. While he cowers away from her. She is focused on him and what she needs to do when he begins to chuckle, a wicked laugh.

‘You kill me and you kill him. The moment I die, he will fall to his death. Deep inside the planet.’ Snoke sneers triumphantly as Rey pauses, considering his threat.

‘You cannot defeat me and save him at the same time. You haven’t the power. You need it all if you want to defeat me.’ Snoke sniggers menacingly. 

Rey glances up at Ben, and knows that he’s unable to move or react. That he’s a prisoner inside himself, as long as Snoke has him in his vice grip. She knows that Snoke is right. She’ll need all of her power and Light on him, none to spare for Ben.

‘You want to kill your own brother? Your own flesh and blood? Your lover! But then again, murder does run in your family.’ Snoke hisses, and Rey clenches her jaw, anger mixing with her Light and it tastes intoxicating.

‘Go on sunbeam. Choose. Me or him?’ Snoke teases with a sick sense of delight and joy.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :) Please don't hate me for this one (you know the truth like Rey, well sorta!!!) :s 
> 
> These final chapters I wrote at the very beginning of the fic, and they have always remained the conclusion of this story. Of course I've tweaked a few things, but they largely have remained the same since the start. 
> 
> Thank you for the support, kudos' + comments you've given this fic.
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :|
> 
> Oh and don't forget to check out the comments for my mini gif zone!


	68. Chapter 68

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‘Go on sunbeam. Choose. Me or him?’ Snoke teases with a sick sense of joy.

‘Who should live and who should die? You kill me and you kill him. You save him and I kill him. Either way your lover dies. Such a tough choice for one so young to make. Kylo Ren, will either die at your hands or by mine. Neither will be pleasant for him. He shares such a special bond with us both. You. His sister. His lover. The Mother of his unborn child. I. His Master. His teacher. His only friend. Late at night sharing confidences. Sharing in his loneliness and his fears. Soothing him to sleep and cradling him during his nightmares. Do you do that scavenger? Do you hold him in your arms, and whisper that it will all be all right?’ Snoke taunts her and Rey’s eyes narrow in confusion at the twisted image he’s creating in her mind.

Ben had barely spoken of the exact nature of his relationship with Snoke. He always said that Snoke was his Master and that was it, quite often he’d get angry about her questions and storm off. She always feared there was something more to it. Something far more sinister and now right before her Snoke is confirming as such. A dark, sick and twisted relationship. It makes her stomach churn in disgust. Ben was just a child, a young boy when he was lured in by Snoke. It makes her skin crawl.

‘Come on girl. Who’s it to be?’ Snoke rages, and Rey’s eyes flit up to meet those of the monster, pushing aside those disturbing thoughts and visions.

‘SNOKE.’ A man’s voice bellows across the vast crumbling chamber and it makes Rey jump.

She recognises it in an instant, and her eyes dart in the direction of the robed man, gracefully stepping around the rubble toward them. At first Snoke is a little taken back by the sight and sound of the last Jedi, but then a monstrous grin spreads across his damaged face.

‘Ahhhh the last Jedi. Finally we meet. After all this time.’ Snoke sneers sickly, as Luke stops at the foot of the dais. 

Ben has never been so happy to hear the sound of his uncle’s voice, or see the man below. Hopeful relief fills his mind. Now that Luke is there then Rey can step back, away from danger. But deep down Ben knows that is not going to happen. Rey is far too stubborn and headstrong to back down.

Rey watches with anticipation as her former Master ascends the steps, calmly approaching them on their raised platform. His hands are folded together, and his face is surprisingly relaxed given the circumstances and the imminent danger.

Leia and Finn remain hidden in the shadows. Leia is equally as calm as her twin, whereas Finn is full of anxious energy. He’s desperate to go to Rey’s aid. To save her. To rescue her. But Leia noticed this the moment they landed the Falcon, Finn’s desire to help Rey. She clings to his arm, tightening her grip to keep him in check. She knows that if Finn tries to intervene then he will come out much much worse. This is a fight for stronger minds.

‘Leave them alone Snoke. Let them go.’ Luke commands, as he stops a few feet away from Snoke.

‘As you wish.’ Snoke jeers with menace.

Ben suddenly feels himself falling. He feels almost weightless as the world around him shifts. He hears screams of terror, and his mind quickly makes the distinction between the two pitches – one is Rey and the other is his Mother. He feels sick at the thought that his Mother heard Snoke’s speech about their ‘relationship’.

‘Stop.’ Luke barks, when he hears the screams of his sister and Rey, but he doesn’t panic himself, he remains calm and serene.

Ben feels himself jolt to a halt and somehow he manages to gulp. Are Snoke’s powers over him wearing off, easing. He urges his fingers to move with his mind, but nothing. He returns his focus to his greatest concern – Rey and their child. The child is so incredibly strong with the Force. Despite only being half way through its gestation, the baby fought off Snoke’s attempt to abort it. His unborn baby had done a better job of defending itself than him. The mere thought tickles Ben’s mind and he somehow manages to crack a tiny smirk.

‘Leave him alone Snoke. Rey step away.’ Luke orders, as he fixes his gaze on the Supreme Leader.

‘I’m sorry Master, but I can’t. Not now.’ Rey grits her teeth and reaffirms her stance, lightsaber held firmly between both hands.

‘Admirable little light beam. Very admirable. The love and devotion you show your brother. But very foolish.’ Snoke teases.

‘Stop saying that. Ben is not my brother.’ Rey snaps her jaw clenching with anger.

‘Are you sure? I wouldn’t ask your old Master. After all he was in love with his own twin sister.’ Snoke jeers as he looks between Rey and Luke.

Rey shoots Luke a glance, her eyes wide and disbelieving.

‘Incest clearly runs in the Skywalker genes. First Luke and Leia and now you and him.’ Snoke spits as he gestures toward Ben.

‘Lies. All lies. I was not in love with Leia, and Ben is not your brother.’ Luke snaps showing a fraction of annoyance.

‘No? Are you sure Master Jedi? Have you searched your feelings? Because you know it to be true.’ Snoke continues his taunting and teasing, desperately trying to turn them all on one another.

‘Enough Snoke. This ends now.’ Luke states firmly as he inches forward a little.

‘Ends? No, no. The only thing that will end here is that of the Jedi. And then the Sith will rule once again.’ Snoke smirks with satisfaction, when he sees the look of horror in Rey’s face.

‘So you are Darth Plagueis then? You were thought to be dead. Killed by your own apprentice Dark Sidious.’ Luke questions, as he looks at the creature hiding halfway behind his throne.

‘Darth Sidious was foolish. To think he could kill me with all I know. No I went into hiding. Hid in the shadows while he wielded his power as Emperor. Watched while he took your Father as his apprentice. I perfected myself with the Force. With the Dark Side. It consumed me and I let it. Together we are one. I am the Dark Side, and once again the Sith will rule the galaxy.’ Snoke announces with delight.

‘The Sith will not rule and you cannot rule alone.’ Luke cautions his voice low and wondering.

‘No, no. I will not be alone. I will have an apprentice. One who is strong with the Force. One who comes from both the Light and the Dark.’ Snoke informs Luke, as his gaze falls upon Rey’s pregnant belly.

Rey gasps under the scrutiny of his look, her one hand instinctively resting on her bump.

‘You girl. You come from the Dark. Sith blood runs through your veins, and that of your child.’ Snoke menaces and Rey takes a step back in shock.

‘Wh-what? No. No.’ Rey gasps, both hands once again gripping her saber.

‘Yes. Your child has the blood of two powerful Sith Lords.’ Snoke hisses, as Rey shakes her head.

‘From it’s Father the blood of Darth Vader. And from you. From you, little Rey of light. The blood of Darth Sidious.’ Snoke declares with great satisfaction when he sees the trauma in Rey’s eyes.

‘Palpatine.’ Luke mutters to himself. 

‘No. No. NO.’ Rey shouts as she rushes forward, lightsaber ignited with anger.

But Snoke is quick to react firing a brief spurt of Force lightning in her direction. Rey just about manages to draw her lightsaber up to absorb it, staggering backwards unprepared for the attack.

Snoke fires lightning from his broken arm at Luke, who blocks it with his bare hands. Snoke then withdraws it and gasps from the exertion. Rey pants with relief as she lowers her lightsaber a little, surprised by the sight of Luke defending himself with his own flesh. Luke folds his hands back together, almost hidden from sight once again within the long sleeves of his beige robe.

Suddenly Snoke sends out a quick blast of lightning, and it hits Luke in the shoulder. It sends him flying backwards off the dais, in a state of unconsciousness. Inside Ben’s mind he’s screaming, even if his body displays no emotion. Leia is aghast at the sight of her brother being sent flying and sets off running, with Finn in hot pursuit behind her.

‘It’s just the two of us now.’ Snoke growls at Rey who is distracted by all that has happened.

Snoke shifts to be concealed by his throne before firing off another blast of Force lightning. This time in Rey’s direction. But she quickly absorbs it with her lightsaber, tears escaping from her eyes. Everything becoming too much. She steps forward, and angles the lightsaber so the Force lightning returns to Snoke. It hits the throne and its power shatters the rock.

As she crouches next to her brother, Leia can feel the tremble of lightning through her faint connection with him. But her eyes are on the girl facing off against Snoke, unsure and uneasy at the sight of Rey battling such a powerful and fearsome Dark Sider.

The effects of using the Force lightning is becoming clear on Snoke’s already damaged body. He begins to shrivel in on himself, and his face starts to slip down from his skull. It’s a disgusting sight. He stops the blast and sags behind what is left of his throne, trying to regain his composure and strength. Rey pants and trembles from the encounter, a tingle in her hands. Leia and Finn fuss over Luke, who comes round. He’s been weakened by the Force lightning especially in the shoulder, and he grumbles softly of seeing double.

‘Enough Snoke. You’re weakening. Your body is already battered from the explosion it cannot take much more. Stop this.’ Rey calls out, as she stands firm with her lightsaber.

Snoke creeps out from behind his throne, with an unsettling sneer spread across his drooping face. Rey’s brows furrow with concern at what action the creature is about to take.

Ben wants to scream, the pressure inside his head is pure agony. His body begins to fit, and his eyes roll into the back of his skull as everything plunges into darkness.

‘You made your choice.’ Snoke smirks as Rey stares at him, confused.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Thank you for the kudos', comments and support you've shown for this fic :D<3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :|
> 
> Hopefully things regarding Rey's parentage in this fic were clearer in this chapter?!? I hope so.
> 
> Question: who do you want to die in this fic??? And by who's hand??


	69. Chapter 69

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Snoke turns his gaze on Ben, and Rey looks too. Her eyes widen when she sees blood pouring from Ben’s nose, eyes, ears and mouth. Snoke is ripping him apart from the inside. She gasps in horror, at the sight of the man she loves being torn apart, as Snoke saps the life out of him. His eyes are rolling around in their sockets without any focus, absent of any life. His body shakes, fits and convulses without control, and she wants to scream, she wants to cry. She wants to sink to the floor and sob, beg and plead for it to stop. But she has to be strong. She has to defeat the evil that is killing him. 

Leia is aghast at the terrifying sight of what is happening to her son, tears roll from her eyes. Despite everything he’s done in his life, the hurt he’s caused to so many. The hate he inspires among even the most honorable people she knows, he is still her son. Her only child. Her living link to the man she still loves despite his death. So to see him suffer such an excruciating death kills her. 

Luke staggers to his feet, brushing away the concerns and attempted restraints of Leia and Finn. He climbs the steps to the dais. With Snoke distracted by his torturous murder, Luke fires his own burst of Force lightning at the creature. It sends Snoke falling backwards, tumbling away from his throne and Ben stops convulsing. He’s still suspended in the air, but that’s starting to slip, little by little as Snoke’s powers begin to wane. Luke sags to the ground, the use of Force lightning taking a part of him with it. He gasps for air, hand clutched to his chest. Weakened from the use of allowing the Dark side inside. 

There is an almighty rumble and more of the ground around them crumbles away. It leaves an even larger gaping hole, as the earth cracks and shakes beneath their feet. Leia looks around and sees the impossible situation they’re in. She knows that if they don’t leave soon then they’ll all be dead. She watches as Rey advances towards the monster with a clear look of determination on her face. While she and Finn merely watch from the sidelines – all but useless in this particular fight. Her eyes turn and linger on her son, he’s dying a slow and agonising death, suspended in mid air over a gaping chasm, and there’s nothing she can do. She cannot save him. She just hopes that someone can. That Rey can. 

Rey rushes toward the even weaker Snoke. She understands the cost. What this will take from her, but she has to do it. He’d want her to. Her heart aches at the mere thought of what she’s going to loose. Ben. 

Snoke is skulking, like the beast that he is. Making his way down the other side of the dais. His one leg twisted in on itself making it almost too painful for him to walk, but still he does. He turns and fires a shot of Force lightning at Rey, but she absorbs it with her lightsaber, as she continues walking toward him.

Snoke slips on the broken stones beneath his feet. He lands on his hands and knees, letting out a sickening howl of pain, as the hip joint pops from its socket. He rolls onto his back and begins to drag himself with his one arm away from the advancing Rey. 

‘Go on, do it. Kill me. Kill me. Feel the Darkness consume you. Feel it guide you. Feel it empower you. You are a child of Darkness. It’s in you’re your blood. It flows through you. You just need to accept it. Allow it to run free.’ Snoke marvels in between gasping pants while continuing to crawl.

It is not anger or rage that drives her. It is freedom, peace and love. The future spurs her on. It may not be the future she ever envisioned, or even wanted from her fantasies and dreams growing up on Jakku. But it’s the one that needs to come to be. Snoke and the First Order need to be abolished.

Rey stands tall above Snoke. Lightsaber raised in her hand, she is breathing steadily, her chest rising and falling, and she feels calm. The Light side of the Force is circulating around her, not the Dark like Snoke thinks. The Force is stronger in her child than anyone could imagine – it radiates from within, making Rey glow so brightly from the inside out.

Snoke begins to laugh manically as his eyes fix on Ben, who stars convulsing again.

‘You kill me and you kill him. Is that a decision you are willing to make, Rey?’ Snoke mocks, his eyes flitting back to meet her steely ones.

‘Do you have enough Dark in you to do it? To make that choice? To kill the man you love? The Father of your child?’ Snoke sneers, when Rey doesn’t answer his previous question. 

She stands firm and determined. She has to make the right decision. She cannot make a choice just for herself. She has to think of the galaxy. If she lets Snoke live just so Ben does, then where does it end? If she kills Snoke then the galaxy could find peace, even if she is the one who looses. She knows what she must do. 

Snoke sends another bolt of lightning in her direction. It takes her by surprise and she staggers backwards, just about managing to get her lightsaber up to defend herself. With Rey distracted Snoke pushes his pain away with the assistance of the Dark side, and springs to his feet. His back toward her and his eyes fixed on Ben.

Rey sees the monster eying Ben, and she does the only thing she knows. Attack. Quickly she advances on him as he limps away. She plunges her lightsaber into his back and it comes the other side. He screams a blood-curdling cry of unexpected pain.

Ben’s eyes widen as he sees the lightsaber cut through his former master. He sees the shock in Snoke’s eyes as they meet. But then they become all too familiar to him. A look of calculated calm and unadulterated evil, and it makes his stomach clench.

Rey pulls the lightsaber from Snoke’s back with a grunt. But before she can even begin to move for a second strike, Snoke leaps from the dais and into the air. Launching himself toward Ben. Rey simply watches in shock and horror. Snoke cuts his telekinesis hold over his former apprentice, just as he grabs hold of the young man with his remaining arm. Together they plunge into the darkness of the hole.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :) :s
> 
> Thank you for the support you've all shown this fic as we rapidly approach the end and I mean rapidly! :O
> 
> Thank you for the comments and the kudos' <3<3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes I've made in any chapter :|


	70. Chapter 70

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‘Bennnnnn’ Rey scurries forward screaming his name.

Her lightsaber falls from her hand, disappearing into the hole in the earth. But she doesn’t care. Nothing matters at all except Ben and his fate. She searches the Force, but finds nothing, not even Luke or Leia. She can’t even find her baby. It’s as if the Force has abandoned her. Left her stranded to her torment and terror.

Luke is quickly up on his feet, despite his own discomfort, pain and ailment of using the Dark side. He grabs hold of Rey before she falls. Hot tears spill angrily from her eyes, as she tries to fight his surprisingly strong grip. Pushing at him, and he finds the strength to resist her fight.

‘No. Let me go. Let me go.’ Rey growls between sobs.

Leia and Finn join Luke, as he struggles in his weakened condition with Rey and her desperate battle.

‘Rey, come on. We need to go.’ Luke tells her, as the temple begins to completely fall apart around them, with loud rumbles and groans of stone cracking and collapsing in on itself.

‘No. NO.’ Rey cries, as she pushes against them and their pulling hands.

She manages to break away from their grips, and all but throws herself at the edge of the void, sobbing. Her eyes frantically scan and search the darkness for any signs of Ben, for any signs of life at all.

‘Ben. Ben. BEN.’ She desperately calls into the chasm, but gets no response.

‘Rey. We’ve got to go. Before we get trapped.’ Finn snaps, as he violently pulls her to her feet despite her resistance.

'Get off me.’ Rey snarls. Finn is taken back by the aggression in both her voice and face and lets go of her arm, staggering back a step or two in shock at his friend.

Rey sinks again to her knees at the edge of the crater. Her heart is racing and her baby is wildly kicking her as she scours the darkness.

Finn regains his composure and takes a purposeful step forward over to Rey. Leia watches him as she attends to her ailing brother, holding him up as he continues to press a hand to his chest.

‘Rey, he’s gone. Think of yourself. Think of your baby. We’ve got to go. NOW.’ Finn states firmly, as he reaches for her once again, taking a firm grip of her arm, and begins to drag her away despite her mumbled appeals.

Leia is shell-shocked and barely able to react or speak apart from to cling to her twin. Despite his own failing health Luke wraps a comforting arm around her shoulders. She cannot respond as tears trickling down her cheeks, the loss of her son is too much to digest and come to terms with. It’s so fresh and so raw.

‘No. NO. Ben is alive. I know he is. He is alive. I can feel him. I know I can. I’m sure I can. He’s alive.’ Rey cries, as she again jerks her arm away from Finn, but she knows the truth – she can’t feel him in the Force or in their connection.

‘Rey.’ Luke mutters weakly, as he steps forward toward her, from his sister’s side.

Rey looks up at her former master and sees his pale and clammy skin, graying around the edges of his face. She sees the pain in his eyes, even though he is trying to hide it. She sees the cost of being hit by Force lightning has had on his body, but also the cost of using it. He looks like death. He is dying.

‘No. I’m not leaving him. Not when he needs me. Not when he’s alive and needs me. You must know he’s alive. You must do? He’s your son.’ Rey sobs and emotion cracks in her voice as her eyes fix on Leia.

Leia lets the tears fall silently from her eyes, as she looks deep into Rey’s. She searches the Force, looking for her son. But she can’t find him, and it’s like a kick to the gut. She shakes her head, and Rey lets out a silent sob.

‘Please. He’s still alive. I know he is. He has to be. Please.’ Rey begs, as she turns and falls to her knees, her heart breaking as she looks into the darkness.

She can’t see anything in the gloom, and all she can hear is her own rapid pulse ringing in her ears. She’s not sure who she’s pleading with. Luke, Leia and Finn to believe her that Ben is alive. Pleading with Ben to be alive. Or is she trying to convince herself that he is when she knows the truth.

‘Rey, please. We have to go now. Ben would want you to think of yourself and your baby. Please.’ Leia commands, as she crouches down next to the traumatised and heartbroken girl.

Rey looks up into the eyes of Ben’s Mother. She can see raw hurt and painful emotion. It cuts right through her, deep into her soul, deep into her heart. Rey’s tears have stopped flowing, leaving her skin feeling raw as the dust sticks to her face.

‘Rey.’ Leia murmurs and Rey allows herself to be guided to her feet by Leia, it’s as if she’s on autopilot.

The four of then stagger along the crumbling stone, as it continues to cave in on itself. Leia has wrapped her arm around Rey’s back, a firm grip on the part of her side she can hold despite her bump. Rey doesn’t protest as Leia guides her through the ruins and toward what was the entrance.

Rey takes a long look over her shoulder back at the gaping hole in the earth. Ben’s resting place. His tomb. The last awful memories of him. She closes her eyes as Leia leads her away. She envisions that moment again.

The sight of Snoke jumping toward Ben. The look of terror, horror, shock and bewilderment flit across Ben’s eyes as Snoke clings on to him. The fear and knowing in Ben’s dark eyes as they locked gaze for a second before he disappeared into the darkness.

She felt his love, despite his fear.

Rey hadn’t even noticed that she is at the foot of the ramp to the Falcon, with Leia’s hand pressed into the small of her back. She’s somewhere else. Lost in a trance and a daze. Her baby, their baby wriggles and worms inside her. Clearly their child is not happy with the devastating loss of their Father. Neither of them ready to accept it yet, and she’s not sure either of them ever will.

She glances back over her shoulder, taking a last look at the ruins, watching as more falls, crashing and collapsing together. Her heart stops beating. She knows that this is the last time she will ever stand on the same earth as Ben. A shuddering breath escapes her lips, as tears once again fill her eyes and her chin begins to tremble. She gasps, turning her head away to the ground as she takes a heavy step forward. Leaving him forever.

-0-0-0-0-0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘ _Rey_.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Thank you for the support and love or like of this fic - for the comments and the kudos' + bookmarks <3<3<3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes - I try my best :|


	71. Chapter 71

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Ben gasps sharply, sucking in the air deep into his sore lungs. His eyes burst open, out of focus and blurry. He squeezes them shut quickly and groans. He feels dizzy and disorientated. His face scrunches up as he tries to settle and ground himself, breathing in deeply through his nose.

He summons the Force to help center him, and he’s surprised by how bright and raw it feels around him and in his mind. Then he feels a soft pair of lips pressing against his forehead. His eyes shoot open, before blinking rapidly to bring the face looming over him into focus. He gasps when he sees hazel eyes looking down at him.

He feels her hand caressing his hair, and her thumb brushing across his ear, soothing him. He wants to spring to his feet, pull her into his arms and smoother her with kisses. To simply hold her in his arms and never let her go. But as he goes to rise up, his vision slips and he sags back against the bed.

‘Steady.’ Rey smiles stepping round the bed, so he can see her and his eyes fly to her stomach and his mouth falls open.

‘You're so big.’ He croaks, his throat dry from a lack of use, and he coughs violently, bile rolling up from his empty stomach and he lurches forward.

Rey is still quick on her feet despite her expanding size. She grabs a tray and shoves it beneath his head as he throws up. Ben hangs over the side of the bed as Rey rubs his shoulders and back. Memories of him doing the same for her fill her mind. Of how he took care of her when she was suffering from morning sickness. So gentle and loving, so full of tender affection.

Ben sits up straight and his dark eyes close, and by instinct he lifts his right hand to wipe his mouth. He jumps at the contact of metal brushing against his lips, and his eyes fly open once more. They’re wide and disbelieving, as he stares at the metal hand in place of his human one. His breath hitches in his throat and his heartbeat begins to speed up, as panic sets in.

Rey places the tray on the trolley just away from the bed. She lifts the head of the bed up, so he can sit back with his shock, before she steps closer to him. She takes his left hand into both her own. She soothingly rubs the back of it with her thumbs, as she watches his face contort with horror and confusion, his eyes fixed on the cybernetic hand.

‘You were in a really bad way……’ She begins to explain, but drifts off, her mind wandering to the horrors she experienced in the destroyed Sith temple on Moraband.

She feels Ben press into her mind. He sees her memory of her chopping off his mangled lower right arm, and he grunts at the sight. Nausea spreads across their connection, and neither of them is sure who’s feeling sick – probably both of them. Rey cut off his right arm and it surprises him. The sight of her doing slicing his arm sends a chill down his spine. That’s twice she’s disfigured him. But this time saved his life.

‘A Skywalker family tradition.’ Kylo answers bitterly, and the pain of his throat is etched across his face, but Rey can’t look him in the eyes due to her guilt of her action.

There is plenty of time to discuss what happened on Moraband, his injuries and his future. But for now he just wants to be with Rey, in the peace and quiet of the medical room. Just the three of them, as if the rest of the galaxy has disappeared into nothing. Just them.

She shifts to grab a cup of water from the trolley she’d placed there earlier. She hands it to him, but can’t look at him, not now he knows what she did; a blush spreads across her cheeks. Ben gulps the water down in one, soothing his raw throat. He lowers the cup to the edge of the bed and sighs.

‘How long, was I out?’ He mumbles, eyes fixed on her stomach, looking at it with both caution and bewilderment.

‘Four months. You, um, you, you died a couple of times.’ Rey whispers, her voice is weak and raw with emotion.

Rey lets the tears spill from her eyes that she lowers, really she is unable to look at him. He lifts his human hand and tilts her chin up, making her look at him and she shudders a breath. He moves his hand to cup her jaw, before brushing her tears from below her eye with his thumb. She gasps a little at the feel of his tenderness and affection. It was something she’d missed so much during his medically induced coma.

‘I’m here now.’ He murmurs softly, and she smiles faintly at his assurance and her sense of guilt, so many overwhelming emotions.

Rey grips his wrist and presses a long and loving kiss onto the back of his hand. Tears dripping onto his skin as she clutches onto him. Not wanting to let him go. Not again. Never again.

They share an extended moment. Rey feels his heartbeat in his wrist beneath her fingertips, while he watches her. Drinks in her beauty, in awe of her pregnant glow. Taking the moment to simply look at her. The woman who saved him. More than once. The woman who changed him. Hopefully for the better. The woman who loves him beyond all measure. A love he doesn’t deserve. The woman he will never truly deserve. Because she is so much more than he is.

‘I’m almost due. So it’s a good job you woke up when you did. Otherwise you’d miss this little one being born.’ Rey smiles with tears still in her eyes, as she presses his hand flat against her bump.

Ben finds hot stinging tears fill his eyes. He gasps when he feels his child kick rapidly beneath his palm. He’s full of love and astonishment of his child. He looks deep into Rey’s eyes and smiles such a natural and genuine smile.

‘ _We’re all alive. That’s what matters_.’ Ben croaks in her mind and Rey smiles at him, brushing the tears from her cheeks as he keeps his hand in place on her bump.

Ben shifts so he’s sitting up on the edge of the bed. Rey steps in between his legs, her hands brushing up along the outside of his thighs. Ben leans forward and presses a soft kiss to her forehead, his cybernetic hand ghosting over the side of her head, reluctant to touch her with it.

‘You’re alive. I’m alive. Our baby is alive.’ Rey mumbles, as this time happy tears trickle from her eyes.

With trembling hands she gently and a little reluctantly touches and caresses his face, her finger brushing over his scar.

‘I love you.’ Ben whispers against her soft skin and Rey closes her eyes.

She can feel the moment that passes between them physically, mentally, emotionally and in every other way possible. It is a pure connection of love, but also a uniting in the Force.

‘I love you more.’ Rey blushes with a faint smile, sniffing back her tears as Ben’s lips brush over her temple.

‘I know.’ He teases in reply, sitting back to look at her.

He’s sporting a happy smile on his face, and Rey giggles and blushes a darker shade of red.

They’re completely unaware that General Organa and Master Luke are watching them through the small windows of the double doors. Their expressions are stern, and tinged with sadness and sorrow, despite the tender and loving scene being lived out before them.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :) I really hope that this chapter isn't a let down or disappointment :s
> 
> I apologise for putting you all through the ringer!!! I admit I do love a cliffhanger!!! :D:D:D
> 
> Thank you so much for the love and support you've all shown for this fic. For the kudos', the comments etc <3<3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :(


	72. Chapter 72

-0-0-0-0-0

‘I can’t do it Luke. I just can’t. I’ve finally got my son back…..I…..I….just can't loose him again…..’ Leia trails off absently.

She draws her eyes down from the sight of her son, being so tender and affectionate with the young woman who changed his life and brought him back. Back to his family. Back to her.

‘Leia.’ Luke says softly his own voice tinged with doubt.

‘No Luke. I can’t do it. I won’t do it.’ Leia is defiant.

She looks up at her twin. Her eyes are steely beneath the watery tears. She blinks them away, not wanting to show weakness, not even to him.

‘We don't have a choice.’ Luke grumbles, feeing his own sense of anguish about what they are to do.

‘Luke, how do you think he’ll react, huh? How do you think Rey will react? When I have to tell them that Ben is to stand trial for war crimes. That they’re to be separated? That he’s to be arrested and put in prison, for who knows how long until his trial. And lets not even think about the verdict and what punishment he will face. I can’t do it to them. I can’t. Just look at them, Luke. Look how happy they are. Ready to be a family. He’s happy. Finally, he’s happy. My son is happy. And Rey has got the family she never had. And you want me to destroy that?’ Leia snaps, her eyes no longer full of unspent tears, but anger and hurt.

‘I know it won’t be easy. And I wish you didn’t have to. But what alternative do we have? If we don’t comply with the Galactic Republic, they’ll label us all traitors, and we’ll all be arrested and face trial. Not just Ben.’ Luke begins as he steps forward a little closer to his sister, but she interrupts.

‘It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been labeled a traitor or a rebel. Or been arrested.’ Leia barks at him. 

Luke takes a step back and sighs heavily. He’s still feeling the effects of the Force lightning. Suffering from weakness in his shoulder and the occasional spell of blurred vision. It must be because he’s older now, because he doesn’t recall suffering like this after his face off with the Emperor. 

Leia returns her attentions to her son. Her heartaches at what she knows she must do. She knows that she cannot avoid it, even if she so desperately wants to. It has to happen. Despite everything he’s done, no one can forget his past. What he’s done. How many he’s hurt, killed, caused to suffer. He needs to own up to it, and face the consequences. Accept his punishment and then move on. She knows that his future cannot be peaceful until he atones for his past. 

She watches as Rey presses a kiss into Ben’s hair as she hugs him. His body trembles with sobs of tears. Her heart practically breaks once again, at the thought of what is going to come. His punishment. His fate. His future.

-0-0-0-0-0

Later

Ben grunts loudly as he climbs off the bed, his mechanical right hand absently cradled against his chest. His legs feel weak and unused and his knees buckle, sending him crashing to the floor. He curses loudly, thinking that he’s alone.

‘You need to keep that temper in check now you’re going to be a Father.’

Ben lets out a long breath as he hauls himself up, using the bed as an aid. He knows that voice, how could he not. She is his Mother. He turns his head and sees her standing by the double doors. She holds her hands loosely in front of her awkwardly. She looks smaller than he remembers. No doubt thanks to him, and his reign of terror. Not to mention the inexplicable pain he caused her when he murdered his Father.

‘What you did was incredibly stupid, totally dangerous and completely reckless. You could have gotten a lot of people killed. You could have gotten Rey killed. And your child. Not to mention yourself.’ Leia chastises, not able to hold back her words any longer.

Needing him to hear them. Ben coughs, his lungs protesting out of all this use.

‘They’re still alive.’ He mutters childishly as he grips the bed.

Leia shakes her head, at his petulant and sulky behavior. She’d heard his temper had become legendary among the First Order, throwing tantrums when things didn’t go his way. Destroying endless panels and walls. But that must all stop. 

‘Yes they are still alive. No thanks to you. But they could have easily died.’ Leia snaps at him, her voice taking on her usual commanding tone as she takes a step forward.

‘I never asked her to follow me. I never asked any of you to follow me.’ Ben hisses with a flash of anger.

Ben looks down at the bed and huffs, tears brimming his eyes and his brows furrow. Leia doesn't respond or answer.

‘Where’s Rey?’ He mumbles sulkily and he’s still unable to look at his Mother.

His grip on the bed eases, and his legs begin to feel a little stronger. He stretches his back rolling the tense and underworked muscles, while keeping hold of the head of the bed with his mechanical hand.

‘She’s resting, like you should be. She is due any day now. She’s barely left your side. She was sleeping in here, every night. She refused to leave you.’ Leia informs him, as he shoots her a glare of annoyance at being told what to do, finally looking at her.

‘I’ve spent four months lying in a bed. I need to be doing something.’ He snaps, and his tone is harsher than he’d intended.

He sees his Mother recoil a little, but quickly regain her composure with a deep breathe. Her eyes are fixed on him and it makes him feel uncomfortable.

‘You’ve just come out of a medically induced coma. You need to take it easy Ben.’ Leia states firmly, like she is chastising her son as a little boy once again.

‘Don’t call me that.’ He grumbles, eyes fixing on the bed.

‘Why not? It’s the only name I know you by. The only name your Father knew you by.’ She explains, and her voice is raw with emotion.

His shoulders sag, his chin crumples and his nostrils flare, as hot tears fill his dark eyes. The chilling memory of killing his Father. The man who loved him till the very end. Till his very last breathe, even after he plunged a lightsaber through his chest.

They don’t speak, but the tension between them speaks volumes. They’re both lost in their thoughts of Han Solo. But both differ drastically.

‘I’m going to leave you to rest now.’ She informs him but he doesn’t acknowledge her, too consumed in his sorrow.

Leia sighs softly before turning on her heels and leaving the room. Leaving him alone with his thoughts. His dark, painful and terrifying memories. One’s she wishes weren’t his, ones that she would do anything to erase from all history. 

The thought of what he went through at the hands of Snoke as a child makes her shudder. She remembers what Snoke said. What he strongly implied. The exact nature of her son’s relationship with the Dark Lord makes her feel weak and sick to the pit of her stomach. She presses against the wall, needing a moment. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for still reading this fic!!! <3<3
> 
> Thank you for the kudos', comments, bookmarks and welcome to all newcomers!!! :D:D:D
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes or errors in this chapter :|
> 
> Also I must apologises for naming the Republic/New Republic incarnation in this fic Galactic Republic - it's total laziness on my part.


	73. Chapter 73

-0-0-0-0-0

Ben sits on the edge of the bed and sobs, his head held in both his human and cybernetic hands. He doesn’t know why he’s crying, not sure at all, he just is. Sadness? Anger? Hate? Love? Joy? Relief? Guilt?

Crying over a future he’d never imagined - of him, Rey and their child. Happy and healthy, loving and most importantly they’re all together. They’re on a hilly green island with a crystal blue ocean all around them. He knows it from Rey’s memories. The island he saw. The place she envisioned when she was struggling to sleep.

Crying because of all the pain he’s inflicted. Crying for the anguish he still feels every single day for murdering his Father. Crying because he’s alive and he knows that he shouldn’t be. That he doesn’t deserve to be alive. He doesn’t deserve to be set to marry the woman he adores and will lay his life down for. He doesn’t deserve to be a Father, not after what he did to his own. His body trembles as the tears sting in his closed eyes.

After what feels like an age he wipes the rivers of tears from his face. Forgetting about his metal hand, until it makes a little too heavy contact with his cheek. He holds it high in front of him, staring at it, studying it. It dredges up painful recollections.

The events of Moraband fill his mind. A storm of memories. The hopelessness of being suspended in thin air, by Snoke’s telekinesis. The devastation of Rey showing up, and his heart feeling like it would burst from anxiety. His real and genuine fears for her and their child. How good it began to feel when the Dark side lashed at his mind, body and soul. The surprising feeling of relief when his Uncle appeared. The horror of not being able to help when Rey and Luke fought Snoke. The terror when Snoke launched himself at him. And how they tumbled through the black hole together, jostling with one another.

He lowers his hand and sighs. Then out of nowhere he’s back there. Inside the earth of Moraband.

Colliding with the crumbling ground and a sharp stab of pain through his chest. The sudden wheezing and gasping. The struggle to breathe. With wide eyes he scans around the darkness. There are faint lights from what he can only assume have been created by the Force. He spots Snoke a few feet away, twisted and shriveled, but worse of all, he’s still alive. Their eyes lock and Snoke crawls toward him. Ben feels like he’s frozen in place, but this time it’s not Snoke’s use of the Force holding him there. It’s his own fear.

‘My foolish boy. To think some girl would save you. Would help you escape. There is no escape from me. Not while I still live. You are bound to me, forever. As long as we both live we will remain entwined. You and I. You are mine. My apprentice.’ Snoke leers and Ben knows it’s true.

He is forever binded to Snoke as long as the Supreme Leader still draws breath. Snoke is making slow progress with his one arm, and only one useable leg. The other trailing limply at his side. Ben feels fear in his heart, and that’s joined by the familiar sensations of the Dark side, licking at him. Whispering in his mind. Wanting to be let in. Wanting to run free inside him.

He lifts his trembling left hand and aims it at Snoke. He lets the Dark side run ravage through his body, his mind and he begins to squeeze. Using the Dark side once again is intoxicating. He tightens his grip on Snoke’s neck. Watching as his former Master chokes and fights for breathe. Seeing his only hand try to claw away the invisible Force.

Ben’s had shakes violently as he chokes the life out of Snoke. Seeing the monster’s eyes bulge in their sockets and become bloodshot. He can hear his rasp for breath as the life drains out of him.

‘ _Ben. Please._ ’ Snoke whispers inside Ben’s mind, but despite the use of his given name by the monster he doesn’t let up.

He can’t. He needs to do this. He needs to kill his tormentor. His one time Master. His abuser. He needs to rid the galaxy of the monster. He needs to rid himself of the monster. He needs to be free. He needs to do it. And so he does. He tightens his grip even further, despite the burning protest of his lungs as he rises slightly. His jaw clenches as he sees the life fade from Snoke, who sags to the ground, spent and lifeless. And Ben is relieved as he sinks back into the earth, eyes glazing over.

‘ _Rey_ ’ he calls out to her in his mind, hoping beyond hope that she can hear him.

He waits for a response, but gets none.

He tries again.

‘ _Rey_ ’ and this time there’s a flicker of light, and it relieves him to know that she’s there, silently in his mind at his time of death.

Ben tries to sit up, but the fire in his chest stops him, collapsing back against the decaying planet. The pain in his chest is joined by an agony from both his legs. He just about manages to glance down, and see his legs and ankles are in positions that cannot be deemed natural. He’s broken, beaten and destined for death.

He lies back, staring up at the entrance to the hole. He knows that Rey and his child are up there, somewhere. And it comforts him to know that they are alive and presumably safe. On board the Falcon, and racing back to wherever it is the Resistance are hiding.

He closes his eyes and envisions her. It’s an easy task; she is always so present in his thoughts. So real in his soul. He can feel the touch of her lips on his, the brush of her skin. The weight of her body on top of his. But then it feels too real. His eyes fly open to find Snoke on top of him. A wild and rabid look in his dimly lit bloody eyes, and his hand poised and ready to do damage.

Ben feels a burning in his chest, different from his lungs. This time it feels as if his heart is being ripped out. He grimaces as Snoke goes about his murder. Ben begins to cry out, his chest rising up in reaction to Snoke’s action. But out of the corner of his eye he sees it. He sees Rey’s lightsaber. The one that is rightfully his. The one that rejected him and went to her.

As the pain and agony deepens, he stretches out his hand and urges the lightsaber with his mind to come to him. He begins to scream in silent agony. His broken body now defenseless against the evil of Snoke. His eyes drift back to Snoke’s gleeful and demonic face, and he feels the metal of the lightsaber sting his hand as it comes to him.

Without another thought he ignites it and swings. Decapitating Snoke in one desperate move. Snoke’s head rolls away, as his body slumps to the side, into the shaking earth. Ben shuts his eyes and with the little bit of Force he can call, he steadies his erratic and gasping breathing.

He lies there. Accepting his fate. Waiting to die.

But then bright blinding lights and a familiar sound fills the chasm. And he is saved.

-0-0-0-0-0

Ben’s eyes dart open and his head snaps round toward the double doors. He can feel pain and it’s not his own. It’s Rey. She’s in pain. She's in labour.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Thank you for the kudos' + comments + bookmarks :D:D <3<3
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :|
> 
> Oh and has anyone got any baby name suggestions for a Reylo baby? - I am really really struggling with this. Boy or girl (I've not decided on the baby's gender either - was thinking the name would determine the gender)


	74. Chapter 74

-0-0-0-0-0

Ben hauls himself off the bed and onto unsteady feet. He takes a shaky step forward and wobbles, throwing his arms out to keep his balance. He needs to get to Rey. He needs to be with her. By her side. He steps forward again and his knees tremble. But he cannot be deterred. He pushes his doubt and anxiety away as he shuffles forward, a little at a time.

He grimaces as he feels her pain and that makes him wonder if she felt his, when he was being tortured and then nearly murdered by Snoke. It makes him shudder but it’s also something to ask her at a later date. Because right now he just needs to be with her. To hold her hand. Be her punch bag, be whatever it is she needs him to be. He will be anything for her.

He shuffles in bare feet out of the room and into the cool corridor. The thin tunic and drawstring linen trousers he’s wearing, instantly letting the cold air in to brush against his skin. He uses the wall as a support, sliding along. His mind urging his body to move faster and to get to her side quicker. But he doesn’t know where she is. His Mother had said she is resting, but where, he doesn’t know. But that will not stop him. His body feels weaker than it has done since he was a child. He had noticed that he’s thinner. That he’s lost weight and some muscle definition, but he’ll get it all back. Once he’s been given the all clear he will start training again.

But for now nothing else matters at all apart from Rey and their child.

Leia turns the corner and gasps at the sight of her son slowly walking down the corridor. She stops a few feet away from him and their eyes meet, but she can’t hold his gaze, not yet. She looks back the way she had just come from.

‘Rey. Rey is in labour.’ She mumbles.

‘I need to be with her.’ He states, finding no need to tell her he already knew.

‘Of course. They’re bringing her down to the medi bay.’ Leia states as a nervous air fills the corridor and they stand awkwardly in one another’s company.

‘Let me help you to the medi bay where she’ll be.’ Leia offers as she looks up at her son, he towers over her.

He sighs, trying to think of an excuse, but he can’t. There are none.

‘Okay.’ He grumbles, a blush spreading across his cheeks.

Leia steps forward and is dwarfed by her son. But still she grabs his side. Ben hesitantly wraps his arm around her shoulders, resting his mechanic hand on her upper arm. Leia wraps her arm around her his waist. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes briefly, from being in such close proximity with her only child. She quickly pushes aside her feelings. This is not about her, or him for that matter. It’s all about Rey and their baby.

Together they walk, making sure and steady progress to the only other medi bay – seeing as Ben is resident in the other room. Just as they arrive at the double doors to the room, they hear a scramble of feet and a painful groan. Ben instinctively looks over his shoulder to find Rey in a floating cot heading in their direction. She’s flanked by Dr. Kalonia, a medical droid, Poe, Finn, Luke, and other’s he doesn’t recognize.

Leia shuffles them out of the way so they can pass. In that moment Ben and Rey’s eyes meet, and he sees the pain etched in them, but also a sense of calm. Rey’s whisked into the room and everyone grinds to a halt, with the exception of the doctor and medical droid stop where he is joing him and Leia by the doors, curiously looking at everyone. Ben is surprised when he catches the eyes of both Poe and Finn. He’s a little urprised that they both survived the battle of Moraband. He saw Finn there, and guessed Poe had been fighting in the skies, so to see them now, friends of Rey’s, alive and well makes him feel relieved.

Ben lets go of his Mother and with renewed strength he pushes the doors open and enters the room, leaving everyone else behind. None of them matter; everything is about Rey and their baby. He finds his legs are no longer shaking and trembling as he walks over to the cot, dodging out of the way of the medical droid.

Rey stretches out her hand to him and he promptly takes it while kneeling down next to her. She squeezes it tightly as her face scrunches up in pain and she grinds out a groan. But he can feel it too. Not from her vice like grip on his hand, but through their connection. They are truly sharing this experience.

‘Ben.’ She whispers before panting with her eyes closed, relief on her face as the pain eases off.

‘I’m here.’ He mumbles before planting a tender kiss on the back of her hand, his eyes fixed on her face.

‘If you’re going to stay you can’t just kneel there. Get a chair and don’t get in the way.’ Dr. Kalonia states firmly as she ushers him from his position so she can help Rey into a white gown.

Ben slowly gets to his feet, drawing on the Force to help him up and ease his already aching muscles and limbs. He steps out of the doctor’s way to where there is a chair. When he turns back Dr. Kalonia is just easing Rey back down onto the cot after changing her into the gown. He takes the chair over and sets it down before glancing at the doctor. Looking for her approval of where he’d placed it. She gives him a curt nod and he senses a little tension from her. But he’s not got time to think about that. He sits down and Rey quickly snatches his hand.

‘Aaaaggggghhhhhhhh’ She cries out with another contraction, sweat rolling down her flush cheeks.

Ben feels it too. He feels her pain of labour. And he wishes that he could take it away from her. That he could take all of the pain for her. He feels guilty. Guilty that he’s the reason she’s in such agony.

‘ _Don’t you dare start feeling sorry for yourself Solo. Or for me for that matter_.’ Rey snaps in his mind and he can’t help but smile, and he sees a smirk on her lips as she rests from her contraction.

He glances down the cot and sees Dr. Kalonia and the medical droid going about their business, ready for the delivery of his and Rey’s child. There are various different monitors beeping away and scanning. And one that’s over Rey’s swollen belly makes his breath seize in his chest. A heart rate monitor for his baby. The steady and strong heartbeat of his child brings tears to his eyes and the air to escape from his lungs.

‘ _Hey Solo, you’re not spacing out on me here, are you?_ ’ Rey cheekily quips in his mind, and he’s surprised she can jest at a time like this.

He turns his head back round to look at her, and his heart skips a beat. Despite being heavily in labour, sweating almost profusely, her skin all flush and being in pain, she’s never looked so beautiful, as she does in that moment.

‘I really do love you.’ He murmurs, and Rey smiles faintly before her eyes crease up with another contraction.

‘You can begin pushing Rey.’ Dr. Kalonia announces as Rey grits her teeth and does what her body tells her, let alone anyone else.

Rey pushes and her grip on Ben’s hand tightens so much he’s sure she’s cut off the circulation to it. It’s a deathly white shade and completely numb, but he doesn’t complain. He accepts it, just like he accepts the pain radiating through their connection. He can feel every single contraction, and now every single push.

‘Well done Rey. I can see the head. A few more pushes.’ Dr. Kalonia informs Rey, who lies back panting, gasping for air with her eyes closed.

‘ _You’re doing amazing_.’ Ben encourages in her mind.

Rey smiles as she looks up at him.

‘ _Easy for you to say, Solo. You’re not the one pushing a baby out of …. You know where_.’ Rey teases in his mind and he shakes his head at her sass, but he doesn’t mention feeling everything too.

This isn’t about him.

Rey groans as her face creases up again and she rises up out of the cot, Ben’s hand going with her as she pushes. He feels her effort and it’s extraordinary. He feels this one more than any other. This one feels like he’s being punched and twisted in the abdomen all at the same time. But he holds it together, keeping an encouraging expression on his face.

‘Well done Rey. Well done. The head is out. Now a couple of more pushes, okay. You’re doing great.’ Dr. Kalonia encourages with a warm smile as Rey sags back, looking tired but determined.

The medical droid mops Rey’s brow with a cool cloth as she gasps for breath, with her eyes closed.

‘Another push Rey. Come on, you can do it.’ Dr. Kalonia instructs, her voice taking on a more commanding tone.

Rey takes a deep breath and Ben feels her center herself in the Force, finally drawing it to her. She pushes with all her might and Ben feels every bit of her exertion as she gives birth to their child.

It is the sweetest sound he’s ever heard in his whole life. The first cry of their baby. His eyes flood with tears as he gazes adoringly at Rey, who beams back at him as Dr. Kalonia and the medical droid attend to their child.

‘You have a daughter.’ Dr. Kalonia smiles at the new parents.

She steps round with their tiny bundle wrapped up in a towel, while the medical droid rises the back of the cot so Rey is propped up.

Rey lets go of Ben’s hand as she is handed their precious little girl. Rey lets the tears flow freely down her cheeks as she looks at their daughter with such bewilderment. Ben stands up to see and Rey tilts her arms so he can see his baby. He doesn’t stop the tears from falling from his eyes. Tears of unbelievable and unexpected happiness.

‘Saya, this is your Father.’ Rey whispers to their daughter and Ben smiles down at the women in his life.

‘Hello Saya.’ He murmurs as he gently strokes his daughter’s cheek, a mimic of the action of his own Father at the time of his death.

His heart aches at the thought, and his regrets flood over him. Regret that Han never got to be a grandfather.

 _‘Hey. No sadness. This is a happy occasion. He’s with us. He’s inside of you_.’ Rey whispers in his mind.

Despite having just given birth she’s still the strong one. Supporting and encouraging him. Even when he doesn’t always deserve it. He leans over and they share a long and meaningful kiss.

‘Rey, we’ve still got some more work to do.’ Dr. Kalonia interrupts and Ben breaks the kiss, a fierce blush quickly spreading across his cheekbones.

‘Oh.’ Rey mumbles as she looks between Saya and Ben.

She gestures with both her eyes and arms for him to take their daughter and he freezes. He can’t hold her. She’s just too small. She’s just a tiny little thing. What if he drops her or breaks her. His eyes widen as Rey raises an eyebrow at him.

‘ _Ben. You’re her Father. You won’t break her. Believe in yourself_.’ Rey states and he nods with a deep breath.

He steps back toward the cot and reaches out to take his daughter into his arms for the very first time. He holds his breath as Rey gently places her in his arms – both of them, human and cybernetic. But he makes sure she’s cradled by his human one first.

‘I think her grandmother would like to meet her.’ Rey says out loud, and Ben looks toward the double doors and sees them standing the other side, waiting.

He nods, but he’s not looking at anyone but his daughter, who simply stares back at him. He feels an instant connection, an overwhelming bond with her. It’s a beautiful and incredible feeling, and oh so bittersweet.

He walks over to the double doors, his body strong and proud. Leia pushes the doors open and he steps out into the corridor. He looks up at his Mother and gulps. He doesn’t even know how to address her.

‘Um, uh. Gen-……. Saya this is your grandmother.’ Ben finally says, feeling embarrassed.

Leia steps over to him, her face a picture of pride as she looks at her granddaughter.

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey is back in her room, sat up in bed, cradling her daughter as Ben sits next to her. Leia, Luke and Chewie are all smiles as they chat around the bed. There is a knock on the door and Leia tells them to enter, forgetting its not her room, but Rey doesn’t mind.

Lieutenant Connix pushes the door open and enters the room with a team of people behind her that Ben doesn’t recognize.

‘Kylo Ren. By order of the Galactic Republic I am arresting you for crimes against the galaxy.’ A man dressed in an official uniform announces before anyone can utter a single word.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :) This one was a bit of a slog - hence why it's so long for which I apologises.
> 
> Thank you for the support and love:)
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes or errors.
> 
> Sorry if you think I've trivialised labour
> 
> I went with the name Saya (I like it :D) because it is a Japanese name which refers to a scabbard or sheath for a sword. Beyond being a simple noun, Saya connotes peace because of the image of a sword that remains in its scabbard. So there's a bit of peace in there :)


	75. Chapter 75

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to apologise in advance for this one.

-0-0-0-0-0

Three Months Later

Ben is sat on a small metal bed inside his prison cell, deep in the bowels of the Senate Building. He glances at the door. Waiting for his trial to begin, conclude and his sentence to be passed. All in the space of just a single day, his fate will be decided.

He recalls the day of his arrest. How everyone around him argued, ranted and raved. But he sat there on the edge of the bed, numb and shell-shocked. Unable to think or react. 

Before he knew it he was being dragged from the bed, while Rey begged and pleaded for them to leave him alone, clutching Saya to her chest. He stared at his tiny newborn baby girl. Sound asleep despite the commotion. And the last thing he recalls seeing, was his daughter slowly opening her sleepy eyes and looking straight into his. He felt an incredible and magical bond between him and her. A bond of more than just the Force, but the bond of a parent and their child.

Ben remembers his arms being jerked behind his back, and heavy handcuffs being placed around his wrists. But all he could do was look at his baby. Everything else was blocked from his mind, not a single sound to be heard. Then suddenly everything went dark, as he recalls his body fill with energy.

The next thing he knew he was coming round in this cell, alone and in the dark. He didn’t know how long he’d been there. He was disorientated and angry. As his memories came back his rage grew. He began to punch the wall of his cell, breaking his hand, smashing his knuckles up. Angry at how he didn’t even put up a fight. How he just let himself be arrested. How it was everyone else – Rey, his Mother, his Uncle and Chewie who fought for him and his freedom. But his overwhelming anger and rage was because of how he’s failed Rey and Saya. He’d not protected them. He’d let them both down. His little girl, only hours old and already he’d proven to be a worse Father than his own. At least Han Solo made it until Ben was a child and not a newborn baby.

His own feelings stopped him from allowing Rey to connect with him, no matter how hard and persistently she tried. He threw up a protective shield, guarding his mind. Too ashamed to speak to her, or to even listen to her. His regrets polluting his feelings and thoughts. He became closed off, while his heart breaks for his lover and their daughter.

The sound of the door opening brings Ben round from his thoughts, and he turns to look and finds two guards entering the cell. His time is due. They gesture for him to stand up and without hesitation he does. He’s a defeated man. He doesn’t expect to live to see the end of the day, or ever see Rey and Saya again.

Without instruction Ben puts his hands behind his back and the guards handcuff him. The accommodation had been a lot better than the prison on Moraband. He’d actually got a bed, clothes and food. He takes a quick glance of the cell before he is led away. It was yet another home to add to the long list of others.

-0-0-0-0-0

Ben can hear the hate before he can see it, as he approaches the open court. His heart begins to race at the thought of standing in front of so many people each one filled with so much anger. So much hate being directed at him. He takes a deep breath as he glances up, and sees the public gallery. It’s like a baying mob. He sees Hux standing in front of the rather grand and elaborate stone chairs – most likely made just for the purpose of this trial. Ben sees a number of other people standing further down from Hux – probably officers within the First Order, apart from two Knights of Ren he recognizes. 

Ben stands next to Hux and lets out a long breath. His eyes fixed ahead, not wanting to look at the man he used to spar with. The man he always found to be a sneer in human form. A man he had no care for. 

‘And you thought you’d get away. Shows how little you know.’ Hux snarks a whisper at Ben, who just rolls his eyes in return.

There is a flourish of music and a group of officially dressed people troop in and take their seats. Ben figures that the lady in the middle, sat on the grandest seat, is the Chancellor of the Galactic Republic. She sends out a cursory look to the gathered criminals before her. Her eyes linger a little longer on Ben, and he is sure that he sees a smirk of satisfaction on her lips. No doubt pleased to be the one to rule over the fate of the fearsome Kylo Ren. Inside his mind he rolls his eyes at his own thought.

She rises to her feet and takes a small step forward. Ben listens as she reads the names, and crimes committed by the people he is standing with. He smiles inwardly when he hears Hux’s full name being used, knowing how the former General hated anyone using it. Then it is his turn.

‘Kylo Ren. Former Master of the Knights of Ren. Servant of the First Order. You are charged with war crimes against the galaxy.’ The Chancellor announces as she stares straight at him.

The trial proceeds with testimonies and statements from witnesses to the vast and varying crimes of the people on trial. Ben hears about his own crimes and he sighs heavily. He deeply regrets everything he’d done in his past. How he tore through the galaxy like a rabid animal enacting Snoke’s every order. His eyes slowly close as he listens, the words fading into the background, as he only hears his heartbeat. He feels panic rising from deep inside and his chest begins to tighten. 

He feels Rey press against his mind, it’s as if she knew he was feeling that way. But even now he still refuses her access. Not now, not when he is in such a fragile and fractured state. Not when he is trapped within his fear. Even if she is the only one who can bring him out of it. He doesn’t hear the rest of the trial. He can’t stand it. He can’t listen any longer.

‘A guilty verdict has been passed against all of you. I herby sentence you all to death. The executions will take place with immediate effect. Take them away.’ The Chancellor declares to an enormous cheer of delight from the crowd, and Ben is instantly back there, hearing every word.

Knowing he is to die.

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey feels her world fall from beneath her feet at the sentence. She gasps, the air escaping her body as she sinks to her knees. Finn crouches down next to her, pulling her into his arms. She is shocked and numb at the news that Ben is to be executed immediately. This is different from Moraband and Snoke. This time she cannot intervene and save him. There is nothing she can do. Not unless she wants to start yet another war. A war the Resistance would have no chance of winning. 

She can’t cry, not even as she watches Ben being lead away to his death. She stares at him until the very last moment, until he disappears from her view. She presses desperately at his mind, urging and begging for him to let her in. For her to be with him during his last moments of life. But still he resists her presence, and that breaks her heart all over again. Too many times Ben Solo has broken her heart.

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Come on. We should go.’ Leia mumbles with tears in her eyes and clear emotion in her voice. 

‘I-I can’t. I need to be with him. I can’t leave him. Not now. Not ever.’ Rey mutters as Finn pulls her to her feet.

‘Rey. He’s gone.’ Leia murmurs, as she looks deep into Rey’s eyes, but she shakes her head in defiance.

‘No. No. I can still feel him in the Force. He’s still alive. They’ve not killed him yet. He’s still alive. I can feel him.’ Rey argues, pulling away from Finn.

‘Rey, please. I just can’t. And you should be with Saya. She is your priority.’ Leia pleads as she takes hold of Rey’s hands.

‘He’s still alive. I know he is. They’ve not done it yet.’ Rey claims but then there is an even louder cheer.

She glances up at a screen above the public gallery, and sees the lifeless bodies of the war criminals on the screen, including Ben. If it hadn’t been for Finn quickly wrapping his arm around her then she is sure she would have collapsed to the floor.

-0-0-0-0-0

Rey doesn’t recall how she got from the court to the Falcon. But she finds she’s now sat in the chair behind Chewie, and the Falcon is speeding through space. She glances off to the side, her mind unfocused and her heart in tiny little pieces. Shattered and left along with Ben’s dead body on Coruscant. Everything has happened too fast and too quickly. She at least thought she’d get a chance to say goodbye to him. To pull him into her arms and hold him. To tell him that she loves him, forever and beyond. But no, the Galactic Republic stole her final moments with Ben from her. Just like they stole the happiest day of her life when Saya was born.

She feels nothing. She is empty and alone. 

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading - please don't hate me, it's only a fanfic :)
> 
> Thank you for all the support you've shown this fic over these long months - you're support has been so incredible and touching and has really inspired me to try and make this fic as good as I possibly can. Thanks to all your kudos', comments and bookmarks - you guys are my inspiration. So massive <3 for you all :D
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes :|


	76. The End

-0-0-0-0-0

‘Rey. Rey. We’re here.’ Leia gently shakes Rey from her sleep.

She must have nodded off, but she doesn’t recall. All she remembers is feeling absolute and untold devastation at Ben’s death. Her feeling of loss is indescribable. She thought she’d felt pain before, but nothing compares to how she feels right now.

She hasn’t searched the Force for him. She doesn’t want to be hit with her feelings of heartbreak all over again, not so soon. To feel his emptiness in the Force. The lack of his presence. It’s too soon. Besides she can’t focus on anything other than her anguish at the moment. That and her baby daughter, just three months old and now without her Father, it’s beyond heartbreaking. She takes a slow deep breath, needing to ground herself.

She needs to see Saya. To hold her daughter, to smoother her with kisses, to hold her tight. To whisper to her about how much her Father loved her. To tell her stories of her Father, but not to hide away from his dark moments. She will be brutally honest with Saya about Ben. She deserves to know the truth about him. Rey will love her little girl until the end of time. To never let anyone ever hurt her. To protect her. To never let her feel pain or heartbreak. To be the parent she never had, and the parent Ben can never be.

She pushes aside her feeling of nausea and shakily gets to her feet. With her head bowed she heads out of the cockpit. With leaden legs she walks down the ramp on autopilot, staring at the ground. At the foot of the ramp, as if compelled by something, but she’s not sure what she looks up.

And she sees him. Ben.

He’s standing a few feet away from her. But Rey can’t believe it, so she scrunches her eyes closed; sure her mind is playing tricks on her. Sure that she’s seeing things. That her heartbreak is making her think he’s there.

‘Rey.’ It’s his voice so clear and present, and her eyes fly open, he sounds so haunted and pained.

He is there. He is really, truly there. Standing in front of her. And all she sees is him, is Ben. But how is he there? He’s dead. She saw his body. They all saw his body. The whole galaxy saw the body of Kylo Ren. But wait, she didn’t see his face. Not on the screen. Just the back of his head. It couldn’t have been him. It must have been a fake, because the real one is standing only feet from her. But why? She decides that at the moment it matters little. All that matters is the fact that Ben is there. With her, and he looks exhausted, broken and thin.

Rey makes short work of the distance between them, throwing herself into his open arms. Making the air escape from his lungs with an exasperated gasp. She presses her body against his. Needing to feel him against her, needing to confirm that it really is him. She clings onto him tightly. Ben wraps his arms around her, pulling her so close it’s as if they are one. She buries her face into his neck and can feel his skin beneath her lips. His warm skin. His skin. Him. Ben.

Suddenly she feels so overwhelmed, and she doesn’t fight to stop the tears. She lets them flow. She trembles with sobs under his almost crushing hug as he breathes her in.

‘I’m here. I’m really here.’ He whispers into her ear and she nods, tears splashing his neck.

Rey feels overcome with her emotions, with her relief, with her love. She kisses his neck and tastes her own salty tears on his skin, but it doesn’t deter her. She simply carries on. Kissing up to his jaw, then along to his lips. Hungrily claiming them with her own. She runs her fingers through hiss hair, and he lets out a low growl from deep in his throat. The animalistic sound goes straight to her core. She wants him so badly. She’s not made love to him in such a long time. For months. She can even remember the last time they did – the night before he left her on Naboo. Such a long time ago. And now she craves his touch on her bare skin. The devotion of his lips as he showers her whole body with kisses. The complete feeling she has when he is inside of her. Just the thought of being with him once again is turning her on.

Luke coughs loudly from behind her. Ben instantly retracts, pulling his lips from Rey’s, and a furious blush spreads across his pale skin, as he glances at his Uncle and Mother. Rey takes a deep breath before she turns around to face Leia, Luke, Finn and Chewie. She knows that she is blushing too, but she doesn’t care, not now. She just wants to love Ben is such openness.

‘We’re going to, um. Leave you, uh…..’ Luke begins to ramble.

A blush forms on the last Jedi’s cheeks and Leia rolls her eyes at him and his bashfulness. Finding his embarrassment endearing.

‘We’re going to come back in a few days. Give you some time alone. I’m sure you have a lot of things to catch up with. Don’t worry about Saya, she’ll be fine with her Grandmother.’ Leia smiles warmly, but both of them understand the suggestive undertone of her voice and the wicked glint in her eyes.

‘Thank you General.’ Rey says softly, feeling her blush burn a darker shade of red.

‘Not General anymore. It was a condition of Ben’s release. That I retire from my position with the Resistance. And that the Resistance merges with the Galactic Republic Peace Corps. But they’re all just little sacrifices, for someone you love.’ Leia informs them, and her eyes fix on the face of her son.

Ben can feel his Mother’s love in their faint connection. And it makes him feel something he’s not admittedly felt toward her for such a long time – his love for her. He steps forward, over to his Mother. She glances up, looking almost hesitant by his approach. But then he hugs her and she is stunned. They’re all taken back by his action. Tears instantly prick in Leia’s eyes as she hugs him back, placing her head on his chest. Holding her son close.

‘I’m sorry.’ He whispers for her ears only and she nods.

‘I know.’ She murmurs back, just for him.

Ben and Leia break apart, and Rey feels the warmth and love radiating from them both. She smiles gently at him as he steps back to her side. His cybernetic fingers reaching for her real ones, before she locks them together. Not ever wanting to let him go.

‘I’m sorry but I don’t understand. How……I mean…… how….I don’t….’ Rey tries to articulate her question of how Ben is even alive, but she can’t, her words just wont form.

‘The Chancellor acknowledged what Ben did with regards to killing Snoke. The sacrifice that he was willing to make. And the ones that he did actually make. How he contributed to the end of the First Order. So, publically Kylo Ren is dead. The galaxy believes he was executed. The Resistance ceases to exist and I retire. A marginal sacrifice so Ben Solo can live.’ Leia explains as she smiles at her son.

Ben looks down, not sure how to react or what to say. What can he say to that? What can he say in response to so many people have sacrificed so much for him, yet again? Thank you doesn’t seem to cut it. Rey squeezes his cybernetic hand, not even sure if he can feel it but she wants him to feel her support.

‘Well we can stand here all day, and go over every little detail of obtaining Ben’s release. Or you could spend some quality time together. But I will say this. Everyone agreed to what we were going to do. Everyone. Now I think it’s time we leave to let you get to know one another again.’ Leia smirks naughtily at them, and their blushes deepen.

Finn dives forward and Ben lets go of Rey’s hand so she can hug the former stormtrooper. He stands there a little awkwardly as he watches Rey and Finn embrace. His eyes drift over to his Mother, Uncle and Chewie and he sees that they are watching him. Chewie steps forward and embraces Ben. Pulling him into his long furry arms with a growl. Ben nods at the Wookie, feeling his eyes prick with tears at the mention of his Father.

Once they break apart Ben is pulled into the arms of his Mother once again, while Rey shares a hug with Luke. Luke then steps over to Mother and Son, as Rey is enveloped into Chewie’s arms.

Leia eventually releases her son, relishing the feel of him being in her arms again, after so many long and estranged years. Luke and Ben share a brief and slightly awkward hug, while Leia gives Rey a Motherly embrace. Ben and Finn come face to face, and stand there staring at one another, neither of them sure of what to do. Both of them know that a hug wouldn’t be right given their history, so instead they settle on a quick handshake.

They say their farewells and board the Falcon. Leaving Ben and Rey alone.

-0-0-0-0-0

The moment the Falcon is airborne Rey pounces on Ben. She’s done with waiting. She wants him right now. He lifts her up and she wraps her legs around his waist, lips welded together.

‘ _Where are we_?’ She asks in his mind.

_‘Don’t you recognize it?_ ’ He quips with a snigger playing on his lips.

Rey opens her eyes and looks around. It’s Jakku. They’re right by her AT-AT. How had she not noticed or realized where they were. Too shocked by Ben being alive to see anything else.

‘How’s our daughter?’ Ben questions against Rey’s lips as he carries her into her former home.

‘Amazing. And growing by the minute. Leia says she’s the double of me. But she has your pouty lips.’ Rey mutters as she raises the ramps with the Force.

‘I’m glad she’s not got my ears and nose.’ He jests as he presses her against the wall, just inside the entrance.

‘I love your ears and nose.’ She giggles as he sets her down and takes a step back to look at her.

‘I can’t wait to see her.’ He sighs softly, and she can see and feel his longing and feels guilty that he’s not with her right now.

As if he senses her guilt he steps over and crowds her. Staring down at her. He tilts her chin up so she’s looking at him in the dim light. And their eyes lock together.

‘I missed you so much.’ He says and she feels her heart skip a beat from the raw emotion in his voice.

‘I love you.’ She mumbles as he leans in, and kisses her with such passion, such need and such desire.

It’s as if the rest of the galaxy just melts away. It is just them. Ben and Rey. Together again. Together forever.

-0-0-0-0-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter. Thank you for sticking with this overly long fan fic. It was never meant to be this long. 
> 
> Thank you for all the support and love you've shown this fic, be it with kudos', comments + bookmarks. They all served as inspiration and motivation to try and always be better than the last chapter.
> 
> I apologises for any errors or mistakes you've found at any point in this fic. 
> 
> If you think there is anything missing from this fic, and you maybe like the idea of a bonus chapter, just leave me a comment of what you want to see and I will see what I can do etc. Or even a sequel - if you have any ideas of what you want to see in it, let me know :) I appreciate that there are some things missing, but they didn't fit with the flow of the story so they were omitted.
> 
> Once again thank you so very much for all of your <3<3 for this fic and I do hope you enjoyed some of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Just a heads up the chapters may vary quite a bit in length.


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